The Call of Bravery

by Janice Kay Johnson

  Eventually she returned to the porch, where she’d probably hear any cries as she’d left the living room window open to the night air. She chose to sit on the porch with her feet on the top step, her arms wrapping her knees. She didn’t even kid herself that she was here to enjoy the solitude.

  She was waiting for Special Agent Conall MacLachlan.

  He wasn’t quite what she’d first thought. Although she wasn’t sure what that was. He’d both stirred something in her and scared her from first sight. She told herself she didn’t like him.

  The other agent—Jeff Henderson—seemed like an okay guy. Almost too normal to be a federal agent. When she’d asked at breakfast this morning about his family, he had whipped out a photo of a blonde woman who was plain but nice-looking and two kids. The boy looked a lot like his dad, which probably meant his hairline would recede early, too. Jeff glowed with pride.

  MacLachlan, though, was another story. He was…maybe not handsome, but definitely sexy. The air all but shimmered around him from a mixture of charisma and testosterone. She could see even Sorrel reacting to it, which worried Lia. That was one of the reasons she wanted to talk to him privately. The boys were another. He’d awakened their interest, which could be good for them or very, very bad.

  Mostly, she wanted to know who he was. If that story he’d told at dinner was true.

  When he’d first arrived, she thought he was cold. He had a tempting smile that didn’t reach his gray eyes. His expressions were fleeting and hard to read. He was an enigma, and she’d been forced to take him into her house. She didn’t see how she could prevent contact between him and the kids.

  And then, what did he do at dinner but discombobulate her utterly. He’d talked to the boys as if…well, as if they were people. Not the way most adults dealt with children. He’d been kind and honest—she hoped—and known exactly the right thing to say.

  Lia wanted to know how that could be. Jeff had told her his partner wasn’t married. “No kids,” he’d said, shaking his head as if baffled that a man wouldn’t want them. If Conall had the background he said he did, how did he know what Bren and Walker needed to hear?

  Please, God, it wasn’t all an act designed to gain their confidence, to get them to talk to him. About her. What if he wasn’t with the Drug Enforcement Agency at all, but was really with Immigration? Or cooperating with them? She shivered and hugged her knees harder.

  I’m paranoid. That’s all. Surely nobody would care all that much about what she was doing.

  Still. Why, oh why, was it taking so long to find a place for Julia and Arturo to go? Didn’t Mateo understand how dangerous her situation was? The whole network could be at risk.

  The deep sound of an engine made her stiffen. As she saw headlights turn into her drive, she was glad she hadn’t turned on the outside light. She’d have felt unbearably exposed.

  It wasn’t too late to go in, before he saw her.

  No. This was a good time to talk to him, to feel him out, and she had determined to seize it.

  The Suburban rolled to a stop by the barn. A moment later it went dark and silent. The door slammed, and Conall strolled across the yard toward the house. One of the horses whickered softly and Conall’s head turned but he kept walking.

  She knew the exact moment he saw her.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  HE DIDN’T SAY anything until he reached the foot of the steps. She could see him better than he could probably see her, as light shining through the living room window fell on his face as he stopped.

  His voice was deep and quiet. “Enjoying some peace and quiet?”

  “Something like that. I actually came out to feed the horses.”

  “Kids okay?”

  She liked that he asked, but didn’t trust him. “All asleep except Sorrel.”

  His shoulders moved slightly. “Teenagers tend to be night owls.”

  “She’s only thirteen.”

  “She looks older,” he said thoughtfully.

  “She, um, acts older than that in some ways. Younger in others.”

  “Is that a warning?”

  Lia frowned. “I suppose it is. She’s rather drawn to men.”

  “Ah.”

  She hesitated, unsure whether to say more. Sorrel was in counseling. Lia didn’t like exposing her kids’ problems to anyone unnecessarily. Surely neither of the two men, federal agents, would behave inappropriately toward a thirteen-year-old girl.

  After a moment, she said, “What I really wanted to talk to you about is the boys.”

  Hearing how aggressively that had come out, she winced. His expression had been reserved; now it closed completely. Bang. All access denied. She’d blown it.

  “I’m sorry,” she said hastily. “That didn’t come out the way I meant it to. The thing is, they’re…vulnerable.”

  “And I should have kept my mouth shut at dinnertime.” His tone was resigned. “Understood.”

  “No.” She bent her head and bumped it on her crossed arms, then lifted it again. “It’s not that at all. Everything you said was…right. They opened up to you.”

  He stared at her. She imagined he’d tensed, but couldn’t be sure. He was very, very good at hiding what he was thinking.

  “Okay,” he said slowly.

  “I don’t want you being nice to them if you don’t mean it.” She’d gone from belligerent to fierce and didn’t regret it. “If you keep being nice, they’re going to—” She had to swallow, and still her voice came out small and cracked. “Depend on you.”

  “And I won’t be around for long.”

  “It’s not that,” she said again. “I won’t be a permanent part of their lives, either.” Why did saying that out loud make her feel as if her heart was breaking in two? Kids came, kids left. That’s what she did. “They know you’re only here for a while. What would be bad is if you talk to them, spend time with them, and then blow them off.”

  “I see.” He paused. “Let me think about it, okay?”

  “Okay.” She hugged her knees harder. “Was what you told them true? About your parents and your brother?”

  Still he didn’t move, his expression didn’t change. His eyes were too shadowed in the limited light for her to read them, assuming she could have.

  “Yes.”

  Lia nodded. “I’m sorry.”

  “Thank you, but sorry isn’t necessary. I haven’t been a kid in a long time.”

  She wondered if he’d ever been a kid after his mom walked out. Or was he even before that? His couldn’t exactly have been an ideal family.

  “Even so.”

  “All right.” He finally put a foot on the first step. “You planning to stay out here long?”

  “Maybe a few more minutes.”

  “Do you mind if I sit down?”

  Her pulse stuttered. “No, of course not.”

  He settled at the top of the steps a few feet away, leaning against the post opposite hers. He stretched out his long legs, looking relaxed and comfortable. For some odd reason, Lia had a suspicion he was neither.

  “Having us here must be a pain.”

  “An inconvenience,” she corrected.

  His mouth twitched. “Is that all?”

  “A worry.”

  His gaze suddenly felt more intense. “Why?”

  Because I’m doing something illegal and I’m afraid you’ll notice? “Because I have to think about your influence on the kids, of course. Sorrel and the boys all have big problems. I know I can’t shield them completely, but I try.”

  “So I’ve noticed.” He sounded amused. “The glare you gave me at dinner was a clue. Why wasn’t I supposed to criticize the movie?”

  “Their mom gave them the DVDs. They’ve been watching them over and over.”

 
; “Ah. Gotcha.” He thought about it. “There are worse movies they could be clinging to.”

  “Bambi?”

  He grunted; maybe laughed. “Yeah, that one would suck.”

  They sat in silence for a minute or two, Lia gazing out into the darkness, Conall—she thought—still looking at her. The sounds of the night were quiet, familiar: the soft, distant hoot of an owl, a whicker from one of the horses, the rustle of grass. None of it felt peaceful, not with him here. Not knowing why he was here.

  Finally she couldn’t stand it any longer and started talking. “I take it you grew up locally. Are you glad to be home?”

  “No.” For the first time, that deep, husky voice sounded harsh.

  Startled, Lia turned her head. “Your memories are that bad?”

  “Yes.”

  Okay. She groped for a response and came up with nothing better than another, “I’m sorry.”

  For the first time, he reacted visibly. Not much, only shifting, but the movement was jerky for a man who customarily moved with the lithe ease of a hunting cat.

  “I shouldn’t have said that.” He inhaled; let it out audibly. “Oh, hell. There’s nothing secret about it. Being back here has unsettled me, that’s all.”

  “You went to see your brother, didn’t you? Did something happen that bothered you?” she asked, genuinely puzzled.

  He laughed, but the sound wasn’t pleasant. “I haven’t seen Duncan since I graduated from college, and that was a long time ago. I never intended to set eyes on him again. It’s my luck that I got stuck with this operation, and that Duncan is the police chief.”

  “Never see him again?” She was hung up on that part. “But…you said he raised you. You made it sound like a good thing.”

  “It was a good thing. He was noble.” Bitterness roughened his voice now. “You don’t have to tell me. Duncan MacLachlan always does the right thing, whatever the sacrifice he has to make. He saved my ass. I know that.” He was breathing hard. “Oh, hell,” he said again. “I shouldn’t have gotten started.”

  “I don’t mind listening if you want to talk.”

  He was quiet so long she thought he would rise to his feet any moment and say good-night. And really, why would he talk to her? They were strangers.

  But Conall shocked her by speaking after a minute. “He did save me. I’m not kidding about that. I wasn’t like Brendan and Walker. I wasn’t a good kid who could have gone to a foster home like yours. Nobody would have wanted me. I cut classes, smoked pot, got drunk, was in constant fights. I stole a car before my twelfth birthday.”

  Shocked, she was the one to stare now.

  “I guess you could say I was acting out.” He laughed again. This time he almost managed to sound amused. “My middle brother, Niall, wasn’t much better. I guess Mom ditched us for a good reason.”

  “No,” Lia whispered. The single word held so much fury, it burned her throat. “No. What she did is awful.”

  He leaned his head against the post, and she saw his eyes close for a moment. “Yeah. You’re right. It was.”

  Lia was beginning to feel cramped, but she couldn’t make herself stretch out her legs. She needed to stay…contained, to hold herself tightly together. Stupid, but she couldn’t make herself move.

  “My point was that neither Niall nor I rallied willingly behind big brother.” Conall’s voice came out low now. “Oh, we were good as gold at first. For a couple of months.”

  “Scared.”

  “Oh, yeah. After that, we…challenged him.” Strangely, Conall was smiling now. “He figured the only way he could get us to toe the line was to scare the shit out of us. So he did.”

  She stiffened in outrage. “How…?”

  “Doesn’t matter. He didn’t hurt us, if that’s what you’re asking. But you have to understand, neither of our parents had ever bothered being authority figures. All of a sudden Duncan, who was supposed to be one of us, our brother and buddy, became this…” He paused and she knew what word he was about to say. “This tyrant. I didn’t take it well.”

  “What about your brother?”

  “He wasn’t so happy about it, either, not at first. What I never understood was that instead of rejecting big brother the despot the way I did, he gradually went over to the dark side.” Another laugh. “Or maybe it was the glorious and good side, I’m not sure. The two of them became friends again. They stood up for each other at their weddings. Niall’s a cop, too. I said that, didn’t I? But him, he followed in Duncan’s footsteps.”

  “Didn’t you?”

  His head clunked a couple of times against the post. “Not long ago I’d have said ‘hell no’ to that, too. Now…” He shrugged. “Truth is, I don’t know. I’m not exactly in the same line of work as they are.”

  Which was splitting hairs, but she suspected he knew that.

  “I don’t know,” he repeated. “I’m not sure I want to know.”

  “I can understand that.” She knew why she did what she did, but didn’t like to dwell on the past, either.

  They sat in a considerably more peaceful silence for a bit. Finally he asked, “What about you, Lia Woods? Did you grow up around here?”

  “Down in the Kent Valley. My parents have moved recently to Arizona. I ended up here because my great-aunt on my dad’s side didn’t have any kids and left me her house when she died. I could have sold it and gone on with my life, but it seemed like the perfect opportunity to do something I’d always wanted to and take in kids.”

  “You don’t hold an outside job?”

  She shook her head and felt her braid bump on her back. “Not anymore. Some foster parents do, of course, but I tend to take the really troubled kids. Or ones like Walker and Brendan who need some special attention. While their mother was in the hospital, we spent as much time there as we were allowed. A nine-to-five job wouldn’t have been compatible with what they needed from me.”

  “What’s next for them?”

  That question surprised her. She’d expected something along the lines of Why foster?

  “They’ll go up for adoption. As I’m sure you’ve guessed, their chances aren’t great. They’d be better if they get split up, but…God. I can’t imagine. They need each other.”

  With quiet force, he said, “It would be an abomination to tear them apart.”

  She swallowed emotion trying to spill out. “Yes. It’s not in my hands, although I’ll express myself forcefully if anyone suggests they be separated. I may never know, though. Usually I foster fairly short term. They might get sent elsewhere. It’s possible they’d thrive in a more typical family situation, or that their caseworker will decide they need a father figure. I tend to get more girls than boys.”

  “Will they survive one more change?”

  “I don’t know,” Lia whispered. “They’re…withdrawing.” It took her a few deep breaths to calm herself. “You got further with them tonight at dinner than I ever do. So maybe they do need a father figure.”

  “But from what you said, they only had a mother. Why would they relate to a man?”

  “I don’t know,” she admitted.

  He frowned but didn’t move. He’d be a heck of a poker player, she found herself thinking. No tells. Did he ever fidget?

  “I won’t have a lot of time,” he said abruptly. “I can’t make promises.”

  Promises?

  “But when I have a minute, I’ll try to talk to them.” The lines on his face deepened, or perhaps it was a trick of the light. No, not of the light; the dark. “They remind me of myself. They’re…trying to quit feeling anything at all.”

  Dear God, Lia thought. Had this man succeeded? The idea appalled her, but in the next second she realized, no. No, of course he hadn’t, or they wouldn’t be having this conversation. He wouldn’t have spent howe
ver many years he had running away from home. He wouldn’t worry about two little boys he’d barely met. He was a federal agent, he might be a threat to her, but Lia suddenly knew with absolute certainty that he was also a good man.

  His brother might have dealt him wounds that still ached when he moved wrong, but Duncan had truly saved an angry boy and helped him become this man.

  She’d seen Duncan’s picture in the newspaper and thought he looked cold and unlikeable. How wrong could she possibly have been?

  “Yes,” she said on a sigh, “I think that’s exactly what they’re trying to do.”

  Conall rose to his feet, a smooth motion. “I’d better go relieve Jeff.” He held out a hand. “Ready to go in?”

  She gazed warily at his hand for longer than was probably polite. Touching him might be…risky. Still, she reached out and let his hand close around hers.

  And knew immediately that she’d been right.

  His warm clasp felt better than just about anything she could remember. Strong, safe…and yet not safe. She lifted an astonished stare to his, to see…something on his face. Something fleeting, but she thought it might be surprise.

  So he felt it, too.

  With a gentle tug, he boosted her to her feet. They ended up no more than a foot apart. Her breath caught in her throat. Neither of them moved. He didn’t release her. She wanted, quite desperately, for him to pull her closer, until her body bumped up against his. She wanted him to kiss her.

  And she knew letting that happen would be stupid. He was only here for a little while, and she suffered enough every time a child left her. She couldn’t bear anything else temporary in her life. He could hurt her if she let him.

  So I won’t.

  She eased her hand free and said, “Good night, Conall.” Lia was proud of how firm she sounded. How unaffected.

  Proud, that is, until he said, “Good night,” and sounded so utterly indifferent, she knew without question that she’d imagined any chemistry between them.

  Grateful she hadn’t given herself away, she preceded him into the house. By the time she turned the dead bolt, he was already halfway up the stairs.