Helen extracted a ten-shilling note, and Aileen gave her the change, surprised to find four and sixpence in the till.
‘I might not see you again, Helen, but good luck. I hope things work out for you.’
‘Are you leaving then?’
‘Yes, I’m thinking of moving away. England, maybe. I’m not sure yet.’
‘Wish I could,’ she turned to leave. ‘Well, it’s been nice seeing you again, Aileen, and thanks for this.’
When the girl left, Aileen sighed. Poor Helen! Her life ruined. She had won a scholarship, and her parents were bound to be disappointed.
Aileen glanced round at the empty shelves; the homely atmosphere had gone from the shop. At one time, especially on a Saturday, the bell over the door had jingled all day long. Now, their long-standing customers had stopped coming in, disappointed when they could no longer get what they wanted. Aileen could hardly blame them.
When she went upstairs, her father was reading his newspaper spread out on top of the kitchen table. He was smartly dressed in a navy jumper and cords. She dared to hope this was the beginning of his recovery. He glanced up.
‘What was all that about?’
‘Just a girl wanting a corset, probably for her mother.’
‘But I’d already told her we don’t have any.’
‘I sold her the one on the dummy.’
He sighed. ‘I hope you told her she can’t exchange it.’
Surprised that he didn’t bawl at her, she said, ‘I don’t think she’ll want to.’
She removed her jacket and used the bathroom before going back to the kitchen. Her father put down his newspaper. ‘Sit down, Aileen.’
Frowning, she pulled out a chair. Was he going to open up, at last? He gave her a stern look. ‘I thought you’d have opened the shop this morning. It was after ten when I got down.’
‘I would have, Da, if you’d asked.’
‘Who else is going to do it? Lizzy won’t be back until Monday.’
Aileen faced him across the table. ‘So, on Monday I’m sacked, is that it?’
‘Don’t act daft. You know you want to get back to your secretarial course.’
‘What makes you think that? I was happy to work in the shop, and you made no objections before.’ She lowered her gaze. ‘Before she came poking her nose in.’
‘That’s no way to speak of your aunt. She’s just trying to help us.’
‘She’s not helping, Da. She’s driving a wedge between us.’
He laughed. ‘Now you’re being childish.’
She wasn’t the one being childish. ‘So, what exactly is Lizzy’s role?’
‘She’ll take over the household chores and help me in the business.’ What business? she was tempted to ask. ‘It’s best if you continue your studies. You can do a few hours in the shop when needed. Are you okay with that?’
‘No! No, I’m not, Da. I can’t believe you’d choose a relative we hardly know, over me.’
‘Do you expect me to tell your aunt she’s not welcome here? I never thought you could be uncharitable, Aileen.’
‘I’m not uncharitable. She has a home of her own. I’m just trying to safeguard what we’ve got.’
‘Don’t you take that tone with me, young woman. I make the decisions around here.’
Her stomach tightened. She could hardly take in what her da was saying. She felt as if she had lost both her parents and struggled to stem the flow of tears she had tried so hard to suppress.
‘Is that your final word?’
‘You heard me!’
His decision couldn’t have been clearer. Aileen scraped back her chair; she was sick to death of talking about Lizzy. Her throat tight with emotion, she poured herself a drink of cordial and swallowed the liquid. Then she turned to look at the man she hardly recognised as her father.
‘What about Ma? She would never agree to this.'
He shifted in his chair and placed his elbow on the table, his hand on one side of his face. ‘Your ma’s dead, Aileen.’
‘A good enough reason to carry out her last wish, don’t you think?’ He didn’t answer. Struggling to stay calm, she said, ‘I’ve been to Uncle Paddy’s this morning.’
‘Huh! Gave you some advice, did he?’
‘I’m trying to understand why Ma wrote that note.’
‘And are you any the wiser?’
Aileen narrowed her eyes. ‘Uncle Paddy said I should ask you.’
The unexpected thud of his fist on the table made her jump. ‘For the love ‘f God, will you give it a rest? Our business has nothing to do with anyone else.’
‘I won’t. Not until you tell me the truth.’ Her legs trembling, she stood her ground, reminding herself she was doing this for her ma. ‘If I have a brother out there and you’re not going to help me, then I’ll find him myself.’
Chapter Eight
Later that evening, Aileen prepared their tea while her father was in the shop. She had no idea what he was doing down there when the shop was closed. In spite of how she felt at his treatment of her, she got on with preparing the meal. She knew this might be the last dinner she would cook for him, and it made her sad.
She peeled and boiled the potatoes, and grilled the pork chops. She chopped and washed the cabbage, cutting it up like her ma used to, then mashed and creamed the potatoes with butter just how he liked them. The gravy made, she called him to the table. Perhaps after he’d had a good meal, he might listen to her. She was sure he was keeping something back, but it was so easy to get on his wrong side these days so she would have to tread carefully.
He sat down expectantly and began to eat. ‘This is how your ma…’ He paused. ‘Well, you won’t go wrong if you can cook as good as she did.’
Aileen smiled and picked at her food.
He pushed a forkful of potato into his mouth and cut into his meat. ‘Earlier, you asked about things I find difficult to talk about. The past is the past. It’s of no consequence now.’ He paused and chewed his meat.
‘What… what do you mean?’
‘You’re too young to understand, Aileen.’
‘I’m not too young, Da. Why won’t you give me a chance?’
He continued eating in silence. When he had finished, he pushed his plate aside. Aileen brought him his apple pie and custard; she could see he was enjoying it.
‘Thanks. That was nice.’ He scraped back his chair and stood up.
‘Why are you distant with me, Da? What have I done?’
‘Nothing! You’ve done nothing. It’s me. I just want you to leave me alone.’ He shook his head and sat back down, his head in his hands. ‘My wife’s dead. You can’t possibly understand what that feels like.’
‘My God, Da! You’re pathetic. You’re not the only one grieving. Ma said you’d be like this, and she asked me to look after you.’ She stood up. The knot in her stomach tightened, and the words tumbled together on her tongue. ‘But you know what, Da?’ She didn’t have to ask. ‘You don’t want me here, do you? You want Aunt Lizzy.’ She swallowed. ‘What is going on, Da?’
‘How dare you ask me that, and your Ma not cold in her grave! Nothing’s going on.’
‘So what is it then, Da?’
‘I enjoy her company, and to hell with anyone who wants to make more of it.’ He jumped up, knocking over the milk jug. The white liquid streamed across the floral, plastic table cover and dripped onto the floor. Aileen grabbed a glass cloth and mopped it up. Her father, without any apology, waved his hand and walked away.
Aileen sat at the table choking back her grief; her energy spent, her questions still unanswered. Where should she turn? She had no idea?
With all that was going on, she had forgotten about her date with Dermot. He would be waiting for her on the corner in half an hour. He was handsome, always whistling and happy, but the way she felt she could not raise a smile.
She lay on her bed and scribbled a note to him cancelling their date. He would be disappointed, but she wasn’t ready to
share her ma’s secret with him. She forced herself off the bed, opened her window, and looked down. One of the neighbour’s lads, playing with a ball on the pavement, glanced up.
‘Can you take a message to Dermot at the butcher’s for me? I’ll give you a shilling.’ The boy nodded then waited for her to come down. She handed him the note sealed inside an envelope and placed the money into his hand. ‘Tell him I’m sorry. I’ll explain when I see him. Can you do that?’
The boy nodded and shot off.
* * *
The following morning, everything was as she had left it the previous evening. Sighing, she cleared the table and washed the dishes. It was eight thirty and the church bell tolled the half hour. Thinking her father was still asleep, she let him be while she made a pot of strong tea and put bread in the toaster. When she’d finished eating her toast, she poured tea into his mug. She wanted to apologise for the way she had spoken to him the previous evening.
He wasn’t in his bed. The room was in disarray; the dressing table drawers were hanging open, and private papers lay strewn on the bed. Her hands shook and she placed the tea down on the chest of drawers before she dropped it. Had they been burgled? She rushed around checking the other rooms. Nothing had been disturbed. Where was he?
Cautiously, she tiptoed downstairs, her heart racing. Her da never worked in the shop on Sundays, except to stock take. Relief flooded through her when she saw him perched on the stool, reading through a document, the filing cabinet open behind him.
‘Da. What are you doing? I thought we’d been robbed.’ She sighed. ‘Are you all right?’
‘Course I’m all right. Don’t touch anything upstairs, I’ll tidy it up later.’
‘What are you looking for?’
‘The deeds to the shop. You haven’t seen them, have you?’
‘Why?’
‘I’m selling this place.’
Aileen gripped the counter. ‘But, Da! You can’t.’ Was he losing his mind? ‘When did you decide this?’
‘I’m starting a new business with Lizzy.’
‘Please don’t do this, Da. You haven’t thought it through.’
He turned round and faced her. ‘Your ma and me, we talked about moving before and after she took sick. The shop, the stairs; it was all getting too much for her with her heart. Now I’m ready. I want a fresh start. I’ve saved enough, so you needn’t concern yourself, Aileen.’
‘Now isn’t the right time.’ She moved closer to him and placed her hand on his arm. ‘You’re still grieving.’
‘How do you know what I’m feeling?’ He got down from the stool and placed the papers he was reading back in the file, noisily slid it shut, then swung round to face her. ‘Now’s as good a time as any other.’
‘But where will we live? Where will you go?’
‘You can stay in digs in the city and finish your studies. It’s what Jessie wanted and then, should you wish to join us, we’ll not be too far from here. It’ll be your home, too.’
Aileen could hardly believe what she was hearing, and she shook her head as a tear escaped and ran down her cheek. ‘Were you ever going to discuss it with me, Da?’
‘There’s nothing to discuss.’ He walked towards the stairs.
Aileen stood as if her feet were glued to the spot. She should have guessed; the shop was almost bare. Her da was setting up another business with Lizzy, and he couldn’t be bothered to tell her.
This was the last straw. A feeling of loneliness engulfed her, and she went into the back of the shop and wept.
* * *
An hour later, Aileen went to the bathroom to freshen up. She knew what she should do. Why hadn’t she thought of it before? She put on her white cardigan, slipped her feet into flat, white pumps, and walked the short distance to the church. Sunday masses were every half hour, so the street was alive with churchgoers.
Neighbours smiled and wished her a good morning. Usually, Aileen stopped to chat, but this morning she smiled her greeting and hurried on, her mind on questions she wanted answered.
She arrived as the nine-thirty mass had just finished. Inside, she saw the older priest shake hands with a young couple and then retire to the vestry. She gave him a few seconds, then followed.
‘Can I have a word with you please, Father?’ The altar boy glanced round at her before discreetly moving into the next room.
‘Yes, what is it?’ The priest sounded cranky, and she wished she had made an appointment; their meeting might have been more relaxed. But she was here now and determined to make the best of it.
‘I’m sorry if it’s inconvenient, Father, but I have to talk to you.’
He lifted his vestments over his head and placed them down on the long mahogany counter in front of him, before turning to look at her. ‘You’re the young Maguire girl who lost her mother a few weeks back.’ He frowned. ‘I’ve not seen you in church much! How are you getting on?’
‘I’m very unhappy, Father,’ she said, ignoring the church comment. ‘I found my ma’s note.’ She observed his uneasiness, then she opened her bag and passed him the note.
The altar boy returned and hung up the vestments before saying, ‘I’m off now, Father Kelly.’
‘Good lad! Don’t be late tomorrow now.’
The altar boy had done her a favour. With so many parish priests, she had forgotten the older man’s name. With a heavy sigh, the priest sat down, and Aileen sat opposite him on the side bench.
‘There’s nothing I can tell you about this. Mrs Maguire had written this before I arrived to hear her confession.’ He handed back the note.
‘But you knew what was in it, didn’t you, Father?’
‘That sounds to me like an accusation, young woman,’ he snapped.
‘I’m sorry, Father Kelly. It wasn’t meant to sound like that. I’m so confused. Don’t you have any idea?’
He shook his head. ‘No. It was none of my business. I placed it in the box on her dressing table like she asked me to.’
‘Please help me to understand. Da won’t discuss it, and it’s important to me—and obviously it was to my ma.’
He cleared his throat and leant forward, joining his hands. Then he glanced up at her. ‘Don’t go blaming your father. He’s all you’ve got.’
A sob broke at the back of her throat. He had no idea. If he had, he certainly wouldn’t condone what her da was up to. ‘Father Kelly, I know you can’t divulge my ma’s confession, but please tell me about the note. I could have a brother somewhere. All you need to say is yes, or no. It’s driving me mad.’
The priest stood up.
‘Yes, it is true, but I can’t see how…’
‘I knew it. Ma wouldn’t have put it down on paper if it weren’t.’
‘But what can you do about it now?’
Aileen’s face lifted into a tearful smile. ‘Well, I won’t know until I try, will I, Father?’
He nodded. ‘I’m afraid I have to leave you now.’ He walked through to the back of the vestry.
‘Thank you, Father Kelly.’
Leaving the church, Aileen had no idea where to begin her search, but she was sure of one thing, she wouldn’t give up looking no matter how long it took. The priest had confirmed what she already knew, without breaking any of his priestly vows. She couldn’t go back to the shop. Instead, she caught a bus to Uncle Paddy’s.
Chapter Nine
‘Aileen, come in, come in.’ Paddy kissed her cheek. ‘We’re in the kitchen. Come on down.’ Aileen followed down the hall. She could smell boiled bacon and cabbage, and it revived her appetite. Bead was making sandwiches and glanced round.
‘I’m glad you’ve come back,’ her aunt said. ‘Sit down. I’ve made a quick snack
for Paddy, but there’s enough for the both of you.’ She glanced wistfully at her husband. ‘Even though lunch will be ready in an hour. You’ll stay, won’t you, Aileen?’
Aileen felt her stomach rumble. Eating at home had been almost non-existent and the smell of h
er aunt’s cooking was too tempting to refuse. ‘If you’re sure. I don’t want to impose.’
‘Get away with you.’ Bead placed a small plate of neatly-cut sandwiches on the table next to her and what looked like a doorstep in front of Paddy then went into the hall.
Aileen bit into the ham, lettuce, and tomato sandwich and helped herself to another. They were the tastiest she had had in ages. Paddy pulled over a chair. It looked far too small for him as he lowered himself down. He poured the tea and passed her a cup just as Bead popped her head round the door.
‘I’m off to catch the eleven o’clock. I’ll be back before you know I’ve gone.’ She smiled. ‘You have a chat with Paddy, and I’ll see you later, love.’ She buttoned her coat. ‘Oh, and Paddy, put a light under the potatoes in half an hour,’ she said, before hurrying out.
Aileen lowered her head. ‘I’m sorry, Uncle Paddy, I know you and Aunt Bead are my godparents, but I can’t go to mass anymore.’
‘Don’t let that worry you, pet.’ He laughed. ‘I’ve not been inside a church for years.
Bead still gets on at me.’ He finished eating and placed his elbows on the table.
‘Are things any better at home?’
She placed her cup down. ‘No, Uncle Paddy. Da’s still pushing me away.’
Paddy frowned. ‘What’s got into the man?’
‘He’s selling the shop.’ She choked back a sob. ‘He’s setting up again somewhere else with Lizzy.’ The knot in her stomach tightened as she related all that had happened since the previous day. Paddy pulled his chair closer to the table and began to stir his tea in silence. He leaned back and folded his arms.
‘Sounds like he’s more or less chucking yer out. His own daughter!’
‘Oh, this is all such a mess, Uncle Paddy.’ She brushed aside a wisp of her hair.
‘Perhaps I should go over and have a word with him, man to man, like.’
‘He won’t listen.’ Aileen stood up and cleared the plates onto a tray.
‘Well, I’ll give him no choice.’ He shook his head. ‘Most of this will be to do with her. Lizzy.’
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