1000 Days of Spring: Travelogue of a hitchhiker

by Tomislav Perko

  Okay. Let’s go. I had plenty of time.

  I was treading slowly with a heavy backpack on my back, every once in a while throwing a quick glance at the sunset. I started the conversation.

  “Hi, God,” I said.

  “Hello, Tomislav,” I replied to myself using a deeper voice, and since God is all-powerful and controls everything, I guess He was the one to put these words in my mouth.

  “I know I haven’t talked to you in years, and I used to do that,” I continued “mostly before I went to sleep or when I needed something. It probably wasn’t a very nice thing for me to do, but I’m sure you’ve forgiven me. Let’s go and sort some things out. You can see it as my confession because I really don’t feel like going into a small, dark little confessional in a church to confess my sins to a priest, sins that I don’t repent for and that I keep on repeating. So, we’re doing it like this, without a middleman. In order for us not to get lost, let us take the Ten Commandments you’ve given to humankind and talk about them for a bit.”

  1. I am the Lord your God, you shall have no other gods before me

  “So, what’s up with this one, feeling a little jealous? Only kidding. Yes, I understand this commandment. Speaking of which, may we refer to them with some other term? I have certain problems with the word ‘commandment’. Can I call them ‘suggestions’?”

  “Yes, you can.”

  “Thank you. So, this suggestion makes perfect sense, if we refer to the fact that we shouldn’t worship other, fake gods, like, let’s say, money. I don’t believe that you’d be jealous if some people were to worship other gods just because they were born in other parts of the world, would you? All gods have similar attitudes when it comes to certain things. I am somehow convinced that this was your intention when you handed the suggestions to the people: we shouldn’t go looking for comfort and sense in superficial things because that won’t lead us anywhere. There, I promise that I’ll do my best to follow only important things in my life, and not to be led astray by twaddle. Okay?”

  “Okay.”

  “Great, a man can arrange everything with you.”

  2. Do not take the name of the Lord in vain

  “You mean, You don’t want me to curse You? Well, I guess it makes sense. It’s pure logic. If I believe in You, I have no reason to curse You because I should be convinced that you’re doing everything in the best way possible and for good reasons (after all, if Your own Son didn’t curse you after everything you put Him through...). And, if I don’t believe in You, why should I mention You? So, I promise that I won’t be cursing You, just like I never have. That one time when I got into a fight in the seventh grade and cursed You trying to insult the boy who cut my lip, yeah, sorry for that.”

  “Okay,” he replied politely.

  3. Remember the Sabbath and keep it holy

  “You mean, I should go to church on Sundays? Well, I cannot promise You that for several reasons. First, I find Mass awfully tedious. At least in the church where I go. And, frankly, I really don’t want to search for a church and an interesting priest every Sunday. Second, and much more important, I disagree with many things I hear priests preach. For instance, they talk about homosexuality as if it were a disease. They are against contraception. Don’t get me started on all the scandals that have shaken the Church for the last couple of years – and the Church hasn’t responded very firmly to that. I know that I could go to church for my own sake, to find inner peace or whatever, but those standing at the altar only distract me from the process. And by participating in Mass I’m giving them my consent and agreeing with them without saying anything. There are many things that I don’t agree with, so I believe I would be a hypocrite if I went to Mass every Sunday. I won’t even mention the luxury and the waste of money, new cars, palaces, and God knows what.”

  “If by this commandment, that is, suggestion, you were referring to the idea that you don’t have to actually go to church one day a week, but instead dedicate one day a week to worshiping You, no problem. Hey, if one is not enough, I will celebrate You every single day, in my own way: I will lead my life as I consider it right, following my conscience – the very same conscience You’ve given me. I think it should guide me well.”

  4. Honour your father and mother

  “I have nothing to add to this one, they deserve it. I don’t know how I’d feel if I’d had bad parents who’d abused me in my youth, but having the best parents in the world, I really don’t have anything to add. There, I promise to respect my parents, more than ever before. A person learns how to appreciate his or her parents when they leave their home. Also, soon I’ll stop lying to them about my travelling habits. I’m only doing it for their sake. Okay?”

  “Okay.”

  5. You shall not kill

  “Really? Well, if you hadn’t suggested this I would never have thought of it myself. But, okay, I shall not kill. However, you haven’t been quite clear about it. What about killing animals? Does it make it okay if they’re killed for food? What about plants? They’re living beings, too. Alright, this commandment probably refers to people. But, what if it happens in self-defence? What if someone kills a very bad person and by doing so, he or she saves the lives of other people? What about euthanasia, when people decide that they don’t want to live for years as vegetables? What about abortion, when a child has a slim chance of surviving, and the pregnancy can put the mother’s life in danger? Those are the things that should be straightened out, but I understand they’re not easy to discuss so I’ll leave them for some other time, if necessary. I hope it won’t be.”

  6. You shall not commit adultery

  “Well, this one’s interesting. What does it even mean? When I was younger I know that it meant that if I masturbate I will have to confess what I’ve done. Because it is a sin. Really, God? And the whole no sex before marriage policy? Oh, come on. Please? I mean, I agree that you shouldn’t get involved in ‘fornicating’ when someone can get hurt, or when you only want to satisfy your own needs without taking into consideration the feelings of the other person. However, the only way I could get hurt by masturbating is if I think, during the whole act, about having to go and confess my sin. Also, I’m not that excited about the whole ‘you shouldn’t have sex before marriage’ thing. Sexuality is a taboo. Why? You’ve given it to us and made it wonderful, but you’ve forbidden it at the same time. It doesn’t make sense. But okay, let’s do it this way. I promise I won’t enter into relationship to satisfy my needs and sexual appetites, especially if there is a possibility of the other person getting hurt. There, I can do that. I can be honest. I’m able not to hurt women, not to lie to them, not to trick them just so I can satisfy my needs.”

  7. You shall not steal

  “This one is easy. Okay, I won’t. Generally speaking, I won’t do unto others what I don’t want others to do unto me.”

  8. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbour

  “By and large, I agree. Still, some things could and maybe should be left unsaid, for everyone’s sake. For example, not admitting to my parents that I’m hitchhiking. It would only make my Mom worry about me. Also, when I’m travelling and I come down with something I will always say to her that I’m great. And if that means bearing false witnesses, well fuck it, I’ll keep on doing it. However, if someone bears false witnesses only to do harm to others and good to themselves, then I agree with You and I promise that I’ll try to stop doing it.”

  9. You shall not covet your neighbour's wife

  “Okay, I’ll do my best not to get involved with someone else’s wife. Still, what do you think about those people who remain married even though they’re unhappy? In my opinion, it is better to end a marriage in which there’s no love and look for someone else than suffer for years and involve other innocent people in that suffering. What if I met a woman who is filing for divorce, but due to administration issues she still cannot get a divorce? Once again, there are many things to straighten out. But okay, I get
it the point, there wasn’t much space on Moses’ stone tablets. I’ll do my best not to break someone’s marriage or relationship, unless I judge it’s the best for all parties involved.”

  10. You shall not covet anything that belongs to your neighbour

  “You shall not covet, you shall not covet. There is nothing bad if every once in a while you have a bad or negative thought; it’s important that you discard them and not react to them. You should not let them come to the surface. I mean, if I simply covet something that belongs to someone else, I’m not harming anyone. However, if a simple wish becomes an act, then we should go back to the sixth commandment.”

  “There we go, God. I arrived at the highway talking to You. And I really had a nice time. I’m glad we’ve cleared up the things that we didn’t manage to deal with before. The most important thing I learned, the only thing that matters, the thing You’ve given to me from the very start, is my conscience. I will listen to it as much as I can.”

  “And now I’m off hitchhiking.”

  “Go in peace,” He concluded.

  As an award for the conversation God sent me a car in less than five minutes: just enough time to change my sweaty T-shirt. Loud music was blaring from the car, heavy metal or something like that, I could never tell one genre from others that include so much electric guitar and screaming. Two guys, who were a bit (too) happy and dressed all in black, were sitting in the front, and a huge black dog was lying on the back seat.

  “Hmm”, I thought, stopping for a moment, “screaming from the radio, two guys dressed in black and a black dog. Maybe God didn’t send this car, perhaps the other one did...”

  “There is no other one, you fool.” I heard the same deep voice from within. “The other was made up only to scare those of little faith. Fear is the best means of control. The Church knows its job; they’ve been using it for ages. Also, look, these two have rosemary hanging from their rear-view mirror.”

  He was right. I shouldn’t judge people by screaming from the radio, black clothes and black dog. Also, I shouldn’t judge them by the rosemary. I got in, patted the dog and introduced myself to my new friends.

  They were drunk on gemišt[12]. They politely offered me some, and I politely accepted.

  “I thought we sorted out everything with our conversation, and now You’re trying to kill me?” I carried on my monologue from before. “How rude.”

  “God works in mysterious ways,” he replied sarcastically, “but, hey, at least I gave you something to drink before you die.”

  “Very funny,” I concluded our conversation and took a sip.

  The driver was driving slowly, but he was pretty insecure behind the wheel. And the road: one curve after another. By applying the theory of relativity, only fifty kilometres to Senj became too many kilometres ahead of us. Cars were piling up behind us. The screaming from the radio continued, my new friends were singing along loudly, while the dog and I simply exchanged looks on the back seat wondering when we would arrive at our destination. And if we would arrive alive.

  “Cops!” One of the guys shouted to the other, noticing the cops two hundred metres from us. I was sure that they would pull us over, we were at the beginning of the caravan and we were zigzagging even though we didn’t exceed the speed limit.

  However, just when we’d noticed them, a nervous driver behind us decided to overtake us, crossing a solid white line. The cops saw it, of course, and made him pull over. An impatient guy, without even knowing it, saved us.

  I arrived in Senj safe and sound, met my friend, spent the night at his place, and the following day returned to Zagreb.

  Once again, just as after I came from Sofia, I was lying on my couch wondering how it was possible for so many things to happen in only one week on the road. However, the only difference was that I wasn’t thinking about paying my debts, finishing the university and travelling the world.

  I had other things on my mind.

  Day 794.

  Everything was happening so fast during those days: I wasn't thinking, planning, or weighing up the possible consequences of the decisions I was taking. It was as if an inner voice, my gut maybe, was telling me to go on; to listen to it.

  The only one disagreeing with it all, the only opponent, the only party pooper was another voice within me. Fear. It was convincing me that I couldn't face the challenge, that so many things could go wrong and that it was safer to remain in the known environment. It was telling me that I shouldn't take risks.

  My instinct was against my fear. Two inner voices hiding deep down within me, diametrically opposed to each other and easily interchangeable.

  I realized that if instinct and fear were diametrically opposed, every human being, by their nature, is instinctively brave. The curiosity, the need to discover new places, the wish to meet new people, making new realizations, all those characteristics come naturally to people. Our being is longing for the new, the unexplored, the hidden. It fulfils us, makes us happy, gives sense to our lives.

  Fear is, on the other hand, an acquired feeling that sneaks up inconspicuously on our minds, from the very beginning of our life, working through education and our environment. Our entire society can be defined as a society of fear. Fear is everywhere: fear of failure at school, at work, in love. Fear of not being accepted by one’s family, friends, lovers. Fear of being judged by your parents, bosses, partners.

  Our entire society is a society of adaptation: adaptation to one group of people, to another group, and so on. Adaptation in order not to be afraid anymore; and to lull ourselves into the false feeling of security. A security that is superfluous to instinct.

  In fact, life boils down to a constant struggle between those two forces. Once our nature beats the unnatural fear – that will be it. We will set the basis for the future struggles.

  During those days my instinct had fear on the ropes.

  “Soon after I finished my tour around Croatia,” I continued with my conversation with Daniela, “I totally lost it, I moved out, quit my job, left my stuff at my parents’ place and embarked on my longest journey – a two-month hitchhiking tour around Europe.”

  Day 278.

  “See you soon,” she told me the following morning as we were saying goodbye in front of her building.

  She gave me the most sincere smile she was capable of making, turned around and walked away. I did the same thing, after a short break. I left, but in the other direction. I didn’t turn around. And I was sure she didn’t turn around either.

  As I was walking down some big avenue in Berlin, it crossed my mind that I could go back home and take up where I’d left my exams and job. However, it would only mean that I accepted defeat, that I embraced giving up and that I was returning to my old life. My old life – the one I didn’t like. The one I got away from. The one I ran away from.

  I looked up to the sky, searching for an answer. The sun was looking at me. It was shining brightly. It hadn’t changed since I started my journey. It will continue to shine in the same way, no matter how many thick clouds want to cover its brightness; it will continue to shine despite the fact it hides itself for a few hours every day. Nobody can do anything to it. It just continues to rock away, despite everything and everyone.

  I will look up to it – I thought – I will put a smile on my face and move on. Straight away. There was no time, need or use for being sad, disappointed or looking to past events with nostalgia. You are where you are. It is only up to you to make the most of it. Don’t turn around. Time to go.

  I stood in the middle of the road, took the map out of my backpack and chose the direction – west. In an Internet café I sent a last-minute request for a couch in Hamburg, and checked the easiest way to get out of Berlin and arrived on the highway so I could start hitchhiking again.

  The adventure was on.

  An hour and a half later, after a short ride in a train, finding my way through a thick forest, using a compass to orientate myself and crossing a bridge, I finally arrive
d at a gas station outside Berlin and was talking to drivers who could give me a ride. In the meanwhile, I received a message from a CouchSurfer from Hamburg. I had a place to stay for the next few days.

  “What do you do?” I stared a conversation with the driver, who, after a few people that replied Nein, said Ja. He was driving a sand coloured van with black lines on it that was falling apart: it was almost the same vehicle as that of serial killers you see in American movies.

  “Currently, I’m living with my daughter on an estate between Berlin and Hamburg,” he said with a hoarse voice and with a strong accent by which I couldn’t define where he was from. “I’m a dog trainer, but very often people come to me to go through military training.”

  “Military training?” I was confused.

  “Yes, military training,” he carried on lighting a cigarette, “surviving in the wilderness, conditioning, handling weapons and stuff like that.”

  “I see,” I said quietly thanking God that we were in the middle of a highway so he couldn’t drag me to his training centre.

  “I worked for many years in Ireland,” – that’s where he got his accent. “I was a mercenary for the IRA, so I have quite a lot of experience in that area. I still feel most comfortable behind the sniper scope. That is my natural position.”

  I listened to him, silently watching him exhaling the cigarette smoke and talking nonchalantly about murdering people for money, back in Ireland. In cold blood. I had to use a special bullshit filter in order to tell whether he was making it all up or not. The result was negative. I was driving with a hit man. Moreover, I was in a van that looked like the vans of serial killers in American movies.