His Heart

by Claire Kingsley

  “Yeah, it was,” she said. “I was really upset at first. But then I realized if I’d have stayed with him, I would have totally been settling. It was still a bullshit thing for him to do to me, but it was for the best that we broke up.”

  “I’m sorry,” I said. “What an awful thing to go through.”

  “Thanks,” she said. “Okay, so I talked to Sebastian after my mom did. I know you two met the day we had lunch with him. Then you left town with him and came here. He didn’t tell me why exactly, but I’m going to guess it wasn’t because your life was all sunshine and roses.”

  “No,” I said. “Truth?”

  “Truth.”

  I took a deep breath. “I lost my job, and my apartment. Then the guy I was living with gave me a black eye and a split lip.”

  “Holy shit,” she said. “Why didn’t you call my mom?”

  A lump rose in my throat and my voice trembled. “He broke my phone. But mostly I didn’t want her to know.”

  “Give her some credit,” she said. “What do you think she would have done? Tossed you out on your ass? You know my family better than that. We would have helped you.”

  “I know,” I said. “But I kept doing stupid things. And I knew it, I just didn’t care enough to do anything differently. Everything felt so fucking hard after Liam died.”

  “Well, yeah, you never got any help,” she said. “That wasn’t something you should have gone through on your own. My parents and I went to therapy. Have you seen a counselor? Or even just talked to someone about it?”

  “No.”

  “Maybe it’s time,” she said. “I mean, Jesus, you were there. You lived through it. I know it was so hard on you.”

  I looked down at my tea, still clutched in my hands. “I don’t have the words.”

  She put her hand on my knee and squeezed. “So, what’s going on now? Sebastian made it sound like he thought you were pretty happy here until you imploded the other night. What was that about?”

  “I don’t know,” I said. “I spent a few days feeling really down. It happens sometimes, but this was the worst in a while. I wanted to get rid of that feeling. So I took some pills and went to a bar to drink.”

  “And that’s how you ended up hanging out of the back of a pickup truck with a bunch of drunk frat boys?” she asked.

  “Basically, yeah.”

  “Fuck, Brooke, you’re a dumbass,” she said. “I love you, but really?”

  “I know,” I said. “And the worst part is…”

  “What?” she asked. “Tell me.”

  “The worst part is what I did to Sebastian,” I said. “I really hurt him.”

  “So, you and Sebastian are like…” She raised her eyebrows. “Right?”

  “What, together?” I asked. “No. We’re just friends.”

  “Hmm,” she said, narrowing her eyes at me. “You sure about that?”

  I took a sip of tea to give myself a second before I answered. “Of course I’m sure. I think I’d know.”

  “Nothing has happened between you,” she said. “No ill-conceived make-out session you never spoke of again, or a sweaty drunken night together that you’re trying to pretend didn’t happen?”

  “I told you, I haven’t been drinking,” I said. “And he never does.”

  “Not even a tender moment of longing where something almost happened, but didn’t?”

  “No, I…” But I trailed off before I finished protesting. There had been a moment like that. Actually, there had been many moments like that. At least, moments that could have been. I wasn’t sure.

  I knew Sebastian was more to me than just a casual friend. He’d gradually worked his way into the hollow space where my heart had lived, filling it with his warmth.

  What did he see when he looked at me? A girl who was a walking disaster, no doubt. But what did he feel? Friendship? Something more?

  “I don’t know, but it doesn’t matter,” I said. “I ruined it.”

  “Making a mistake doesn’t mean you ruined a friendship forever,” she said. “Right?

  “Yeah, but Sebastian isn’t going to put up with me anymore.”

  “You realize how much he cares about you, right?” she asked. “If he didn’t care, he’d just bail and let you run around with all the frat boys you want. But he didn’t. He reached out to my mom, hoping she could help you. He picked me up at the airport and drove me here. I saw the way he looked when he was talking about you. Maybe he’s mad, but he’s not walking away.”

  I stared at her as what she was telling me sank in. He hadn’t written me off. I still had a chance. Maybe I hadn’t lost him.

  “Oh my god, I need to go talk to him.” I put my mostly-full tea down on the side table and got up, my entire body filled with urgency. “Do you know if he’s home?”

  “Calm your tits, crazy,” she said. “Yeah, I think he’s home. I’m supposed to call him after I talk to you and tell him how you’re doing.”

  “Okay, call him, then. Talk to him.”

  “Maybe we should just go over there,” she said. “And you talk to him. It’s close, right?”

  I nodded. “Yeah, we can walk.”

  “Let me go use the bathroom first.”

  My heart raced while I waited for her to come out. I paced around the living room, too agitated to sit. It all made so much sense now. I’d been trying to deny it—trying to push my feelings away. Afraid of what they would mean.

  But I knew the truth. I was in love with Sebastian, and nothing would ever be the same.

  Part III

  The whispers of my heart

  grow

  until they are

  more than a breath of air

  sound

  fury

  passion

  things I did not know

  until I found you

  ~B

  25

  Brooke

  Olivia knocked on the door while I tried to hide behind her. Charlie answered, dressed in a t-shirt and jeans.

  His eyebrows lifted and his lips turned up in a smile. “Hi. I guess you’re looking for Seb?”

  “Oh my god, you’re huge too,” Olivia said, her voice awed.

  “Uh, yeah. I guess so?” He held out a hand. “I’m Charlie.”

  “Sorry.” Olivia took his hand. “I’m Olivia. You have really beautiful eyes. And I obviously have no filter right now.”

  Charlie grinned. “That’s okay. It’s nice to meet you.”

  They kept shaking hands, their eyes locked, for a lot longer than necessary. I had a feeling neither of them remembered I was there.

  Sebastian came down the hallway and I peered at him from behind Olivia. He wore a pair of gray sweats and his sleeveless shirt displayed his muscular arms in all their glory. His hair was carelessly unkempt, his beard a little thicker than usual. My heart felt like it was going to beat right out of my chest and my tummy swirled. Tingles of emotion bubbled up from deep inside, feelings long buried trying to make their way to the surface.

  “Oh, hi,” Olivia said, taking her hand back from Charlie.

  “Did you talk to her?” Sebastian asked.

  “Yeah,” she said. “She’s okay, but I think maybe you should just talk to her.”

  She stepped aside and I found myself under the intense gaze of those gorgeous green and brown eyes. Sebastian stared at me, his face unreadable.

  Charlie glanced behind him, then at me. “So, Olivia, you must be hungry after your flight. Want to grab some dinner with me?”

  “I’d love to,” Olivia said. “I’ll be back in a little bit, okay, Brooke?”

  I nodded, my eyes never leaving Sebastian.

  Charlie grabbed his keys, then walked Olivia out to the driveway. I stepped inside and closed the door as Charlie’s truck roared to life.

  I decided to take a page from Olivia’s book, and get straight to the point.

  “Sebastian, I’m so sorry. I know telling you that I’m a mess is a stupid excuse. There’s no excuse
for what I did. But I am a mess, and I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry I put myself in danger, and that you had to rescue me. But more than anything, I’m so sorry I hurt you.”

  He just looked at me for a moment and I tried not to let my knees shake.

  “I need to know why you did it,” he said.

  “Because I felt hollow.” I swallowed hard, tears suddenly threatening, coming out of nowhere. “Because I spent days feeling like I couldn’t get out bed. Like I was fading away. And I wanted to feel something.”

  “You wanted to feel something with him?” Sebastian asked.

  “No, that wasn’t it, I swear. I got so out of control, I had no idea what I was doing. I just wanted to feel free—to drown out all my thoughts. Numb my feelings.”

  “Why?” he asked.

  “I don’t know how to explain it.”

  “Tell me,” he said, moving closer.

  “I said I don’t know how.”

  He surged forward and got right in front of me, caging me against the door with his arms. He was so close, I could feel his body heat, smell his seductive scent.

  “Tell me.”

  “Because sometimes I feel like I died,” I whispered. “And I don’t know why I’m here. I feel like my heart stopped beating when Liam’s did.”

  His eyes held mine. I couldn’t look away. He took my hand and brought it to his chest. My fingers trembled as I opened them, brushing lightly against his shirt. Then he covered my hand with his and pressed my palm against him.

  “His heart is still beating,” he said, his voice low and quiet. “It didn’t stop.”

  A tear trailed down my cheek as I felt the rhythmic thump, thump, thump of his heart. I closed my eyes. His hand over mine was warm, his chest firm and strong. The beats of his heart pulsed against my palm.

  His other hand settled gently on my chest, and his voice was so soft. “Neither did yours.”

  I covered his hand with my own and he leaned down so our foreheads touched. The rhythm of his heart thrummed through me. It was sensation and desire. Fear, and hope. It was life.

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

  “Brooke, this heart beat for you when it lived inside him,” Sebastian said. “It still beats for you now that it lives inside me.”

  He dropped my hands and ran his fingers through my hair, his face close to mine. His fingertips pressed gently into my scalp. Heat poured through me at his touch, and I held onto his thick arms as if I might crumple to the ground.

  “Tell me no.” His nose brushed against mine. “Tell me you can’t do this, and I walk away.”

  My body screamed the yes my lips struggled to produce. I wanted him in every way—wanted him more than I’d ever wanted anyone.

  “Yes.”

  Without a second of hesitation, he took my mouth in a hard kiss. His beard grazed my skin and his lips pressed against mine, demanding I give in. Demanding I give him everything.

  I surrendered.

  His kiss was fierce, and I answered his passion with my own. Our mouths opened. Tongues caressed. Tastes mingled. I wound my arms around his neck, and his hands moved down my back, our bodies pressing together. He was so big. So overwhelming. His strong arms enveloped me, his thick muscles tense.

  He pulled away suddenly, leaving me breathless. I didn’t want him to stop. He placed his hand alongside my face and looked into my eyes.

  “I’ve wanted you for so long,” he said. “I want to make your heart beat. Hard, like mine does when I’m with you. I want to make you gasp for breath. I want to make you feel, Brooke. If I can make you feel half of what I do right now, you’ll know you’re alive.”

  I nodded, too enthralled to speak. He kissed me again, his mouth hungry and aggressive. My body came to life, nerve endings lighting up. Pieces of me I’d kept buried exploding to the surface.

  He picked me up and pushed me against the door. I wrapped my legs around his waist and his hands gripped tight to my ass. His solid erection pressed between my legs. Even through our clothes, the feel of him sent sparks of pleasure racing through me.

  It had been years since I’d had a real orgasm. It was as if that part of me had shut off. The pressure of Sebastian’s cock grinding against me brought it back in a rush. Tension built and I moved my hips, aching for more. Desperate.

  As if he already knew the intricacies of my body, he moved in a steady rhythm, rubbing against me in just the right spot. I held tight to his back as every muscle in my core contracted. He didn’t stop, his movements relentless, his breath hot on my neck. My eyes rolled back and I moaned, the sensation overtaking me. Holy shit, he was going to make me come like this. Right here against his front door.

  I clutched at his back. The heat between my legs built, wetness soaking my panties. Tingling waves of pleasure rolled through me as Sebastian’s stiff erection pressed against me. His hips drove forward, his cock grinding against my clit. This was insane.

  My climax peaked. I let it happen, coming apart in his arms. I gasped with every pulse of my orgasm, the heat of it coursing through me.

  “Oh my god.” I was breathing hard, the final tremors pinging through my body like little jolts of electricity. He held me up and I clung to him, my arms wrapped tight around his neck.

  He waited for me to relax, then gently lowered me to the ground. He touched my face and kissed me, soft this time. My lips. Cheek. Neck.

  “What do you feel now?” he asked, low into my ear. Kissed my neck again.

  “Alive,” I whispered. I ran my hand down his chest, over his abs. His body was so solid, so thick with muscle. Past the waistband of his sweats. Wrapped my hand around his cock. “But I want more.”

  “You don’t have to,” he said, but I heard the desire in his voice.

  “I want to.”

  Without saying a word, he took my hand and led me upstairs to his room. He shut the door behind us, shrouding the room in darkness. We tore off our clothes and our mouths crashed together. The feel of his skin against mine lit me on fire. He pushed me down onto the bed and climbed on top of me.

  Before I had to ask, he reached for his bedside table and pulled out a condom. It only took him a few seconds to rip it open and roll it down. I stared at his thick erection. I’d felt it through our clothes, but seeing it was another thing entirely. Sebastian was big, and his cock was no exception.

  The intensity in his eyes pierced through me, even in the dim light. He settled between my legs, the tip of his cock spreading me open. He took his time, kissing my lips, sliding in more.

  With a swift thrust, he pushed himself deep inside me. Held there, his thickness filling me. He groaned into my neck and tension rippled through his body.

  “God, you feel good,” he said.

  My eyes fluttered closed as he started to move, driving his hips, plunging in and out. “So do you.”

  But he felt so much more than good. He felt amazing. Skin sliding against skin. Mouths tangled together. Our bodies joined, moving as one. It was unlike anything I’d ever experienced before.

  The inevitability of this moment washed over me. Since the day we’d met, everything had been leading us here. Every walk home. Every late-night conversation. Every breath. Every heartbeat.

  I ran my fingers through his hair. His beard grazed across my skin, pleasantly rough. He drove faster—harder. I moved my hands across his back, feeling the hard planes of muscle contracting above me. So strong and powerful. Down to his glutes, flexing with each thrust. I splayed my hands against his ass and pushed him in deeper, wanting more.

  Hot tension grew inside me. He was relentless, the pressure of his cock exquisite. His rhythm perfect. The energy between us built into a frenzy until I was gasping for breath. Clutching his back. Crying out, my inhibitions long gone.

  His erection hardened, thickening inside me. It slid through my wet pussy, the friction intense. Stimulating every nerve. He grunted and growled, his voice low in my ear, reverberating through my chest.

  Oh my god, he
was going to make me come again.

  “Fuck,” he breathed. He lifted up, the muscles in his arms bulging. Met my eyes. “I want to keep fucking you, but I don’t think I can stop.” Hard thrust. “Fuck, you feel so good.”

  “Don’t stop,” I said. “Come, Sebastian. Come inside me.”

  His brow furrowed and he groaned, driving into me, over and over.

  “Yes, yes, oh fuck yes,” I said as the ground beneath me opened and I tumbled into space. Soared through the air. The second orgasm was even more intense than the first. My pussy clenched hard around his pulsing cock and he groaned louder. I called out, hot waves of pleasure rolling through me. The intensity leaving me breathless.

  When it was over, he kissed me, deep and slow. There was still so much passion in his kiss. It was luxurious and unhurried, but powerful. Full of feelings we hadn’t yet spoken aloud.

  After a final soft kiss on my lips, he looked deep into my eyes. I’d never felt so vulnerable, yet so secure.

  “I love you,” he said.

  A potent mixture of joy and relief filled me at hearing his words. I hadn’t realized how badly I wanted to hear them until he spoke them aloud.

  “I love you, too,” I said, touching his face.

  With a hint of a smile on his lips, he nodded and kissed me again. He got up to dispose of the condom, then came back to bed. Drew me close, into his arms. Kissed my forehead.

  I rested with my head on his chest, listening to the beats of his heart.

  26

  Sebastian

  Brooke’s breathing was slow and even, her body warm against mine. I caressed her silky skin and took a deep breath, smelling her hair. Her scent was warm and feminine. Intoxicating.

  The darkness and quiet sheltered us, as if nothing existed beyond the feel of her in my arms. I was relaxed—sated in a way I’d never been before. It was more than the physical release of an orgasm. More than the glow of amazing sex—and it had been amazing. I’d felt something deeper as I made love to her. Something primal—maybe even spiritual. As if our souls had mingled while our bodies connected.