The Winter Reunion

by Rhonda McKnight

  We ate in silence mostly. I think he could tell that he needed to give me space. And then when he couldn’t help himself anymore he spoke.

  “I know tomorrow is your mom’s birthday.”

  I nodded.

  “You need an opening with your dad. Maybe tomorrow would be a good time.”

  I nodded again. “I considered that.”

  “You know, Tay, your father was angry. But he loves you. I know because I see him all the time.”

  “So you and my dad are friendly these days?” I’d be hurt if he said yes. I wanted my father’s loyalty to rest with me.

  “We’re barely on speaking terms.” Stephen chuckled dryly. “I remind him of what he’s lost. He sees me and he thinks of you.”

  Avoiding his eyes, I moved the last of my food around on my plate. “I love him, too.”

  “Because of your mom, you know better than anyone that people don’t last forever. Accidents happen and people get sick.”

  I raised my eyes to his. “Is my father sick?”

  “He was in the hospital this past September. Pneumonia I think. That’s kind of why I really wanted to reconcile things with you, so you could reconcile them with him.” He sighed and put his silverware down. “You asked me why I put that picture on social media. I’m not going to lie and tell you that I didn’t want this moment we’re having right now, but it wasn’t just about me.”

  I was ashamed of myself. But I was also filled with gratitude. He hadn’t had to care this much. And I hadn’t had to care so little. I’d let all these years come between me and my father. It took the threat of the loss of a paycheck to make it right. “If you don’t mind, I don’t want to talk about my dad anymore.”

  Stephen nodded, raised his hands as if to say he was backing off. “I said what I needed to say.”

  I cleared my throat and changed the topic. “Are we going to the meet and greet?”

  “If you want.”

  “I think I’d rather get a good night sleep and deal with everyone tomorrow.”

  Stephen looked at his watch. “It’s early though. I have one more thing I need you to do before you disappear on me.”

  I stood and picked up our plates. I walked them into the kitchen. “What’s that?”

  “I’ll deal with the dishes.” Stephen stood and held up a hand to lead me into another part of the house. I walked ahead. It was a great room. There was a huge, naked Christmas tree against the wall. It had to be ten feet tall and it was some fancy kind of greenery. We had trees for days in Pine, but I’d never seen anything like this one.

  “I have a group of kids coming here on Christmas. I need to decorate this thing.”

  Stephen was proud of the tree. That was easy to see. He was really into his kids, too.

  “I haven’t decorated a tree in years.”

  “Why? You used to love Christmas.”

  “I’m single. I don’t have any kids around me. I don’t see the point. Trees remind me of family.”

  “Is that such a bad thing?”

  “It is when you don’t have one.”

  He dropped his eyes and then raised them again. “Like I said, I’ve been lonely too, but I’ve tried to fill my life with people, even if I can’t be with the one person I really want to be with.”

  “You had Debra.”

  “That was for a year and a half and please stop bringing her up like she mattered.”

  “You proposed.”

  “Yeah, I did, because I gave up on real love. And then I realized, I’m not a quitter. Tay,” he stepped closer. “I broke up with Debra, because I realized I’m still in love with you.”

  Stephen raised a hand and stroked my face from the cheek to the chin. He lowered his head. His lips were inches from mine.

  “Don’t,” I whispered.

  “I can’t help it.” He groaned.

  That sound from deep inside his throat…it was familiar. I couldn’t let him do this to me. Not again. I stepped back.

  “You can’t say that to me.”

  He clamped his teeth together like he was trying to keep the words in but couldn’t. “But it’s the truth.”

  “You can’t say it. Not tonight. Not ever.” I stepped back again. I might be staying in this house, but he was not getting what he wanted from me. “I’m not decorating a tree with you.”

  I turned, left the room, found my luggage and yelled over my shoulder, “I’m going to assume any bedroom other than the master is okay for me to use.”

  He didn’t respond. I climbed the stairs, found a guest bedroom, pulled my bag in, locked the door, and dropped to the bed for a long cry.

  Chapter 11

  Kim had been blowing up my phone yesterday and now it was ringing again. I squinted at the clock on the nightstand. Six a.m. I was going to get her.

  “Heifer, are you crazy?”

  “You should have called me back last night.” Kim was a morning person. She rose at 5:30 whether she had to work or not, put on a full load of makeup, and made sure every hair on her head was in place. I guess someone who sold beauty needed to do that, but at this hour all I wanted to do was roll my unbeautified self over and get more sleep.

  “Wake up!”

  I sighed and stretched. There was no ignoring her. I’d be busy for the rest of the day and I had no assurance I would even have a good signal in other places in Pine. “I was too tired to call last night.”

  “Whatever,” Kim sang. “Update, chick. What’s going on in Pine, Pennsylvania?”

  “You mean other than me fighting with Stephen every time he opens his mouth?”

  Kim sighed. “Yeah, I guess. Is there anything else to tell?”

  “Not anything good. I wrecked a rental car, ruined my Uggs, and fell asleep without twisting my hair last night.”

  “Leave it to you to mess up a good time and a good hairdo.” I could see Kim rolling her eyes through the phone. “What are you and the video man fighting about?”

  “Everything,” I sighed. “The earth is round, snow is white, you ruined my life. We have lots to fight about. But I don’t know – I don’t think that’s what’s bothering me. It’s him. He’s not behaving the way I expected him to.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “He keeps pushing me. He’s being emotionally intense.”

  “I knew it! He’s still in love with you.” She paused. “He was in love with you before, right? You never clarified that.”

  “We were kids. I guess you could call it love.”

  Kim chuckled. “Please stop with the negative drama. Tell me what he’s like. Is he as fine as he looks on television?”

  “I don’t keep up with him on television, but I can confirm that his pictures on social media do not capture him.”

  Kim screeched. “That presence, chile. The Holy Spirit is big.” Kim made a clucking sound with her teeth. “Keep going. I need this fix.”

  I hated to admit this, but truth was truth. “He seems like a really nice guy. He hasn’t changed much. He’s not like a typical jock. Sometimes they’re full of themselves. He’s still smart like he was in high school. He’s kind and considerate. Everyone loves him, but not just because he’s an athlete. He gives back and puts his heart in it.”

  “And what about the two of you?”

  “We have been – I have been letting him have it. I’m angry with him, Kim.”

  “Do you still love him?”

  If I wasn’t already laid out on the bed, I would have had to sit. “I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel something really strong. He’s – it’s like I can’t get him out of my system. It’s bad.”

  “It’s not bad. It’s nature or destiny. Maybe he’s the man God wants you to be with.”

  “Kim, do you really think that if God wanted us to be together that the entire world would have seen us together?”

  “Girl, you’re being way too literal and acting like God is down here running ever
y single thing that happens or you can’t be a victim of circumstances. Was God supposed to stop you from wrecking that rental car? Stuff happens.”

  “Stuff is always happening to me. I lost my mom, I lost Stephen, and I almost lost my dad.”

  “I know you’re sad about your mother, hun, especially today, but your father and Stephen are still in the land of the living. You can mend those relationships.”

  “He said he loves me.” A rush of emotion swept over me. I closed my eyes and remembered the way he’d said it last night. How close I had been to letting him kiss me.

  Kim’s voice broke through my memory. “Do you believe him?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Are his actions matching his words?”

  “Kim, it’s too early for this. I haven’t had coffee.”

  “You don’t need coffee. You need to stop running from your feelings. You need to get your heart right. Stop being bitter. I know that tongue of yours. God did not give you a gift with words for you to cut people down with them.”

  I sighed. I could see her, hand on her hip, head rolling as she got me straightened out.

  “Stephen has a heart, too. If he’s pouring his out to you, at least believe him. Accept him at his word. He has nothing to gain by lying to you. It’s not like you’re going to be down to make another video with him.”

  I chuckled. “I’m at his house. I guess I should have checked for a webcam.”

  “Stop it!” Kim fussed. “But do tell, how did you end up in his house?”

  I filled her in on the details.

  “He sounds sweet. He’s looking out for his future father-in-law.” Kim giggled.

  I rolled my eyes. “About the video.”

  “Girl, that thing is old. Let it go. Even if he did make the tape for some reason, that was a lifetime ago. He was a teenage boy.”

  “He says he didn’t make it.”

  “So, he didn’t.”

  “I don’t believe him.”

  “Because you don’t want to.”

  “Maybe if he admitted he made it, it would change things. I can’t accept the lie. I’d feel like a fool.”

  “It sounds like you can’t accept the truth. That makes you a bigger fool.” Kim clucked her teeth again. It annoyed me when she did that.

  “Kim, you act like it’s easy to just believe some unbelievable story. You want me to do it, but you wouldn’t. You’ve dumped every one of your recent boyfriends because of some lie they told you.”

  “True.”

  “So, you don’t practice what you preach, but you want me to.”

  “I want you to be open. I want you to stop being bitter. I want you to forgive him because forgiveness isn’t always about the other person. It’s about you first. I don’t think you can see clearly with all that smoke the devil is blowing your face.” Kim’s frustration with me was emphasized in every word she’d said.

  “As for my exes. None of them claimed to love me and they dang sure don’t go back to age six. This thing with you and Stephen is a different matter. He wants you, Tamar Anne Ferguson Johnson. Not all the other women he could have in the world, cause Lord knows, I’d date him. I’m saying, this is not a man who couldn’t have moved on. Hear him out. Listen to his heart with your heart. Forget that evil video.”

  “The people here are still talking about it.”

  “That’s because they haven’t seen you since it came out. Who cares about them?”

  “It’s hard to put it behind me.”

  “I don’t think you’ve even tried. You just fighting to be right, right here on the phone.” Kim sighed again. “Please, please stop acting like God can’t make this thing between the two of you something new. He makes everything beautiful in its time.”

  I sat up. She’d come against all my convictions. “How did you get so smart?”

  “I’m not that smart, but one thing I’ve learned is to press. I forget what’s behind me and push towards what’s ahead, otherwise the things people do to you will eat you alive.”

  “You’re full of the Bible this morning, aren’t you?” I said, falling back against the mattress.

  “Every day, but you aren’t always listening.” Kim laughed. “I needed to check on you, but now I have to get to the shop. I have a bunch of holiday heads to do. I need to go slay the day.”

  “I love you, girl. I’m sorry I didn’t call.”

  “You a busta, but I love you too,” Kim said. “It’s early. Spend some time with God. Pray. Read what God has to say about love in Corinthians. I know you’ve heard those scriptures your entire childhood. Read them now as an adult and try to understand what God was telling us about what He wants from us.”

  “Thanks, Kim. I love you too.” I heard her keys jangle. “You be safe.”

  “I will,” Kim said. “And Anne, I’m a need a minute on that Tamar thing… please, please do not mess this up and if you do, can you give him my number?”

  “Bye, Kim!”

  “Okay, maybe not your EX. That’s breaking girlcode, but ask him about Roderick Simpson or one of them other Giants.”

  “Bye, Kim!”

  “You won’t look out for a sistah. A real friend wouldn’t even have to be asked.”

  I laughed and we ended the call.

  I rolled over and the first thing I saw was a Bible on the opposite nightstand. It was old and worn. I reached for it. It was inscribed to Stephen’s deceased grandfather. He was the preacher in Pine before he passed away and gave the church to my father. This Bible was older than me. I instantly felt power flow from it which made me sit up. There was a page marker inside. I opened to the page and read the highlighted passage in Colossians 3:13:

  Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.

  There was a note in the margin for Joel 2:25-26. I turned the pages until I found it.

  And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the cankerworm, and the caterpillar, and the palmerworm, my great army which I sent among you. And ye shall eat in plenty, and be satisfied, and praise the name of the Lord your God, that hath dealt wondrously with you: and my people shall never be ashamed.

  Restore. I thought about Kim’s words. About God making things new. I grabbed my phone and pulled up a search window. I typed in “scriptures, making things new” and got a list. I decided to read them all.

  Revelations 21:5 Behold, I am making all things new.

  Ezekiel 11:19 And I will give the one heart, and put a new spirit within them. And I will take the heart of stone out of their flesh and give them a heart of flesh.

  I kept reading, Isaiah 65:17, Ephesians 2:15.

  There were many scriptures about God making things new and even more about restoration. I used my phone to look them up in different translations. I wanted to understand. My study through the word was so intense I didn’t even know I’d been crying until I saw a tear hit the page of the Bible.

  “Oh no,” I cried. “I can’t ruin the family heirloom.”

  I will turn your grief into joy.

  John 16:20. I knew because that was one of my mother’s favorite promises.

  “I believe joy is coming, Mommy,” I whispered. I knew some of that joy had to do with restoring my relationship with my father. Fixing things between my father and myself was something I could do for her and me.

  I closed the Bible and began to pray. Even though I had never gotten to Corinthians like Kim instructed me to, I was able to recall the verses. She was right. I had heard that word my entire life. I knew it from memory.

  Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.

  Where is the
love, Tamar?

  I answered with my heart. “God, I don’t know. But I’ve been the opposite of it. Impatient, unkind, arrogant and extremely rude, irritable, resentful and if hope was a river, mine dried up a long time ago.”

  When I finished praying, I began to cry again. I felt like I had been dragged, but not in a bad way. I hadn’t spent this much time with God since before I’d left home. Even though I’d been angry with Him, God wasn’t angry with me. He was still very present – very close. All I had to do was open my heart and reach out to Him.

  “Thank you for forgiving me, God.” I could say that with confidence because I knew it was true.

  And then there was Stephen… “God, help me see him like you see me. Help me to look past his faults. Help me to even look past his face and his body and all those other things about him that call out to me. I want to see who he is as a man. Show me his spirit. Show me the real Stephen.”

  The alarm on my phone beeped. I’d been reading the Bible and praying for almost two hours. Two hours that felt like ten minutes. I was ready to do like Kim – slay the day.

  Chapter 12

  My rental car arrived a little after eight. As I’d instructed him to do, the driver phoned from the main road. I told him how far to come back. I called out to Stephen, but didn’t see him anywhere in the house. I did, however, get the shock of my life when a man came out of the pantry carrying a bag of potatoes.

  “You must be Miss Tamar. I’m Dorsey. Stephen’s houseman.”

  “Yes, I’m Tamar. Nice to meet you, Dorsey.”

  “I hope you had a comfortable night’s rest. Stephen wasn’t sure which guest room you would want, so I went ahead and tried to make them all comfortable for you.”

  My lips slipped into an easy smile. “I appreciate that, but it wasn’t necessary. I’m pretty easy to please. Any bed will do as long as it has clean sheets and the springs aren’t sticking up.”

  Dorsey laughed. “There isn’t a bad mattress in this house.”

  “I’ve looked for Stephen and can’t find him? Do you know where he is?”

  “He’s in the barn. He likes to feed his horses when he’s here.”