Behind Closed Doors

by Kimberla Lawson Roby

  “What did Mr. Larry say to all of this?”

  “Not much. And he had the audacity to say he needed time to think about what he wanted and what he was going to do. Can you believe that shit?” Regina said and started crying again.

  “Hell, what does he have to think about? I just know he’s not actually considering leaving you for Marilyn, is he?”

  “To tell you the truth, I don’t know. He sounded so unsure of himself yesterday, and I’m scared to death. I’m pissed off at him and at the same time, I’m hurt. I feel like I’m losing it.”

  “Girl, I am so sorry.”

  Regina covered her face.

  “When did you get back?” Karen asked.

  “Last night about midnight.”

  “Last night? Why didn’t you call me? Girl, you know I’ve told you a thousand times to call me whenever you need me. No matter what time it is. Especially when something this serious is going on.”

  “I wanted to call you before I left Atlanta, and again when I made it home, but I just couldn’t force myself to talk to anybody. Not even you. I finally took a sleeping pill and cried myself to sleep around six o’clock this morning. I didn’t wake up until noon, and when I tried to call you at work, your message said you were gone until Monday. That’s when I decided to take a shower, get dressed, and drop by here.”

  “I still wish you had called me last night. I just told you yesterday before you left that I’m always here for you.”

  “I almost decided to wait and call you tomorrow morning, because I didn’t want to spoil your birthday. And by the way, happy birthday.”

  “Thanks. And I really appreciate the black balloons you had delivered to my office. You know you didn’t have to do that.”

  “Girl, that’s the least I could do. You’re the only person I know who still gets excited about birthdays after they’ve passed twenty-nine. I’m just glad I ordered them two days ago, because with everything that has happened, I probably wouldn’t have remembered to do it today.”

  “So what are you going to do now, and when is Larry supposed to be back in town?”

  “Girl, I don’t know the answer to either one of those questions. As far as I know, Marilyn stayed down there with him. He even had the nerve to ask me if I wanted him to book me another room to stay in.”

  “You have got to be kidding me. Is that Negro crazy? Did he actually think you were going to stay at the same hotel in another room while he laid up in his with Marilyn?”

  “You know me well, because those were my thoughts exactly.”

  “I just don’t know what to say, Regina, because this has totally caught me off guard. Never in a million years would I have expected something like this from Larry. He’s never seemed like the screwing-around type to me. Had he been acting different or anything?”

  Regina paused for a minute. “Well, I hadn’t told you, because I wasn’t sure, but I sort of suspected that he was messing around, because he’s been working a ton of overtime, and you know he’s been going out every Friday, claiming to play cards. He didn’t get home though until after two o’clock on the last two occasions.”

  Karen just shook her head.

  “And girl, Marilyn busted him all the way out. She said that he’d told her to call our house and hang up if I answered, that he’d been at her condo every Friday night for the last few weeks, and that he was with her whenever he was telling me he had to work overtime. Even said that she’d gone on his last two business trips with him.”

  “What? This is crazy. And if you ask me, both Larry and Marilyn need the shit beat out of them. I mean, how low-down can two people be?”

  “I don’t know, but I can tell you one thing, Larry and I will never be the same with each other again. I do still love him, and I have no intention of just throwing our marriage away, but it’s going to take a long time before I can forgive him for this.”

  Forgive him? How could Regina even be thinking about something like that right now? Karen didn’t understand any of this, but she was going to keep her mouth shut. She didn’t want to hurt Regina’s feelings.

  “I’m so sorry for dropping in like this on your birthday, but I didn’t have anyone else to turn to.”

  “I’m glad you did come by, and I would have been upset with you if you hadn’t.”

  “What are you and John doing for your birthday?”

  “He wouldn’t tell me, but I have a feeling it’s going to be something nice. As a matter of fact, he should be here any minute.”

  “I better get out of here so you guys can spend some time together. And I know you both have to get dressed.”

  “You don’t have to leave, and if you want, you can come hang out with us.”

  “Now, you know there is no way I’m going to ruin whatever John has planned for the two of you,” Regina said, standing up.

  “Well, like I said earlier, if you need me, I want you to call me. I don’t care what time it is. Okay?”

  Regina started toward the front door. “I’ll be okay, but I’ll call you if I need you. If Larry gets back tonight, maybe we can talk things over and put all of this mess into perspective.”

  “Girl, I wish you the best, and I’ll be praying for you,” Karen said, hugging Regina.

  “You and John have a good time tonight, and call me tomorrow when you get a chance. I’ll see you later.” Regina moved slowly down the walkway.

  “You take care of yourself.”

  Karen shut the front door and strode over to the staircase. Her heart ached for Regina the same as if it had happened to her. This was unreal. Larry was actually screwing around with Marilyn. No matter how many times she played that thought in her head, she still couldn’t believe it. Regina was so in love with this man. One hundred percent faithful to him. What if Larry really left her? She’d completely lose her mind if he did. Karen placed her foot on the bottom stair and thought, “It just goes to show, you never know what might be going on behind closed doors.”

  WITH THE EXCEPTION OF putting on her close-fitting, black crepe dress, Karen was ready. Her hair was pinned nicely in an up-do, her makeup looked stunning, and she’d just slipped on a black lace bra, matching bikini panties, and jet-black panty hose. It was after six o’clock, and she wondered what was taking John so long. Usually, he punched out around three, and it only took him about an hour to drive home. She’d been trying not to think the worst and figured maybe he was picking her up a last-minute birthday gift, like he usually did every year, but now she was starting to get worried. The last thing she needed was to get into it with him for going to the track on her birthday. But then, he would never have the audacity to do that today. Would he? She was going to give him the benefit of the doubt and wait another half hour before allowing herself to get upset. To move the time along, she picked up the phone and called to check on Regina.

  “Hello?” Regina said.

  “Hey, I just thought I’d call to see how you were.”

  “As good as can be expected, I guess.”

  “Have you heard from Larry since you left here?”

  “No. Not one single word. I thought he would have at least called to see how I was, but I guess that’s not important to him anymore.”

  “Maybe he’s just trying to let things settle because he knows how upset you are.”

  “Right now, I’m more hurt than anything else. I’ve cried so much within the last twenty-four hours that I don’t even have any more tears left to shed.”

  “I can’t even imagine what you must be going through, but I’m about to get upset myself. John got off work over three hours ago, and he’s still not home.”

  “You don’t think he’s out betting on those horses again, do you?”

  “At first I didn’t, but the only times he hasn’t called to let me know he’s going to be late coming home is when he’s sneaked off to the track. And I’m starting to believe that that’s where he is right now. And if he is, girl, this is it. I can’t put up with this shit anymore. I
had thought maybe he’d taken me more seriously two weeks ago, when I told him he was going to have to get out, but apparently he didn’t. I love John more than life itself, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to keep living like this. My stomach is always upset, and I never had one problem with my blood pressure until I started all of this worrying about money.”

  “Girl, you’d better think twice before kicking John out, because I’m telling you from experience, being alone is no fun. I feel so empty that I could just scream. And it’s only been one day. It’s just not worth it. Screwing around is probably the worst thing a man can do to his wife, and if I’m willing to forgive Larry for that, I know you can forgive John for gambling away some money.”

  “But that’s just it, he’s not just gambling some money away, he’s getting rid of all of it. His whole freakin’ paycheck. And just maybe if I put his ass out, he’ll know I mean business and that he has no choice but to get some kind of counseling. Or at least start attending those support group meetings like I’ve been suggesting to him from the very beginning.”

  “I still think you need to give him another chance. Talk to him one last time and get him to see that you guys can’t make it like this. Let him know that your income is the one paying all the bills. Men don’t like feeling as though they’re being taken care of by a woman, and that will probably change his whole way of thinking. Plus, I know you don’t want to hear this, but you did marry him for better or worse.”

  “I know that, but I’m not putting him out because he has a problem. I’m doing it because he refuses to get help for it. This certainly isn’t something he’s going to be able to quit on his own.”

  “Well, I know you have to do what you have to do, but please at least think about it some more. Maybe he’s not even at the track in the first place.”

  “Oh, he’s there. Look how long we’ve been on the phone. The minutes are steadily passing by, and as you can see, he hasn’t showed up.”

  Regina didn’t say anything.

  “Listen at me. I didn’t mean to carry on and on about John. You’re the one I’m worried about, and that’s the reason I called you.”

  “Actually, there’s not much I can say or do until I talk to Larry. Maybe he’ll be back tonight, maybe he won’t. Who knows?”

  “He’ll be back. He can’t stay in Atlanta forever.”

  “Yeah, I guess.”

  “Well, I better let you go so you can get some rest. I know it’s probably hard to go to sleep, but at least you can lie down and rest your nerves,” Karen said, slipping off her panty hose.

  “Shoot, I don’t know if my nerves will ever be at rest, because even if we work things out, I’ll always be worried about him messing around, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to trust him again.”

  “Yeah, I know what you’re saying. Well, I’m going to let you go, and I’ll check on you first thing tomorrow morning.”

  “Okay, and good luck with John.”

  “See ya later,” Karen said and hung up the phone.

  Damn John for doing this to her. How could the per fect husband become consumed with such a terrible habit? She didn’t know what she was going to do without him, and worse than that, had no idea how she was going to make ends meet. But then it was like she’d said before, she could do bad by herself. And she’d rather do that than continue with the way things were. If she was going to struggle to pay the bills on her salary alone, she was going to be the only one living here. Her decision was made.

  CHAPTER 10

  “LOOK, BABY, let’s talk about this,” John said, sitting down on the side of the bed where Karen was pretending to still be asleep, the same as she always did when she didn’t feel like having sex. Except today, she was pretending for an entirely different reason. They’d argued half the night, and she wasn’t in the mood for any more of this mess. She’d told him what the deal was and didn’t see where there was anything else left to discuss.

  “I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” John continued. “I didn’t mean to ruin your birthday, and I definitely didn’t mean to go to the horse track. You have got to give me another chance.”

  By now Karen was steaming. She rolled over and stared at him. “Didn’t I tell you two weeks ago that if you went out and blew all of your money, you were getting out of here? Didn’t I?”

  “I know, baby, but damn. Now I realize I have a problem, and I thought about it all last night. I know I can’t do this anymore. I won’t even play the lottery. I won’t do anything that has to do with gambling. I mean it, baby.”

  Oh shit, here he was in beg mode again. But, unfortunately for him, it wasn’t going to work this time. It hadn’t been until after ten o’clock last night that he’d finally brought his inconsiderate, sorry, and, once again, broke ass home. Thanks to him, she’d gotten partially dressed for nothing, worried herself half to death, and, worst of all, spent the evening of her thirtieth birthday completely by her lonesome. He’d known all along what the consequences of going on another binge would be. She thought she’d explained them pretty well, and still he’d completely ignored her.

  She swung both of her legs from under the cover and hung them over the side of the bed. “Look, John. I can’t put up with this shit anymore. I just can’t do it. It’s a shame that we have to split up over money, but I’ve given you more than enough chances to stop this craziness. Maybe after we’ve been apart for a while, you’ll take our marriage more seriously, and you might just grow up.”

  “I told you I’m through with gambling,” John said, raising his voice. He was easing out of beg mode and starting to get angry.

  Karen stood up and walked over to the dresser. “I just know you’re not trying to raise your voice at me. Do you have any idea how much money you’ve blown over the last couple of months? No, I’m sure you don’t. Eight weeks times approximately $850 adds up to sixty-eight hundred. Do you know how much the mortgage payment on this house is? How much the utilities run? How much the notes are on both cars? And let’s not forget about credit cards and insurances. I’ve been taking money from my credit union left and right to make up your gambling losses, and if I’m going to keep having to do that, I’m living here by myself.”

  “Where the hell am I supposed to go, Karen,” John said, rising from the edge of the bed.

  “To tell you the truth, I don’t care where you go, but I’m sure your mother would love having her thirty-nine-year-old little boy living back at home with her. Our separation will be the best news she’s heard all year. She doesn’t think you belong with any woman except her, anyway.”

  John walked toward her. “Look, baby. I’m pleading with you. We can work this out, and if you love me the way you’re always saying you do, you’ll give me one more chance.”

  He was looking so pitiful. Sort of like a five-year-old kid who’d just been caught with his hands inside the cookie jar and was sorry for it. As much as she hated to admit it, a part of her wanted to help him. “Okay, I’ll tell you what. If you agree to start going to Gamblers Anonymous on a regular basis, we can try and work this thing out.”

  “I’ve told you before, I’m not some crazy person,” John said, throwing both his hands in the air, clearly getting upset again. “I can control this on my own, and you’re just going to have to trust me on that.”

  Damn. If she’d been on the phone with him, she’d have sworn they were having a bad connection. He was acting as if he hadn’t heard one word she’d said. The man had thrown away almost seven thousand dollars and still had the nerve to keep insisting that he didn’t have a problem. That he didn’t need some serious help. Shit. What tiny, little bit of patience she’d had for him one minute ago was gone.

  “It’s either going to the support group meetings or moving in with your mother. Take your choice,” Karen said, brushing her hair and gazing at John through the mirror.

  “I can’t believe you’re actually doing this shit. My name is on the deed to this house the same as yours, so really I don
’t have to go anywhere. And that’s that.”

  “If you don’t, your life with me will become a living hell. And if you keep pushing me, I’ll file for a divorce and get rid of your ass for good. Hell, I’m already to the point where I can hardly stand to look at you, and if we stay in this house one more day together, I’ll end up hating your guts. So, you see, you really don’t have any other alternative except to move out. That’s just the way it is.”

  John stormed out of the bedroom and mumbled what sounded like the word bitch under his breath.

  “What did you call me,” Karen screamed.

  John didn’t respond, which meant she’d heard him right.

  “You worthless son-of-a-bitch,” she yelled and slammed the bedroom door.

  JOHN HAD DELAYED packing his things all afternoon, but when he’d realized Karen wasn’t going to change her mind, he’d finally started loading up the car. He’d taken all of his crisply starched jeans, sweaters, designer sweatshirts, casual shirts, and dress pants, but he obviously wasn’t planning on wearing any of his suits, because each of them was still hanging neatly on the rack on what used to be his side of the walk-in closet. Karen had expected him to try and reason with her one last time before driving off, but he hadn’t, and a part of her was hurt over it. It had seemed so simple to tell him to get out, but now that it was reality, it didn’t feel so good. He’d only been gone a couple of hours, and she was already trying to figure out what she was going to do without him. What if she’d gone too far this time? Her mother had raised her to be independent and to stand her ground when she believed in something, but she’d also taught her that a successful marriage was based on a sizable amount of give-and-take. John was a good husband, and maybe she hadn’t taken enough before kicking him out of there. But on the other hand, she’d been pleading with him to stop throwing all of his money away for two whole months, and with the exception of their joint savings accounts at Bank First, the only other security money they had was the money she was saving at her credit union. And if she kept making weekly withdrawals from that account the way she had been, it wasn’t going to be long before that was tapped out, too.