Behind Blue Eyes

by Jordan Abbott

  “Look me in the eyes and tell me again how you’ll be there no matter what?”

  “I’ll always be there for you, Nuke, no matter what.”

  Nuke took her left hand and kissed her wedding ring. “I love my ring on your hand.”

  “I love the ring you gave me. Till death do we part, baby,” Jasmine said as she kissed him again.

  Chapter Three

  Dancing with myself

  Nuke was sitting outside at the patio tables with his feet propped up on one of the chairs. Holden being there brought back memories he wanted to forget. He was trying to concentrate, but his mind kept drifting back to a different place and time.

  ‘They feel that you brought embarrassment to the family,’ one of the psych doctors had informed Nuke. ‘Your family is going through their own version of hell. They’re looking deep within themselves. They’re agonizing over the obvious fact that they’ve raised someone with such anger and violence inside of him. The things you do not only reflect upon you but your family as well. Violence has a very long reach with many victims.’

  As the psych doc’s words replayed in his mind, he went over the footage on the security cams again. Tech had found the vague image of a car but nothing that gave an indication that whomever was inside had shot at Holden and Gracie.

  He removed the cigarette from his mouth and laid it on the saucer that he was using for an ashtray.

  Holden and Medic approached. Holden had an apprehensive smile. This was to be expected. “Nuke, can I talk with you?” he asked.

  Medic shook his head with annoyance as he moved to sit down on top of the table but Nuke motioned for him to stop. “I got this, Medic. You can go chill.”

  “I’m heading home for a bit. One of my kids has this thing at school,” Medic said, then glanced over at Holden and back at Nuke. It was still hard for him to believe that they were brothers. Nuke was moody, but he was loyal to the club and the members. He was always there when you needed him. There was something about Holden, though, that made you feel slimy when you were near him. You immediately wanted to punch him in the face and then go take a shower to wash his stench off of you.

  “Okay,” Nuke replied. He waited until Medic had walked away before responding to his brother. “What do you want now, Holden?”

  Nuke’s bluntness and unfriendly greeting caused Holden to back up as his entire body tensed.

  “To talk, I just…” he let his voice trail off.

  Nuke knew enough about people to know that when they failed to complete a sentence, it was usually because they didn’t know what to say and they wanted you to cut them a break. That didn’t work on him. Social etiquette was not one of his strong points. “You want to speak with me about what? You’ve been here less than twenty-four hours. What do you have to say to me now that you didn’t already say?”

  Holden’s eyes shifted away from Nuke. He didn’t know where to start. Nuke was making this harder than he’d imagined and he thought he had pictured the worst coming from him.

  “You were shot. Your girlfriend is dead,” Nuke began for him. “Her husband may or may not be the culprit and you claim you didn’t steal money from him. Am I missing something?”

  “No, no you’re not. Can I at least sit down?” Holden grabbed his side and looked to where Nuke’s feet were placed in the other chair.

  “Sure,” Nuke said but he didn’t move his feet.

  Holden stood there for a few awkward moments, waiting on Nuke to budge from his comfortable position. That wasn’t going to happen.

  Finally, he tottered over and sat down on a chair at the next table.

  In the direct sunlight, he looked like hell, Nuke thought. Holden had been the perfect son. Athletic, prom king, honor roll student. He was a hollow version of that kid now. Holden began to shift nervously on the chair so much so that it started to make Nuke uncomfortable. He didn’t do well when he started to feel edgy; he’d end up lashing out. That was not something he wanted to do. When he released his anger, things could go bad quickly.

  “Can I have a smoke?” Holden asked.

  “I got menthols.”

  “Yeah, that’s fine.”

  Nuke took a cigarette from the packet, lit it and handed it to Holden.

  He took several long drags before he spoke again. “I want to start by saying again that I’m sorry, Nuke.”

  “Okay,” Nuke said dryly.

  “I’d like to know that we’re alright just in case something happens to me. I don’t want to die with you hating me. It would mean the world to me if we could settle our differences.”

  Nuke glared at him. “Can we stop with the bullshit? You lied to me and about me, and that’s something I’ll never forgive. It’s also not just about you and me. It’s all of you against me. It’s why I stayed here. It’s why I don’t visit and vice-versa. All of you passed your judgment on me a long time ago.”

  “If I make it through this, I’d like to have some kind of a relationship with you. It’s never too late to start over. Even if it’s just the occasional text or phone call, you’re my brother, Nuke.”

  Nuke stared at him for a moment. “I’m going to try and fix your problem for you. Then I want you gone and I never want to hear from you again.” Nuke’s voice deepened an octave and he notice that Holden scooted back in his seat.

  They were quiet for several minutes. Holden was the first to speak again. “I’m sorry I lied to Mom, Dad and Megan about you.” Holden paused hoping that Nuke would say something, but he didn’t. He decided to try another tactic. “Do you remember when we camped down at Mosey Creek? Nothing scared you. It was too dark for me. The woods and all of the weird noises. You let me have the tent and you slept outside with no flashlight or anything. You said you’d protect me from anything that would come near the tent. It didn’t bother you one bit to be out there alone. I was scared to death.” Holden laughed. He wanted Nuke to laugh, too. All he got was a stone-cold glare.

  Nuke got up from the patio table. He put his pack of cigarettes in his front pocket. He tugged at his T-shirt. It was sticking to him even though there was a slight chill in the air.

  “Who did that tattoo on your temple, the bullet wound? It looks real,” Holden called out before Nuke could retreat inside the clubhouse.

  “I did,” Nuke responded.

  “You do most of your tattoos, don’t you?”

  “Yeah, I do.”

  “You were always a good artist. You should have gone to art school. It’s not too late.”

  Nuke’s head turned towards a noise coming from one of the storage buildings. That idiot Rocket was tripping over a trash can.

  “Do you go to Sturgis? I watch that show about one of the bars in Sturgis, the Full Throttle Saloon. That place looks amazing. I’d love to go sometime. Maybe we could go together. Have a brother vacation, get to know one another again.”

  At first Nuke didn’t reply. He was debating whether he should continue talking to Holden at all. He decided to answer his question. “I’ve been. A few of us go every year. We sell 822 supporter merchandise to the civilians. We make tons of money. I prefer smaller rallies. A lot of the bars at Sturgis don’t want clubs to wear their colors inside their establishments. We have a national rally around the same time. We go to our meeting, then we split off and some go to Sturgis and some come back here or ride on to other rallies.”

  “You go this year?”

  “Yeah, Jasmine had never been. She wanted to experience it.”

  “Did she have fun?”

  “Yes, but what she really loved is when I took her to some of the historical sites in the area.”

  “That’s good. So she’s cool with all of this?” Holden pointed around him.

  “It’s getting easier for her. She’s not a girly-girl. She can handle herself if it comes to that.”

  “Yeah, I can’t imagine you with a high-maintenance woman. Was she one of those women, the club groupies, what are they called, Snake Swallowers?”

&nbs
p; Nuke shook his head.

  “What does she do for a living? Is she a stripper? Those chicks that work at Club Throttle are hot as hell.”

  “She takes care of me. That’s a full-time job in itself.” Nuke actually cracked a smile for a moment. “She’s also a nurse sometimes.”

  “What do you mean sometimes?”

  “She fills in when it’s needed at the clinic.”

  “What kind of nurse is she? Where is the clinic at?”

  “Why?” Nuke was back to being defensive.

  Holden let out a quick breath of frustration. “I’m just trying to have a conversation with you. We’re family.”

  “So you keep on reminding me.”

  Holden looked down at the ground. “Do you think it would be possible for her to look at my gunshot wound? It would be nice to get to know my sister-in-law.”

  Nuke’s eyes narrowed with suspicion. “Medic will make sure that you don’t have any difficulties. She’s inside. If you try anything with her, I promise you, they won’t find your body!” There was nothing but pure reality in Nuke’s words. “I mean it, Holden. You fucking disrespect my wife and my marriage in any way shape or form, I’ll fucking gut you!”

  Holden swallowed the lump in his throat. He mumbled that he understood. “I won’t, man. I swear. I wouldn’t do anything to mess with your relationship.” Holden glanced around the compound before looking back into Nuke’s deadly stare. “I don’t know how you do this biker lifestyle. I couldn’t survive in a club; it’s too intense. You guys are always so serious about everything. Hell, I could barely survive rehab.”

  “You went to rehab? For what?” A surprised look crossed Nuke’s face for an instant. If Holden would have blinked at a different moment, he would have missed it but he hadn’t. That single gesture told him all he needed to know. His protective older brother was still inside the tattooed biker standing before him.

  “I used to drink way too much, but I’ve been sober for a year now.” Holden took out his one-year sobriety coin and showed it to Nuke.

  “I’ve been there; it’s hard staying clean. You need a good support system.” Nuke said, sincerely meaning his advice.

  “I hope I can keep it up.” Holden looked at the coin and placed it back in his front pocket.

  Nuke signaled with his head for the hang-around Brock to come over again. “Keep an eye on him,” he said and pointed at Holden. As far as Nuke was concerned, his conversation with his brother was over. He’d had enough of their fake bonding time. He walked past Holden, and as his hand touched the handle of the clubhouse door, Holden stood up.

  “Nuke, wait, um can I get something to eat?”

  Nuke turned around. This was more social interaction that he cared to have today. “Take him to the kitchen. Have one of the Honeys make him some food.”

  “Thanks!” Holden called out.

  Nuke let out a guttural sound and walked into the clubhouse without even glancing back to see his smirking little brother.

  ***

  Holden sat at the kitchen table eating his second sandwich. A talkative petite girl name Zoe was sitting at the table with him. She had prepared the food for him. He’d learned that she was happy to no longer be a Snake Swallower and now be considered a Honey. She was also trying desperately to get him interested in her. Getting distracted by a woman who obediently followed the Hells Vipers was not on his list of things to do. “How do you work for the club?” he asked between bites. “Do they pay you?”

  “No, I do whatever they tell me to do. Mostly I entertain guests of the club. I also sell things for them. It’s not a job, job. It means they expect more from me now.”

  “What do you sell, their 822 supporter stuff?”

  Zoe laughed, “No silly, pussy and anything else they tell me to. Well, sometimes I sell their supporter gear. I cook, clean. I think I’ll make a good old lady to someone. I can be loyal. Just need to find the right guy.” Zoe continued to sell herself, Holden realized, feeding him her profile along with a sandwich.

  “I’m sure a beautiful girl like you won’t have any trouble finding the right man.”

  Zoe beamed at the compliment, thinking Holden seemed a lot nicer than Nuke. “Do you want me to suck your dick?”

  Holden stop in mid-chew. “Um, I uh, I’ve been shot.”

  “You were shot in your dick?” A concerned look covered her face as she bent over to glance under the table.

  He laughed, nearly choking on the sandwich. “No, no. I’m saying I don’t know if I’m up to it. I recently lost someone dear to me. I do appreciate the offer.”

  “Oh, okay. Well we can try when you’re finished eating if you want. I’m good at it, ask Nuke. He’s fucked me, too. These guys love my pussy.”

  Holden was taken aback. “His wife is cool with that or she doesn’t know?”

  “It was before he got with her,” Zoe replied.

  “Oh, so what’s she like, his wife? I haven’t had the pleasure of meeting her yet.”

  She turned up the corner of her mouth with a smile that said more than he knew she intended. “She’s alright. We’re cool and all, but we don’t hang out or anything. She’s an old lady; you know how they can be.”

  “Actually, no, I don’t. How are they?”

  She twirled the end of her multi-colored blondish hair. “I don’t know.” She glanced behind her. “Do you have any more brothers?”

  She seemed a bit nervous about speaking ill of Nuke’s wife. “No,” Holden said before his attention immediately went to the stunning woman who had just walked into the kitchen. Exotic beauty was an understatement. Her long dark hair hung just past her shoulders. She barely had on any makeup except black eyeliner and lip gloss. Her skin was smooth like caramel. She did not belong here. Maybe she was…he couldn’t think of a valid reason for her to be here.

  He liked the way her jeans fit each curve of her body as did her plain grey jersey shirt, which clung to her full breasts. Even the brown biker boots she wore had the right amount of scuff to them. They seemed fashionable on her, not like worn out boots.

  She walked toward the table. He was eager to find out her story, but the hard look in her eyes caused him to pause.

  “Hello, Jasmine!” Zoe called over to her. Then she cut her eyes over to Holden with a slight nod.

  “Hello! You’re… married to my brother?” He attempted to stand up and greet her but the pain forced him to sit back down. “It’s nice to meet you.” Holden gripped his side as he studied the woman in front of him.

  “Nice to meet you, too,” Jasmine said, trying to be pleasant even though everything she knew about Holden was racing through her mind. “I’m not what you were expecting, huh? I get that a lot.”

  “No, you’re not. Did you marry him on purpose or did he force you to marry him?” Holden laughed.

  “On purpose,” Jasmine replied not amused by his comment.

  “I’m just joking!” Holden gave her his best smile. However, Zoe seemed to be the only woman in the room who found it appealing. “I pictured someone more like his first wife. Did you know her?”

  Jasmine shook her head.

  He didn’t like the look that jetted across Jasmine’s face. She definitely wasn’t feeling him at all. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, too, Jasmine.” Holden attempted to stand up again and this time he made it. He stuck out his hand. “I’d give you a hug, but Nuke would probably kill me if I did.”

  “Probably,” Jasmine replied while shaking his hand. She turned away from him, walked over to the refrigerator and opened the door.

  “You’re much prettier than her by the way. How long have you and Nuke been married?” Holden asked as he sat back down at the table. “Nuke didn’t give me any details.”

  “Two years this Halloween.” She grabbed a bottle of water and a container filled with fried rice. She didn’t even bother with a fork; instead, she stuck two fingers in and scooped out some of the rice. Holden was amused and he immediately saw why Nuke had
fallen for her other than the obvious. She was down-to-earth. He watched her stuff her face, then take a drink of the water from the bottle. He liked the way a few droplets of water dribbled down her chin. She was messy but it was cute.

  She grabbed a napkin and dabbed her chin.

  “I think you missed a spot,” Holden said, pointing to an area on her right cheek.

  “Thanks,” Jasmine replied.

  “How did you and Nuke meet?”

  “He had shoulder surgery. His shoulder really bothered him afterwards. He asked me if there was anything I could do to help him.”

  “So romantic,” Zoe swooned dramatically, throwing her hand across her head like a silent film star.

  As Jasmine leaned against the kitchen counter, she finally reached into a drawer for a fork. She then continued to eat, ignoring Zoe and her antics.

  “Were you his nurse?” Holden was inquisitive. They just didn’t seem to fit as a couple. There had to be more to the story than that.

  Before Jasmine could answer Zoe began to talk. “No, it actually took a biker war and a rat to bring them together,” Zoe blurted out in a bid for Holden’s attention.

  Jasmine looked over at Zoe and shook her head. “This woman I used to know was dating Kevin, and she introduced Nuke and I. We instantly hit it off.”

  “Cindy – that was the woman. She was a rat,” Zoe started up again. “She caused trouble between the Hells Vipers and the Grave Walkers. It was Jasmine that found out that it was Cindy that had leaked personal information about the club. Jasmine was nearly killed by one of the Grave Walkers,” Zoe explained as she reached over and touched Holden on the hand.

  “Damn! You were nearly killed? What on earth happened?” Holden slid his hand away from Zoe to adjust himself in the kitchen chair.

  “I didn’t die. That’s why you’re not with anyone, you talk too much!” Jasmine sharply told Zoe as she walked over and tossed the empty fried rice container into the trash.

  Zoe started to stay something but stopped.