Horse Girl Rides Again

by John Larkin

  Belinda and Karen just sat there with their heads in their hands. Rebecca knew that they would be in serious trouble if they didn’t wrap this up today. She’d heard the rumours that the current series was way over budget and behind schedule and that the backers were threatening to withdraw the funding. Jasmine had also suggested that they all start looking for other work because she’d heard that this was definitely going to be the last series of Saddle Soar.

  ‘Can I try something?’ asked Rebecca. She wasn’t ready to go back to being a civilian just yet, or at least the horsy equivalent of a civilian, whatever that was.

  Karen was just about ready to start pulling her hair out. ‘Go ahead,’ she said. ‘Try anything you want. We’re out of ideas.’

  Rebecca trotted over to where the other horses were gathered.

  ‘C’mon guys,’ she said to her fellow horses. ‘You can do this. It’s not a real flood and those aren’t real crocodiles and sharks and piranhas and snakes and electric eels. They’re made of rubber.’

  A couple of the horses snorted while the rest went back to nibbling at the grass. Rebecca realised that although she was a horse, she didn’t actually speak the language.

  ‘Okay then,’ said Rebecca. ‘Watch this.’ And with that she galloped down to the water’s edge and waded in.

  ‘What are you doing, Rebecca?’ yelled Karen. ‘Are you insane? You’ll drown.’

  ‘Maybe so,’ shouted Belinda, ‘but let’s roll anyway.’

  ‘Roll!’ shouted Karen, and the crew all leapt into action and started filming Rebecca as she waded deeper and deeper into the swollen river.

  With determination in her eyes and her teeth gritted, Rebecca somehow managed to struggle her way across the torrent.

  ‘This isn’t in the script,’ said Karen.

  ‘Who cares?’ shouted Belinda. ‘This is even better. Keep rolling.’

  As soon as Rebecca had made it to the island, she yelled at Daniela’s stunt double to jump on for a piggyback ride. Daniela’s stunt double shrugged and did as he was told, climbing up on her shoulders. And with that Rebecca trotted into the swollen river again.

  It was hard going wading back across the surging river, especially with Daniela’s stunt double on her back and being bumped and thumped by all the rubber crocodiles and sharks and piranhas and snakes and electric eels. And because of the additional weight, Rebecca found herself even more submerged than she had been when she’d first waded across. In the end, she was completely submerged with only her nostrils sticking out of the water. Daniela’s stunt double hung on for dear life. After about ten minutes’ desperate struggle, the pressure of the water eased and Rebecca clambered up the bank and to safety, completely exhausted.

  ‘Cut!’ yelled Karen, and the entire cast and crew burst into thunderous applause. Daniela’s stunt double climbed down from Rebecca’s back.

  Belinda came rushing over to Rebecca and threw a huge horse blanket around her. ‘That was amazing,’ she said.

  Karen was dumbfounded. Her job wasn’t just to direct the Saddle Soar series. The safety of the cast, crew and the horses were ultimately her responsibility. Although she was happy that they got the shot, she was still pretty annoyed that one of her stars had taken such a huge risk. She rounded on Rebecca. ‘What were you thinking?’ she said. ‘You could have been swept to your death.’

  Rebecca just shrugged. It was the first time that she had really taken advantage of being a horse. ‘I was just trying to show the actual horses that it wasn’t as hard as it looked.’

  ‘“Actual horses”,’ said Karen. ‘What does that mean?’

  Rebecca smiled. She might have crossed the flooded river like a horse, but still no one could see that she really was one.

  Belinda wasn’t as annoyed as Karen. In fact, Belinda wasn’t annoyed at all. It was her job to get the series made, on time and within budget, neither of which she was supposedly doing. As far as she was concerned, Rebecca was a hero. She brushed Karen’s complaints aside. ‘When this episode goes to air you are going to be a megastar.’

  ‘Way to save the day, girlfriend,’ said Jasmine. ‘We live to film another episode.’

  Rebecca was about to thank Jasmine for the compliment. Instead, she slipped on her pink beret and sunnies and nodded to her.

  After Rebecca’s first series was filmed, they went straight into the next series with only a very short break. Because of the flooded river episode, Belinda insisted that all future Saddle Soar scripts had to be rewritten to make Rebecca’s character the absolute star of the series. She was practically in every shot after that.

  It was a busy life being a Saddle Soar star. When they were filming, the girls were either on set or on call for most of the day. And because of all the camera set-ups and location changes, it took an entire week to shoot one half-hour episode of Saddle Soar.

  The girls couldn’t attend a normal school while each series was being made, so the Saddle Soar producers provided the girls with a tutor whose job it was to work intensely with them between shots and during breaks in filming. Although Rebecca had to admit that the tutor was a nice person who tried really hard to keep the girls’ minds active and on their school work, she wasn’t very successful. Well, let’s be honest. They were famous and the tutor wasn’t. So the Saddle Soar girls felt that they could pretty much do whatever they liked. If they didn’t feel like going to class in the barn, or studying, then who was going to make them?

  Between takes and set-ups and so on the girls would sit around talking, telling stories or playing games. All of them, that is, except Daniela. When Daniela wasn’t required in a shot she would work with the tutor or go into her dressing room to read and study. For although Daniela enjoyed acting, what she really wanted to be when she grew up was an astrophysicist, which was something to do with the universe and stuff, Rebecca thought.

  On the weekends the Saddle Soar girls were required to make promotional appearances in shopping malls, schools, at the beach, or wherever the producers managed to find them some publicity. Everyone was contractually required to make promotional appearances. Everyone, that is, apart from Daniela. Because she played the baddy, no one wanted her appearing in their shopping mall, or at their school, or on their beach. Even if she did turn up somewhere, perhaps just to do a bit of shopping herself, or to go for a swim in the sea, people tended to boo her. This suited her just fine, apparently, because she was able to spend more time at home reading, listening to music and studying.

  As the series went on, Rebecca became more and more popular. She couldn’t go anywhere without being recognised and pestered for autographs or advice on shopping and hair products.

  Shortly after the first episode of the new series of Saddle Soar went to air, Rebecca was interviewed by Girlz Powa Rulz!, the ultimate in tween and teen kool. Apart from Girlz Powa Rulz!, she was also a regular in all the popular girls’ magazines. So far she’d featured in Teen Queen, Tween Queen, Teen & Tween Gleam, Teen Dream, Keen Tween, Teen Preen, Teen & Tween Scene, and because she was a committed vegetarian and was held up as a role model for healthy eating by politicians and dieticians, she’d even appeared on the cover of the highly respected environmental and medical journal, Green Spleen.

  Life, thanks to Saddle Soar, couldn’t have been any better.

  Unfortunately, life at home couldn’t have been any worse.

  20

  Rebecca sat at the kitchen table answering her fan email from the Saddle Soar website, while Kevin and their mum packed the groceries away. Rebecca no longer helped with the groceries in case she got injured or cracked a nail, or hoof or something.

  ‘Marine biologist,’ mumbled Mum, as she jammed some cans of baked beans into the pantry.

  ‘Excuse me,’ said Rebecca, as she typed out some crucial hair advice with her nose to one of her adoring fans.

  Rebecca’s mum put her hands on her hips. ‘You said that I was a marine biologist.’

  ‘It’s out?’ Rebecca was thrilled. She ju
mped up from the floor. ‘Where, where, where?’

  Mum pulled a copy of Girlz Powa Rulz! out of her handbag and tossed it onto the breakfast bar. Rebecca flicked through it as quickly as her nose allowed. There it was. Her first profile.

  Rebecca Yallop is the hot new star of everyone’s fave TV series Saddle Soar. Despite having no previous acting experience, the Beckmeister managed to beat 9,999 other girls for the part of Ricky Dixie! What a legend! To find out what makes this totally groovy chick tick, check out our hot new Girlz Powa Rulz! star profile!!!!!!!!!!!

  She was thrilled. ‘They printed every word I said.’

  ‘Didn’t they interview you on the phone?’ asked her mum.

  ‘Yeah,’ said Rebecca. ‘So what?’

  ‘Oh nothing,’ said Mum. ‘I was just wondering how you managed to say all those exclamation marks over the phone. Did you shout or something?’

  Rebecca ignored her mother’s sarcasm.

  ‘The closest that I get to being a marine biologist,’ said Mum, ‘is eating fish and chips.’

  ‘Well, I couldn’t put that you worked in a florist’s, could I?’

  ‘Why not?’ said Mum. ‘It’s never bothered you before.’

  ‘Yeah well,’ said Rebecca. ‘I wasn’t famous before, was I?’

  ‘And your dad’s a vulcanologist, is he?’ said Mum. ‘That’s clever of him.’

  Rebecca hadn’t realised that the proper name for a volcano inspector was a vulcanologist. She would have to remember that for her next big profile.

  ‘Anyway,’ she replied. ‘It’s better than being a hole inspector for the council.’

  ‘Chief hole inspector,’ corrected Mum.

  Rebecca wasn’t quick enough to stop Kevin making a grab for Girlz Powa Rulz!.

  ‘I wouldn’t do that if I was you,’ she warned him.

  Rebecca cringed as she watched Kevin scan her profile.

  ‘Well, Mum,’ sulked Kevin, ‘at least you and Dad exist.’

  Rebecca suddenly felt bad about telling Girlz Powa Rulz! that she was an only child. ‘It must be a misprint,’ she said.

  ‘You just said that they printed every word you said,’ Mum reminded her.

  Rebecca looked at Kevin again. She had to make it up to him. ‘It’s just that . . . ’ she began, but Kevin cut her off.

  ‘Don’t talk to me, horse girl!’ he snapped. ‘I don’t exist, remember?’ And with that Kevin stormed off to his bedroom and slammed the door.

  Rebecca looked back down at her profile. She was glad that they’d put that bit about her wanting to bring about world peace. It made her look as though she was concerned about stuff like that and not just another dumb star.

  Mum went back to packing the groceries away.

  Rebecca had just started to flick through the rest of Girlz Powa Rulz! (in case she was mentioned again) when she heard her dad coming in through the front door.

  ‘Ah,’ said Rebecca’s mum. ‘That’ll be your dad. Home after a hard day’s work being lowered into the depths of erupting volcanoes. Hi, dear,’ said Mum. ‘Was it warm at work today?’

  Rebecca scooped up Girlz Powa Rulz! from the breakfast bar. ‘You’re all just jealous, anyway!’ she yelled. Then she stomped off down the hallway and slammed her bedroom door so hard that it fell off its hinges.

  ‘I’ll have to fix that now,’ called Dad after her.

  ‘Or maybe you could just fuse it onto the hinges with some lava,’ said Mum.

  21

  Over the next few weeks, things settled down a bit at home.

  Rebecca’s parents gave her a bit of slack because up until Saddle Soar she’d been such a wonderful girl. They figured that she would eventually work things out for herself and go back to being the old Rebecca that everyone loved. Or else she could use the money that she was earning from Saddle Soar and the merchandising and buy them a house in the mountains, another at the beach and a couple of four-wheel-drive cars to go with them.

  On the last day of filming of the latest series of Saddle Soar, Belinda and Karen called all the cast and crew together. As Belinda stood up to speak, Rebecca noticed that she was holding a small trophy in her hand.

  ‘Attention, everyone,’ said Belinda. ‘The production staff would like to present Daniela with this special award.’

  Rather shyly Daniela stepped forward to receive her award.

  ‘Congratulations, Daniela,’ continued Belinda as she shook Daniela’s hand.

  Daniela accepted the trophy. ‘What’s it for?’

  ‘Don’t you know?’ said Karen. She looked shocked. Rebecca felt that she was putting it on. ‘This is the award for winning the show-jumping competition.’

  Everyone cheered and laughed.

  ‘You finally got there,’ said Karen as she gave Daniela a hug. ‘Persistence pays.’

  ‘And now for the bad news,’ said Belinda, taking over. ‘You’ve all heard the rumours and now, I’m afraid, it’s official. Today’s episode was the final one of Saddle Soar.’

  ‘But why?’ asked Rebecca. She felt as though the world had been pulled out from under her hooves.

  Belinda smiled at Rebecca. ‘Saddle Soar is an expensive series to make,’ she said. ‘What with all the cast, crew, horses, locations and everything. Although we’re still rating well, it was decided that we should call it a day while we’re still popular.’

  ‘You mean while we can still push the merchandising and DVD sales,’ said Daniela.

  No one was totally shocked. Not even Rebecca. They all knew that this day was coming. Daniela had even supposedly pre-empted it. The rumour was that she’d handed in her resignation following the episode about the mad scientist and this was going to be her last series anyway.

  ‘And so,’ continued Belinda, ‘tomorrow we all go back to our normal lives.’

  Rebecca cringed. She had a bit of damage to repair at home with her marine-biologist mother, vulcanologist father and non-existent little brother. Not to mention the fact that she was still a 300-kilogram horse. A fact that appeared to have been lost on the entire nation.

  At least now, she supposed, she could get on with the business of tracking down the Amazing Beryl and the mystical one-legged Sherpas of the Upper Langtang Valley in Nepal, but to do that she needed Kevin’s help and he’d gone off the rails a bit following his complete existence failure, and had taken to tipping over all the wheelie bins in their street.

  Not that Rebecca knew how they were going to get to Nepal. For although Saddle Soar paid her very well, apart from a bit of pocket money (or per diem as they called it) the rest of her pay went straight into a trust fund, which she couldn’t touch until she turned eighteen.

  ‘Yes,’ continued Belinda, interrupting Rebecca’s thoughts, ‘tomorrow, normality beckons. For everyone, that is, apart from Rebecca.’

  Everyone turned to look at Rebecca. She didn’t know what was going on.

  ‘That’s right,’ said the producer. ‘We had a call from the producers of Big Bother. They’re doing a special tween and teen celebrity edition and they want you to be one of the housemates.’

  All the Saddle Soar girls, except Daniela, patted Rebecca warmly on her back. Her coat shimmered in the afternoon sun.

  ‘Way to go, girlfriend,’ said Jasmine. ‘You’re the star now. See where a bit of attitude can take you?’

  ‘What about you?’ asked Rebecca.

  ‘Don’t worry about me, girlfriend,’ said Jasmine. ‘I’m moving into movies, or TV commercials, or I may even become a chat-show host. My agent’s on the case.’

  After the wrap party, Daniela (or Bianca as she now was again) came up to Rebecca and wished her good luck for the future. Rebecca was surprised because during the entire time that she’d been acting on Saddle Soar, Bianca had rarely talked to her.

  ‘Are you going to keep acting?’ asked Rebecca.

  Bianca shrugged. ‘I don’t think so,’ she said. ‘Not for a while anyway. I’m just looking forward to going back to school. I wouldn’t
go on Big Bother, that’s for sure.’

  Rebecca put her hooves on her hips. Bianca was just jealous, that was it. ‘It’s a pity they didn’t ask you then,’ smirked Rebecca.

  ‘They did,’ said Bianca. ‘I turned them down.’

  Rebecca’s jaw dropped so much that it almost hit the floor.

  ‘I can’t stand the way that TV is being dumbed down,’ said Bianca. ‘There’s no reason why TV can’t be entertaining and challenging. And Big Bother has taken TV to its nadir.’

  Rebecca looked confused. She didn’t have a clue what ‘nadir’ meant.

  ‘Lowest point,’ said Bianca, as if she was reading Rebecca’s mind.

  ‘I know what nadir means,’ snapped Rebecca.

  ‘Sorry,’ said Bianca, ‘but remember, just as the human race can go forwards, it can also go backwards. Sometimes you just have to take a stand. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.’

  Rebecca and Bianca shook hands and hooves.

  Rebecca watched as Bianca said her farewells to everyone else and then climbed into the back of her parents’ battered old car. The human race could go backwards! What did that mean? She was just jealous. That must have been it. Because for Bianca it was over. Her fifteen minutes of fame had come and gone, and now she could go back to her studies and plain old life in the ’burbs and become an astrophysicist or whatever that lame sciency thingo it was that she wanted to become. She probably realised that because she’d played the baddy on Saddle Soar, she would have been the first one to be evicted on Big Bother. Bianca just didn’t want to embarrass herself.

  Rebecca’s star, on the other hand, was still rising. She didn’t care what Bianca thought of Big Bother. If Saddle Soar had made her famous, then Big Bother could practically make her immortal. She might even end up with her own talk show, advice column or clothing label.

  As Bianca’s parents’ car belched and burped its way out of the Dozy Gums car park for the final time, Rebecca caught a glimpse of her own reflection in the window of the fake-barn door. Although she saw her enormous horse head staring back at her, no one else could see her for what she was, so she would keep going for as long as it lasted.