Fallen Women

by Sue Welfare

  Danny nodded his head, sage as an old man. ‘Yeh, I know what you’re saying but you and him should have dealt with the stuff that was going wrong. Talked about it, not gone and, well, you know, and like Jake says, not with Chrissie. That doesn’t solve anything, does it?’

  Of course he was right.

  ‘And when you get married,’ said Jake, ‘you make a promise to be with that person. It might not be black and white, Mum, but he’s still broken a promise.’

  Worse than that, Kate thought, watching a reed warbler on one of the bulrushes, Joe had broken her trust into a million unfathomable, unfindable pieces and she couldn’t believe – whatever he said or did or promised – that she would ever be able to trust him again. And what sort of life would that be for any of them?

  The three of them walked slowly around the fishing pit, in companionable if sombre silence. Kate could sense the grief in all of them but she was also beginning to get a clearer sense of what she could and couldn’t live with, what could be fixed and what couldn’t. Against all the odds she began to feel her spirits lift.

  As soon as they got home, Kate went upstairs, ignoring Julie and Maggie and Guy and Liz – who had already rung the au pair to ask her to pick the girls up from school – picked up her mobile and tapped in Joe’s number.

  Chapter 17

  ‘Joe, you can’t do this, you’ve got to get a grip. I can’t have time off work to come over here and sort your problems out. Why didn’t you phone Bill, he’s at home all day?’

  Hangdog and hunched, Joe sat on the side of the bed, dressed only in his boxer shorts. ‘I couldn’t ring Bill, Chrissie, he wouldn’t understand. What the hell does he know anyway?’

  She was about to point out that of all the people they knew, Bill, freelancing less than a hundred yards down the road, seemed like the ideal person to moan to, but Joe had plans to steer the conversation in other directions.

  ‘I can’t believe it, them giving me the boot now, just like that. Of all the times for this to happen. I don’t know what to do, what to say. It doesn’t seem real. That’s the thing about being a one-man band; I’m on me own, no one to take up the slack, no system to soften the blow. I haven’t got a leg to stand on.’ He paused, and turned towards her, eyes glazing over. ‘Hold me, Chrissie, please, just hold me,’ he mumbled miserably.

  It sounded as if Joe might still be on the verge of tears. He looked so very vulnerable.

  Unable to resist, Chrissie sighed, sat down alongside Joe and took him in her arms. Instantly, he turned and snuggled up against her, rubbing his face into her breasts, sliding his hands around her waist, while trying to unbalance her so that she fell backwards. She resisted long enough for him to groan softly and kiss her neck.

  ‘I love you,’ he purred, making the flesh tingle and vibrate under his lips.

  ‘Oh, Joe,’ she murmured. ‘Stop it, for God’s sake. You are such a bloody idiot.’

  What he really meant of course was that he needed her, which was strangely endearing and would have been a lot more honest.

  One thing struck Chrissie as odd, though. Joe’s hair was wet. When she looked more closely his socks were still bundled up in a tidy pair and tucked neatly into his shoes by the bed. Chrissie stiffened. This certainly wasn’t the Joe Harvey she knew. Her eyes, sharpened by suspicion, moved very slowly around the bedroom to weigh the evidence. Oh, it was all there if you knew where to look. Everything all very artfully arranged; his leather jacket there on the hanger, his briefcase standing by the door. The shirt so casually discarded over a chair didn’t look as if it had been worn – or at least not for any length of time, the creases on the arm were unbroken. But more than any one thing that she could see Chrissie had an unshakeable, unreasonable knowledge that Joe was trying to take her for a ride.

  Concentration focused elsewhere, when Joe pushed a fraction harder Chrissie didn’t think fast enough to resist him and they rolled back in amongst the pillows.

  ‘God, you’ve got no idea how much I want you,’ he whispered, eager fingers working on the buttons of her blouse. ‘I’ve been thinking about you all morning. You look bloody gorgeous in that uniform.’

  Chrissie wriggled out from under him. ‘Not again, Joe, I’ve already told you, I want you to stop it.’ And then more forcefully, ‘Stop it!’

  He looked confused. ‘What do you mean, stop it? What’s up with you? You’re not usually like this.’

  Indignantly, Chrissie struggled back to her feet, straightening her clothes, picking up her bag, preparing to leave. ‘You mean sensible? On the ball? Got my act together? You didn’t go to that meeting at all, did you?’ she snapped.

  He made a bluff blustering noise though pursed lips.

  ‘Did you?’ she demanded more furiously.

  ‘Look, Chrissie, I’ve already told you, they booted me off the project. That’s the important thing. It doesn’t matter where I was, or how they did it. It’s my bread and butter. Sacked. Screwed. Shafted.’

  ‘Because you didn’t go to the bloody meeting, did you?’ she said in a low, even voice. ‘You let them down, that’s why they bumped you, Joe – you don’t fool me. You’d like to but you don’t.’

  He reddened. She had no proof, but the look on his face told Chrissie everything she needed to know. ‘You got me here under false pretences. I bet you’ve been lying in bed all bloody day, haven’t you?’

  He didn’t bother to deny it. ‘I got up to tell the blokes from the estate agent’s which was your house. For the sign.’

  ‘Without Kate to run around after you, clearing up your mess and organising your day, you’re a disaster, Joe – what did the light and sound people do, ring and wake you up?’ Chrissie growled.

  He wriggled uncomfortably. ‘I told them I could be there in an hour. No sweat. They overreacted, that’s all. It was totally uncalled for. Totally unreasonable.’

  ‘You make me sick, Joe I came home for this? For you? I must be totally mad. Have I got gullible written across my forehead? Have I?’ Chrissie demanded, barely able to speak, she was so angry.

  And then the phone rang. They both looked at it for a few seconds and then to her amazement Joe covered his ears. It rang on and on, until the sound seemed to filled the bedroom.

  ‘Joe?’ Chrissie said.

  He didn’t move.

  ‘Joe, for God’s sake.’

  Unable to bear it any longer, Chrissie snatched the handset off the bedside cabinet and snapped, ‘Hello?’

  There was a peculiar silence at the far end of the line and then Kate said very slowly, ‘Hello, Chrissie. Fancy you being there. Is there any chance I could speak to Joe?’ Her tone was distant and cool.

  Chrissie closed her eyes and groaned in pure frustration. Of course, it had to be Kate, didn’t it? It couldn’t have been some bloke selling double glazing, could it?

  ‘Kate, before you jump to conclusions, it’s not what you think,’ Chrissie began, knowing as she spoke how lame it sounded. ‘Joe rang me from work. The light and sound company have dropped him off the latest contract. He’s in a real state. I was worried about him.’

  There was a pause as slippery as ball bearings on a skating rink and then Kate said very slowly, ‘Well, I’m glad somebody is. Can I please speak to him?’

  Wordlessly, Chrissie handed the phone to Joe.

  ‘Joe?’

  ‘Uhuh.’ His voice sounded thick and heavy as if he had only just woken up. It occurred to Kate that despite Chrissie being there maybe he had.

  ‘I’ve been thinking,’ she said, which was something of an understatement.

  ‘Me too, babe,’ he said, in that laid-back man of the world voice he had been practising for years in case the New Musical Express ever wanted an interview.

  Kate shuddered; even now he couldn’t stop it. ‘Joe, there’s no easy way to say this, but I have to say something and I have to say it now. I want you to leave. I want you out of the house.’

  ‘What – but,’ he spluttered.

 
; ‘But nothing, Joe, I’d like you out as soon as possible.’

  ‘What do you mean, out? When?’

  ‘Actually, as far as I’m concerned today wouldn’t be soon enough.’ Kate spoke quietly and calmly with a surety and composure that she had no idea she possessed.

  ‘What?’ protested Joe. ‘After all the things we’ve shared, after all we’ve been through –’

  ‘That’s not a particularly good card to play, Joe, bearing in mind you were sharing it all with someone else as well.’

  Cut off at the pass, he tried another route. ‘What about the boys?’

  ‘What about the boys?’

  ‘Come on, Kate, you know that what happened last night was a mistake I wouldn’t have –’

  ‘You wouldn’t have what, Joe?’ Kate couldn’t bear to listen to any more of his excuses or justifications. ‘Wanted them to catch you with Chrissie? Maybe it’s a good thing that they did, because now they’ll understand the reasons for all the stuff that happens next. To be honest it doesn’t matter what you say, how you say it, or whatever it is you promise, I’ll never trust you again. And as for all those things we shared? This thing with Chrissie makes me doubt how real, how true, any of those things ever were. I want you out, Joe. As soon as possible, that’s all I’ve got to say. I’m going to see a solicitor as soon as I get back –’

  ‘Please, Kate, listen to me, please, you have to listen to me –’

  She braced herself, holding back the tears. ‘No, Joe, that’s the whole point. I don’t.’

  ‘But I’ve got nowhere to go. I’ve just lost my job.’

  Kate closed her eyes, fighting the last impulse to cave in, fighting all those old habits and desires to try and make it come right.

  Joe was still talking. ‘Look, I know you’re upset but don’t do or say anything you might regret, Kate. Kate?’ He paused, waiting for her to say something. Kate kept her eyes shut; he could wait until hell froze over.

  ‘The thing is I missed a meeting – one meeting – and that bastard told me I was off the project. Just like that. Can you believe it?’

  Still Kate said nothing and now she sensed Joe’s growing anger. ‘If you’d been here this wouldn’t have happened, you know that don’t you? There was nothing written down in the diary, you hadn’t put it in – I didn’t know. You can’t do this to me, Kate. I love you.’

  They were altogether the wrong cards to play.

  Kate hung up and then lay down on her bed. Oddly enough, in amongst the pain and the terrible ache, she was surprised to find that there was a huge sense of relief.

  Maggie looked up inquiringly as she got downstairs. Kate smiled. ‘I’m fine, just had a bit of sorting out to do,’ she said. ‘Where are the boys?’

  ‘I said they could go down town and hire a video. You don’t mind, do you?’

  ‘No, not at all.’

  Liz got to her feet. ‘Right, well now you’re back I think I better be off and get home to the girls. Now that you’re here to keep an eye on Mum.’

  Kate suppressed a smile. Obviously Liz didn’t trust Guy to be alone with Maggie’s mind, her body, or her money.

  ‘I was just wondering,’ Liz continued, in a voice too loud to ignore, ‘whether while Mother is incapacitated like this it would be a good idea to get a home help in. Or maybe meals on wheels.’

  It was her parting shot.

  Guy said nothing, instead he got to his feet and helped Liz to find her jacket and keys and opened the front door for her.

  Fortunately, Julie took this as her cue to leave too. She smiled, like some hungry animal, and said to Kate as they air-kissed goodbye, ‘We really must keep in touch. When did you say you were going back to London?’

  ‘Tomorrow probably.’

  ‘That’s such a pity. It would have been nice if we could have had lunch at mine one day. Never mind, I’ll take your address.’ She scurried around in her handbag for a piece of paper. ‘Seems such a terrible shame to lose touch again after all these years, don’t you think?’

  Still smiling, Kate opened the front door for her. ‘Don’t worry, Julie. I know where you live,’ she said, waving her out.

  Julie looked at her as if to check whether or not she was telling the truth. ‘No 62, Tall Pines. We’re in the book.’

  Kate nodded. ‘Right.’ And then – blessedly – Julie was gone.

  But any peace was shortlived. Kate had barely got back into the sitting room when the doorbell rang again. She turned mid-stride and went back to answer it.

  ‘Kate?’

  ‘I thought that you’d gone home, Liz. Are you all right?’

  Compared to the angry, outraged cow that had marched out the door a few moments earlier, she looked really shaken. ‘I was just backing out of the yard –’ her voice cracked into brittle anxious fragments. ‘Oh God, Kate, I’ve knocked over a bloody cat. It must have been under the wheels before I drove off. I was trying to get past Guy’s damned car. I didn’t see it. It’s a grey and white tabby.’

  ‘Small, deaf, incontinent. Tiddles.’

  ‘You know it.’

  ‘Not really; it was just that that was how I met Andrew.’

  All Liz’s bluster had evaporated. ‘What if I’ve killed it? Oh my God.’

  Kate said, ‘I’ll go and get a towel.’

  ‘Do I move it? What do I do? What if the damned thing dies? What if it’s dead already?’

  ‘Don’t panic, Andrew gave me his mobile number. I’m sure he’d be only too pleased to come to the rescue.’

  Liz looked Kate up and down, and then said, ‘Are you having an affair with him?’

  Exasperated, Kate shook her head, ‘No, I only met him on Monday and strange though it may seem to you, he fancies me. And you can take that look off your face, Liz.’

  ‘What look?’

  ‘The one that disapproves and thinks life is always straight up and down. Black and white. On or off.’

  Thoughtfully, Liz looked past her, through the open door of the sitting room to where Guy was handing Maggie a cup of tea. ‘I suppose anything is possible,’ she murmured without much conviction.

  Kate sighed. ‘Please give Guy a chance, Liz. I know that it’s a shock but he’s a nice man and he really does seem to love Mum.’

  Liz snorted while Kate picked up a towel from the downstairs loo and handed it to her. ‘Will you be all right or do you want me to go and see how the cat is?’ Kate asked. Liz, the woman who once fainted over a rare steak.

  ‘Julie’s keeping an eye on it.’

  ‘Right, I’ll go ring Andrew,’ said Kate briskly.

  Miraculously, Andrew arrived inside ten minutes, dispensing TLC and pain killing injections like manna from heaven. Kate stood by, watching with a mixture of amusement and gratitude. It was almost as if he had been waiting by the phone for her to call him.

  He’d even brought a cat basket to whisk Tiddles off down to the surgery. Reassured that the cat, if not guaranteed survival, was at least in safe hands, Liz left for Norwich. Julie too, although more reluctantly, finally left Kate and Andrew standing side by side on the gravel.

  ‘I’ve already been next door,’ said Kate. ‘Mrs Hall’s out but I’ll nip round and tell her about Tiddles later.’

  He nodded. ‘Okay. I need to take Tiddles back to the surgery.’

  ‘Stupid name for a cat.’ Kate couldn’t think of anything else to say.

  ‘Would you like to come with me?’ he asked.

  What could she say under the circumstances?

  ‘I’ll just go and tell Maggie and the boys where I’m going.’

  ‘I can’t believe that she wants me out,’ said Joe. He was truly, genuinely stunned. ‘It’s ridiculous. It’s unreasonable.’

  They were sitting downstairs in Joe’s kitchen either side of the table. Chrissie with an uncomfortable sense of déjà vu, kept glancing up at the back door.

  Handing him another mug of tea, she said, ‘It might be good to have a break, Joe. You know, like a trial
separation to get your head straight. It will give you both chance to get things sorted out.’ Chrissie was rapidly running out of things to say to appease him and knew – from experience – that Joe’s next tack would be to pull the sympathy vote and try to get her in to bed. Shame was that once upon a time it would have worked.

  Once upon a time she had genuinely believed Joe when he said Kate didn’t understand him. Early on, at the beginning, when things were clearer and the edges less blurred, Chrissie thought she had seen those things too, seen the sensitive artist oppressed by the competent cool-hearted businesswoman who demanded he lay down his art for a steady job and a regular income. Wasn’t that the yarn Joe pedalled? Maybe not directly but that was certainly what he implied. Truth was, of course, that Kate understood Joe only too well and had a heart as warm as an Aga. Chrissie understood him too now. In this light she could see exactly what Joe was: a good-looking, lazy parasite who thought the world owed him a living and that the people around him – those people he professed to love – should be only too pleased to pick up the pieces he so casually dropped.

  ‘Maybe she needs some more time, Joe. More space to think things through.’

  ‘I don’t think so, I know Kate, I know that voice. She’s already made up her mind. It’s over. I can’t believe she’s taking this attitude. After all these years.’

  ‘Any idea where you’re going to go? I’m sure that Bill would be happy to –’ she saw the look of disgust on his face. ‘Okay, so maybe not Bill.’

  ‘I was thinking,’ said Joe casually, ‘maybe I could stay at your place for a few days, after all your boys are out most of the time. It’s a big place with just you in it.’

  Chrissie shook her head and held up her hands in protest. ‘No way, Joe, I sorry but I can’t have you there. It would be crazy. I’ve just put it up for sale. It’s next door, for God’s sake.’ As if he didn’t know. ‘Kate and the kids will see you coming and going all the time, every day. No, I can’t.’ He was looking at her with those big soulful eyes of his. ‘No –’ She could feel the emotional pressure Joe was exerting from four feet away. ‘I said no and I mean no, Joe.’