by Dell, T. J.
That night she found herself in bed and wide awake. Again. Maybe she wouldn’t ever be able to sleep again. Wasn’t there a sixty minutes episode about guy who never slept? She was pretty sure that guy had gone insane. Maybe she would go insane too. Insane people couldn’t be expected to go to funerals, could they? Alyssa figured she’d rather go insane than go to the funeral in the morning.
Sometime later, when the pitch black of night had long ago swallowed her room and Alyssa was counting her third flock of sheep, she heard the door creak open. Her mother was being uncharacteristically motherish today. This must be the fifth time she’d been checked on.
“Go to bed mom. I’m asleep.” She grumbled without turning to face her. There was no answer.
Just when she’d decided her mother must have left, she felt the bed dip behind her. A big heavy arm pulled her against a strong muscular chest and a scratchy cheek rested against her forehead. “I never knew you talked in your sleep.” His familiar voice sounded in the dark.
“Brent?”
“Of course Brent. How many men climb into your bed at this hour?” His teasing tone erased weeks of avoiding each other.
“Usually none. I thought we were taking a break?” His warmth felt so good. Suddenly sleep seemed less impossible.
“We’re taking a time-out from taking a break.” Brent whispered into her hair.
“I’m glad.” Alyssa breathed in deeply. “My Pop died.” She was much too tired for words like passed away.
“I know. Beth called me.”
“She has a big mouth.”
“Yeah. Lucky isn’t it?”
Alyssa couldn’t answer. Tears she’d been begging herself to cry for two days suddenly spilled easily down her cheeks. Brent never flinched as she sobbed into his shoulder. He only tucked her blankets in around them, held her tighter, combed his fingers through her hair and murmured reassuring words that made her feel more and more calm. Eventually calm became exhausted and exhausted became asleep.
In the morning she awoke alone in her bed. For a moment she was afraid that it had all been a dream. But before that fear could overtake her she found a post-it note on her mirror.
Went home to shower and change. I’m coming back. We can drive over together.
Alyssa took a deep breath and headed for her own shower. That quiet, calm mood must have been somehow attached to Brent’s presence. Now that he was gone the frantic numbness of the day before was settling back in.
She owned two pairs of black dress pants, but just the one navy blue skirt. Probably black slacks were okay as long as she didn’t wear a black top too. Didn’t she have a dark wine colored sweater somewhere? That sounded somber and appropriate.
“Are just about ready? Your parents just left and…” Brent swung open her bedroom door and immediately turned around to face the hallway. “Sorry, Lyssa.” He choked out.
Looking down, Alyssa realized she was standing around in pants and a bra. Where was that sweater? “I don’t think I can go. I don’t have anything to wear. Pop hates black. I never wear black when I visit. Well I do on game days—Flyers jerseys are the only exception he’ll make. So I guess I can’t go.”
“Lyssa. It doesn’t matter what you wear.” Brent was still facing the hallway.
“You’re probably right. I can wear anything I want—since I am staying home.” Brent turned around. He looked incredible. Of course he was wearing black. He only had one suit and it was black. His tie was emerald green. Was it absurd that today of all days she noticed how incredible his eyes looked when he wore that particular shade of green?
“Just stay here a minute, kay?” Brent crossed the room to her window and crawled outside. He must be crazy, Alyssa thought, to be crawling across roof tops in his suit. And she thought she was going insane! A minute later he was climbing back through; only now he was wearing his Flyers Jersey. Wordlessly he crossed to her closet and tossed her jersey over to her. “Get dressed. We are leaving in two minutes.”
For some reason this made her feel better. So silently Alyssa scrambled into the jersey, swiped on her lip gloss, and clipped a section of her hair away from her face with a barrette.
“Ready.” She turned to face Brent. He was looking at her a little strangely.
“You look beautiful, Lyssa.” And he pressed a quick kiss to her forehead.
“You were right. It’s a little weird.” She mumbled as they walked down the stairs. Behind her he was laughing out loud.
Alyssa wondered if people were staring. By the time they reached the funeral home she’d figured out that people don’t normally wear hockey jerseys to funerals. It was strange though, because even while she wondered if they were staring—she didn’t really care. When Brent led Alyssa into their seats her father’s eyes tried to jump out of his skull. Nope, she still didn’t care. Pop would have liked this she thought. Anyway it was the Pop approved black, so she was satisfied. Brent wrapped one arm around her shoulder and his free hand squeezed hers throughout the entire service. During the luncheon that followed he never left her side. It was as if he knew she couldn’t feel that much needed calmness without him nearby.
In the same way that Alyssa would never recall most of what had been going on over the previous 48 hours, she knew most of this day would also be lost to her. However parts of it would stick with her. And as surely as she knew her own name she knew that 90 years into the future she would be able to recall the exact feeling of Brent’s hand holding hers and how his strength seemed to be all that was holding her upright throughout the entire day.
When her obligatory family duties had been fulfilled Brent silently got up from their table and retrieved their coats. She didn’t protest that she wanted to stay longer as she probably should have done. Instead she kissed her dad’s cheek and told him she’d see him at home.
In the car Alyssa finally found some semblance of a normal voice. “Where did your dad take you this year?” Just because she had recovered the power of intelligent speech didn’t mean she was ready to discuss Pop.
“We went north.”
“Vague much? Did he take you to meet Santa Claus?”
Brent huffed out a laugh. “Not this trip. We went to Montreal. I could spend a lifetime wandering the old city with my camera.”
“Canada? Your dad took you to Canada. Oh my god, and you flew back just for this!”
“Actually I drove. Do you have any idea what a last minute flight from Montreal costs? So I rented a car.”
“You drove? Isn’t that like a 12 hour drive?”
“Nah, it took about nine. I wanted to be here yesterday—I’m sorry Lyssa.”
“You drove nine hours, and you’re sorry you were late? Well gee, I guess I’ll let you slide this time.” Brent chuckled a little. “I’m a little surprised my parents let you in last night. What time was it?”
“It was late and I didn’t exactly ask permission.” Alyssa raised her eyebrows at him. “Your dad answered the door, and let me upstairs. He could have asked me to leave if he wanted to. Not that I would have.” The last part he seemed to be whispering to himself.
Alyssa took a few moments to digest that information. There didn’t seem to be much left to say, so she moved on. “About before…”
“It’s a time-out Lyssa. We don’t have to do this now. We’ll get around to it, but this isn’t the time.”
“Thanks.” She shouldn’t have let that be the end of it. But she was a coward, and she wasn’t ready to call an end to their time-out. “So tell me about Canada.”
“I’ll do better than that… I brought my camera back with me.” Back at Alyssa’s house they plugged his camera into her big screen TV. And Alyssa lost herself in the beauty of Old Montreal, Mount Royal, and The Montmorency Falls. For hours they clicked through thousands of photos and she enjoyed his company refusing to acknowledge the new level of intimacy presumed when he tucked her body against his on the couch—her back to his chest with his arms circled tightly around her waist. If she
thought too hard about how closely he was holding her or about how she’d spent an entire night using his chest instead of her pillow she would probably have to pull away and restore an appropriate distance. At the moment, she needed his closeness more than she needed her next breath.
Eventually the evening came to an end. “I’m driving back tomorrow. I promised my Dad I’d be back for New Years.”
“You are always home for New Years.”
“This year I came home early. So Dad gets a couple extra days in exchange.”
Alyssa nodded. That made perfect sense. She was out of time. “So you’re leaving?”
A smile twitched around at the edges of his mouth. “I don’t think your dad would be cool about any more sleepovers. I’m not sure my just-try-and-stop-me act would fly tonight.”
“Oh. Of course. Good night.” Alyssa collapsed on the inside. She was going to have to face another night. What had she expected?
Brent tilted his head thoughtfully “’night Lyssa” and he left.
When Alyssa turned off her light that night she rolled over in bed preparing to face the endless hours ahead of her. Someone knocked on the door. No, it was the window. She wasted no time in letting Brent in.
“Did you forget something?”
Brent shook his head. “You should have seen your face downstairs. I felt like I was kicking a puppy.” He slipped off his shoes and shrugged out of his coat before pulling her down onto the bed with him.
His big body curled around hers and she breathed a contented sigh. Tomorrow she would face the world. Not tonight. “Thanks.”
“Just go to sleep Chere.” He kissed her temple, and she closed her eyes.
His weight against her body and the tight arm around her waist were just as comforting as they’d been the night before. Only now at the edges of that comfort was a little something else. And it was a bit difficult to fall asleep. Not the same difficult as if she’d been alone, but an exciting kind of difficult that she worked really hard to ignore. Because Brent had the right of it earlier that day in his car—now was not the time.
“Lyssa. Wake up.” Brent’s hoarse whisper and a gentle shaking broke her into awareness. The early morning sun was still orange where it streamed into her bedroom. Brent was crouched next to the bed, his coat already on.
“What time is it?”
“Not quite six. I’m leaving.”
“So early? Come on—I’ll make you breakfast.” Alyssa started to swing her legs onto the floor.
“No. I’m gonna go out the window. I don’t want your dad to know I was here.”
“He knew the last time.”
Brent leveled a look at her that meant she was missing something he considered to be rather obvious. “He knew before I came upstairs. And I used the front door.”
“Nothing happened.”
He considered her for a moment like he was weighing his next words. “It isn’t respectful Lyssa—to crawl through a girl’s window and spend the night with her.”
“Nothing happened!”
Brent clamped a hand over her mouth. “I gotta go. You can call me anytime.” He released her now that she wasn’t shouting. “You should have been the one to call before, not Beth. You know that right?”
“I wasn’t sure.” Alyssa chewed on her lip. They weren’t supposed to do this yet. It wasn’t the right time—his words!
“Always. You can always call me.” He hugged her. “We still need to talk; you know that too, right?” She nodded against his shoulder. “Okay. Good enough. I’ll be back in a couple of days.”
Then he was gone.
Chapter Fourteen
New Years was over and the last of the Christmas decorations were away. Brent of course was home. His classes would have resumed by now—Alyssa’s had. But he didn’t call. Alyssa figured their break was back on. Beth had been very apologetic about overstepping her bounds and calling Brent. Alyssa didn’t mention that she was sure she wouldn’t have made it through the funeral without him. Actually she didn’t mention that he’d come home at all. This wasn’t because she wanted Beth to feel guilty. It was simply because all things Brent made her head ache these days. If he wanted to have that talk with her he could call, because she couldn’t handle it.
A few weeks into the school year Alyssa allowed Beth to drag her to a party. “It’s the last weekend before we start cheering again. We’ll go to the party—and then you can spend the night with me.” She’d pleaded. Alyssa agreed to meet them there. Mostly because she figured she could change her mind later. So it was sort of a letdown when Tommy’s car pulled into the drive that evening. Apparently Beth didn’t think she could be trusted to show up—perceptive, remember?
The party should have been fun. She used to love going to these things. A few months ago she would have seen a room full of her closest friends, but now she just saw a bunch of people trying too hard. Beth and Tommy were somewhere dancing. Alyssa wandered into another room looking for drinks. There were usually a few coolers of soft drinks somewhere.
“Beer, Lyssa?” Stupidly hopeful Alyssa spun around. It was Pete. He was standing in the doorway smiling and holding out a can of beer to her. As if it was still September, and he still had a reason to be talking to her.
“That isn’t a nickname I tolerate from just anybody.” She said coldly.
Pete ignored her demeanor. “Let’s be friends again. Wanna dance?”
“I don’t think so.” Alyssa moved to walk past him. Pete sidestepped to block her way.
“Jenn says Carter dropped you, huh? That’s okay. I think you and I should give it another go. Prom is only a few months away you know."
It was four months away—that was twice as long as their relationship had lasted in the first place. “Don’t believe everything Jenn has to say.” Alyssa tried to push past again.
Pete blocked her and shoved the beer into her hands. “She’s not here tonight—probably on another date with Carter. She just can’t stop talking about her Hillfield man.”
Suddenly Alyssa was angry with Brent. This was his fault. In September she would have been perfectly happy to spend the evening sipping a beer and dancing with the most popular boy is school. Now he’d ruined that for her, and was possibly out with Jennifer Pastings. Alyssa took the beer.
Two beers later she and Pete left the dance floor and found a private room to talk in. It looked like someone’s home office. “How was your holiday?” He was asking her even as he trapped her against a wall and leaned in for a kiss.
“This is a bad idea.” Alyssa ducked under one of his arms and put several feet of distance between them. “I’m drunk.”
“So am I.” Pete advanced toward her. “Don’t tell me you weren’t hooking up with Carter. I’ve seen you crawling through his window.”
“That’s none of your business! When did you see me?” The room was spinning a little. Alyssa really hated beer.
“I drive by your house sometimes.” Pete’s smile took on a creepy slant. He was a more practiced drunk than Alyssa—so when he lurched towards her she wasn’t able to avoid his grasp
Taking down a small end table as they fell, Alyssa and Pete tumbled to the carpet together—her arm twisting awkwardly between their bodies. She considered panicking. He was everywhere and a lot stronger than her too. Man did she hate that about him! She decided against panicking. Her knee came up hard between his legs and she scrambled towards the door.
“Shit! Alyssa!” Pete howled and curled into a fetal position. Tommy must have been passing by because he had the door open before Alyssa’s hand closed around the knob.
“Beth’s looking for you.” He said pushing Alyssa out of the doorway behind him. Tommy took a few steps into the room and righted the fallen table. On his way back out the door, the toe of his heavy boot caught Pete’s rib cage. “Oops.” He muttered darkly as he joined Alyssa and Beth in the hall.
“What happened?” Beth was screeching.
“I don’t know. Pete tried to kiss
me I guess.” Alyssa mumbled to her friend. She was trying to decide if she wanted to get sick. No, she didn’t think so.
“We’re leaving.” Tommy took both girls’ arms and steered them out the front door.
In the car Alyssa was left alone in the back seat with her thoughts. Damn, Brent! If she’d known their friendship was ruined anyway, she would have kissed him in the car that night. What a waste. This was clearly his fault. If they hadn’t been so close in the first place she wouldn’t have needed a fake boyfriend and she wouldn’t have minded Pete kissing her tonight. Now she didn’t have a boyfriend or a best friend. Nope, no kissing for Alyssa.
In between her irrational musings some of the conversation from the front seat filtered back to her.
“She’s supposed to go to my house.”
“Your mom’ll never let her past the front door. How much did she drink? I don’t think I’ve ever seen her finish even one beer.”
“I didn’t see how many she had. She doesn’t drink. We can’t take her home—her parents will kill her!”
Geez! Was everyone extra notice-y lately, or was she that bad of an actor? Why did she even bother? She could have avoided that whole embarrassing scene months ago when Brent poured out her drink in the grass. Alyssa fumed a little in the back seat.
“Is there a back door? Maybe we could sneak her in?”
“I can hear you, you know.” Alyssa interrupted them. Tommy’s eyes focused on her in the rearview mirror for a moment; he actually did seem surprised that she could hear them. “Just take me home. I’ll be fine.”
