Cold Fear: (Cold Harbor Book 5)

by Sleeman, Susan

  “Ready?” she asked, her voice breathy and tears glistening in her eyes.

  He wanted to say something to encourage her and remove her unease. Maybe take her into his arms, but he knew she wouldn’t want that in front of her band so he nodded and led the way to the side entrance where her bus was parked. He’d prefer she would get dressed in the building, but she couldn’t even stomach the thought of stepping backstage where Jill had died, and he didn’t blame her. So he’d had the bus moved close to the building and a canvas walkway erected, allowing her to access her vehicle unseen.

  He nodded at Sal’s guard who pushed open the door for them. Another guard, mirrored sunglasses hiding his eyes, stood at the bus door. Riley took comfort in their professional appearance and focused attention.

  Leah paused and glanced into a narrow opening between the walkway and the building.

  Riley followed her gaze and spotted several reporters with microphones and TV cameras lingering by the front of the bus, but he urged Leah ahead. “Keep moving.”

  “They must have found out about Jill.”

  “They did. Saw it on social media.”

  She glanced back at him, worry now added to her expression. “I hope they don’t cause problems.”

  Riley hoped so, too, but if they came between him and his job of protecting Leah, he would move them out of the way, because he wasn’t going to let anything stop him from his protection job tonight. Even if it meant he stopped the concert. Whisked her off stage. Or if he had to, give his life for hers. Nothing was out of the question to keep her safe. Nothing.

  Leah breathed deep and bowed to the deafening applause. She’d successfully honored Jill and they’d moved through two thirds of the concert lineup. The fans jumped, screamed, reached up, obviously enjoying themselves.

  Leah dipped in another bow as Jaz’s earlier word came back. Hypocritical. Jaz thought Leah was being hypocritical. She didn’t disagree. She felt bad about Jill’s murder and about holding a grudge against Jill then standing before the fans and not telling them how she ended things between them. But then, show business was often filled with hypocrisy. Fake. Unreal. You name it, she’d seen it. But that didn’t mean that was who she wanted to be.

  Forgive me for not painting the full picture for the fans.

  Emotionally drained, she wanted to slink off stage to her trailer and sleep for days, but her drummer started the next song. Even if Leah wanted to sleep, maybe linger in her guilt, she had an amphitheater filled with people waiting for her to embrace the music and give them a show.

  She plastered a smile on her face and started clapping as she charged around the stage to pump them up even more. A commotion in the back of the structure caught her attention, and she came to a stop. She lifted her hand over her eyes to block the blinding spotlights and get a clear picture of what was happening. Sal and one of his men were taking down a man. Wrestling him to the floor, the guy fighting for all he was worth.

  Images flashed through her mind of this man getting free. Lifting a gun. Firing at her. Everything around her seemed to slow. Freeze in time.

  She shot a look at Riley standing in the wings. His finger was pressed against his earpiece, concern on his face as he gazed over the crowd.

  Why wasn’t he reacting? Warning her? Coming to get her?

  She started clapping again. She kept it up and made her way to his side of the stage.

  He met her gaze and gave her a thumbs up.

  A false alarm.

  She whooshed out a breath, trying to focus on the performance. She moved in a trance back to the middle of the stage. Vaguely heard the guitars playing and missed the intro. The fans were belting out the words. She held out the mic, smiling and pretending she’d planned for them to start without her. They loved it, so she continued until she could gain her breath and composure.

  Somehow, she muddled through the rest of the concert, handled two encores, then ended the performance even when they clamored for more. She just didn’t have it in her to go back on stage for another song or forced smile. Nor walk to her bus to change.

  She sank to the floor just offstage and rested her head on her knees.

  She heard Eryn, who’d been seated on a stool for the entire concert, drop down next to her and take her hand. “It’s over and no attacks. You can relax now. You’re safe.”

  “Thank God for that,” she managed to get out.

  Eryn nodded.

  Out of the corner of Leah’s eye, she caught a glimpse of Riley heading their way, his sure, strong strides bringing him closer. She’d already gotten used to having him in her life and had to admit she enjoyed it. He would likely help her up, escort her to get changed, and then drive her home. All the while coddling her and making sure she came to no harm.

  She could easily get used to his attention on a regular basis.

  “I’m so impressed,” Eryn went on obvious to Leah’s musings. “I know you’re suffering, but you kept it hidden, and no one could tell you’re going through so much.”

  “Thanks,” Leah said, but it wasn’t an accomplishment.

  She was good at hiding things. Failing to let them out was what had ruined—and continued to ruin—her life, and with Riley bearing down on her, she knew tonight would be no exception and a rift would remain between them.

  11

  The next morning, the helicopter’s rotors thumped a steady rhythm as Riley helped Leah climb in through the side door. She noticed he hadn’t helped Eryn get in. He was such a gentleman with his private school manners that he likely wanted to offer Eryn his assistance, but Leah got why he didn’t. She already knew Eryn was such an independent woman that she’d likely deck him if he tried.

  Imagining that very thing brought a smile to her face.

  “What’s so funny?” he asked.

  “I was imagining you helping Eryn into the helicopter.”

  Eryn frowned. “I’d sock him if he tried.”

  “Exactly.” Leah smiled again.

  Riley rolled his eyes and shook his head. “There’s a headset for you hanging by the seat allowing us to communicate during the flight. If you need anything, let me know, okay?”

  She nodded and noticed Eryn settle her headset over her ears.

  Riley started to close the door then paused, his forehead knotting.

  “What is it?” she asked, fearing there was some kind of mechanical failure.

  “Owen.” Riley scrubbed his free hand over his face. “I don’t want to leave him behind.”

  She got that. Totally. Owen had begged to come with them, so Riley promised he’d take Owen up in the helicopter another time. That was good because it at least kept Owen’s tears at bay, but it didn’t take away his pouting lip that even she had a hard time refusing.

  She was sad to see Riley suffering, but she was thrilled he was embracing fatherhood. Not that she should ever have doubted he would.

  He took a long breath and exhaled loudly. “Is it always like this? The leaving.”

  “You never get used to it, but it does get easier and you can look forward to coming back. The joy and happiness they feel when you return. That’s always a special moment.”

  Riley nodded, apparently satisfied, and yanked the door closed. He slid into the cockpit, and she had to admit it was totally cool that he’d branched out to become a helicopter pilot, or like the team members like to say, a helo pilot.

  She settled the headset over her ears and adjusted the small mic. She’d chosen to sit in the back with Eryn instead of up front with Riley because she could look out both sides of the helicopter. And maybe because when she’d come out of his room this morning and discovered he’d made breakfast for all of them, her heart had melted even more, and she needed to put some space between them before she did something stupid like kiss him. Something she desperately wanted to do when she’d seen him barefoot, wearing a white T-shirt and worn-in jeans, looking altogether too appealing.

  “Here we go,” he said and the aircraft lifted
off smoothly into the sky, whirring up higher and higher, leaving her stomach behind. She reveled in the feeling and loved being able to look out the windows. He piloted them out over the ocean then banked back inland over soaring pines and lush greenery.

  Wow! Just wow! What a view. God’s creation was like no other. Only He could craft such beauty. And only He could help her with her struggles.

  Wait, what? Where did that thought come from?

  If it could help her, did it matter? She closed her eyes and prayed, lifting her cares and needs to God. For some reason, winging over the treetops she felt closer to Him. Like He might have an answer for her if she just listened hard enough.

  Her mother was a strong believer, and Leah had believed in God since she was young, but when she was with Riley she forgot all about the garbage from her childhood for a time, and she learned what it meant to live her faith. But after getting pregnant when she should never have been so weak as to be in that situation, her faith suffered. She’d regained her relationship with God over the years, but she’d never committed herself this fully before. Maybe that was what it took to find peace in her life. To set her priorities. If it was, she would try starting now.

  I will listen, Lord. I will. I’m committed now. Show me the way. Please show me the way.

  She opened her eyes and looked at Eryn, face buried in her laptop. She’d probably taken this flight so many times, it was second nature to her, but oh, how could anyone take God’s amazing creation for granted? The greens, browns, whites, blues were vivid shades only God could create.

  It hit her then how miniscule she was in comparison to the vast landscape below and the endless skies above, yet God cared about each little bird and flower. That meant He cared about every detail of her life, too. She’d only been praying for God to make things work out the way she wanted, but what if God had something else in mind for her? Could she trust Him—completely—even if He didn’t want her to continue her career?

  Her attention was drawn to the blond-headed man in the pilot seat. What would it be like if they reconciled and raised Owen together?

  That would never happen, would it? Or was God urging her to consider it? Maybe she was wishing for it because it would make life easier, and she wouldn’t have to share custody of Owen. Thinking about spending extended periods of time away from him left her breath catching in her throat, and a panic attack like she hadn’t had since she was younger threatened to take her down.

  She closed her eyes and concentrated on breathing to ward it off. The solid thump of the rotors settled her mind as time ticked past, but she kept her eyes shut tightly until she was in control again. When she opened them, she found Eryn looking at her.

  “Everything okay?” Eryn asked.

  Riley glanced over his shoulders. “Leah?”

  “I’m fine.” She forced out a smile to ease his concern. “Go back to flying this thing.”

  He took a final lingering look and turned his attention back to the front. Leah released a silent sigh drawing Eryn’s attention again. Leah smiled but Eryn didn’t respond with one, which was unusual for her and that worried Leah. Had she somehow heard about Owen and was wondering about him?

  Hannah and Gage promised not to tell anyone until Riley could meet with the entire team and let them all know at the same time. The soonest they could do that was breakfast the next morning. And though they agreed to keep things quiet, that didn’t mean David and Mia wouldn’t say something to Bekah. But since Eryn would see pictures at Leah’s house, Riley would tell her before they got there. Leah just didn’t know when he planned to do that.

  Man, it was going to be hard to see Eryn’s response when she found out. Leah had already come to care for Eryn. Would she think badly of Leah for a decision she made years ago?

  A sigh formed deep in Leah’s body, but Eryn was still watching her, concerned, so Leah held it in.

  “What are you working on?” Leah asked to break the awkward silence.

  “I’m reviewing the CCTV files from the different venues where your stalker showed up. I was hoping to get a look at him, but the only video that he appears in is the Minneapolis one.”

  “And it’s too dark to make him out.”

  Eryn nodded.

  “Is there any way you can enhance it?”

  “I can lighten it a bit, but I don’t have the skills to improve it enough. It will take an expert.”

  So much for their most promising lead. Leah hoped it would pan out, but with her recent prayer she wouldn’t let the setback get her down. “Do you know anyone like that?”

  “I don’t, but my friend, Piper might. She’s an FBI agent. Right now she’s on vacation and is staying with me. I’ll ask her when we land and I can get a cell signal.”

  “Approaching our landing pad,” Riley said over the headset. “If you want to call it that. Basically, it’s a dirt field surrounded by trees. A tricky landing, but we use Lee’s place all the time when we come to Portland, so I’ve got this. Just didn’t want you to worry when you saw the clearing that looks the size of a postage stamp.”

  Leah turned her attention to the area below, and she couldn’t even see the clearing, only a forest of trees. He kept lowering the helicopter and finally she could see the small spot. He wasn’t kidding that it was postage-stamp sized. She grabbed her seat and held on.

  “Don’t worry.” Eryn closed her laptop and relaxed back. “Riley might be a relatively new pilot, but he was trained by Coop, who’s the best of the best. And this helo is his baby. No way he would let Riley get near it if he wasn’t capable of landing in all situations.”

  Leah was glad to have another opinion on Riley’s abilities and tried to relax. He proved Eryn right by safely touching down with a soft landing.

  “Lee will have his old truck waiting for us,” Riley said. “You two go on and get settled while I shut this down and do the post flight inspection.”

  Leah released her seatbelt and hung up her headset. Eryn led the way out of the helicopter into the crisp air.

  Leah locked eyes on the miniscule clearance surrounding the helicopter. “The helicopter is dangerously close to the trees. Why doesn’t this Lee guy clear more land?”

  “He doesn’t want the liability of inexperienced pilots landing on his property. This pad keeps them away.”

  Leah could certainly see why. “But doesn’t it make it a greater risk for all the pilots who land even if they’re experienced?”

  Eryn grinned. “He says life’s an adventure, and that’s the fun in landing here.”

  Leah shook her head. “I never did understand that mentality. I’m not much of a risk taker.”

  “Really?” Eryn tilted her head. “I’d think it was a risk every time you stepped on stage. Not physical but emotional. You have thousands of people counting on you not to let them down and you pour your heart out in song. That’s riskier than anything we do.”

  “I’ve never even thought of that. I just go out and do what I love and have fun with it.”

  “Which is why you’re so great. It’s authentic. Especially when you sing ‘Never Let You Go.’ That’s still my favorite of all your songs. It just touches me for some reason.”

  Leah wished Eryn hadn’t brought that one up, but it wasn’t unusual. She was told often enough that people loved that song. And they asked for it at every concert whether she’d put it in her lineup or not.

  “Riley and I wrote that song together,” Leah said, wondering why in the world she was mentioning something she didn’t want to talk about.

  Eryn stopped walking and stared at Leah. “That’s why it’s so special, isn’t it? Because you wrote it for each other, and when you sing it, you still think of him and that time in your life.”

  Leah shrugged.

  “What happened? Why’d you break up?”

  Leah didn’t want to answer, so she started walking again.

  “Wait, I’m sorry, Leah.” Eryn caught up to her. “It’s none of my business. I shouldn’t h
ave asked.”

  “It’s okay. I’d explain it, but you’re Riley’s teammate, and if he wants you to know, he’ll tell you.” Leah expected Eryn to get mad.

  But she simply nodded. “You’re a good person. Putting Riley first like that.”

  Leah smiled her acknowledgment, but she really hadn’t done anything special. Her response was simply motivated by caring about Riley.

  She continued on until she reached a pickup truck with rust spots over faded blue paint and enough dents that it looked like it had barely survived a demolition derby. She guessed it was from the fifties and had lived a hard life.

  Eryn located the key in a metal container under the front wheel well and opened the door. She motioned for Leah to slide in and she did.

  Eryn got in, too. “Mind unlocking the door for Riley?”

  Leah leaned over to pull up the lock. In moments Riley would be right here, snugged up close to her. She moved a little closer to Eryn who gave Leah a knowing look. Leah didn’t care. She was better off getting a look from Eryn then riding for the next forty minutes touching Riley.

  He soon slid in and got the truck going, the rumble of the old engine oddly comforting as they started down the road.

  “As you can tell, there’s no GPS in this truck.” He glanced at her and smiled. “You’ll have to give me directions.”

  Just like she’d often done in the past. She smiled back at him. “Remember your old station wagon? We’d take your surfboard and escape to the beach.”

  His grin widened. “I’ll never forget those beach days.”

  “It would be nice to do it again,” Leah said. “To get away from the fast-paced world and all the technology competing for our attention.”

  Eryn looked up from her phone and gaped for a minute. “Speak for yourself.”

  They all laughed, lightening the tension and making the rest of the drive more comfortable. Leah spent the time thinking about Riley entering her house. Her home. The most personal place of her life. And oddly, after years of letting only service people through the door, she was okay with giving him access.