Perfectly Imperfect (Perfectly #1)

by Fabiola Francisco

  “Thanks.”

  He lies down next to me on the couch and pulls me into him rubbing my back. It feels way too comfortable and safe, but I can’t get myself to move or speak as the medicine kicks in. I just sleep again.

  The next time I wake up it’s daylight, and I’m on my bed wearing a t-shirt. I feel better. Grayson’s arm is wrapped around me, my back to his chest. He must’ve brought us over at some point. I try to make a break to the bathroom, but his arm tightens around me. I don’t want to wake him up. Who knows at what time he went to sleep taking care of me.

  I stay put enjoying his body heat. He looks peaceful in his sleep. Why does Grayson feel so safe? I’ve never felt so at ease with someone before, especially someone I’ve slept with, not even Chase. Then again, I’ve never been friends with someone I’ve slept with. I’m breaking my rules with him and that scares me.

  Grayson stirs and opens his eyes, “Good morning. How’d you feel?”

  “Much better. Thanks.” I reply shyly turning around to face him.

  “Do you need anything? More medicine? Coffee? It cures everything, right?” He gives me a crooked smile and his eyes twinkle. He almost looks proud of being my caretaker.

  “Yeah, coffee. I’ll make some. I want to get up and walk. I feel stiff.”

  “I’ll go with you.” We both get up from bed and make our way over to my kitchen.

  We drink our coffees and Grayson moves around the kitchen preparing breakfast. He has insisted on cooking, saying I haven’t eaten since yesterday and have been taking medicine. “Do you always cook breakfast for your sick hook-ups?” I ask teasing.

  “Nope. I can say I never have. Actually, I’ve never played doctor to anyone, besides my brother, before. Consider yourself lucky.” He smiles. “And you know you’re more than just a hook-up, so stop referring to yourself as such.” He adds deadpan, his expression serious. If I didn’t know better, I’d think the thought of us being more than friends scares him as much as it does me by that last comment.

  We eat our breakfast in somewhat awkward silence and clear the table. I excuse myself to take a shower, feeling the wall I built around my heart rise a little taller. I want to wash off all the germs I feel crawling over my body, and I can’t help but shake off the uneasy feeling about Grayson’s comment. I know I’ve always been the one to deny any form of real commitment, but seeing his serious expression about it caught me off guard. He’s usually more carefree about us.

  I am engrossed in my thoughts and trying to analyze why I felt so uneasy when Grayson spoke about me being more of a hookup with such a glum expression, when I feel him push up against me and run his hands down the curves of my body leaving my skin burning with desire. I turn around tracing my hands over the ripples of his stomach, up his chest and around his neck pressing myself to him. My eyes meet his and they darken. There’s so much promise in that gaze, and we stand holding each other as the water cascades on us. Grayson kisses me gently, but before he can pull away I deepen the kiss, pulling him into me. We get lost in each other, exploring our bodies and communicating without words.

  “What are your plans for today?” Grayson asks much more relaxed after our shower together. We’re in my room after our shower getting dressed.

  “No plans. I figured I’d catch up on some work,” I reply nonchalantly.

  “I was gonna go for a hike. Want to come? Some fresh air would do you good. I just need to pass by my house to change and we can head from there.”

  “I’d love to. Let me just change.” I love being outdoors; especially hiking up the mountains and being face to face with the magnificence of nature. Growing up in the northwest, being out in nature was a big part of my life. I could never turn down a chance to go for a hike.

  We arrive at Grayson’s house, and I am in awe. I’ve never been here before, but I am instantly drawn to the surroundings. Grayson lives a little outside of the city in a beautiful house peacefully wrapped amongst trees and hills. It doesn’t surprise me that Grayson would live somewhere more secluded from the city.

  His house has an open concept with an amazing kitchen and modern furniture. In the living room, across from the kitchen, are amazing floor to ceiling windows blending the outdoors and the indoor with such a serene view of nature. The couch is dark brown leather, with a TV hanging on the wall across from it. A sleek console is placed under the TV holding a DVD player and a PlayStation. Boys and their toys.

  The kitchen has dark cabinets and gray granite countertops. There’s a gas burner on the island and plenty of counter space to cook and entertain on. On the left of the kitchen is a bar stocked with wine and other bottles of whiskey and vodka.

  The walls are off-white and pretty bare, except for a Jack Daniels sign above the bar and a few pictures of him and who I assume is his brother by their resemblance on the coffee table in the living room. I am still staring around when I hear Grayson say, “Make yourself at home, I’ll just be a minute,” and he disappears into his bedroom. I can’t help but wonder if his bedroom is just as bare as the rest of his house or if it’s more personal.

  He emerges from his room ready for our hike and says, “Do you like it?” He almost seems nervous of my judgment as he awaits my response.

  “Are you kidding me?! This place is amazing, Grayson. The windows make you feel like you’re in paradise with the views of the trees and mountains. I did notice the walls are kind of empty.”

  “I’m glad you like it.” He smiles his boyish grin looking proudly around his house. “I just moved in a few months ago, but truth is I don’t really have much to put up on the walls or decorate the space with.” He admits shyly. Seeing him so nervous is so endearing.

  “We’ll see what we can do about that,” I say excitedly. I love decorating. I’m sure we can add some of Grayson into this space.

  He smiles and grabs my hand. “Let’s go.”

  We reach our destination and begin our hike up the mountain trails, walking quietly absorbing the beauty that surrounds us. The tall fir trees hover over us allowing us to escape into the woods, losing ourselves to this magical place. We hear the birds singing their own unique songs overhead, wildflowers blooming, and the soothing sound of a nearby river.

  “How do you feel?” Grayson asks.

  “Great! Thanks for asking me to come. This is exactly what I needed.” I reply happily. There’s no better cure than being outdoors surrounded by nature.

  “My pleasure. I always like to escape out here when I’m stressed or need to get away from the city for a while.”

  “I totally understand what you mean. This is my escape also.” We continue our trail. It’s warm out, and we’re soon sweating.

  After a little while, we stop at a bench with a beautiful view of a distant Portland and sit to rest. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” I ask aloud to no one in particular. Grayson has his arm lightly placed on the back of the bench where I’m sitting.

  “It sure is and so are you. There’s nothing more soothing, more relaxing, than being out here like this. In the middle of it all, understanding you’re a part of nature, not above it.” I nod in agreement, looking intently at him.

  “Did you hike a lot back home? You don’t seem new to this lifestyle.” I ask, genuinely curious about his life back in South Carolina.

  “Yeah, I did. I’ve always loved being outdoors. And thankfully so, because like it or not, I was outside a lot. My brother and I both had ATVs, so we would take them out and ride through trails. When we would get tired of riding, we’d hike up the nearby mountains and get lost from our reality.” He talks as if he were back there, reliving those memories. There’s a trace of sadness in his eyes and I notice they’re no longer their bright hue, but greener and dull. I’ve learned what emotions his eye colors represent in the short time I’ve known him.

  “You’re really close to your brother.” I state. “It must be hard being so far from him.” I can’t help but wonder what kind of upbringing he had. I remember when we first me
t he mentioned he also had issues with his mother; maybe she wasn’t around much. I’m curious, but don’t want to strike a nerve.

  “Yeah, I am. He’s my family. The only one I really have. It was hard making the decision to move out here, but the opportunity was too great to let pass, and he wouldn’t hear of me staying back home because of him. I tried to convince him to move out here with me. Truth is he loves our hometown too much to ever leave permanently, good memories and bad. I’m trying to get him to come visit, though,” he says with a hopeful gleam in his eyes. Hearing Grayson speak about his brother and his hometown has me wondering so many things about him. I want to know more. He never talks about his past or his family, but then again neither do I.

  “That would be awesome,” I reply.

  “Yeah, it would be. I haven’t seen him since I left town. He hasn’t been able to make it out here, and besides him there’s nothing for me to go back to.”

  “Does your mom still live there?” Curiosity gets the best of me and I can’t help but ask him.

  He snorts, looking straight ahead with a grim expression. Maybe I’ve crossed the line in asking. Before I could try and take back what I’ve just said, he begins to speak. “Yeah, if you can even call her that. She wasn’t much of a mom growing up, even less now that we’re grown up. My dad left when we were really little, and ever since that day, she’s been hopping from guy to guy. I lost count of how many marriages she has under her belt. The guys she had around were good for nothings, and the last thing they wanted to deal with were two kids. They would kick us out of the house all day so they can do God knows what. It would be dark and way after supper before they’d let us back in. I don’t know where she picked those winners, but it was the same every time. It was probably her idea to have us out of the house.

  “I would take care of my brother as much as I could, and make dinner for us both. Sometimes I’d have snacks packed before we left so we wouldn’t go hungry during the day. I learned that trick early on after husband number three wouldn’t let us return until after midnight. I remember one time Logan tried to sneak in through a window to get to bed, and he caught him. I tried to warn him not to, but he was stubborn. That man was mean. When he caught Logan getting into bed he threw him across the room. I quickly jumped in to protect him and took the blow for him. He kicked me in the ribs. I yelled so loud, I’m sure the neighbors heard. My mom just stood at the door and watched. She probably thought we deserved it. That husband was the one I hated the most. That was the night I began to hate my mother, too. We were her blood, and she always chose some asshole pimps over us.”

  Grayson didn’t look my way at all while speaking. He won’t even look at me now. He just stares out over the edge looking at nothing in particular. I can feel the anger and resentment emanating from his body. I just want to hug him. “Grayson, I’m sorry I brought it up.” I feel guilty I even asked. “I didn’t mean to upset you. Had I known-”

  “Don’t apologize, Mia. It’s not your fault. You asked a question. I didn’t have to answer, but I wanted to.” I reach over and squeeze his hand gently. He wraps the arm he has placed behind me around my shoulder and pulls me into him.

  “If it makes you feel better, I know what it’s like to resent your mom.” I reply dryly.

  “I know you do.” He says matter-of-factly, but doesn’t push to know anymore.

  Since that night he came over, I felt like I could trust him, maybe because he understands me. I slowly feel my walls giving in a bit, and I want to tell Grayson about my parents, too. “My mom is a class act. She’s a selfish whore. She cheated on my dad countless times, always finding someone better, younger, richer. My dad suffered so much. He wasn’t stupid. He knew what was going on, but he loved my mom and rationalized her actions. They finally got divorced when I was a teenager.

  “My dad refused to believe it when she served him with the papers. She was finally leaving him for a younger guy. A model I might add. That didn’t last too long either. He got really depressed after she moved out, drinking himself to sleep most nights. I took care of him as much as I could, but I had school and other responsibilities.

  “They always used me as the middle person through the divorce, negotiating me so each could get what he or she wanted. My dad tried to keep her by saying he wouldn’t grant joint custody, and since she cheated, chances are she wouldn’t have gotten it. My mom would tell my dad to pay her more alimony or he wouldn’t be able to see me at all. Apparently she had a say in it since she was the woman. I never would’ve allowed that to happen. I was upset my dad didn’t leave her before, but I love him.

  “Finally she denied all the cheating accusations, and fought for shared custody so dad would pay her child support, too, though she didn’t care about having me around. I hated going to her house. I would have to go over every other weekend or so when the law required it and couldn’t escape it, but mom always had different guys over, or was out getting drunk and finding a guy to bring home.

  “It was uncomfortable growing up with the eyes of different males looking you up and down wondering if you were as loose as her mother. They must’ve thought the apple didn’t fall far from the tree. One even tried to test that theory out, but fortunately my dad taught me to defend myself at a young age and I kicked him so hard in the balls he fell over crying. My mom told me to leave the house and she eased his pain. I don’t even want to think how she did that. I more than happily went back to my dad’s house.

  “Truth is during middle school and half of high school I was reserved, quiet, even shy. I didn’t want to be the center of any more scandals. My parent’s divorce and my mother’s less than decent acts were already the talk amongst their friends, spreading over to their kids’, my schoolmates. I got tired of hearing it all, and the comparisons between my mom and me; the rumors that I was following the same path or the inevitability that it would happen. I finally figured if they were going to accuse me of it I might as well give them something to talk about. When I turned 18, I left for college and left that drama behind. A few months before that my mom moved to New York with her most recent boyfriend, missing my graduation and college move.

  “My dad and I still talk, and I visit every once in a while. He’s turned his life around in the past few years, but I don’t talk to my mom. She’s been in New York ever since, I think. I vowed I would never go through that nor hurt anyone as much as my parents had hurt each other. I also vowed I would never be that kind of parent. That fear seeped into my core and kept me distant from everyone, protecting myself, and whoever was near me. I don’t want to go through the same pattern as my parents did, and I know it is inevitable. I don’t want to be the reason anyone feels the way my dad did when she left.” I let out the air I had been holding in. I spoke so fast I didn’t have a chance to breathe evenly. I feel my eyes water, and I take a deep breath to settle down. It’s been a long time since I’ve thought or spoken about this.

  I just stayed still near Grayson’s chest with my eyes closed as I spoke. I feel his arm tighten around me. He raises my chin with his other hand, prompting me to open my eyes. When I do, I see him staring at me, eyebrows furrowed. “Mia, you aren’t your parents. I hate what my parents did to me, but I know I’d never be anything like them. I learned from their mistakes. I know you aren’t like that. You are one of the most caring and compassionate people I’ve ever come across. You are a great friend, a hard worker, funny, witty, and beautiful, inside and out. You’d never intentionally hurt anyone.”

  I smile at Grayson and blush at what he’s said. “That’s what Steph says, but I can’t help but think the pattern is engraved in my DNA. Now you know why I don’t date. It’s no one else’s fault but mine. I can’t allow to get hurt again like that, nor be able to handle hurting someone that much. If the people who are supposed to love you unconditionally, don’t, how will anyone else love you like that?”

  “I always knew Steph was a smart girl. Mia, not all parents love unconditionally. It’s not our fau
lt ours didn’t, but we can control our paths. You don’t have any pattern engraved in your DNA. You choose how your life ends up. The decisions you make throughout your journey will determine how your path will flow.” He smiles, and then adds, “Two peas in a pod. I never realized how right I was about that. Don’t worry, Sweet Pea, I won’t let you break anymore. Now let’s head back. We’ll grab lunch before leaving. There’s this sandwich place I love to go to when I come to this trail.” He grabs my hand and we walk back, never breaking the contact.

  “Are you up to walk a little more?” Grayson asks as we reach the end of the trail. “The sandwich shop is near here and we can just walk over.”

  “Sure,” I respond. I can’t help as my heart tightens when he smiles so carefree. I’m happy I told him about my parents and my fear. I know that in any other circumstance, or life, Grayson would be the perfect guy for me, but truth is I can’t hurt him. I care about him too much. It scares me at times.

  We reach the sandwich shop, and I immediately understand why Grayson loves coming here. It’s less of a shop and more of a permanent food truck with a log cabin design. It is overlooking a valley with a river flowing through it. We grab our order and sit at one of the picnic tables. “This place is amazing.” I say in awe.

  “Yeah, it is, but the company is better.” Grayson smiles. “Thanks for opening up today. You didn’t have to. I don’t want you to feel you had to say something because I went off about my mother.”

  “Grayson, if I didn’t want to, I wouldn’t have said anything. You’re my friend. I know I can trust you. I don’t talk about it often, but I wanted to share it with you.” I smile reassuringly.

  We continue to talk about our favorite hobbies, movies, and music and eat peacefully. Being with Grayson is easy and comforting, yet he brings out a whole new set of emotions that scare me and excite me. He challenges me and I take him up on his challenges. I know we can only be friends though. That’s the only way I know I won’t hurt him.