Decisions

by Ola Wegner

  Elizabeth watched his broad back as he walked away from her. At least her wish had come true. They were going home.

  ***

  Elizabeth stared at the cup in her hand. The tea had turned cold. She put the cup on the table and tried to remember the topic of the conversation between Georgiana and the viscountess.

  “What is the matter, Lizzy?” Georgiana asked. “You are very quiet today.”

  “Are you upset that you are leaving tomorrow?” Lady Sarah enquired.

  “It is quite unexpected,” Elizabeth admitted.

  “Cousin Darcy has always been very obstinate since the moment I met him,” the older woman said. “Once he makes his mind about something, it is very difficult to change his opinion.”

  “We are hoping that you shall visit us in the summer,” Elizabeth said.

  The viscountess nodded her head. “With great pleasure. The girls adore the grounds at Pemberley. It is much better there for the children than the park here at Matlock Castle.”

  She looked over at her daughters, who played on the carpet with their dolls. One of the girls walked to the window. She stuck her little face to the glass. Soon her sisters joined her.

  “Maddie, Cassie, Kitty, why are you standing there?” Lady Sarah was questioning her daughters. “It is cold by the window. You shall get yourself ill,” she fretted.

  The youngest girl ran to her mother. “Uncle Richard and Cousin Darcy are fighting, Mama.”

  “Fighting?”

  Elizabeth rushed to the window, standing behind the girls.

  Indeed, there in the middle of the front lawn were Colonel Fitzwilliam and Darcy sword fighting. The earl, the viscount, as well as some of the male servants watched them.

  Elizabeth felt someone’s presence behind her back. It was Lady Sarah.

  “Acting as if they were boys.” She sighed. “At least they are fencing outside. The last time when the viscount and Colonel Fitzwilliam fought in the gallery hall, they destroyed one of the Chinese vases. It was a truly priceless item. I advise you, Elizabeth, to forbid Darcy from fencing inside the house.”

  Elizabeth covered her mouth with her hand as the men merged particularly violently.

  “Do not concern yourself.” Lady Sarah patted her back. “They are both excellent fencers. It is just a game for them. They have been facing together since I can remember. Come, let us have some more tea.”

  Elizabeth returned to her place, her legs shaky. She looked at Georgiana, who appeared perfectly calm. “Brother is an excellent fencer,” she said, seeing Elizabeth’s worried expression.

  Elizabeth could not sit still. She went back to the window, standing behind the girls.

  “They are not fighting anymore,” little Maddie announced.

  The girls ran back to their mother. Darcy and Colonel Fitzwilliam were shaking each other’s hands. It appeared that Darcy was the one to win. The earl and the viscount congratulated Darcy, patting Darcy on the back.

  Elizabeth breathed in relief. To her inexperienced eye this fencing match appeared to be much more violent than the one she had witnessed before at Pemberley.

  Elizabeth saw that the men were going in the direction of the front entrance.

  “Excuse me, ladies,” she said, and ran out of the drawing room.

  ***

  Elizabeth walked into their bedchamber. Darcy was seated on a chair, his colour high, his face sweaty, wearing only his shirt.

  Clayton, his valet, was examining his right hand.

  “What happened?” she exclaimed.

  “It is only a scratch, mistress,” the servant explained.

  Elizabeth looked in horror at Darcy’s knuckles. The skin was red and torn in one place.

  “Does it hurt?” she asked him.

  Darcy shrugged his tall shoulders, looking away from her.

  “I thank you, Clayton,” she said. “I will take care of Mr Darcy. You may leave.”

  The valet appeared to be offended with the dismissal of his person. After a nod from Darcy, he left them alone.

  “What were you thinking?” she whispered as she was cleaning the wound gently. “Will you answer me?” she demanded.

  “It was not the first time you saw us fencing.”

  “It appeared to me that you attempted to kill him,” she remarked.

  Darcy rolled his eyes and snorted.

  Elizabeth wrapped the bandage carefully around the cleaned wound, tying the ends into a pretty knot to prevent it from loosening itself.

  “I do not wish you to do that anymore,” she told him in no uncertain terms.

  “I have fenced since I was a boy.”

  “You got hurt.”

  “It is nothing,” he said. He called for Clayton, asking him to bring him a fresh shirt.

  Elizabeth pressed her lips in a tight line and stepped out of the room. She could not speak calmly with her husband at the moment.

  ***

  The Darcys entered the house through the main entrance. In the foyer they were greeted by Mrs Reynolds and the butler, Mr Haynes. Their trip from Matlock was an uneventful one. They went directly upstairs to refresh themselves and have some rest before dinner.

  “It is wonderful to be home again, mistress, is it not?” Drew asked as they walked into Elizabeth’s bedchamber.

  “It certainly is, Drew,” Elizabeth agreed, coming to stand by the window to look at the familiar view.

  She was not in the best mood even though Christmas at Matlock had been an overall success.

  Darcy refused to look at her or talk to her more than it was absolutely necessary. He reminded her of the man whom she had known in the beginning of their acquaintance. Proud and haughty Mr Darcy had returned. She guessed that with his distant attitude he found a way to punish her for the fact that she had spent much time in the company of Colonel Fitzwilliam. Elizabeth believed that Darcy had no grounds for jealousy. Elizabeth had no intention to isolate herself from other men only because her husband frowned upon her when she spoke to his cousin for a little too long in his opinion.

  The dinner was a quiet affair. They were all rather fatigued. They sat for only a short while in the drawing room, listening to Georgiana play before they retired for the night.

  With the help of Drew, Elizabeth prepared herself for the night. She usually waited for Darcy before she lay down on the bed. They talked in front of the fire before sleeping. Today, however, she sent Drew away and went directly to bed.

  She fell asleep the moment her head touched the pillow. As she woke up a few hours later, she saw that she was alone. The other side of the bed was left untouched. Darcy did not come to bed. The last two nights they had spent at Matlock he had not touched her. She sighed. If that was his will so be it. She would not go to him first.

  ***

  January came in full force with even more snowfall than Elizabeth had witnessed at Matlock. Pemberley was snowed in and there were days when even the newspapers did not reach them. Thankfully the estate was entirely self-sufficient. Mrs Reynolds assured Elizabeth that they had enough supplies, including tea, coffee, as well as sugar and chocolate, to survive for another two months.

  Elizabeth could only take short walks around the house. It was nearly impossible to go any farther unless someone shovelled all the snow from the lanes beforehand. Despite the harsh weather and low temperatures, Pemberley’s beauty was outstanding. Elizabeth enjoyed the moments, but when the sun came out, it reflected in the snow and blinded her as she admired the entirely white landscape.

  One afternoon she walked into her bedroom, returning from her walk. There she saw a small boy sitting on the bed.

  “Tommy,” she greeted the child with a smile. The boy looked at her with his big round eyes. “How are you, Tommy?”

  “I am well, I thank you, Mrs Darcy,” the boy answered.

  She sat on the bed next to him. “You came to visit your Mama?”

  “I came with my uncle. On a sledge.”

  “You did?”

 
; He nodded.

  “How are you liking all the snow?”

  “We have snow fights every day.”

  Elizabeth grinned at him.

  Drew entered the room.

  “I apologize, Mistress. I should have left him downstairs.”

  “You do not need to apologize, Drew. You did not say that Tommy would be visiting today.”

  “I did not know. My sister’s husband brought him because he has business in the village. He will take him back tomorrow morning.”

  “I see. You must take the rest of the day off.”

  “But my day off is on Sunday,” the maid protested.

  “There is no reason why you should not have another one in the week, particularly when your boy is here,” Elizabeth spoke with authority.

  Drew seemed reluctant. “The maids are washing your silk dresses today. I need to oversee their work.”

  “They can do it tomorrow.”

  Drew shook her head. “They have already begun. But they should be finished within one hour.”

  “I will take care of Tommy, if you do not mind of course, while you see to the laundry.”

  “Thank you, Mistress.”

  “That would be my pleasure. Will you come with me, Tommy?”

  The boy hesitantly accepted her hand, looking at his mother for confirmation.

  “Your mum told me that you read very well and you like books. Would you like to see one of the biggest libraries in the entire country?”

  The boy nodded his fair head.

  “Be quiet and do not touch anything,” Drew said to the boy before placing her hand on his rosy cheek. “I will come for you as soon as I can.”

  ***

  Fitzwilliam Darcy entered the library. The letters had not been coming for the last week, but as it stopped snowing yesterday, this morning he received much correspondence which needed to be tended to.

  He would much prefer to spend his time in the company of Elizabeth rather than answering the letters. Unfortunately, their current relations were strained, even more than during their engagement. Darcy was ready to acknowledge that to a certain degree he was responsible for the deterioration of their relationship. He missed the closeness which they had shared before their trip to Matlock. Darcy expected from his wife that she would admit her mistake to him. As the days went by, all hope that it would happen diminished. She did not seek his company. She tended to her business as if nothing of consequence had happened between them. She laughed with Georgiana, played the pianoforte, tended to her duties as the Mistress of Pemberley, but she was reserved with him the same as he was with her.

  Darcy realized that he was punishing himself in the first place by putting her at a distance. He missed their passion-filled nights. He thought that once he ceased his nightly visits she would miss their lovemaking and come to him on her own. She had enjoyed herself in his arms, he knew that. He had tried hard to please her. More than a fortnight had passed since their return from Matlock and not even once Elizabeth asked for his company in that respect.

  This situation could not last for much longer. He would not stand it. He would take her to bed sooner rather than later. His pride would be sacrificed. He did not care. His desire for her was an imperative too powerful to ignore.

  Darcy was about to sit behind the desk when he saw a little boy perched on his chair. The boy was no more than eight, thin, small boned, with large blue eyes and a shock of blond hair.

  “Hello,” he said.

  The boy said nothing.

  “Who are you and what are you doing here?”

  There was no answer. Darcy was impatient.

  “You are scaring him.” He heard his wife’s voice.

  Elizabeth walked into the room with the maid, who was carrying a tray with what appeared to be tea and cookies.

  “Thank you, Lucy,” she said. “You can go.”

  The maid left while Elizabeth waved for the boy to approach her. The lad ran to her and was rewarded with a cookie.

  “Would you like some cocoa?” Elizabeth asked. “It is not too hot.”

  The child sat on the chair and Elizabeth handed him a cup of the sweet drink.

  “Well, who is he?” Darcy asked.

  “It is Tommy.”

  Darcy looked at her expectantly.

  “He is Drew’s son.”

  “Ah, yes. I should have remembered. Well, young man, you came to visit.”

  The boy nodded. “Yes, sir.”

  “He speaks,” Darcy said.

  Elizabeth rolled her eyes at him.

  “I promised Tommy a tour of the library. I thought that cookies and tea may make it more attractive.”

  “Of course,” Darcy said. “Do not interrupt yourself. I shall deal with my letters and you two may look around.”

  ‘Thank you, sir,” the boy said, but his eyes were on Elizabeth.

  Darcy could see that he would not be offered cookies or cocoa. He sat behind his desk.

  As he was opening the letters and reading them, his gaze went over to his wife. She walked with the boy around the library. They looked at the globe, maps, and books as well as items brought from faraway lands by Darcy’s grandfather, who was known for his passion for travel.

  The picture of the boy and his wife brought Darcy’s thoughts to an entirely different route. He looked at her pretty neck and the gentle slope of her shoulders. He felt his excitement growing. He frowned, returning to reading.

  He could not pretend not to see how at ease she was with the maid’s child.

  Chapter Thirteen

  “Tommy is a fine boy,” Elizabeth said to Drew as the maid was brushing her hair the evening of the following day.

  “He is,” the maid agreed proudly. “Shall I leave it free, my lady?” she asked.

  “Put it in a braid, please,” Elizabeth said.

  “Tommy really liked the library,” Drew mentioned, pleating her mistress’s hair. “He was particularly fascinated with the globe.”

  Elizabeth smiled. “Yes, he was.”

  “Is that all, Mrs Darcy?” Drew asked, picking up the dirty petticoats.

  “Yes, I thank you, Drew. You may go.”

  Elizabeth sat by the fire. She reopened Jane’s letter and read through it one more time. Jane was surprisingly tight-lipped about Mr Bingley. She mentioned him only once. He had dined at Purvis Lodge on Sunday together with Aunt and Uncle Phillips. At least Jane and Mr Bingley saw each other on a regular basis. It was definitely good news.

  Elizabeth folded the letter and hid it in a book as was her custom. She put down the candles and climbed under the covers.

  She woke up some time later to the familiar feeling of warmth.

  She opened her eyes. She could see well, as the light was coming from the buzzing fireplace.

  She was on her back, her nightgown pulled down to her navel and her legs were spread. Her husband was kneeling between her arms.

  “Fitzwilliam?” she whispered.

  “My darling,” he murmured, leaning down to kiss her.

  Elizabeth felt herself opening to his touch. His fingers pleased her core while his tongue dived into her mouth.

  “Fitzwilliam,” she sighed, enjoying his ministrations.

  He pushed himself inside of her. Elizabeth clung to him with all her might. It had been so long. She had missed him.

  Later, they lay close to one another. Elizabeth’s head was placed on his chest, her leg thrown over him.

  She was feeling him moving away from her but she stopped him. “Stay,” she said.

  “Are you certain?” he asked.

  “I am. Please, stay. Do not go away after I fall asleep.”

  “I will not go.”

  His arms tightened around her and he kissed the top of her head. She knew that she could trust him to remain by her side if he had given her his word on this.

  ***

  On waking up the next day, Elizabeth found the place beside her empty. Nevertheless, she knew that he was with her until th
e morning, leaving only a short while ago.

  Already dressed for the day, she came to stand by the window. The snow had melted away, but it was raining heavily. The weather was truly miserable. She much preferred a snow storm to this downpour.

  “What a dreadful day, my lady,” Drew commented, coming to stand beside her.

  “Indeed, it is. It is impossible to take even the shortest walk.”

  “Let us hope that spring will come soon,” Drew said.

  “Yes, let us hope that.”

  Drew was at the door about to leave when Elizabeth asked her, “Do you know if Mr Darcy has already gone downstairs?”

  “I believe that he has, my lady.”

  A few minutes later, Elizabeth entered the smaller dining room where the family had breakfast but also any other meal on condition that there were no guests in the house.

  “Good morning, everyone,” Elizabeth said, keeping her voice light.

  Darcy rose when he saw her while Georgiana smiled at her.

  The footman served her her favourite breakfast which consisted of an egg and bacon with French bread. Elizabeth had been accustomed since early childhood to eat heavy breakfasts but light dinners. Her mother professed that it was the secret to maintaining a slim figure.

  “What are your plans for today, Lizzy?” Georgiana asked.

  “I have an appointment with Mrs Reynolds. Later, I have some letters to attend to, but that can wait.”

  “I thought that we should practise the pianoforte together.”

  Elizabeth smiled at the eagerness shining in Georgiana’s eyes. “I can see that you are quite stubborn about making me a better musician.”

  “You have such a lovely singing voice, Lizzy. I shall never sing as well as you do no matter how much I practise.”

  “You are too kind. Of course I cannot reject such a kind invitation. I should be free at one.”

  “Excellent. I shall await you in the music room.”

  Elizabeth ate her breakfast with a voracious appetite. At times she felt Darcy’s eyes on her.

  She looked up, allowing their eyes to meet.

  What she had seen in his gaze was vulnerability. His eyes were so defenceless when she looked at her. She reassured him with her smile. He returned it shyly but then quickly looked away from her.