The Bookworm's Guide to Dating (The Bookworm's Guide, #1)

by Emma Hart

  I didn’t need the ground to swallow me up today, thank you.

  Josh had his back to me, and his arm moved as if he was slicing something open.

  “Should you be doing that with your finger?”

  He looked over his shoulder at me. “I cut it open, Kinsley, not off.”

  I gave him the middle finger.

  Well, at least it was normal now.

  “Here.” He whipped a sheet of paper out of the box. “Here’s your inventory slip. Where do you want this box?”

  I took the sheet from him and looked at him for the longest moment. When it looked as if he was about to question why I was staring, I shook it off and looked at the note, grateful that he didn’t continue with whatever I thought he wanted to say.

  “You sure you want to carry on?” I questioned.

  “Again, it wasn’t cut off.”

  “Okay.” I handed him back the sheet. “Put it over there, and I’ll mark it up to do after.” I grabbed a Sharpie from the pot on the nearest shelf—we had them all over the place—and uncapped it.

  Josh moved the box, and I wrote a shorthand note of the title inside on the side of the box that was facing us.

  He frowned.

  “So I know what it is,” I explained.

  “But what is…” He leaned forward, squinting. “BYCA?”

  “Before You Came Along.”

  “Right. And what’s that?”

  Deadpanning, I said, “A book.”

  He blinked at me, looking unfairly hot even though he had no expression on his face. “This is going to be a long day, isn’t it?”

  I capped my pen with a grin. “Yep.”

  And it was.

  We worked steadily for the next two hours. He opened them and moved them to where I needed them, and I marked all the boxes up. The ones with the inventory note at the top were labeled with their shorthand titles and the ones without it got a big fat X on the side and were deported to the other side of the space we were working on.

  It wasn’t until my phone dinged with a text message that we both stopped and looked at each other. Josh’s stomach rumbled so loudly it’d set an avalanche off, and I giggled as I grabbed my phone from the bookshelf workstation we’d set up after I kept losing my Sharpies.

  I didn’t say I was organized.

  I pressed my thumb against the screen to unlock the phone and opened the text.

  ELLIOTT: Had a great time last night. Dinner one night this week?

  Josh came up behind me and snorted.

  “What’s that for?” I asked, stepping away so he could no longer read over my shoulder.

  “It’s a bit offish, that’s all.”

  “Offish? How is it? It’s to the point.”

  “They’re not even full sentences, Kinsley.”

  I looked at the text again. “Maybe he’s busy. I know Sebastian is coming home for his rehab. He’s looking after him.”

  “Look at you with the insider knowledge about a sport you don’t care about.”

  “Did you sit on a stick over there?”

  “No, why?”

  “Then you need to go to the bathroom to check for one that’s wedged itself up your ass by magic,” I snapped. “What’s your problem?”

  “Your brother doesn’t like him.”

  “Oh, and he’s the authority on relationships. He still can’t break up with Amber even though they both know it’s over.”

  “Well, apparently she’s a freak in bed.”

  “So am I. I sometimes read while I watch Netflix. What’s your point?”

  “That’s not what I meant.”

  “I know what you meant, Joshua. I just don’t want to think about my brother naked and getting it on with someone, thank you.” I wrinkled my nose up and locked my phone without replying to Elliott. I’d text him back later on when I was alone. “It’s eleven, and I have to open the store in an hour. We should break for lunch.”

  Josh grunted, but he didn’t elaborate on that.

  I rolled my eyes. “Or you can leave and I’ll eat a nice, peaceful lunch without you.”

  It was his turn to roll his eyes. “You go get lunch and I’ll keep moving these around. I’ll mark the boxes, too.”

  “Fine. What do you want?”

  “Where are you going?”

  “Sandwich shop.”

  “Steak sub with lettuce, tomato, cucumber, and mayo.”

  I stared at him.

  “Please.”

  “Thank you.” I spun on my heel and left him alone in the storeroom to get on with it.

  I grabbed my purse and phone and let myself out of the Fort Bookworm door—I’d never be able to call it anything else now—and basked in the fresh air for a moment. It was so strange to be in such close quarters with Josh like this.

  Not like we’d never spent time together before, but something had changed between us. It was back to that gray area I couldn’t pinpoint, and I knew there would be a conversation sooner rather than later.

  We had to figure out what was going on so we could figure everything out, because this couldn’t continue for very long.

  And for him to use Colton as an excuse for why his mood went to shit after Elliott texted me…

  Well, it was at the top of the list for things that were pissing me off.

  By the time I’d been in the sandwich shop, ordered, waited, collected our order, and walked back down the street to the bookstore, I was all kinds of worked up.

  I’d totally thought myself into a corner. I was pissed at his behavior, pissed at his attitude, and pissed at his all-around vagueness when he was the reason I was going on these dates that he seemed to have a real problem with.

  There were only two solutions to this.

  He saw me as a little sister, the way I thought he always had, or Saylor was right and Joshua Carter had feelings for me.

  But I would be damned if I was going to wait any longer to find out the answer to that question.

  Never mind that I’d only been seriously asking it for fifteen minutes, I was done.

  Ever since he’d stood at my front door and told me that he was happy my date had gone badly, I’d had too many questions I’d ignored and pushed under the rug, and I was about to pick up that rug and shake it all out.

  Then, and only then, could I keep my sanity about me.

  I entered into Fort Bookworm, paused to relock the door, and carried the food out into the storeroom.

  “Oh, good, you’re back. The phone rang, and—”

  “What’s your problem?”

  Josh stilled, surprise flashing in his eyes. “What?”

  “I said, what’s your problem?”

  “Jesus, what happened at the sandwich shop?”

  I dumped the bag along with my purse and stood with my hands on my hands. “I got abducted by aliens and thought I’d come in with an attitude problem.”

  “Seems reasonable.” He put the multi-tool down and crossed over to me. “Is it still hot?”

  “Why don’t I choke you with it and you can find out?”

  “Whoa, whoa.” He stopped mid-stride and held up his hands. “Kinsley, what’s the matter?”

  “You. You’re the matter.”

  “Words no guy ever wants to hear from an angry woman,” he muttered. “What did I do?”

  “Everything!”

  “Well, I’m sorry?”

  “Damn it, Josh!” I stepped forward and shoved his chest. “What’s your problem? Did I do something? Did I not do something? What could I have done to make you make this all so hard for me?”

  Unfazed by my uncharacteristic show of aggression, he merely steadied himself and blinked at me. “I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.”

  “Yes, you do. Me dating. You offered to find me dates, but you’re happy one failed and then when one goes well you’re pissed off about it. The literal opposite of what you’re supposed to be feeling. What’s your damn problem?”

  His eyes darkened,
and he shook his head. “Doesn’t matter.”

  “To who? It matters to me, because you’re driving me insane. You don’t like the revealing dress,” I said, ticking it off on my fingers. “You were happy when I didn’t wear it. You were glad that date went badly. You were happy when I said I didn’t like Elliott. You were super pissed when I went out with him, and you were just super pissed when he texted asking for another date. So I’ll ask you one more time, what’s your damn problem?”

  He said nothing. He cricked his neck, looking away from me, and swallowed so hard his Adam’s apple bobbed violently.

  “Because Saylor thinks you have feelings for me. She’s adamant you do, but that can’t be possible, can it? Because I’m your best friend’s kid sister and that’s it. Nothing more.”

  “Stop trying to bait me into fighting with you, Kinsley. It’s not going to work.” His jaw ticked to the contrary.

  “No, I want you to fight with me. Go on. Answer me. If she’s wrong, it’s not an issue, is it?”

  He said nothing.

  Nothing.

  Nothing.

  Oh, my God.

  My heart jumped into my throat and lodged itself there until I thought I would choke on it.

  No. He wasn’t getting out of this.

  “Tell me she’s fucking wrong, Josh!”

  “I can’t!” The words burst from him in a yell, and he stared at me like I’d just sucker-punched him in the gut. “I can’t tell you she’s fucking wrong, Kinsley, because she’s fucking not.”

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN – KINSLEY

  rule fourteen: life has cliffhangers, too.

  I swallowed. My mouth resembled a desert, and I wasn’t sure any amount of water would stop this feeling. “What?”

  Josh ran his hand through his hair and puffed out his cheeks as he exhaled. “She’s not wrong.”

  “But that—that—”

  “That means I have feelings for you,” he said with a hard edge to his voice. “There. Are you happy now? You know the truth.”

  I said nothing.

  “No? I didn’t think so. There’s a reason I’ve never told you, and it’s because you’re Colton’s sister, not because that’s how I see you. I would have lived the rest of my life never telling you because he’s my best friend and I’d be pissed if it was the other way around, but you just keep pushing and pushing and—”

  “My brother has no say over the choices I make! After all this, don’t you think I have a right to know if that’s how you feel about me?”

  “No. Because this would happen. Because it changes everything and we both know that nothing can ever happen.”

  “Why? Because Colton says so?”

  “No, because I respect you far too much to ever put you in a position where you could get hurt.”

  “Sounds like you don’t want to get punched by my brother.”

  He shrugged a shoulder. “I’ve seen his right hook. I can’t say I’m interested in feeling it for myself.”

  “Don’t make this a joke, Josh.”

  He threw his arms out. “What do you want me to do, Kins? I thought setting you up would mean you’d find a guy you could go out with and be happy with and that would be the kick I needed to accept it would never happen.”

  “So why don’t you let me?”

  “Because I’m a fucking dumbass idiot who didn’t think through the consequences of seeing you date other men.”

  I looked at him for a long moment. Realization set in with a heavy cloud, and the lump in my throat was almost unbearable. “Because the guy I’d be dating isn’t you.”

  His nostrils flared, and he stared at the books the right of us. “Two guys. Two guys, and I’m done. I can’t do it anymore, all right? I can’t set you up on anymore dates.”

  What if I don’t want anymore?

  The question lingered on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn’t quite spit it out.

  “I can’t see you go out with these guys, Kins. I can’t. And—I can’t do this either.” He threw his hands up in surrender and walked past me.

  “Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

  He stilled. “I told you—”

  “No, you gave me some bullshit. Tell me the truth.”

  He turned back to me. “Because if I told you, I’d have to tell Colton, and telling him that I have feelings for his sister is the biggest betrayal I could dish out to him. And I won’t do that. I won’t betray him like that.”

  “You’re acting like you made a pact not to date each other’s sisters.” When he didn’t answer, I knew. “Oh, my God. You did.”

  His chin jerked in response. “We promised each other we’d never do it. And I won’t break my promise to him.”

  “And do I not get a say in this?”

  “A say in what? The mistake I’ve made of telling you? Of setting you up with other guys? Of not keeping my mouth shut?”

  “Of what happens in my life?”

  “Don’t—”

  “Don’t what?”

  Josh turned back to me and met my eyes. His green-gray gaze was greener than usual, and his eyes were blazing with pent-up frustration that told me just how long he’d kept this to himself.

  “How long?” I asked, pressing my hands to my stomach. “How long have you kept this to yourself? How long have you lied about how you feel about me?”

  “I’m not answering that.” He laughed, and it was sad. Hollow. Almost broken.

  And in that, I knew the answer.

  Too long.

  My stomach flipped and my chest tightened and my skin pimpled with goosebumps. And I gave a command I’d never given in my awkward, introverted life.

  “Kiss me.”

  He blinked at me. “What?”

  “If you really feel like that, you’ll kiss me.”

  “I just told you why I can’t do that.”

  “Fine. Then I’ll have to kiss you.” I stalked over to him, fully intent on slapping my lips against his.

  He caught my upper arms, holding me at arm’s length. “Kinsley…”

  “Don’t you Kinsley me!” I shouted. “You stand in front of me and tell me all this stuff and everything suddenly makes sense and now you want to be a freaking white knight, Josh? No. If you feel all those things for me, if they’re real, then you’ll kiss me and—”

  “I won’t do it to Colton. He’s your brother. He’s my best friend.”

  “And I’ll tell him.” The petty threat escaped before I could stop it. When he froze, I knew I’d hit my mark. “Kiss me, or I’ll tell him everything you just told me.”

  “That’s below the belt, and you know it.”

  “I don’t care.” My throat bobbed with emotion. “I don’t care if it makes me petty. Because sometimes I feel things, too, and I don’t understand them, because it’s you, and I need to know I’m not insane.”

  He softened. “Kins…”

  “And if you don’t kiss me right now, I’m telling Colton and going on a date with Elliott tonight and I’ll make out with him instead.”

  His lips pulled to one side. “Do you know how utterly ridiculous that sounds?”

  My own lips twitched, and I nodded. “Really, really petty.”

  “I can’t do it, Kins,” he said in a voice that was barely above a whisper. “I can’t do it to him.”

  “Then don’t.” My lower lip trembled. “If I kiss you, and you just stand there and do nothing, then technically speaking, you didn’t kiss me.”

  His jaw clenched, and his fingers twitched on my upper arms. “Do you really believe I can stand here and do nothing?”

  “I don’t really care.” I shrugged his arms off and closed the distance between us.

  Our bodies were almost pressed together. Josh dipped his head, and his breath fluttered over my lips as I hesitated in front of him. His fingertips danced against mine, and I swallowed, breathing in that mix of lavender and coffee and hot buttered toast that made up the scent of his shirt.

  My heart thundered
in my chest. There wasn’t a part of my body that wasn’t on high alert with what I was about to do. Panic flushed through me because this wasn’t who I was, I wasn’t the kisser, I was the kissee. I definitely wasn’t the forceful, demanding person I was being right now, but he wasn’t going to do it.

  And I needed to know.

  I needed to know if my heartbeats and my butterflies and my goosebumps were really because of him.

  Because if they were, I’d deal with my brother myself.

  “Kinsley,” Josh breathed. “This is a terrible idea.”

  “I know,” I whispered right back.

  “You don’t know what you’re doing.”

  “Actually, I do.”

  I proved the truth in my words by pressing my lips against his.

  He froze completely, and I just held my mouth there, savoring the way the warmth of his lips flooded through my body. There was a shuffle as he moved closer to me, and I slid my hands up his chest like I’d imagined earlier.

  It was solid muscle, all dips and valleys and hardness that guided my hands to the sides of his neck.

  His lips twitched.

  There was no denying it.

  The butterflies in my stomach were staging a breakout. My heart was the ringleader of that as it pounded against my ribcage, and my skin was prickled in preparation for their great escape.

  I was feeling things for Josh, and there was no way I could hide that from myself any longer.

  Or him.

  I fell back onto my heels from my tiptoes, breaking the seal of our lips.

  “There,” I said softly, letting my hands fall away. “I have my answer, and you didn’t break any promises.”

  “What’s your answer?” he replied in a low, gruff voice I’d never heard before.

  I raised my eyes to his briefly before I turned away. “I’m not insane.”

  “But I am.”

  He grabbed my hand and spun me right back into him. I squeaked as my body collided with his, but there was barely any time before his lips covered mine.

  Like it was second nature, he wrapped one arm around my waist, holding me against him, and I circled my arms around his neck.

  He kissed me thoroughly, like he’d dreamed of doing it a thousand times. Maybe he had. I didn’t know, and I didn’t care. All I cared about was that he was kissing me like he’d die if he didn’t.