She was delighted when, midway through the film, he placed his arm around her shoulder and pressed his head against hers. She could smell his aftershave, and the warmth of his body close against hers helped douse her worries. When the lights went up at the interval, Dermot planted a kiss on her lips before leaving her to queue for ice cream. She felt the heat rise on her face as if she had been caught kissing behind the bicycle shed.
‘Any particular flavour, or is vanilla okay?’
‘Whatever you bring will be grand,’ she said, hoping it would cool her down.
After the film, she had wanted to tell Dermot about the row with her da, and her plans to leave the street. But as they sat in a nearby crowded bar, she was enjoying his company so much it went from her mind.
Dermot told her funny stories about his day in the butcher’s shop making her laugh. Then, just as she thought she had found the right moment to tell him, she glanced towards him—his handsome, smiling face; fingers tapping the table to the beat of the Irish music; his black hair slicked back, curling at the nape of his neck. She changed her mind. It was the first time she had looked at him this closely, and she felt a pang of regret at what she was planning to do.
‘What are you thinking?’ he asked, reaching for her hand.
‘Oh, nothing really.’ She forced a smile in spite of knowing this might well be their last date.
‘God, you look gorgeous tonight, Aileen. Why don’t we make a night of it? There’s dancing upstairs at the Adelphia until one in the morning.’
She had no reason to rush home, and she was enjoying Dermot’s company. ‘Sounds like a good idea to me.’
Pulling her to her feet, they went back across the street and upstairs to the dance hall. The music had their feet tapping before they reached the dance floor.
‘I’ll get us a drink.’ Dermot shuffled his way through the crowd. Couples shimmied and rocked to the music, all smiling and happy. She wondered if they, too, were hiding fears about their future, or just enjoying themselves, as she had done before her ma died.
The band stopped playing and, just as the dance floor emptied, she saw Dermot emerge from the packed bar holding their drinks. ‘Is Cherry B okay?’ he asked, placing it on the table next to her. ‘They’ve run out of Babycham.’
‘Grand, thanks.’ She raised the glass to her lips.
The band struck up Bill Haley’s Rock Around the Clock and Dermot took a quick gulp of his beer. ‘Shall we?’
They made their way onto the dance floor, and Aileen was amazed to find she was partnering an expert, following his every move as if they had been dancing together for months.
The music tempo slowed to a waltz, and she felt Dermot’s strong arms around her. It felt good, and when the band played Save the Last Dance for Me, she allowed her head to loll onto his shoulder as his arms tightened around her.
Apart from her father’s hugs, which seemed a long time ago now, it was the first time she had been this close to a man—and it felt good. She wasn’t sure if it was the music or her emotions getting the better of her, but she wanted to stay in his arms long after the band had stopped playing.
‘What’s the matter?’ Dermot held her at arm’s length.
‘Oh, it’s nothing, just me being sentimental.’
Outside, in spite of the late hour, the city still bustled with young people filing out of clubs and bars. ‘I’ve had a lovely time, Dermot, thanks.’
‘Does that mean you’ll come dancing with me again?’ He placed his arm around her. ‘I’d no idea you were such a good dancer.’
She laughed. ‘You’re kidding, aren’t you? I was just following your very nifty footwork.’
‘It proves we work well together then.’ He smiled. ‘My brother and I used to go dancing every weekend before he went away and my father roped me into the butchery business.’
‘I thought you’d had lessons.’
‘Now, who’s kidding? Can you see me going to dance lessons?’ He laughed and,
with his arm securely around her, they walked away from the city.
‘I don’t know. People can surprise you sometimes. Take my da, for instance. I’d never have thought he would choose Aunt Lizzy over me.’
They turned into Dorset Street, and Dermot released his arm and took hold of her hand. ‘I’m sure that’s not his intention, Aileen. Sure, I saw him drop your aunt at the bus stop the other morning when I was out on a delivery.’
She shook her head, the sinking feeling returning to her stomach. ‘She’s coming back on Monday.’
‘Surely not!’
They were outside the draper’s shop. Aileen glanced up at the windows. The lights were out. She wasn’t looking forward to going in. Her da had a habit of sitting in the dark, often falling asleep in his chair. She couldn’t face another row with him if he was still up.
‘What is it, Aileen? Have you forgotten your key?’
‘It’s not that.’
‘What then?’
‘It’s nothing.’ She swallowed, not wishing to spoil their lovely evening. She moved close and kissed his cheek. ‘Good night, Dermot.’
As he drew her closer and kissed her lips, her emotions got the better of her. She pulled away, not wishing him to see her tears, then pushed her key into the lock and hurried inside.
Her da slumped in his armchair, his feet stretched out in front of him, his eyes closed. Trying not to wake him, she switched the light on in the passage and slipped off her cardigan, then she fetched a light blanket from his room, gently placing it on him.
‘What are you doing?’ He threw off the cover and stood up. ‘I’m away to me bed.’
He looked smart with his hair cut, short back and sides, but she could smell the drink on his breath; something else he rarely did. This wasn’t the best time to start asking him questions, but she needed answers. ‘Da, can we talk?’
He ran his hand across his face. ‘Talk! At this time of the night.’ He moved towards his bedroom, but Aileen wasn’t going to let him just walk away from her again.
‘Da, do you know anything about this note Ma left?’ She unzipped the pocket in her bag. ‘Please, put the light on and read it?’
He just stood there, frowning.
‘Here, read it!’
He squinted, and then walked back and sat at the table. She watched his face but he showed no emotion; no sign that he was surprised in any way. Then he glanced up.
‘This means nothing, Aileen. Jessie was rambling.’
‘No, Da! She wasn’t. Not when she wrote this. What does it mean?’ She folded her arms. ‘I have to know. If you know, tell me, or I’ll find out for myself.’
‘Oh, stop mithering and get to bed.’
‘Mithering is it, Da? Well then, if you won’t talk to me about it, I’ll find someone else who will.’
Chapter Six
Next morning, Aileen was up early with plans of her own. Her ma’s brother, Uncle Paddy, was the one person she knew she could turn to. Dressed in a short-sleeved blouse, black mini-skirt and white low-heeled shoes, she pulled on her jacket, went down to O’Connell Street, and caught the bus to Finglas, where her uncle and aunt lived. She was edgy, and couldn’t wait to get there. Hopefully, they might know something to solve the unexplained mystery of her ma’s note.
It started to rain as she opened the gate and walked up the path. The garden was a blaze of colour, and she stopped briefly to inhale the scent of the roses. Her aunt opened the door in her dressing gown, her hair in large rollers.
‘I’m sorry to call on you so early, Aunt Bead.’
‘What a lovely surprise! Come in, love. How are things?’
‘Not good, Aunt Bead. Is Uncle Paddy in?’
Aileen looked down the hall. The broad figure of her uncle—his bald head as shiny as ever, a huge smile on his face—was all the welcome she needed. ‘Aileen, love.’ He walked towards them and gave his niece a warm hug. A sob caught in her throat.
Bead placed her hand on Aileen’s b
ack and opened a door into the sitting room. ‘Let’s go in here. You’ll be more comfortable.’ She smiled. ‘Give me your jacket. I’ll hang it up. Would you like a drink, love?’
‘No, thanks.’
‘Well, sit yourself down,’ Paddy said, sitting next to her on the sofa. ‘I take it this isn’t a social call, love?’
Bead tightened the cord of her dressing-gown and sat down, crossing her legs. ‘What is it, Aileen? You look like you’ve lost a shilling and found sixpence.’
Aileen bit her lip, her emotions getting the better of her, and she covered her face and wept.
Paddy placed a strong arm around her. ‘Ah, don’t cry now. It’s only been weeks, and I know yea miss your ma, but things can’t be that bad.’ He handed her his handkerchief.
‘It’s worse than bad, Uncle Paddy,’ she sniffed. She glanced up, playing with the buttons of her cardigan. ‘I have to ask you something. Well, it’s about ma. It’ll drive me mad until I know the truth.’
Paddy frowned and glanced at Bead. ‘Well, ask away, love.’
‘Did my ma have another child? A son… I mean before she married my da, or afterwards?’
Paddy straightened up and blew out his lips. ‘Where has this come from, love?’
‘From this!’ She took the note from her bag. ‘Ma wanted me to know. Why else would she have left it where she knew I’d find it?’
Paddy read the note and passed it to Bead. ‘What do you make of it?’
‘I can’t see her writing something like that down if it didn’t mean something.’
‘Has Jonny seen this?’ asked Paddy.
Aileen nodded. ‘He won’t talk about it. Says Ma was hallucinating.’
‘Well, it’s the first we’ve heard of it.’ He shook his head. ‘There can’t be an ounce of truth in it, Aileen love. Sure, I wouldn’t lie to you. We would have known. Jessie couldn’t have kept it secret.’ He clasped his hands in front of him and twirled one thumb over the other. ‘Does Lizzy know about this?’
‘No, she’d be the last person I’d speak to about my ma.’
‘I wish I knew what to suggest.’
‘I can’t leave it like this, Uncle Paddy. I have to know.’
‘Call in at Joyce House,’ Bead said. ‘See what they can dig up. It might help you feel better.’ She got up and sat on the arm of the sofa next to Aileen. ‘Assuming it was true, and the child was born in Dublin, his birth would have to be recorded. Isn’t that so, Paddy?’
‘Yes, all Dublin births are registered there, but I doubt you’ll find anything. Have another word with your da. See if he thinks it’s worth following up. After all, he knew Jessie better than anyone.’
Aileen leaned back against the cream cushion. If her da did know, he was staying tight-lipped. ‘What about Aunt Lizzy? If anything, she’s made things worse.’
‘What about her?’
‘I wish she would go home now and leave us alone.’ Aileen’s eyes misted again.
‘What’s Lizzy doing at the shop?’ her aunt asked.
‘Hang on a minute.’ Paddy folded his arms. ‘Are you saying that Lizzy has been at the shop for three weeks then?’
‘I am, Uncle Paddy.’
He sat back scratching his chin. ‘You’d better tell me what’s going on, love.’
Aileen couldn’t contain her emotions as she told them how she felt. ‘I don’t know what to do anymore.’
‘You poor child.’ Bead leaned across to comfort her.
‘Well, I’m glad you’ve come to us, love,’ Paddy said. ‘We’re your family.’ He stood up and dug his hands deep into the pockets of his trousers. ‘Do you want me to have a word with Jonny? See if I can get to the bottom of this?’
‘He won’t take kindly to interference, Paddy,’ Bead told him. Then she turned back to Aileen. ‘Oh, Aileen love! We had no idea Jonny wasn’t coping. He loved your mother, you know that. There’s got to be a simple explanation for the way he’s acting.’
‘What am I to do? You should have heard him. I don’t recognise my da anymore.’
Paddy walked over to the window. Droplets of rain raced down the windowpane. His sigh was audible, and then he turned back to face them. ‘You say Lizzy’s coming back on Monday?’
Aileen nodded. He came back and sat next to her, lowering his head.
‘What is it, Uncle Paddy?’ Aileen hooked a strand of her hair behind her ear.
He glanced up. ‘Did Jessie ever talk to you about your aunt?’
Aileen shook her head and sat forward. ‘Why?’
‘I’m not sure if you know this, but my mother—your gran—adopted Lizzy. I can’t remember the circumstances. As far back as I can remember, Lizzy was always a strange one.’
Aileen’s head shot up. ‘So, she’s not, not Ma’s real sister?’
Bead sighed. ‘You didn’t know that then?’
‘No. Please, carry on, Uncle Paddy.’
‘She wasn’t your ma’s favourite person. Your gran made a lot of Lizzy, felt pity for her, I think, and your ma felt pushed out.’
‘Well, I can understand how ma must have felt. Lizzy’s doing the same to me.’
Paddy got up and paced the small room, his hands behind his back. ‘You’ve got to stand up to her, Aileen. Lizzy will take advantage, and Jonny’s vulnerable right now.’
‘Yes, but why does he let her dictate to him? It’s not like him at all. I don’t understand.’
Bead said, ‘Happen, she’ll go home soon.’
‘I’m not sure,’ Paddy said.
The whole situation was ridiculous and left Aileen with a sinking feeling in her stomach. She glanced up at her aunt and uncle, her eyes large with fear. ‘Don’t you see? If she stays, I’ll have to leave.’
‘Sure, that’s a bit drastic, love.’ Paddy sat down beside her. ‘Where would you live?’
‘She can stay here, can’t she, Paddy? We have a spare room upstairs.’
Her uncle looked up. ‘I think that’s a grand idea, as long as it doesn’t cause any trouble with Jonny. Do you think he’ll make a fuss?’
‘I don’t think he will care one way or the other.’
‘You could be wrong about that, Aileen. And another thing, if Jonny knew anything about a baby that Jessie had kept secret from him, he wouldn’t have tolerated it all these years.’
‘Da may or may not know, Uncle Paddy, but I’ll not rest until I find my brother and ask his forgiveness, for Ma’s sake.’
Chapter Seven
When Aileen stepped off the bus in O’Connell Street, the rain had given way to a burst of sunshine. She felt calmer. It had been good to talk to someone who understood what she was going through.
As she turned into Dorset Street, busy with traffic and shoppers, she was surprised to see Helen Duffy walking in her direction. As they drew level, Aileen noticed the girl’s dejected demeanour; shoulders slumped, her eyes cast downwards. She liked Helen, but today she was in no mood for a heart-to-heart. She felt like a fly caught in a trap.
‘Helen, hello.’ Aileen touched her arm. ‘It’s Aileen Maguire. We were at secretarial college together.’
The tall, thin girl glanced up. ‘I’m sorry, Aileen. I was miles away.’
‘What’s wrong? Can I help?’
Helen gripped Aileen’s arm and steered her into a shop doorway. ‘I’ve gone and got myself into trouble.’ Tears coursed down her face.
Aileen gasped. It was the last thing she had expected her to say. ‘I’m sorry to hear that, Helen. How long have you known?’
‘About a month, and I’m sick with worry. I’m four months’ gone, Aileen. You know what will happen when my parents find out—and they will once I begin to show.’ She sniffed. ‘I called at the shop, hoping you’d be there. I asked for a corset, and your father looked at me gone out. Said he didn’t have any. Do you know where I can get one today?’
Aileen saw the look of desperation in the girl’s eyes, and wanted to help, her own worries momentarily forgotten. ‘I migh
t be able to help.’ Her da would probably play merry hell, but she didn’t care. ‘What about the baby’s father, does he know?’
‘Yes, but he’s not happy. Whether he’ll want to marry me now, I don’t know.’
Aileen sighed. She had always hated this kind of injustice. ‘It’s as much his fault as yours, Helen.’ Then, wishing she could extract her words, she touched Helen’s arm. ‘I’m sorry. It’s none of my business.’
Helen lowered her head. ‘I’ll nip across to Clery’s. I might get one there.’ She moved away.
‘Wait, Helen. Why don’t you come back with me?’
‘Can you get me a corset then?’
‘I’ll try.’
As they walked into the shop, the bell jingled, and her father called from the top of the stairs. ‘Be there in a tick.’
‘It’s all right, Da, I’ll see to it.’
Helen fidgeted with her hands. ‘I wasn’t sure you still lived here.’
‘I doubt I’ll be here much longer. I was helping my ma in the shop until she died a few weeks back.’
‘Oh, I’m sorry. How are you managing?’
‘Well, you know.’ Aileen shrugged. ‘It’s not the same without her.’ She went behind the counter and untied the laces at the front of the dummy’s flesh-coloured corset. ‘It might be a bit big for you.’ She looked at Helen; she was so thin it was hard to believe she was in the family way. ‘Do you want to try it on in the back?’
‘No.’ The girl held it against her and glanced towards the staircase. ‘I’ll take it. I can fix it up.’ She appeared anxious to be off. ‘Can you wrap it up before your da comes down? Do you think he knows what I want it for?’
Aileen smiled. ‘I doubt it.’ She cut a large piece of brown paper from the roll, folded the foundation garment into a neat parcel, and tied it with string. ‘Are you still living in Christchurch Place?’
The girl nodded. ‘How much do I owe you?’
‘It’s a little shop-soiled, so shall we say five and sixpence?’
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