ROMA

by R. A. Ender

  The concern and question was fair, and everyone set to thinking about it. Robin got her strategic thoughts together first and started explaining.

  “Well, if I put myself in the enemy’s position, I wouldn’t destroy it, though I agree there is a chance. The reality is it’s pretty easy to guard a gate. You know in advance when ships are coming through and you can put a small garrison fleet to stop anyone entering the system. Even a Defense Force ship can’t exit Olympus space ready for battle, it takes a little time. Long enough to put a few choice torpedoes and laser shots into vital systems.”

  Robin continued, this time looking at Richard directly. “I think the more compelling reason is that they don’t have the technology. They would want to preserve the first few gates they capture, at least. Even if this invasion gains nothing else, transporting an Olympus Space Jump Gate back home would be a huge coup and quite a leveling agent in our interstellar competition.”

  Sara began nodding her head. “Yeah, I see your point. Plus, if I were running the show, the slow hyperspace invasion of the Old Colony Region is one option. But to Jen’s point, to be successful they must have had fleets near our worlds already. The next logical step is to harness the Olympus Gates to travel within the Old Colony region to invade and conquer all the other worlds. If they seize a few worlds with gates they can send invasion fleets at high speed to all the other worlds. No one will expect enemy ships to exit the gates, and without TeleGod, no one could rush that information ahead to the planets. Actually, now that I’m thinking about it, seems like an amazing strategic plan.”

  At that moment, Mato rushed back in. “It’s confirmed. The gates do communicate directly transit information but that is it. It is all automated and linked into the scheduling system. I was hoping to use it for communication but apparently no such luck. And you can thank an old friend from the F’lwok line for all that. Clootiaa is the gate operator on duty. He says he’ll send us top priority, just say the word, regardless of Admiral Janus.”

  Richard began nodding furiously. “Get us ready to go. Trainee Lupanus, thank you very much. That contribution is impressive and I will note so in your record. Keep up the great work.”

  The compliment was received with a scarlet face of embarrassment, but Richard knew that feeling would soon be replaced with one of amazing pride.

  And now, five days later, Richard turned his lights down to a low scarlet red. The red lights were supposed to help his Olympus space induced dreams, though he had yet to note a difference.

  As he lay there, he couldn’t get the thought of Heather out of his mind. He was abandoning her again because of Defense Force. He had done that so many times before, and every time he promised himself it would be the last. And every time Heather forgave him. And every time he seemed to do it again.

  At some point Heather will be the most important thing in the universe to me, he thought. At the end of my life, none of this will matter but Heather will. She loves me so much and has made my life so much better. It’s just not fair that I don’t do the same for her. Gods know why she still loves me. Gods know.

  Shaking his head, Richard closed his eyes, now watering a little. He had always been extra sensitive when it came to leaving Heather. It didn’t matter that she was such a strong person and always excelled in life without his protection. But it always made him sad that he couldn’t be there for her always. Her protector as well as her lover. Ever since that day long ago, he had never been able to forgive himself. And he always ached when he remembered.

  CHAPTER 17

  Despite the bright sunny day, Richard didn’t feel that warm. Looking around, he couldn’t entirely understand why. Not a cloud in the sky or breeze to speak of yet he felt a chill. And oddly, the usual chorus of bird songs that would float over from the wood was absent.

  Well... Richard thought absently, before knocking on the door. The door he was knocking on was one he had visited many times over the past few decades. Its red color had always stood in contrast to the more grayish white color of the house that long ago had needed to be repainted. Though the house had been well cared for, the lack of a male member of the family had always shown a bit.

  Richard had tried, from time to time, to help out. But, every time, Heather’s Mother would turn down his offers. One summer, while Heather and her Mom were on a trip of a lifetime to the Philipippius Islands, he had taken the couple weeks to rebuild their shed. It had been easy to tear the old one down. Building the new one had been harder than he suspected.

  The reaction of Heather’s Mother when they got home was thankful, but not as happy as Richard had expected. He had been very confused and a little bit annoyed by the lack of expressed happiness. Later, Heather had thanked him and explained that every time something her Father had built needed to be repaired or replaced, it hurt her Mom. The shed had been one of the first things built when they moved in before either he or Heather was born. Richard had understood and the good deed led to a very passionate evening, together, out at the field party. Part of Heather’s passion came from not having been together for over two weeks. But, her tenderness came from appreciating Richard’s love for her Mother.

  Too bad we haven’t had that kind of time for a while, Richard thought to himself, knocking again on the still unanswered door.

  It had been a long time since he and Heather had had any time together. Almost a year ago, during the last half of their final year of academy attendance, Heather’s mother had been severely hurt at the power plant. He was never told how it happened. Heather said her Mom wouldn’t even tell her.

  The result, however, was harsh. Her Mom couldn’t walk on her own. If she attempted to do any physical activity, she got winded almost immediately. That meant that she needed almost everything done for her. The power plant company covered a lot of medical needs, including a couple of daily visits from professionals. That still left her Mom unattended for the bulk of the day. And Heather had been pressed into service.

  The last half of the academic year was completed through home schooling, which Richard helped with. But that was the only time he saw Heather. They never went out, they never socialized, they never made love. Heather’s entire life was devoted to her Mom’s care. And selfishly, Richard was at the end of his ability to handle it.

  He wanted what he saw the other guys had. He wanted that hot girl on his arm when he went out at night. He wanted to have stories to tell about how sexy she was, and how amazing she was during sex. He wanted to simply have some time alone with Heather without her Mom lying in bed or on the couch in the other room. None of that had happened for almost a year.

  Every time he thought about it, he felt guilty. Having such selfish feelings made him feel as though he should be a bigger man and suffer for his love. But, the anger and annoyance eventually overcame the guilt. More than a few arguments had erupted when Heather refused to leave her Mom for even a night.

  Well, today is it! Richard thought. Either she’s coming with me like we both planned and promised we would, or she’s choosing Mom over me.

  Nodding his head while he steeled himself for the conversation he knew he was about to have, Richard, raised his hand to knock again.

  Before he could, though, the door opened. Standing in the doorway was Heather. She looked at his half raised fist which was prepared to knock again and frowned.

  “I’ve told you before, I can hear you knock!” She said angrily. “You don’t need to knock twenty times.”

  Richard dropped his hand to his side and let out a calming breath. “Hello to you too.” He said sarcastically. “Can I come in?”

  Richard began to step in, but Heather did not move to allow him.

  “Look, Rick. This isn’t a good time. What do you want?” She asked with more than a little venom in her tone.

  Looking her dead in the eye, Richard searched for any sign that Heather was being less than serious. He saw none.

  “I wanted to talk to you about our move to Cornwallis but if you’re b
usy, I can come back another time,” Richard said, the whole time thinking to himself disappointedly, Way to stick to your guns this time!

  Heather just looked shocked. “Again? How many times have we talked about it? I’m not going to Cornwallis. How can I go to Cornwallis????” Heather stammered for a moment. “Look, Rick...I mean, come on! Look at me! I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying here to take care of my Mom. I don’t have a choice.”

  Now a little anger boiled over in Richard. “No choice? Of course, you have a choice! You know that the plant will pay for your Mom to stay in a care house. You don’t need to be the one doing it.”

  “I will not send her to a place where they don’t care. I care about her, they don’t! She’s just another room and another patient. It’s not fair to her.”

  “Well, this isn’t fair to you. It’s not fair to me,” Richard spat out, the latter likely more important to him than the former at that moment. “And it’s not fair to us. I mean, come on! When I pictured my last year at the academy it didn’t involve me all alone dreaming of my girlfriend at night.”

  Heather’s face suddenly changed color as an anger welled up inside. “I’m sorry my Mom’s accident has destroyed your life!” She spat at him with far more anger than he had conveyed. “Do you think this is how I wanted my final year to be?”

  “No,” Richard continued, “but don’t try to guilt me about how I feel. I’ve stayed by you like I promised I would. The promise you asked of me.”

  Turning around on the front stoop and looking up, Richard tried to collect his thoughts.

  “I’ve stayed true to my promise, but I can’t any longer. It’s one thing to turn down girls who are ready to go at a party, turn down dates, and parties, and nights out and other stuff because I’m waiting for you to come with me. It’s even another thing to spend horrible evenings at your house where I watch plays I could have watched at home, in the hope of you having five minutes to sit with me, which you never do. All that sucks but I can deal with it. But throwing away any chance of future success, taking a job at the plant and staying here waiting for you. That is another thing. And it’s something I can’t do.”

  Richard barely had time to take a breath before Heather was pouncing on his every word.

  “I don’t feel sorry for you! If you wanted to get off by lying down with some tramp, go ahead! Don’t do me any favors. I don’t want you to wait.”

  Heather took a step out of the house and closed the door behind her. “My Mom doesn’t need to hear this.”

  Brushing her hair back and looking Richard in the eye, she continued. “So you missed parties and fun. So what? I’ve missed everything you’ve missed. And it’s too bad you didn’t enjoy spending time with me at night. I gave you every moment I could and I don’t remember you telling me anything other than “a moment together is better than nothing”. So, if you weren’t happy, you didn’t have to come.”

  “The fact is I really liked that you came over. It made me very very happy and I felt loved.” Heather took a deep breath in, pushing down some tears that were welling up. “I love you a lot. I’m sorry my Mom needs me but she does. And I love her more than you. We are just kids. Kids playing real life. Well, my Mom is real life. I’m sorry if it’s a problem for you.” Heather finished by placing her hands on her hips with attitude.

  At first, Richard didn’t know what to say. It was a lot of angry comments they had hurled back and forth. But, her comment about them playing like adults kept rising in his mind.

  “I haven’t been playing with you, Heather. I love you, period. I thought we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. I’m not playing real life, I’m planning and living my real life. And I always saw that life including you. We were both going to Cornwallis, remember? We were going to go to school together, that’s our plan. That way we are always together and I never leave you. That was my promise to you.”

  Pausing for a moment to suppress his own tears. Every time he thought of the promise, it made his mind race and emotions fly wild.

  “But I can’t stay here! I’m not working at the plant. And I don’t want you to either. Do you want to end up like your Mom or your Dad?”

  Heather was about to answer, but Richard continued and cut her off before her mouth even opened.

  “You don’t have to stay. You are choosing to stay! Your Mom can’t want you to stay and wait to be hired by the plant. Doesn’t she want more for you?”

  Heather’s anger bubbled up from that last comment and she cut Richard off this time.

  “I’m sure she does, but she needs me and I will take care of her. Besides, the plant has already hired me. With that money, I can have someone care for Mom while I’m working, and I can care for her at night. That is my real life.”

  Heather continued. “And as for the promise, well, I’m sorry I ever made you promise. I was just a stupid kid that really missed her Dad. I don’t need anyone anymore! I can take care of myself. If that’s causing you guilt, I’ll take care of it for you. I take away any obligation you have to me. You are free from your promise. Go to Cornwallis and don’t ever come back.”

  As quickly and abruptly as the statement had come, Heather turned on her heels, went back inside her home and slammed the door shut.

  Standing facing a red door in need of a coat of paint, Richard was a little stunned.

  That was not how I planned it, he said to himself sadly. Well, Heather, I guess this is goodbye. Richard’s face contorted into a sad face and he turned to walk back down the walk.

  I really really loved her and now it’s over. That’s not what I wanted. I wanted her to see the light and come with me. I need her!

  The tears that had welled in his eyes began running down Richard’s cheeks now. Why did I have to be so angry and selfish? Why wasn’t I nicer? Why didn’t I win her over?

  His thoughts just kept running through his head, over and over again. How it could have been done differently or better. How he had planned it so nicely and nothing had gone to plan.

  Arriving at the public walkway, Richard turned to walk back toward his house. He didn’t turn around to look. Somehow, looking down at the ground felt more appropriate. Also, he didn’t want anyone to see his tears. He was a grown man who had been accepted into the Defense Force Academy at Cornwallis. Crying was not what a future fleet officer should be doing. Especially not crying over a girl.

  But cry he did. He couldn’t help it. Heather had been a major part of his life. And he loved her a lot. He missed her already, and he had yet to even leave her property.

  As he was about to set foot on the parking pad of Heather’s neighbor, he heard a door open and Heather’s voice shout out.

  “Rick! Wait!”

  Turning around fearfully, Richard saw Heather running across her yard to where he now stood. As she got closer, he could see she was crying too.

  Bounding up to him, Richard opened his arms to grab and hug her. She jumped right in.

  They stood hugging tightly and crying together on the walkway in front of the parking pad. Richard hugged Heather so tight. He hugged her tight enough that she would not be able to get away if she tried. Not that she did.

  After what seemed like minutes, Richard pulled away to face Heather. Her face was tear-stained and sad but remained as beautiful as ever. Moving a hand up to push her hair back behind her ear, Richard cradled her cheek and brought her face to his. They kissed.

  They held the kiss for as long as they had hugged. It was obvious that neither of them wanted to be the first to break away.

  Heather did, though, moving her head back. “I’m so sorry, Rick. I didn’t mean all the mean things I said.” She sputtered out through tears.

  Richard smiled. “That’s not how I planned that talk either. I love you.” And he kissed her again.

  After that kiss broke, Heather was again the first to speak. “I love you so much and I never want to leave you...” She trailed off.

  Richard knew what the “but�
� was. “But you need to care for your Mom. I know.”

  “I know you know, but do you understand? Do you know why I’m sacrificing for her?”

  “Of course I do. And in your place, I would do the same thing. I guess I’m just being selfish.”

  Heather shook her head furiously. “No, you aren’t being selfish. You are living your life. And you can’t stop living it just because I have to stop living mine with you. Since the starter academy, you’ve talked about joining Defense Force. You need to fulfill that dream. I can’t join you in Cornwallis and attend University myself, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. You need to go.”

  “I know,” Richard said, looking down at the ground, not wanting to face Heather. Without looking up, he continued. “Why did you come back?”

  Heather placed her hands on Richard’s head and lifted his eyes to meet hers. “Because I love you! And because my Mom said that if I didn’t make things right between you and me, she would move to the care house herself, over my objection, and I would lose you both. Mom said that anyone who has truly loved can see love in another. And she said she sees it in us. Whether it happens tomorrow or in fifty years, Mom says we are destined to be together. So, I couldn’t leave angry. And I couldn’t have you hate me.” This time, Heather was the one looking at the ground.

  Richard placed his hands on her head and lifted her eyes back up to his. “I’ve never and could never hate you. I love you only and forever.”