Alex's Atonement (Midnight Sons Book 2)
Page 12
Oh, boy …
“You also mentioned that no experienced pilot would take off without checking his gauges, so …”
Think, Alex! Think! Why would you come this far without fuel?
“And isn’t there typically a reserve tank?”
“Yes …”
“Then why, Alex?” She shook her head as she spoke, as if she couldn’t even understand the question before she asked it. “Why did you fly nearly two hundred miles out into the Gulf of Alaska without fuel?”
His heart raced. He didn’t want to admit what he’d planned. Not to Irene. “I hadn’t planned to come this far. I saw the glint of the plane, knew it was a fresh wreck.”
Irene chewed on her lip, weighing this information. “We were in the air for more than an hour before we crashed, Alex. Kevin wasn’t in your plane for more than five minutes when he started to bring it down.” She shook her head again, the pieces seemingly starting to make sense … or not making sense. “Five minutes, Alex. You didn’t use that much fuel to land and move around the island. Not an hour’s worth.”
“Irene … what do you want me to say?”
“How ’bout the truth?” she spat. “Were you meeting Kevin here?”
“What?” Oh, no … she wasn’t putting the pieces together. She was thinking something totally opposite. “God, no! You thought … You think I’d be running drugs?”
She heaved out a sigh. “I don’t know what to think. I was trying to figure out everything yesterday, and then again this morning. Kevin said we were flying at 150 mph, and I know we flew for more than an hour. I just … why are you here … with no fuel to get back? Unless you assumed someone would be waiting for you.”
Alex closed his eyes and gulped down the bile in his throat. Would it be better if she thought he was a drug runner? No, she’d asked him if he was a superhero yesterday. She thought he was one of the good guys. So, what would be worse? Him being a drug dealer … or an idiot who planned to crash his plane in the ocean for an insurance settlement? Either was illegal … and immoral.
“Well?” she pressed. She’d pulled her hand from his at the first question; now she’d shoved her hands in her jacket pockets. “I’m not stupid, Alex. I may be slow when my life is in danger, but I’m not ignorant of common knowledge. I know that no pilot would head this far unless they knew for a fact that there would be fuel when they arrived. I’ve chartered enough planes in my career to know that simple truth.”
He gulped. “Irene … can we sit down?”
She flicked her gaze from left to right, as if someone might have snuck up on them. “Fine.” She stomped off toward a large boulder that overlooked the water and sat, arms folded.
Alex inhaled deeply then walked to her, sitting down in the dried grass so he was facing her. “I’m sorry that you’re confused, but I promise you, I’m not a drug dealer, and I’ve never seen Kevin before yesterday. Never even heard his name, which is odd, since I know most of the pilots who fly these waters.”
Her nostrils flared, but she sat quietly.
He dropped his head. “God, I don’t want to do this.”
“Do what?” There was a frightened edge in her voice. He’d heard fear enough times to know what it sounded like, but she didn’t move from her perch. Irene had obviously lived through fear more than just these two days with him. She’d learned to mask her concerns, it seemed.
“I don’t want to admit why I was in the perfect place at the perfect time.”
She huffed, but she couldn’t deny that his timing had been perfect, whether his reasons for being in the middle of the gulf were flawed or not. She’d said it only minutes ago. If he’d hesitated for even a couple minutes, he wouldn’t have been able to save her. But he hadn’t thought twice. Even though he’d had a plan to end his life, he hadn’t wavered on doing what was right instead.
“Alex?” His name was a question on her lips, but she’d seemed to calm down a bit. She wasn’t demanding, just digging, as she’d done a few times.
He nodded, then massaged his temples. “Ten years ago, my father died. I told you that, and I told you I didn’t want to talk about it, but I didn’t tell you why.” He looked up again, and her eyes were expectant.
“It was a late call for the day … I’d already signed off, and truth told, I’d thrown back a couple shots in anticipation of going out. It was a beautiful day in May. The season hadn’t started, so I wasn’t expecting any calls. Sam had just taken a call. Nothing big, but that had left me alone with nothing but my thoughts. I was twenty-three and pissed. I didn’t want to be stuck in a Podunk town forever, rescuing people who did stupid things. But that had been the deal. Sam would work while I finished my undergrad, and then I’d work a few years while Sam took his dogs on search & rescue missions around the world. A few years was all he’d requested. Just a few years, and he’d take over the business permanently with Dad.”
Alex looked up to see that Irene was listening attentively, all frustration cleared from her face. It made him want to confess, even when he knew he should make up a lie. He couldn’t, though. He was certain she’d see through a lie.
“And then you’d be able to …” she said, encouraging him to fill in the blank.
“In a few years, Erik and Vince would be old enough to help, too, and I’d be able to join the military. My grades were great. My father had already taught me to fly. But if I entered the Army or Air Force, they’d teach me to fly jets, then my career would be made. I would have been able to get a job as a pilot and travel around the world.”
“But you didn’t want to wait?” she surmised.
Alex sighed. “No, I didn’t. I didn’t want to waste three years of my life so that Sam could wander around the world. I was ticked. So, I filled my time with whiskey and women … even before I was off duty. But then … a call came in. As I said, it was warmer than usual. Seems like a great idea to go hiking and climbing earlier than season, but if it’s too warm, sometimes avalanches are more prevalent …
“I’d already changed clothes, ready to go out on a Friday night. My father rushed into my room, explaining there had been a snow slide that trapped a group of hikers. He took one look at me and walked back out the door. He’d seen my eyes, knew that I’d been drinking.”
Alex swiped his hand across his forehead. As cool as it was, he was sweating. “I ran after him, told him I’d thought I was done for the day, and that I’d only had one drink. He said he’d wait for Sam, and I got mad. Insisted that I was fine. And I was … I felt fine. Honestly, if I had thought I was too drunk, I wouldn’t have gone. A couple drinks isn’t anything for a man my size.”
“What happened, Alex?” Irene’s words were soft, all her earlier anger gone. He hated knowing that her fury would come back full swing when the conversation circled back around to how he ended up in the middle of the Gulf of Alaska.
“When we landed and started our hike toward the stranded hikers, I realized I’d forgotten my ice ax. I’d cursed aloud, and my father had asked. Hell, even if I hadn’t said a word, he would have noticed. My father noticed everything and was always prepared for anything. He was the original Boy Scout. I tried to reject his offer, but he insisted on giving me his ax …”
Alex closed his eyes as the scene played out in his mind. The ground was too warm. The last snowfall unstable … He’d heard the roar above them, clambered to get a grip as the trees cracked and snapped. He’d latched onto his father’s hand the same time he’d swung the ax into the ground. But it was no use. His father’s grip slipped, and although Alex had let go of the ax and tried to save his father, it was too late. The avalanche had swept his father off the mountain.
Chapter 11
~ Irene ~
Irene watched as Alex tried to compose himself behind shuttered eyelids. Even closed, tears slipped from the corners as he obviously relived the horrific day he’d lost his father.
But it wasn’t really his fault … was it? Anyone could forget a piece of equipment.
His eyes snapped open. “Yes, it was. I shouldn’t have been there. I shouldn’t have accepted his ax. I shouldn’t have done a lot of things, but … it was my fault. My father never would have made that mistake. And he didn’t. I did. I did because I didn’t double check the list. We have a damn list, Irene. I was too lazy to check it. Too much in a rush to get out of there and get back so I could go out with my friends.”
She felt tears in her own eyes. She knew about should haves and could haves. She’d tortured herself for years with them. “Alex, you were twenty-three, barely an adult. That’s why your father handed you his ax. He understood that anyone could forget —”
Alex huffed and shook his head. “No! You’re wrong!” He stopped and stared at her, his eyes roaming over her. “You’re a journalist, right?”
“Yes …” she said hesitantly.
“You interview people, right?”
“Of course.”
“What do you take? A notebook? A recorder?”
She shook her head, realizing where he was going with his line of questioning. “A recorder and a note pad. I jot down notes as I listen and record. I like the recorder in the event someone tries to retract their statement.”
“Have you ever forgotten to bring either?”
“No, but —”
“An ice ax is my life in a climbing rescue. Rather, my father’s life. A rescuer doesn’t forget his ax any more than he would forget a rope. It’s a given. Hell, it’s how I got into the plane to rescue you yesterday.”
“It was a mistake, Alex. You can’t torture yourself for the rest of your life —” Her face flushed hot. The rest of his life. No fuel. Alex wasn’t a drug dealer. Not even close. He’d been angry. He’d accused her of knowing what Kevin was doing. “Oh, my God, Alex!” Tears burst free. “Alex, tell me it isn’t true. Were you … you were going to kill yourself?”
She stood, stumbled backward, the tears blurring her vision.
“Irene, it was the only way.”
She heard his voice, but she couldn’t see him. Didn’t want to see him. Her life was probably going to be cut short, and he was going to throw his away. Her sister … Her sister had thrown away a baby, and Irene had to give up hers. Her ex had abandoned her when she’d had to make one of the most important decisions of her life.
Irene blinked, trying to clear her head. “It’s not fair … Life isn’t fair.”
“You don’t understand,” Alex continued. “Since my father died, we’ve lost money every year. The company that he started … that has saved so many lives … We lost so many donations in the last five years we almost went under. We’ve had to take out loans that we couldn’t pay back. And my mother mortgaged the house. The donations are coming in again finally. With Sam’s maturity, that will continue. He just needs enough to make it a few years, to pay back the debt, and then —”
She reeled. “Money? You were going to throw your life away over a few bucks?”
Alex sniffed. “One point eight million actually, enough to ensure that the Midnight Sons will continue saving —”
“Give me a break! You’re weak, Alex! Throwing your life away over money. I can almost understand guilt, but money?”
He clenched his jaw. “You don’t know anything. You and your posh Pacific Heights lifestyle. Hell, your mortgage is probably more than our yearly operating budget. What do you know about troubles?”
She spun away, attempting to keep her eyes dry. How dare he accuse her of being ignorant about life! He didn’t know her. Didn’t know what she’d been through. She ran along the edge of the cliff, looking for a place to make her way back down to the road.
A white dot on the horizon caught her attention. Then she heard the roar of the engines. A rescue boat! “Hey! Hey! Over here!” She waved her arms and jumped up and down.
SMACK!
The air left her lungs at the same time she fell. The heavy weight was on top of her, pinning her. Her face felt raw against the icy yellow straw. “Get off me!”
His hand moved to her mouth. “Shh … Stay down, Irene.”
The engine grew louder, then faded.
Alex moved from on top of her, then offered her his hand. “Come on. We have to get there before they do.”
Ignoring his hand, she moved to her knees then brushed straw and dirt off her pants. “Get where before whom?”
“The boat … It’s the pick-up boat.”
“It could just be a boat, Alex, a chance for us to get off this godforsaken island.” And to think she’d been fantasizing about being shipwrecked here for months.
His eyes narrowed. “I don’t have time to argue with you, Irene. Are you coming, or not? If not, stay out of sight.”
She huffed. “I can’t trust someone to rescue me who doesn’t value life. How do I know that your family is coming? Maybe you want to just die of starvation!”
Alex threw his hands up and stormed past her. Without hesitation, he hustled down the embankment as if he were walking on flat land.
Not wanting to follow him, but not wanting to be alone either, she attempted to follow his trek. Halfway down the embankment, she lost her footing. Just as she thought she’d fall, he was there. Holding her up, stopping her fall.
He steadied her. “You okay?”
“Yes.” She wanted to say, Take your hands off me, but she couldn’t force herself, especially since she knew the reason she was so angry with him was because she was jealous. Jealous because he had a future and she didn’t. Because he had the luxury of deciding to throw his life away, while she would have to fight for every breath.
He pressed his forehead against hers. “I really want to explain this to you, Irene, if you’ll give me a chance, but we don’t have time right now.”
She pulled back and offered him a slow blink, since she didn’t feel like arguing.
“Here,” he crooked his arm, “hang on to me until we get to flat ground. We’ll beat them to the cabin. I’m sure of it. The only safe entry is the bay we motored into, which means they have to cross over the dunes. We have mostly flat ground.”
Alex moved forward, and she was amazed by his sure footing. He may have forgotten his ax the one time, but she’d lay dollars to doughnuts he’d never forgotten a piece of equipment since. Alex had said that he lived for his job, that search & rescue was the most fun he had in his life, so obviously he’d thrown himself into his career to make amends. He’d probably saved more people than he could ever count, and yet he’d intended to throw his life away over the one person he couldn’t save.
Irene absorbed this as she tried not to hold his planned suicide against him, but she’d be damned if she’d miss a ride off the island because Alex was scared to leave. She had to get a look at these boaters.
~ Alex ~
Alex layered his hand over Irene’s as she latched onto his arm. At least she trusted him to get her down the embankment, even if she didn’t trust him to get her off the island.
He’d show her.
On flat land, he relaxed his grip, and she dropped her hands.
“Thank you,” she said coolly.
“You’re welcome,” he tried to say with a bit more warmth. Yes, she’d made him angry, and he’d instinctively spouted out something he hadn’t meant. But, if he were being honest, he knew she’d be upset. Anyone would be. No one could understand the grief he’d carried. And she was right … it wasn’t just about money. Part of him just wanted the nightmares to stop.
He turned to her. “I’m going to run up ahead so I can clear out the cabin of any indication that anyone has been there recently. Stay out of sight, please. Go behind the barracks, and I’ll meet you there as soon as I finish. Okay? I doubt they’ll stray from the airstrip. They’re only looking for their drop, I’m sure of it.”
Irene nodded. “Okay, Alex. But please find a way to make sure. This could be our ticket off the island.”
He waved at her and took off as he realized how ironic that thought was.
Irene hadn’t done anything stupid. He was the one who had planned to do something stupid. More than stupid, really. Terminally foolish. Although … like Kevin, the moment he ran out of gas, his preservation skills probably would have kicked in, and he would have brought down the plane and been stranded at sea.
You weren’t willing to drown, he reminded himself. But that had been different … he’d been worried that Irene wouldn’t make it home without him.
Shoving his pointless thoughts to the back of his mind, he edged his way toward the cabin, making sure no one had made it there before him.
Inside, he loaded all their personal belongings into Irene’s suitcases. He stuffed his carry-on under the bed, but hers would have to come with him. He spied the sink.
Damn!
He knew he should have cleaned up his dish from the previous night. He stuffed the mugs and bowl under the counter upside down, then went to the wood stove.
If he poured water on the smoldering embers, he’d send up a plume of smoke.
Think, Alex! Think!
He spun, taking in the room. He grabbed up the pot Irene had used for beans and darted outside. He scooped up a large amount of sand, then rushed back inside. He dumped the sand in a heap, then smothered all the exposed embers. It would have to do. If the newcomers noticed someone had recently been here, hopefully they’d think Kevin had stayed the night after his drop.
Alex took one more look, then hefted the purple suitcases and ran for the bird coop. Doubtful that anyone would do more than peer inside. He carried the fifty-pound bags to the far edge of the barracks, then hustled back out, his hand over his mouth.