‘You mean about Da selling the shop?’ She took the tray across the kitchen and placed it on the draining board.
‘Well, I don’t know about that. Jonny’s his own man.’
‘I don’t know, Uncle Paddy? Anyone would think she had some hold over Da.’
‘Let’s go in the other room,’ Paddy said, walking to the door. ‘Leave the dishes, love, we’ll do them later.’
They sat together on the sofa. Paddy knitted his fingers and held them in front of his face, his forehead creased into a frown.
‘What is it, Uncle Paddy?’ Aileen’s eyes widened.
Clearing his throat, Paddy said. ‘Look, love, don’t fly off the handle now, will you? It was years ago.’
‘What was? Please tell me.’
‘When we were all younger than we are now,’ he smiled. ‘Your da and Lizzy were walking out together.’
‘What? You mean they were a couple?’ She swallowed and pressed her hand to her face. ‘Were they having an affair when my ma–?’
‘No, no, Aileen. Your da loved your ma. There was never any doubt about that.’ Paddy took her hand.
‘I don’t understand.’
‘As I said, it was years ago,’ Paddy continued, ‘When Jessie came back from university in England, all that changed.’
‘My ma lived in England?’ Aileen was astounded her mother had never mentioned it.
‘She was clever; passed scholarships for God-knows-what. I know she stayed in digs for a while. She’d be about eighteen at the time.’ He turned towards her. ‘I know what you’re thinking, and you can put that right out of your head. If Jessie had had a child over there, she would have let it slip to someone, especially Bead’s cousin, Mary. They were close once.’ He leaned back. ‘Anyhow, as I was saying, when Jonny saw Jessie, he was smitten. He dropped Lizzy, but I’d say she’s carried a torch for him all these years.’
He folded his arms. ‘She had a couple of chances but turned them down. I suppose you can’t help feeling sorry for Lizzy.’
‘Sorry! For her? I don’t. I feel sorry for my ma. It seems as if Lizzy was lying in wait. She’s ruined everything, and now she’s taken my da away from me.’ She buried her head in her hands.
The front door clicked, and Aileen looked up. They heard Bead walk towards the kitchen. ‘Does Aunt Bead know?'
‘Aye, she insisted I tell you, for what it’s worth.’
* * *
Over dinner, the three continued to try and make sense of it all. Regardless of how she felt, Aileen enjoyed her aunt’s cooking, followed by a bowl of rhubarb pie and custard. When they had finished eating, Bead piled the dirty plates onto a tray.
‘I’ll make us a drink.’ She glanced towards her husband. ‘Would you prefer something stronger?’
‘No thanks, love, I’ll leave me tipple ‘til later.’ Sighing, he sat back on the sofa.
Aileen got up, lifted the heavy-laden tray and followed her aunt to the kitchen. She placed the dinner plates into the sink.
‘The immersions on, Aileen, so the water should be hot.’
As they worked companionably together, Bead said, ‘You can come and live here, you know, if things get too much for you at home.’
‘Thanks, Aunt Bead.’
Aileen knew that if she were to live with her aunt and uncle, it would upset her da; in spite of everything, he was still her da and had always been a good father to her. Things had changed between them, and now it was time for her to think about her own future.
‘All right, love. Leave them to drain, and we’ll go back into Paddy and have our coffee.’ Bead placed the drinks on a tray with handles on either side and carried it in. She sat in the armchair and Aileen settled down on the sofa next to Paddy.
‘I think it’s best if I move away, Uncle Paddy,’ she said. ‘I can’t stay and watch Da sell the shop. It’s too painful; Ma loved it so much.’
‘Now that’s a bit drastic. Where will you go? I think you’re being hasty, love.’ He glanced at his wife.
Bead shook her head. ‘I’ve told her we have a room upstairs going spare.’
Paddy stood up and paced the room then, turning, he said. ‘How do you think your da will take it, you going away like that?’
‘There’s no telling with him. But I can’t stay and watch Lizzy taking Ma’s place.’ She sipped her coffee.
‘No. I can see that.’ Bead nodded.
Aileen bit her lip. Just thinking about that woman with her da made her want to retch.
‘Look,’ Bead said. ‘If you’re intent on going, I’ll phone Cousin Mary in Birmingham. She runs a small guesthouse, and might be able to help. She and Jessie were good friends at one time. That way, you won’t be living amongst strangers.’
Paddy clicked his tongue. ‘You’ll be as lonely as hell over there, Aileen.’
A tear escaped down her face and plopped onto her hand. ‘Don’t say that, Uncle Paddy.’ She sniffed. ‘If I stay, it will never be the same.’
Bead sighed as Paddy pulled Aileen to her feet and wrapped her in a hug. ‘No more crying. You’ve done enough of that these past weeks.’
‘Have you money?’ her aunt asked.
‘I’ve got a bit saved.’
Paddy fished his wallet from his back pocket. ‘Here, take this. He pushed two five pound notes into her hand. ‘You can never have enough.’
‘Thanks, Uncle Paddy. I don’t know what I’d have done without you both.’
‘We’re always here if you need us. Let us know what you decide, but take your time. It’s a big step.’
Chapter Ten
It was late on Sunday evening by the time Aileen arrived home. Her da was dozing in his chair. He never used to do that, and she wondered if he’d been drinking. In her room, she changed into a pair of black, mid-calf Capri pants and a red top. She had made no prior arrangement to see Dermot, and she hoped he wouldn’t mind her calling unannounced. She piled her blonde hair on top with hairgrips and a spray of lacquer, then she clipped on flat, shiny black earrings. When she was ready, she gave her da a cursory glance before she tiptoed down the stairs.
As she walked towards the butcher’s, she hoped Dermot had forgiven her for letting him down the previous night and crossed her fingers that he’d be in. She felt the need to talk to him. These last few weeks her feelings towards him had grown, and she would miss him once she left the street. Her happy childhood memories of growing up above the haberdashery would remain with her wherever she went.
Unlike the haberdashery, the butcher’s shop had a side entrance that led to the living quarters, with plenty of yard space towards the back. The light was on in the scullery.
Aileen knocked on the green door with the black letterbox. When it opened, Mrs Brogan stood before her, drying her hands on a tea towel.
‘Aileen! What a nice surprise. Come in, love.’
‘I’m sorry to disturb you. Can I have a word with Dermot?’ She turned her head towards the living room. ‘Is he in?’
‘Course he is. Go on through.’
Their living room felt homely, the sofa inviting, and the radio played soft, relaxing music. She could smell home baking, and Dermot was just demolishing the remains of a fresh scone. Mr Brogan and Dermot stood up as she entered the room.
‘Aileen! I wasn’t expecting you. Just give me five minutes,’ he said, dropping crumbs onto the carpet as he disappeared upstairs.
‘Sit down, love.’ Dermot’s mother threw the tea towel over her shoulder and sat down. ‘How are you coping without your poor ma?’
‘It’s not great.’ She glanced down and fiddled with a loose thread on the rib of her jumper.
‘Ah, sure, I know,’ the woman continued. ‘I miss me chats with Jessie, God rest her. Your father’s a man of few words.’ She laughed. ‘He must miss her all the same.’
Aileen forced a smile. ‘Aunt Lizzy’s coming back tomorrow.’
Mr Brogan lowered his newspaper. ‘Will yea stop gassin’ and make the girl a drink?’<
br />
At that moment, Dermot came back, looking smarter in a fresh pair of jeans and a white, open-necked polo shirt.
‘Right, we’re off,’ he said. ‘See yer both later.’
Relieved, Aileen stood up. It still hurt to talk about her ma, and she quickly followed Dermot out. Once they were alone, he paused to look at her. ‘What’s up? Has something happened?’
‘Can we go somewhere and talk?’
They walked to the corner. Then he took her hand and hurried her across the street towards the city. The centre was quite lively for a Sunday night, with queues outside most of the cinemas. Aileen’s heart was heavy, and she could see Dermot was no longer smiling, his brow furrowed. When they were sitting opposite each other in their favourite cafe, a coffee in front of them, he spoke. ‘Is this about us, Aileen?’ He placed both arms on the table.
‘I’m going away.’ She swallowed. ‘I don’t want to, but I’ve no choice, and it has nothing to do with us.’ She paused. ‘It’s my aunt.’
He gulped his coffee. ‘You’re kiddin’ me. You’re letting her drive you out of your home.’
‘Let me explain, and then I hope you’ll understand.’ She took a sip of her coffee. ‘I’m going to Birmingham.’
‘Birmingham!’ He sat back and folded his arms, his mood sombre. ‘Why go away?’
Aileen hesitated. She was going to lay her family bare, and the hissing of the coffee machine and the rattle of cups distracted her. People passed close to their table. Dermot placed his hand over hers; their eyes locked, and she found the courage to burden him with her concerns.
When she finished, she glanced up to see Dermot struggling with his emotions. He placed his hand over his face and stood up. ‘I’ll get us another coffee.’
She watched him walk to the tall counter and wait his turn; then she took a tissue from her bag and dabbed her eyes. When he came back, he placed the coffee down next to her, spilling some onto the saucer. ‘Clumsy me. Here, have mine.’ He moved the cups around and sat down. He appeared to ponder, and Aileen feared she had gone too far in revealing so much.
‘Are you shocked?’ she asked.
‘I’m furious, although I have no right to be.’ He swallowed. His face softened as he reached for her hand. ‘How can he do this to you, his own flesh and blood?’
‘That’s what Uncle Paddy said.’ She took another tissue from her bag.
‘Don’t go, Aileen.’
A tear trickled down her face. ‘Try to understand. I can’t stay living under the same roof, knowing what I do.’
‘What does your da say about you going?’
‘I’ve not told him. Anyway, he doesn’t talk to me. I guess he just can’t face the truth.’
‘I’ll help you look for your brother.’ He looked into her eyes. ‘I’m not going to add to your misery by trying to dissuade you from leaving. I love you, Aileen Maguire. I’ll come with you.’
‘That’s sweet of you, Dermot. But I can’t let you do that. Your father needs you. Besides, I’m staying with Aunt Bead’s cousin. I’ll be fine.’
‘You won’t object if I come and visit, then?’
‘I’ll look forward to it.’
The cafe was filling up. Young people pressed coins into small machines by their tables to select songs. When a blast of Elvis’s Blue Suede Shoes filled the room, Dermot pushed back his chair and stood up. ‘Let’s get out of here.’
It was growing dark, and O’Connell Street was awash with lights. The queues had disappeared from outside cinemas. Love-struck couples walked arm-in-arm. Buses belched out fumes as they pulled away from bus stops, leaving a smoky smell. Men in caps chatted by the taxi rank waiting for their next fare. Life went on as usual, but Aileen felt like hers was over.
They passed the spot where Nelson’s Pillar once stood—now a pile of rubble, a relic of what had once been a familiar landmark and focal meeting place for most people. Aileen loved Dublin, and with so much yet to discover, she knew she would miss everything she had come to know and love about the Fair City. But there was no point in sentiment now.
They walked hand-in-hand in comfortable silence, and Aileen felt a sense of relief to have shared her family secret with Dermot. She couldn’t decipher his thoughts, but every now and then she felt the pressure of his hand on hers; the thought of leaving him brought a lump to her throat.
Without realising it, they reached the top of Grafton Street and continued towards the park. It was the middle of August, and, although there had been no sun all day, it was a mild evening. Oblivious to couples enjoying the secluded interior of the park’s green oasis, Dermot sought out a bench by a tree, and they sat down.
‘When will you go?’ he asked.
‘Next week, once I’ve got my ferry ticket.’
He placed his arm around her shoulder. She knew he would think it was too soon, and she was right. ‘Have you thought this through, Aileen? You’ve hardly had time to grieve your mother, and you’ve no idea what it will be like living away from home.’
She had heard all this from her Uncle Paddy. ‘I’m not a child, Dermot. I told you I’ll be staying with Bead’s cousin.’ If the truth be known, she would give anything not to have to go, and for things to return to how they were before her ma died.
‘I’m sorry, Aileen. I didn’t mean…’
A young couple walked past them laughing, arms entwined. Aileen wished she could be that happy. She turned towards Dermot. ‘I’ll take my ma with me, in my heart, wherever I go.’
‘I know. What I’m trying to say is, I love you and care what happens to you.’
‘I think I love you, too. But…’
Dermot moved closer, and her head flopped onto his broad shoulder. ‘Why don’t we get married?’
The question, so unexpected, forced her to sit upright.
‘Now who’s being impulsive?’ Yes, it would solve her problems, but she was only eighteen and had seen nothing of the world.
‘Of course, we’d have to live at mine until I’d enough for a down payment on a place of our own.’
She swallowed. ‘You’re serious?’
He nodded. As much as she loved Dermot, if she were to marry now, it would be for the wrong reasons. Living with Dermot’s family wouldn’t help at all, and she had to get away from the street.
‘It’s all right, Aileen. I don’t expect you to answer me now.’ He pulled her back towards him.
‘I’m flattered that you asked me. I do love you, but I don’t want to marry yet. And I know you’d like me to stay, but my mind’s made up.’
‘Well, the offer still stands. You’re the only girl for me.’
His words made her cry, only, this time, he gently brushed her tears away with his thumb.
Later, when they said goodnight, Dermot’s kisses told her what she needed to know about his feelings, and it made her all the more aware of what she was leaving behind. For the first time since walking out with Dermot, he aroused in her feelings that left her wanting more.
Chapter Eleven
On Monday morning, Aileen was up early after a sleepless night. She wondered how her da would react once she told him she was leaving. She was also curious to ask him about his relationship with Lizzy before the woman returned.
She made breakfast of bacon and eggs for them both, and,while they were still at the table, she forced herself into a nonchalant mood.
‘You never said you and Lizzy walked out together, Da.’
He looked taken aback. ‘My God! Tongues have been wagging.’
‘Is it true?’
‘We were kids. I’d hardly call a few kisses a relationship.’
‘What about now?’ she dared.
He leaned his elbows on the table. ‘What do you mean? I’ve not seen Lizzy in twenty years.’
‘Well, she certainly has a motive now. It could account for the way she’s pushing me out.’
‘That’s nonsense, and you know it.’
‘Is it? Have you still got feelings for her,
Da?’
He glared at her. ‘How dare you question me in this manner? How I feel is my business, is that clear?’
‘I’m sorry, Da.’ She looked down at her hands folded in her lap. ‘I didn’t mean to
be disrespectful.’ There was so much more she wanted to say. It was crystal clear what was going on, even if her da hadn’t figured it out yet.
He stood up to leave.
‘Before you go, Da, I-I’m sorry if this upsets you. I’m going to Birmingham to stay with Bead’s cousin. I’m leaving tonight.’
He swung round. ‘I suppose this was their idea.’
‘No. It was mine.’
‘There’s no need for you to go. Once you start showing a little respect to Lizzy, we’ll all get along fine.’
‘But, Da–’
He silenced her with a look. ‘Now, I’ve things to do. Lizzy will be here soon.’ And he went down to open the shop.
He hadn’t taken her seriously. ‘Oh, Da,’ she sighed, and placed the dirty dishes in the sink and washed them.
* * *
Aileen had just finished mopping the kitchen floor when her father appeared at the top of the stairs lugging two heavy cases. Lizzy followed, a cigarette dangling from her mouth. Aileen’s heart sank, and for the umpteenth time, she wondered what her father saw in the woman. Seeing her aunt again washed away any doubts she had about going away.
‘I thought you’d be down at the college, Aileen,’ her aunt said, taking the cigarette from her mouth. The smoke curled upwards and caught the back of Aileen’s throat. ‘They will be enrolling again soon, won’t they?’
‘No. It’s not what I want to do?’
‘Really!’ She glanced round as Aileen’s father placed the heavy cases just inside the bedroom door. ‘Have you explained to her about your plans, Jonny?’
‘She knows what her ma wanted for her, but the choice is hers.’
As Lizzy pulled out a chair and sat down, Aileen placed a saucer down in front of her to catch the ash.
‘How was your journey, Lizzy?’ her da asked. ‘Was the bus on time?'
She didn’t answer. She stubbed the remains of her cigarette into the saucer and stood up, removed her coat, and hung it up and sat back down. ‘So what are you going to do then?’ Lizzy persisted.
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