Starry Night: A Christmas Novel

by Debbie Macomber

  Carrie didn’t know, and so she shrugged. It didn’t matter. She was confident that no matter where he was, Alaska or Timbuktu, he was as miserable as she.

  “What happens now?” Sophie asked, showing signs of sympathy. “This is dreadful, just dreadful. I don’t think I can bear it.”

  Again, Carrie answered with a lift of her shoulders. “I’ve spent the better part of the last two days and nights going over a variety of scenarios. I have to believe Finn will have a change of heart.”

  “You mean he’ll come back for you?”

  “No … he won’t do that.” That wouldn’t be his way.

  “I don’t understand,” Sophie said, speaking softly now.

  “He’s going to regret the lie that he doesn’t care, doesn’t love me, and so he’ll make it up to me the only way he can.”

  “And how’s that?”

  “He’ll ask me to be the one to break the story on him.”

  “Of course.” Sophie vaulted to her feet and clapped her hands. “Of course. It’s brilliant. And you’ll do it, and then …”

  “No.”

  Sophie froze. “No?”

  “No,” Carrie repeated. “I’m going to refuse.”

  “Stop.” Sophie planted her hands on top of her head. “This is like a chess game, and I’m losing track of the moves. If he wants you to write the piece, then why won’t you do it?”

  “Because if I refuse it will force his hand.”

  Sophie scratched the side of her head as though puzzled. “I don’t follow.”

  “Finn wants me to publish something about him because it will salve his conscience. It’s the one way he has of apologizing, of letting me know he loves me. But I won’t do it, because it’s the only way I can think to let him know I love him. It’s the one thing I can do to tell him my feelings haven’t changed.”

  Sophie sat back in the chair. “You’re losing me, girlfriend.”

  It was a gamble for sure, Carrie realized. And until she got word from Finn, she would need to keep silent. There was a chance, of course, that she was completely wrong and she would never hear from him again. For now, it was a waiting game.

  The first week of December passed. Long, torturous days in which there was complete silence from Finn. Somehow Carrie got through her and Sophie’s little Christmas gathering. She managed to smile and even laugh now and again. It was a great party, everyone said, and Carrie was grateful she was able to pull it off. The only person who seemed to notice that Carrie’s spirits were low was Sophie.

  “I’m having a hard time dealing with this guilt,” her friend confessed. “I feel like I’m to blame. I look at you and I want to cry. You’re so miserable, and it’s all my fault.”

  Carrie did her best to reassure her friend. “Don’t worry. These matters have a way of working out how they’re meant to be.” While she might have sounded confident, Carrie was anything but.

  Another week of silence followed. Carrie lost weight. Sleep felt like a luxury.

  On Friday a few days before Christmas, just before quitting time, the office threw a small party. Carrie was scheduled to fly back to Seattle in the morning, to be with her family, and she was getting ready to head home to pack when she got word that Nash wanted to speak to her in his office.

  She knocked against his door and stepped inside. Without looking away from his computer screen, he motioned for her to take a seat.

  Carrie complied.

  “I just got off the phone with some New York publicity woman,” he said, frowning at her as if seeing her for the first time. “How is it that you know Finn Dalton?”

  “Who says I know Finn?” she parried with a question of her own.

  “You said you were determined to find him, as I recall.”

  “So I did.” She folded her hands in her lap, afraid the trembling would give her away.

  “Well, congratulations. It seems you looked under the right rock, because this PR person called to tell me Finn Dalton is ready to let someone interview him. The surprising part is that he requested you, and he claims you already know everything there is to know. He’s requested you write the piece.”

  Carrie’s eyes drifted shut. This was exactly the news she’d been waiting to hear. She’d been right. Finn had offered her the assignment. A sense of release and joy rushed through her. He was as much as telling her that he loved her. She pressed her hand to her mouth, fearing she was about to break into sobs.

  “I can see you’re pleased. I’d be crying with joy, too. I don’t know what you did, but congratulations. This is one of the biggest coups this newspaper has had in a long time. How soon can you write the piece? If possible, I’d like to have it for the weekend edition.”

  “Sorry, Nash, Mr. Dalton’s publisher is going to need to find someone else.”

  “What?” Nash nearly came out of his chair. “Is this a joke? If so, I’m not laughing.”

  Now wasn’t the time to back down. Carrie had to remain strong. As badly as she ached to give in, she couldn’t do it. “I hate to disappoint you, but you’ll need to find someone else.”

  Nash shook his head. “The publisher insists you have to be the one. No one else.”

  It was exactly as she’d calculated. “Sorry.” She blinked back tears.

  The hard-core newsman glared at her. “Your job is on the line, Ms. Slayton. This newspaper can’t afford to let this opportunity slip by. I’m giving you twenty-four hours to change your mind.”

  Losing her job was an aspect of this decision that she hadn’t considered. Carrie swallowed hard and bit into her lower lip. “It won’t matter if it’s twenty-four hours or twenty-four days. I’m not going to change my mind.”

  Disgusted, Nash shook his head.

  “I’m leaving in the morning for Seattle to see my family.” It seemed her Christmas break would now be spent seeking another job. It was a steep price to pay to prove her love to Finn, but she wouldn’t back down.

  “Go have Christmas with your family,” Nash said, motioning for her to leave his office. “But take this time to think about what I said. I’m serious, Carrie. Write the article and keep your job. Otherwise, you can clear out your desk when you return.”

  “And if I write the article, what about your promise to me?”

  “What promise?”

  “Any assignment I want, any department.” He hadn’t said it quite like that; still, it wouldn’t do any harm to press her point.

  Nash hesitated and then sighed. “It’s negotiable.”

  Sophie was waiting for her at Carrie’s desk when she returned. Her friend had glittery silver tinsel wrapped around her neck like a Hawaiian lei. “So, what did Nash want?”

  When she told her about the call from the New York publicist, Sophie leaped up and gave a loud cheer. “This is exactly what you said would happen.”

  “This is the way I hoped it would play out.”

  “So?” Sophie said eagerly, shifting her arms back and forth, “what’s the next move?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “What do you mean you don’t know? I thought you had this all planned out.”

  How Carrie wished that were true. She knew what she had to do, but the rest was up to Finn.

  The next day Carrie sat at the O’Hare Airport gate, waiting to board her flight to Seattle, when her cell chirped. She didn’t recognize the number but saw that it was an Alaska prefix.

  “Hello,” she answered hesitatingly.

  “Carrie, this is Sawyer O’Halloran.”

  “Sawyer?” She couldn’t imagine why he would be calling her, unless something had happened to Finn. She gripped hold of the phone with both hands, instantly alarmed. “Is everything all right? Has Finn been hurt?”

  “Yes … He isn’t in the hospital or anything, if that’s what you’re wondering. What happened between the two of you, anyway?”

  Carrie relaxed a bit. “You’ll need to ask him about that.”

  “You’re joking, right? He hasn’t been
himself since he returned from Chicago. I’ve never seen him like this. He disappeared for a couple of days, showed up drunk as a coyote, which is surprising, because he isn’t much of a drinker. He isn’t talking to anyone—well, other than me, but it’s difficult to understand what he’s saying. Furthermore, he isn’t eating or sleeping.”

  Carrie exhaled and whispered into the small receiver. “Frankly, I’m not doing much better myself.”

  “You two had a falling out?”

  “You could say that.”

  “Listen, before we go any further, Finn doesn’t know I’m contacting you. If he finds out about this, he’ll have my head.”

  “How’d you get my personal phone number?”

  “Easy. I waited until he passed out and then checked his cell.”

  “He was that drunk?” This didn’t sound anything like Finn. It didn’t make her feel any better knowing that he was miserable. All Carrie wanted was for this foolishness to be over.

  “No, he wasn’t drunk, but practically dead on his feet. I don’t know the last time he slept. He kept mumbling something about giving you a shot at what you wanted, and you rejecting that. Don’t know what that’s about, but I figure you must.”

  Carrie simply shook her head. “If he wants to talk to me, all he needs to do is call.”

  “I’m not telling him that.”

  At this point, Carrie suspected Finn wasn’t listening to advice from anyone.

  “I have a feeling this all goes back to that article you wanted to publish. The one Finn asked you not to write.”

  “I’m afraid so. At first he was adamant I not write the piece, and now it seems he’s had a change of heart. He’s giving me what he thinks I want, but it isn’t. What I want is him.”

  The line went silent. “I’m confused. He’s giving you this opportunity because he loves you and you’re turning it down because you love him? Have I got that right?”

  “You do.” Her flight was announced, and the boarding process had already started. “Listen, Sawyer, I need to get off the phone, but I want you to tell Finn something for me, if you would.”

  “I’m not letting him know we had this conversation. I value my head, which he’d bite off if he got so much as an inkling that I’ve contacted you.”

  “Fine, I understand, but if the opportunity comes up and he finds out we chatted, tell him that before I will agree to write a single word, he will need to sit down with me face-to-face; otherwise, it’s no deal.”

  “That’s your final answer?” Sawyer wanted to know.

  “Yes.”

  Carrie disconnected the call and felt better than she had in almost three weeks.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Carrie’s flight from Chicago landed at Sea-Tac Airport on time. It would be good to be with family over the Christmas holiday. She needed the comfort of their acceptance and love. Not a moment passed when Finn wasn’t in the forefront of her mind.

  She exited the plane and automatically reached for her cell, turning it on. Either her mother or father would be waiting in the cell-phone waiting area for her text message. As soon as it powered up, she typed in the information that she’d landed safely, and then headed toward the exit signs. She would go directly to baggage claim and meet them at the curb for pickup.

  Dragging her carry-on behind her, she was following her fellow passengers onto the escalator when her phone beeped, indicating she had a text message. Assuming it was one of her parents, she didn’t immediately check. About halfway up, she glanced at her phone and saw that the text was from Finn. It shook her up so badly that she dropped the phone. Carrie watched in horror as it went tumbling down the escalator steps. “Please, someone grab that for me!” she cried out in a panic.

  “Got it,” a woman at the bottom shouted back to her.

  As soon as Carrie reached the top, she hurriedly circled around and leaped onto the opposite escalator, racing down the steps, unwilling to stand and wait. The woman remained at the bottom and handed the cell back to her.

  “Thank you,” Carrie whispered, grabbing hold of it. “Thank you so much.”

  Her heart raced at a frantic speed as she opened Finn’s text.

  Why won’t you write the article?

  Her fingers moved in a blur as she typed her response. I would be happy to.

  Good.

  Once you give me a face-to-face interview.

  His response was immediate. Not going to happen.

  Then get someone else. She didn’t expect Finn to be thrilled with her stipulation. Seeing her again was the last thing he wanted, because it was sure to be difficult to answer her questions, and, even more so, to send her away.

  She waited for a response, but none came.

  Having collected her bag, Carrie was standing in the cold outside the airport, waiting to be picked up by her mother, when she heard the ping indicating Finn had responded. Why are you so stubborn?

  An involuntary smile came over her as she rushed to answer. Because you lied. You love me.

  Finn didn’t deny or confirm her text, not that she’d expected he would. After a couple of moments, Carrie placed her phone inside her purse. The ache in her heart was back, stronger than ever. This could quite possibly be the last communication she might ever have with Finn. The thought sent her Christmas spirits spiraling downward.

  Her mother pulled up to the airport curb, and after sticking her bags in the backseat, Carrie climbed inside the vehicle.

  “I’m so glad you’re home,” her mother said, and they briefly hugged.

  “I am, too,” Carrie assured her. They drove off, heading to the family home, where her brother, his wife, and his children would be waiting. Soon they’d all be gathered around the table, and there would be laughter and conversation. Finn had never known this, and Carrie hungered to share her family with him.

  “You okay, honey?” her mother asked, as they merged into the heavy freeway traffic. “You don’t look so well. It’s Finn, isn’t it?”

  Carrie nodded.

  “How much weight have you lost?”

  Carrie shrugged. “A few pounds is all.”

  Reaching over, her mother gave Carrie’s hand a gentle squeeze. “Mark my words, it will all work out.”

  Carrie desperately wanted that to be true. Everything seemed so hopeless at the moment.

  “Time is the great healer,” her mother assured her.

  She’d spent an hour on the phone with her mother shortly after her breakup with Finn, pouring out all her hurt and fears. Patty Slayton hadn’t offered empty reassurances or reminded Carrie of her own concerns over this relationship; instead, she’d simply listened. At the end she’d said, “You really do love him, don’t you?”

  “Oh, yes.” There was no doubt in Carrie’s mind. Finn Dalton owned her heart. He carried it with him, and now the question, the real question, was what he intended to do with it.

  “We’re just glad you’re home for the holidays,” her mother said, pulling her back into the present.

  “So am I.” Carrie didn’t mention that she might be returning to Seattle on a more permanent basis. For the first time since she’d spoken to Nash, she actually considered caving in. That was what Finn wanted her to do in an effort to ease his conscience. He could break her heart and then walk away without guilt because he’d done her a good turn. Writing that blasted article was what everyone hoped she’d do.

  “I need to run an errand in the morning,” Carrie casually mentioned once she was home and had emptied her suitcase. Dinner was over and her brother and family had returned to their home. “Do you mind if I borrow the car?” she asked her parents.

  “You going to run off to Alaska?” her father asked.

  “Nick Slayton,” her mother hissed in a low, warning breath.

  “Well, if Carrie is going to break up with Finn Dalton, why can’t she do it after we have a chance to meet him?”

  Both her mother and Carrie ignored the comment.

  “I doubt very
much that I’ll be going to Alaska,” Carrie said.

  “Of course you can take the car.” Her mother cast her a questioning glance. “I don’t have any plans for the morning.”

  “I shouldn’t be gone more than an hour or two,” Carrie assured her.

  First thing the next morning, Carrie contacted Finn’s mother and they set a time to meet. Joan had the front door open before Carrie had reached the end of the short walkway.

  The older woman held open the screen door. They briefly hugged before Joan brought Carrie into the house. Her tree was up and decorated with festive ornaments, and her fireplace mantel displayed a wooden Nativity scene. Joan indicated that Carrie should take a seat on the sofa. Finn’s mother had a teapot and two cups out, along with a plate of decorated sugar cookies.

  “Finn used to help me decorate the cookies every Christmas,” she said as they sat next to each other on the sofa. “He enjoyed it, although his father feared I was turning him into a sissy. My goodness, the boy was only four years old.”

  Joan handed her a cup of freshly poured tea, which Carrie accepted, holding on to the tiny saucer with one hand and the teacup with the other.

  “Have you heard from my son?” Joan asked.

  “Just briefly.” There’d been nothing since their quick text exchanges late yesterday afternoon.

  “It sounds like Finn is as stubborn as his father.”

  Carrie was afraid that was the case.

  Joan exhaled as though emotionally bracing herself for what was coming. “You brought Paul’s wedding band back to me?”

  “Yes. I’m so sorry. I tried.”

  “I know, dear. I should never have put you in such an awkward position.”

  Carrie disagreed. “I doubt I could have convinced anyone to fly me to Finn’s cabin without it, so the ring served a purpose.” She dug it out of her purse, and with regret returned it to Finn’s mother, feeling like she’d failed her.

  Joan’s eyes revealed her disappointment. “I so hoped …”

  “I know; I did, too.”

  “I’m confident Paul went to his grave loving me. Unfortunately, pride prevented him from letting me know he wanted me back. He was unwilling to compromise. It could only be his way.”