by Erin Trejo
“She won’t talk to me,” I say, trying to keep my nerves under control. Anger eats me alive. Standing up, I slam my fist into the wall, candy machine, anything within reach in this goddamn waiting room I can get to. My head is in a damn fog from all the drugs that asshole pumped into me.
“She’s hurt, Wolf. Give her a little time to adjust,” Sly adds causing my anger to turn toward him.
“Adjust? To bein’ raped a second time? I was there! I couldn’t even fuckin’ stop it! She fuckin’ looked at me, Sly! Fuckin’ looked dead at me, in my goddamn eyes as he did it. Do you know how the fuck that felt?” Sly curses under his breath not knowing what to say and frankly neither do I. I felt useless. I couldn’t move. All I could do was watch her eyes, watch as he slowly took what was left of her fire and snuffed it out. A piece of my heart died with her flame.
“I want to go home.” My head snaps around when I hear her voice. Krista stands there in scrubs that the hospital gave her, a blanket wrapped around her shoulders. I want to run to her, grab her but I don’t want to scare her any more than she already is.
“I’m gonna take you home, baby.” Moving toward her slowly, she watches me without saying a word. When I’m close enough, she loses the blanket and throws herself into my arms as she cries. I wrap my arms around her, holding her as close to my body as I can get her. I’m falling apart for this girl. For everything that she’s had to go through. For not being able to help her. I’m at a loss when I feel Sly place his hand on my shoulder.
“Let’s take her home,” he says. I nod and lift her in my arms, carrying her out of the hospital and climbing into the back of the waiting truck with her still in my arms. She burrows her face into my chest and that’s where she stays.
“Her apartment?” Gauge asks over the front seat.
“Yeah.”
“No! I want to go home, Wolf!” She cries harder. I thought the apartment was her home.
“Where, baby? I’ll take you anywhere you wanna go. Just tell me where.”
“You said I was yours,” she sobs, and it kills me.
“Clubhouse?” Gauge asks, I nod. He starts up the truck and pulls away from the hospital. I lean down, pressing my face into the top of her head.
“You are mine. You’ll always be mine, Krista. You’re my little smart mouth that keeps me thinkin’. You’re my heart when it doesn’t want to beat. You’re everything,” I whisper.
“He killed her.”
“I know.”
“She was my best friend,” she cries.
“I know, baby. I know.” The ache in my chest hurts worse than anything anyone could ever do to me. Krista is tearing me apart.
“Eva’s safe though,” she says with a resounded sigh.
“She’s safe. He never got that close to her. The prospect got to him first.” I’m pissed about that too. I’m pissed that I didn’t get my fucking hands on that son of a bitch. I’m pissed that I wasn’t the one to kill him. I wanted his blood on my hands. I wanted to watch his eyes as I slowly drained his life away, but I was rendered useless. I couldn’t do anything.
“I lost everything,” she mutters softly as the weight of this whole day starts to wear on her.
“You have me.”
“I have you,” she whispers before sleep pulls her under. The ride to the clubhouse is full of tension. Mainly it’s me that’s tense. There’re so many things that I want to say, to do but I can’t. That bastard hurt her, and I couldn’t stop him. That’s the part that hurts me the worst. When we pull into the parking lot, I climb out with Krista tucked tightly against me and carry her inside. I don’t stop in the main room; I don’t stop until I have her in my bed and tucked in sound asleep. As I look down at her, I realize that what I felt for Lauren was all shit. It was nothing. It wasn’t love. This…this right here, what I feel for Krista? This is fucking love.
With a sigh, I run my hand over my face before I leave the room and head into the main room. The prospect spots me first.
“Denton!” I call his name. Everyone looks at me as I motion for him to come to me. He does without question.
“Yeah?”
“I need to thank you for what you did.”
“Just doin’ my job, Wolf,” he says keeping his head held high.
“No. You did more than that. I should have killed that motherfucker,” I say cutting myself off as I shake my head.
“Wasn’t on you, brother,” he adds. I nod my head and look back up at him.
“You did it. You didn’t think twice about puttin’ a bullet in their heads. I owe, brother.”
“No, you don’t. You sent me there to protect that little girl and that’s what I did.”
“And you’re gettin’ your patch for it. I think that more than proved that you belong in this club,” Sly says slapping a hand on Denton’s shoulder.
“No kid deserves that kind of shit,” Denton mumbles.
“Heard that. You did good, prospect.” He nods his head at me before I turn and head back down the hall. I’m lost in my head. I’m lost in thoughts that I shouldn’t have but I blame myself. I blame me for this. If I didn’t drag her here, keep her here. Maybe, just maybe she would have seen him coming. I blinded her. I made her stay when she never really wanted to. Fuck!
Stepping into my room, I look at her resting peacefully in my bed. She’s curled in a ball, her hair scattered over her face. My stomach clenches. She has a whole life ahead of her. A life that has been shit on because of him. How do I fix that for her? How do I make things right again? Pulling my cut down my arms, my head is still heavy from all the drugs. I pull my shirt over my head and kick off my boots before sitting on the edge of the bed. I watch her for a long time before I climb under the blankets. I don’t reach for her. Not that I don’t want to, but I don’t want to scare her any more than she already is. Closing my eyes, I take a few deep breathes before I feel her scooting closer to me. Lifting my arm so she can snuggle into my side, I wait. Krista moves, laying her head on my chest and wrapping her arm around my stomach.
“Promise me something,” she whispers softly.
“Anything.”
“Promise you will always be here for me.” That’s going to be one of the easiest promises I’ll ever make.
“I promise I’ll always be here, baby.”
“Even when you want to hate me.” What the hell? How could I hate her? I couldn’t but if that’s what she needs to hear then so be it.
“Even then, baby. Even then.”
Twenty-Four
Krista
I’m pissed that they are still here. One month. It’s been one month since Tom came after her and her family is still here. Not that they knew, they didn’t but for some reason I just feel like they should have left already. I know it’s stupid, but this is me.
“Keep your hands up,” Wolf says wiping the sweat from his forehead onto his arm. I raise my hands and watch him move. He’s so fucking gorgeous with sweat dripping down his hard body. He moves in closer, his eyes never leaving mine. In seconds he has me around the waist and takes me to the ground with a huff.
“Damn it!” I scream louder than the last time.
“You’re lookin’ at my hands. Stop lookin’ at my hands. I can move them anywhere,” he says rolling off me and onto his back. I glance over at his chest as it rises and falls rapidly from our little sparring session. I know I can fight. I’ve always fought but after what happened I felt a little rusty. Wolf has been taking time to help me get back into shape.
“I bet you can,” I tease him. He turns his head and smirks at me. He hasn’t touched me in a month. Not that I have wanted to but that’s beside the point. He’s been patient with me. He’s waiting for me to heal and become myself again and I don’t know if or when that will happen. A part of me feels like I died along with Tom. I wanted to see him, to know he was dead but that wasn’t an option.
“How do you feel about gettin’ some more ink?” He asks as we both lie in the grass.
“Haven’t thought about it. Why? You miss touching me?” I smile at him.
“Goddamn right I do but that’s not the point. For some, ink can be therapy. The mark on your skin can be a reminder of what you’ve battled and won.” I’ve never looked at it that way. Shoving up so I’m resting on my elbows, I smile at him.
“I don’t even know what I’d get.”
“My name on your ass,” he adds playfully.
“For what? So you can kiss it when I tell you to?” Wolf laughs as I scoot closer to him. Laying my head on his sweaty chest, he wraps his arm around me. This is as close as we get. It hurts that I can’t give him more, but my mind is still healing.
“Little do you know,” he mumbles under his breath.
“Little do I know what?”
“My name’s already on you.” I jerk, sitting up and staring down at him.
“It what? No it’s not!”
“The fuck it’s not.”
“Where?” Wolf smiles looking damn proud of himself as he sits up and grabs my leg. My tattoo has healed nicely, and I love it. Every time I look at it. it calms me. Wolf drags my leg over his so I’m sitting at an awkward angle as his fingers skim over my flesh. Bumps form on my skin from his touch when he looks up at me.
“Right here,” he says softly, his fingers slowly moving again. I don’t look. I can’t. I’m transfixed by the way he’s looking at me. It’s different. Very different. I open my mouth, but the words won’t form. I know what I feel. I just can’t say it, not yet. Wolf shakes his head as if he knows, but how could he? Does he feel the same way?
“Just look, Krista,” he says. I follow his eyes to my leg. It takes me a second but then I see it. Right there in the vines that snake down my leg. I reach down and run my fingers over the letters. How did he do this? How have I not noticed it?
“Why?”
“Why not? You’re mine,” he says with the shrug of his shoulders.
“I wasn’t when you did this,” I say more to myself than to him. His hand comes to my cheek forcing me to look up at him.
“Yeah, you were. You just didn’t realize it. Hell, maybe I didn’t either but since I’ve met you, I’ve felt some kind of way about you. I don’t think we were ever gonna be just friends, Krista. There was a spark in your eyes that I wanted.” A tear slides down my cheek as I lean in and kiss him. His lips move with mine in such a perfect way. His hand moves to the back of my neck, pulling me closer. My breathing has picked up, my body becoming heated when he breaks our kiss. He jumps to his feet and holds his hand out for me. Reluctantly I grab it.
“Now keep your eyes on mine, not my hands. I know you can fight but you need to focus,” he says pushing me back a step. I smile and raise my hands ready to go. If I’m being honest, I’ve missed this. Back home, I would always fight. We would train because we didn’t have anything else to do. My heart aches at the thought of not having Ester anymore. My hands slowly begin to fall when Wolf eyes me.
“Don’t think,” he says softly. I nod my head and straighten my back. Wolf moves slowly, circling me like I’m his prey. I move with him, watching his eyes to see if I can gauge what he’s about to do. When he comes for me, I’m ready. He reaches to grab me, but I move quickly. Wrapping my hands around his arm, I slip my leg under his, taking him to the ground. He huffs out a breath as his body hits.
“That’s good. Do it again.” He climbs to his feet, ready for my attack this time. This goes on and on until neither of us can breathe and the sun starts to go down.
“I’m tired,” I tell him after a while.
“You didn’t even look over there.”
“What?” I ask confused by what he means.
“You didn’t look for her. It’s a start.” Grabbing his shirt, he pulls it over his head before grabbing his cut and pulling it on. I watch him as he lights up a cigarette when it all hits me.
“A start? Are you serious?”
“Very fuckin’ serious. He’s dead, Krista.”
“So what? That means I have to stop looking out for her?” I ask as the anger slowly rises inside of me. How can he say that to me? After everything that’s happened?
“Yeah, that’s exactly what it means. He can’t hurt her anymore. You did what you set out to do. You kept her safe from him. Now you need to move on with your life,” he says looking me in the eye. How could he say that? She’s my everything. I watch him blow out a ring of smoke before I lose my temper.
“She’s my daughter, Wolf!”
“She’s their daughter, Krista. We’ve been over this! What the fuck?” He roars.
“Just because he’s dead doesn’t mean there isn’t someone else out there!”
“Are you fuckin’ kiddin’ me right now? No one else is after her. You can’t handle a life without seein’ her, can you?” He narrows his eyes and I want to snap but maybe he’s right. Maybe I can’t handle it, but I did before. For years I didn’t see her. Years!
“Leave it alone, Wolf.” I walk away heading toward his bike when I hear his boots thudding behind me.
“What are you afraid of, Krista?”
“Nothing anymore.”
“Liar! You’re fuckin’ scared shitless of lettin’ me love you. You’re afraid of givin’ yourself to me and lettin’ me be what you need instead of stalkin’ that little girl!” His anger hits me hard but it’s his words that cause me to stumble. I stop walking and let them sink in when he walks past me grabbing his helmet. He holds mine out to me, but I can’t take it. I stand here stunned by what he’s said.
Twenty-Five
Wolf
“So that’s all I got for now,” Sly says after over an hour in church. Usually it doesn’t bother me but today it is. It’s been a week since I let that shit slip out of my mouth. A week that Krista has done the best she can to ignore me. I know she wants to run but she has nowhere to go. A part of me should feel bad but I don’t. I want her here. I don’t want her going anywhere. The guys all stand at the same time I do and head out into the main room. Krista sits at the bar with Holly, one of the club whores. It doesn’t bother me like she thinks it does. She told me she only hangs out with them to piss me off but what she didn’t understand is that at least I know what she’s doing when she’s with them. They wouldn’t let her get into anything.
“Wolf, can I talk to you a minute?” I look over when I hear Sugar talking to me. She’s never asked to talk to me alone unless she wanted to ride my cock which never happened.
“About what?” I ask not knowing what it is she wants with me. She nods toward the corner of the room and reluctantly I follow her. “What’s this about?”
“I have a friend; she works in child welfare. She’s a loudmouth. Tells everything she knows,” she says rolling her eyes. I cross my arms over my chest wondering where the fuck this is going. “Anyway, I saw Krista, watching that little girl.” Fuck! I don’t need her in this shit too.
“Whatever the fuck you think you know, forget it. All of it!” I growl loud enough to catch the attention of some of the other guys around us. Sugar flinches.
“It’s not like that. I mean, I asked my friend about her. Gave her the address and all.” Fury rips through my chest. I take a step back and drop my arms, raising one hand to point at her.
“You say one more motherfuckin’ word and you’re out!” Turning on my heel, I’m about to walk away when she screams, “Lauren knows about her!” My eyes come to lock with Krista’s, but she doesn’t know what the hell we’re talking about. I turn back to Sugar, grab her arm and drag her out of the side door. Slamming her body against the wall, I get right in her face.
“What the fuck did you do?”
“Nothing, Wolf. I just asked a few questions but then Lauren saw me talking to her. She got in the middle of it all.”
“And what the fuck did Lauren say?” I nearly growl at her. Sugar trembles but that doesn’t stop me. The side door opens, and Krista walks out with Dez. Just what the fuck I needed.
“What are you
doing to her, Wolf?” Dez asks stepping closer.
“Mind your own fuckin’ business, Dezzy.”
“Fuck you. Don’t you dare start that shit,” she snaps at me, but my focus is on Sugar.
“What the fuck did she say?”
“Leave her alone, Wolf,” Krista says this time. I ignore her too.
“She just said that she would make some calls. That they’d know she was coming around her.” I step back as the world slowly spins around me. This could be bad for Krista. This could put her in jail. There’s no way she found out where Eva had been living without doing it illegally. Running my hand through my hair, I look away from all of them. I hear Dez take Sugar back inside and I can only hope that Krista went with them. As I lower my head, I know it didn’t happen, I can see her boots as she stands in front of me.
“Getting your dick hard with the club girls?” She asks. Although her tone sounds playful, I know she isn’t joking.
“Not what you think,” I tell her without looking up.
“I don’t really know what I think anymore, Wolf.” Now I do look up. My eyes collide with hers and there’s a standoff. Both of us are warring with what’s in our heads and hearts.
“You know what I think? I think what I told you was true. I think you’re scared to let me love you, Krista. You hide behind that little girl. You hide behind your baggy ass clothes, but you can’t hide your fuckin’ heart from me!”
“What am I supposed to do? Huh? Just give up on everything I’ve cared about?” Her eyes are haunted as tears pool in them, but she doesn’t see what’s right in front of her. Damn her!
