But the Children Survived

by A. L. Jambor

  Andrew and Jason were sitting in the comfortable overstuffed chairs in the living room. They were just like the ones in Andrew's New Jersey home.

  “As long as I was nearby, her good days went on longer. Sometimes, when I feel really bad, I come in here and think about her being in her bedroom. It makes it a little easier. Before I left Jersey, she gave me....” Andrew's eyes grew wide. “She gave me a box to bring down here. I never got around to emptying it. It's in the basement.”

  Andrew got up and ran to the kitchen. He pulled open the floor door and went down the steps. When he couldn't find any room in her bedroom, he’d brought the box down here. Andrew spied the big, cardboard box pushed into the back of the basement.

  He had transported the box in the back of his car from Jersey to Florida. His mother, Emily, hadn’t wanted Jacob to know what was in it, so Andrew had assumed it was more dolls. Jason was behind him when he got to the box. Andrew opened it.

  “Are we taking it upstairs?” Jason asked.

  “Yeah, the light's better up there.”

  Andrew picked up the box and carried it to the stairs. Jason went up first. Andrew lifted the box and handed it to Jason, who carried it to the dining area where there was a big empty table.

  Andrew opened the box and poured the contents out. Jason sat at one end of the table and Andrew at the other. They began to sort through all the pictures and bits of paper that the box contained.

  Andrew's mother had written thousands of tiny notes. They were all just thrown into the box with no rhyme or reason. It would take days to sort through them. Jason began looking at the pictures. He found one of a purple baby.

  “Who's this?” he asked Andrew and held it up.

  “I have no clue. Does it have a name on the back?”

  Jason turned it over and read, “Andrew, 1972.” Jason’s eyes lit up. “You're just like me, Andrew. You would have lived anyway.”

  Andrew grabbed the picture out of Jason's hand. The baby in the picture was tiny. It was definitely a newborn. You could only see the infant's head. The rest was wrapped in a blanket, but the face of the infant was purple. Andrew thought of the tubes in Jacob's safe. He’d always counted himself so lucky he’d been inside the biosphere. The fact that it didn't matter pissed him off. Why hadn't she told him?

  “He must have given that stuff to my mother.” Andrew had never seen this picture before. His mother must have hidden it for years.

  Jason continued to look through the pictures. He was looking on the backs of them now and found one of James Wilmer. He was standing in front of what looked like a vineyard. He had his arm around a young man and looked exceedingly happy. The back of the photo indicated that the young man was named Alfredo.

  “Was your uncle gay?” Jason asked.

  “I don't know. We never talked about him.”

  “Well, your mother sure did.” Jason held up an album filled with pictures of James and his life in Italy. There were letters and a label from his wine. In all the pictures, James looked so happy. He was pictured with other young men, but Alfredo seemed to be in the most pictures.

  “He must have sent them to her,” Andrew said. “I never knew they corresponded.”

  Jason kept digging through the papers while Andrew got to know his uncle through the photos and letters in the album. James was a prolific writer who loved to describe Italy in detail. As Andrew went through the letters, he saw something and looked at Jason.

  “What was your father's name again?” he asked Jason.

  “Antonio Russo,” Jason replied.

  “He's mentioned in my uncle's letters. He gave him money to go to Brazil.”

  “I remember reading that in my dad's notebook.” Jason and Andrew looked at each other. “Do you think that's how your dad found out about him?”

  “Keep looking. Maybe she says something somewhere,” Andrew said and continued to read the letters.

  In the back of the album was a letter from an attorney in Italy. It had been written in English. It was sent to Emily with a copy of James' will.

  In his will, James had left his apartment in Florence to Andrew, and his vineyard to Emily with a codicil stating that Alfredo could live there until his death. There was no mention of Jacob. Andrew was also to inherit James' fortune. James had died in 2001 and Andrew had never been told. His anger was beginning to boil over.

  “No one ever told me anything. Not a damn thing. Why didn't she tell me?”

  “Dude, moms are different,” was all Jason would say.

  “Yeah, and mine was crazy to boot. You find anything else in there?” Andrew asked, pointing to the pile on the table.

  “Your mom must have named every doll.” Jason was patiently going through a stack of index cards. “They all had birthdays, too.”

  “I'm sorry, Jason.” Jason looked up. “For what he did,” Andrew said.

  “We still don't know for absolutely sure he did it. But thanks.”

  They spent another hour going through the papers. Christie came in and found them there. Andrew smiled at her. He asked Jason to leave so he could speak with Christie.

  Andrew asked Christie to sit down. He recounted the story of his life to her and apologized for never coming clean with her about his true identity. When he was done, he got up from the table.

  “Where are you going?” she asked him.

  “I'm leaving. I thought you might want to think about things.”

  Andrew backed away from the table and Christie jumped up from her seat. She threw her arms around his neck and pulled him close.

  “All that time looking at the ocean, all I could think about was how much I missed you. I need you, Andrew. I won't make it without you. You're my rock, and I'll never let you go.” She looked into Andrew's eyes and began to cry. “Do you really think I give a damn who your father was?”

  Andrew could feel the tears coming and tried his best to hold them back. The only person who’d ever said she needed him was his mother. Hearing Christie say it was like a dream come true.

  The tears were now rolling down his cheeks, too, and they both began to laugh. Christie always felt guilty when she laughed, like somehow she should never enjoy another thing after what she had done to Gerald. Andrew saw the look on her face, the look she’d worn for days after she’d killed Gerald. He took her face in his hands and looked into her eyes.

  “It's gonna be okay, Christie. I love you.”

  He kissed her so gently that she melted even further into his arms. She hadn’t felt this safe since Neil died.

  “I do have to tell you something, though. Something I just found out,” he said. “My mother took that purple stuff before I was born.” He watched for her reaction.

  “Well, that just means you'll probably outlive me, so it's okay.”

  They stood in the dining room holding each other for a long time. Then Christie took Andrew's hand and led him to the little bedroom off the kitchen she’d been sleeping in and closed the door.

  Part Five

  Jacob Wilmer

  Chapter 71

  1960

  Matthew Wilmer never coddled his boys. Every summer they attended a summer camp in upstate New York where his boys could mingle with less affluent children. There was a camp on each side of the river; a girl’s camp and a boy’s camp. During the day, the camps shared facilities allowing the girls and boys to socialize.

  It was Jacob Wilmer’s fourteenth year and he was plagued by a hormonal onslaught that was making his life a living hell. He'd begged his father to let him stay home that year, to work in the warehouse, but John Wilmer told his son that he was still too young and wouldn’t be covered by the insurance. So Jacob and his twelve-year-old brother James were packed into the family’s limousine and driven to camp one balmy morning in June.

  Jacob hated going to camp. The rustic cabins were communal, and the bunk beds were hard. There was no privacy, and his brother James was always with him. Before they got to camp, Jacob had squeezed James arm hard
and told him to stay away from him.

  James knew better than to argue with his brother. Jacob had a mean streak, and James was often the object of Jacob’s fury. When they got to their assigned cabin, James took the bunk farthest away from Jacob’s.

  Jacob tried to keep to himself as much as possible. The river was a quarter of a mile from the campsite. Jacob would go there before they blew reveille so he could have some time alone. He would glance at the girl's camp across the river. Thinking of all those budding breasts and bathing suits caused Jacob no end of grief.

  When the girls rowed across the river for shared activities, Jacob would plunge himself into the cold water to avoid embarrassment. He had no control over himself, so the cold water was the only way to deal with his automatic erections.

  There were huge rocks that stretched across the river, forming a ridge that went all the way to the other side. Some of the rocks were submerged while others rose up high, a temptation few young boys could resist. Every year, one of the younger ones would fall between the rocks. Fortunately, they were small enough to slip through and come out under the rocks. They could then wade back to the river bank with nothing but their egos bruised.

  The counselors warned against climbing those rocks. They were covered in moss and slippery as hell, and a bigger child could easily be wedged between the rocks underwater, unable to get up or out. There was a drowning 20 years ago; precautions had been taken and new rules applied. However, small boys seldom obeyed the rules when there were rocks to climb, and some still tried walking across the river.

  One morning Jacob came to the river just before dawn. He saw a girl standing on the first rock. The early morning sun reflected off the water, causing her auburn hair to shine like red-gold flames surrounding her head. Jacob stood mesmerized by the image.

  He tried to think of something to say, but his brain had turned to mush. She was kicking her leg out in front of her as though she were dancing on the rocks. She hadn't noticed Jacob yet. As he approached her, she turned to get off the rock and Jacob could see her face.

  It was the most beautiful face he had ever seen. His body reacted immediately. The girl stood between him and the cool water. She smiled at him. He turned around, desperately trying to hide his growing arousal. The girl walked over to him.

  “I'm out of your way now,” she said.

  Jacob closed his eyes and wished he were dead. He began to walk sideways, trying to avoid turning around. When he thought he was past her, he turned toward the water and ran in. The mountain water was really cold, and soon he was able to walk back onto the sand.

  The girl looked at him with a sly expression. Jacob noticed her eyes. They were bright green. He’s never seen anyone with eyes that color. She was sitting on the beach with her arms around her knees.

  “Hello,” she said.

  “Hi,” Jacob replied.

  “You’re out here early,” the girl said.

  “I like to be alone,” he said, still trying to hide his embarrassment.

  “My name is Ellie,” the girl said.

  Jacob looked down at her. She patted the place next to her and Jacob sat down.

  “Your lips are trembling and blue. That water’s cold,” she said.

  “Yeah, it usually is.” Jacob wished he could think of something smart to say.

  “I’ve seen you here before,” Ellie said. “You’re a Wilmer, aren’t you?”

  “Yes, Jacob Wilmer,” he replied.

  “My dad works for your dad. His name is George Ranier.”

  Jacob knew George Ranier. When the man came to town, he would be invited to the Wilmer dinner parties, and he usually ended up drunk and passed out on the living room sofa. He couldn’t believe this lovely girl was Ranier’s daughter.

  “Do you live in New Mexico?” Jacob asked Ellie.

  “No, we live in New Jersey with my aunt and uncle.”

  Jacob was happy she lived close to him. That meant he might see her again when camp was over. He was already falling in love with her.

  “It looks like the others are arriving,” Ellie said. “Maybe I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  She stood up and walked away toward a group of girls gathering near the sailboats. Jacob watched her, noting everything about her body. He would definitely be here tomorrow before reveille.

  Jacob and Ellie met every day at sunrise. They would talk about what they wanted to do and where they would go to college. Ellie was sixteen and planned to go to New York to work for a television station. She wanted to be a TV reporter. She was going to major in journalism in college, and was getting excited about graduating from high school next year.

  Jacob told her he would be working for his father someday and taking over the company when he was old enough. After a few meetings, Ellie let Jacob hold her hand.

  “How old are you, Jake?” she asked him one morning while they were sitting on the beach. No one had ever called him Jake before and he liked it.

  “Fourteen,” he said.

  “You look older than fourteen,” she said. “I thought you were seventeen.”

  Jacob's heart beat faster. She thought he looked older!

  “I guess it doesn't matter,” she said. “At least while we're here. Nobody knows we see each other anyway.”

  Jacob wasn't sure what she meant by that. He loved Ellie, and he believed she loved him too, although they hadn't kissed yet.

  “You're too young for me, Jake,” she said. “But I like you, so while we're here, we can see each other.”

  Oh, Jacob thought, that's what she meant.

  He felt a little tug at his heart. Suddenly he felt sad. Maybe if he kissed her now, she would change her mind and know that he was old enough for her. He put his arm around her and tried to plant a kiss on her lips. She moved a little, and he ended up kissing half her lips and her cheek. Ellie burst out laughing.

  “I'm sorry, Jake,” she said, still laughing. “I wasn't expecting that.”

  Jacob started to get up, and Ellie grabbed his arm. She pulled him back down to his knees, put her arms around his neck, and kissed him on the lips. The kiss lasted a long time. Jacob really needed to get to the water. Ellie pulled away from him and looked into his eyes.

  “That's how you kiss a girl, Jake,” she said.

  *****

  During one of their meetings, Ellie began to talk about her plans for the future. Jacob loved to hear her talk about all the things she wanted to do.

  “I’ll travel as a reporter. I’ll go to exotic places, and meet all kinds of people. It’s going to be an adventure, Jake!”

  Her enthusiasm was contagious. Jacob could see himself traveling with her to all those foreign places.

  “Can I go with you?” he asked her.

  “When you graduate from college,” she said smiling. “You'll be old enough then.”

  Ellie was a risk-taker. She wanted to walk across the rocks to the other side of the river. Jacob would get nervous when she jumped from the first rock to the second one, but she wouldn’t listen to him when he asked her to get down.

  “Scaredy cat! There’s nothing to be afraid of. The rocks are flat on top,” she would say.

  She would walk over the first rock and jump to the second. Jacob would always get a catch in his throat when she would leap into the air.

  “There’s moss on them,” he’d yell. She’d just laugh at him. “Please don’t go any farther, Ellie.”

  He would feel panic rising in his chest. The rocks were high, and someone had died walking over them. Eventually she would take pity on Jacob and turn around. When she was back on dry land, she would tweak his nose and take his hand. It made him feel like a child when she did that, but he was so happy she was off the rocks that he'd always forgive her.

  The summer passed quickly that year. James rarely saw his brother. He would wake up to find Jacob's bed empty, and wonder where his brother went every morning. One night before he went to sleep, James decided to get up before Jacob and wait outside the
cabin so he could follow him. In order to wake up early enough, James drank several glasses of water. It worked like a charm.

  Around five a.m., James woke up with a full bladder and jumped out of bed. He changed into his jeans and tee-shirt before heading outside. He relieved himself by a tree, and stood against the side of the cabin waiting for Jacob to come out.

  James waited for about half an hour. He could hear Jacob getting out of bed and putting his clothes on. James peeked around the corner and saw Jacob leave the cabin, heading towards the river. He let Jacob get far enough ahead of him so he could follow undetected.

  When James reached the river, he found a place behind some trees where he could hide and still see Jacob. He knelt down and watched his brother greet a tall redhead. She was pretty, but too old for James. He wasn't that interested is girls, anyway.

  He could only see the back of Jacob's body, but his body language told James that Jacob was feeling shy. James tried to think of some way to use this against his brother. But how could he pay back Jacob without getting beaten up?

  As James watched, Jacob and the girl sat on the beach and talked. The girl laughed a lot, and when Jacob turned his head, James could see him smiling. Jacob didn't look mean. James wished he knew what the girl was saying so he could say the same thing to Jacob. Maybe then he wouldn't be so mean to James.

  The girl put her head on Jacob's shoulder, and then she kissed him. James eyes grew wide. His brother had a girlfriend! Someone actually liked Jacob!

  The girl stood up and walked towards the rocks. Jacob ran after her, and took her arm. She turned towards Jacob, and pushed his arm away. She was yelling at Jacob, but James couldn't hear what she was saying. She kept walking to the rocks and when she got there, she climbed up on the first one.

  Jacob stood there balling his hands into fists and hitting himself. James could tell Jacob was getting mad, but he wondered why. The girl seemed okay up on the rock. She was old enough to do what she wanted to.