Hearts on Fire

by Julia Gabriel

  “Look at you!” Shari touched the ends of Becca’s long hair. “Last time I saw you, this was so short.”

  Becca was hit with an image of herself as a pregnant teenager. She had let her dyed black hair grow out, and then chopped it off so only her natural color remained.

  Shari turned to the table. “Mom, Dad, this is Becca.”

  They shook hands, then Shari introduced her to Jackie. The girl extended her hand for a grownup handshake, too. Shari had yet to tell her who Becca really was. Both she and Becca wanted to see how this visit played out first. As far as Jackie knew, Becca was just an old friend of her mother’s.

  “Nice to meet you.” Her voice was clear and confident.

  Becca felt her heart crack a little, at the knowledge of what lay ahead for her. How much of that confidence was going to survive? How much of it was really there now? Becca had always put on the tough girl attitude, even at Jackie’s age, but it was all image. Nothing more. On the surface, she had dared people to mess with her. Underneath, she had been terrified that someone actually would.

  Becca’s favorite waitress, Janelle, arrived to take their drink orders.

  “Oh look, dear,” Alice Weber leaned over to show the wine list to her husband. “This is an excellent wine list. I’ll have a glass of the Columbia River pinot gris, please.”

  Becca looked over at Mike and smiled.

  “Do you have a local beer?” Robert Weber asked Janelle.

  “We have a summer ale from the Brass Monkey Brewery in Annapolis. It’s easily our best-selling beer.”

  “I’ll take one of those, then.”

  Shari ordered sparkling water, and Janelle turned to Jackie.

  “We have a special kids’ drink today,” Janelle said. “It’s limited edition, just created this morning by our bartender, Mike. That’s him over there.” Mike gave them all a wave. “It’s called the Pirate’s Jewel. It’s a sparkling peach lemonade with raspberry ice cubes that give it a little extra zing as they melt.”

  “Sounds good,” Shari said.

  Becca caught Janelle’s eye. Mike was smooth. Becca had been working shifts all week so she could take a few days off while the Webers were here. Not once had Mike said he was creating a special drink for Jackie.

  “I’ll try one of those,” she said. She leaned across the table toward Jackie. “This restaurant is famous for these drinks. They had them back when I was a kid.”

  Jackie weighed that information. “I’ll try one, too,” she said. “I like lemonade, Never had peach lemonade before, but I’m game.”

  It was hard not to speculate on where Jackie took after Jack, and where she might take after Becca. Becca remembered Jack as being precise and articulate in his speech, even in elementary school. But he hadn’t been drawn to the new and unknown like a moth to flame—the way Becca was. Jackie seemed to have a little of each quality.

  “Becca, I never knew you grew up in such a pretty little town,” Shari said as they perused the menus. “Dad, you never told me how nice this area was.”

  “Well, I was a student back then. St. Caroline was a little quiet for young bucks like us.” He smiled at Becca. “After the Navy, I moved to a landlocked state to be with the love of my life.” He gave Alice a quick squeeze of the shoulders. “But I still miss the water.”

  “You know, I forgot how much I missed it too until I moved back here this summer.” St. Caroline was starting to grow on her. She joked to Cassidy just last night that the town had changed so much since she was a kid. Becca knew the truth. It wasn’t St. Caroline that had changed. It was her.

  As they ate, the conversation meandered from boats and the weather to their day trip to Washington, DC, and what Jackie was looking forward to in second grade. They were just finishing dessert when Matt Wolfe entered the restaurant with Mason and Cam in tow. Becca wasn’t sure how the Wolfe family really felt toward her these days. Her parents assured her that Tim and Angie were not upset with either her or Jack. But Jack’s brothers might view the situation differently.

  She hoped that Matt just wouldn’t notice her, but the lunch hour was winding down, and not much obstructed the view between the hostess station and their table. Not enough for even a five year old. Cam spotted her and waved. Becca waved back, just as Matt turned to see what his nephew was up to. She was surprised at Matt’s smile, and even more surprised when he and the boys began walking toward them.

  Or not surprised, she thought, when Matt walked around the table to a spot where he could get a good look at Jackie. Mason introduced himself straight away to her. Becca introduced Matt to the adults. Pleasantries were exchanged and Matt wished the Webers a good visit.

  But even Shari took note of his last long look at Jackie before pulling the boys away to a table across the room. She gave Becca a questioning look and Becca answered with a tiny shake of the head. As Robert and Alice pored over the check, Becca mouthed “brother” to Shari.

  The next three days were a whirlwind of activity. A visit to the town’s historic lighthouse and museum, shopping on Main Street, a cookout with Becca’s family, a trip to a waterpark, a sunset sailing charter. It was the last that Jackie seemed to enjoy the most. Even Becca was tired by Saturday evening. She couldn’t imagine how exhausted Shari must be.

  Robert Weber had taken Jackie to see a Little League baseball game, with the promise of ice cream afterward. His wife was resting in her room at the Chesapeake Inn. Becca was sitting in Shari’s room across the hall, eating room service sandwiches from Skipjack’s.

  “This has been a wonderful week,” Shari said. “Your family couldn’t have been nicer.”

  “They survived me. I think Jackie will be a walk in the park compared to that.”

  Shari laughed, but Becca could hear the rasp of her breath beneath it. Sitting on the Inn’s big upholstered sofa, Shari looked tiny, like a strong wind might snap her in half. Or the air conditioning kicking on. She looked like Jack’s mother—dark shadows beneath sunken eyes, sharp cheekbones where there hadn’t been any before, her scarf not hiding the fact that there was no hair on her head.

  “I’m really having a hard time picturing you as a difficult child. When we went through the adoption, you were as steady as a rock. You were a lot more certain about it than I was, to be honest. I wanted a child, more than anything, but I wasn’t sure I’d be a good mother or not.”

  “You’ve been a terrific mother, Shari. I did the right thing back then. I wasn’t ready to be a parent.”

  “And now?” Shari’s expression was one of both hope and girding herself for bad news.

  “Yes, I’m ready now.”

  “Oh Becca.” Shari hugged Becca with what little strength she had left. “Thank you. Thank you.” She released her weak embrace. “Thank you for loaning her to me these seven years. As hard as this is—” She waved a thin hand in the air, as if to indicate “everything.” “It would be so much harder if I hadn’t had the chance to be a mother. I feel like that’s selfish because I know it’s harder for Jackie to go through this. And eventually, she won’t remember me much.” Tears shone in her eyes.

  Becca took Shari’s hands in her own. “I won’t let her forget you. You were her first mother.” She gave Shari’s hands a gentle squeeze. “I was so young when my mom passed away. I don’t have any memories of her. But I won’t let that happen to Jackie.”

  Shari frowned. “What do you mean? I thought we met your …”

  “I’m adopted. My mother is actually my aunt. You didn’t notice that I look like exactly no one else in the family?”

  “I did sort of notice that. But I chalked it up to recessive genes or something. Oh Becca, I had no idea.” Shari smiled and wiped away the threatening tears. “This makes you even more perfect.”

  “I guess I don’t really think about it much anymore. I did when I was a kid, though. Really, I pretty much didn’t let anyone forget it.”

  “And now I adore your parents even more. And all your sisters … I was an only child
. I always wanted sisters. I’m sure the reality is different from my fantasies.”

  Becca shrugged. “It can be. But aunts are probably more fun than sisters.”

  “This is working out so much better than I even hoped for. I wasn’t sure how your family was going to take this.”

  “They will help me if I need it.” She rolled her eyes. “And even if I don’t need it.”

  “Your mom said that you and Jack? Is that his name? That you two were dating again.”

  “We were, sort of. But not anymore. He’s only here for the summer anyway. He lives in California. I’m not sure how that’s going to work out, honestly, since the rest of his family still lives in St. Caroline. I’m glad you adopted Jackie, but I made a huge mess of things here.”

  “Your mom said he didn’t take the news well.”

  Becca let out a sigh. “No, he didn’t. Nor should he have, I guess. I should have told him I was pregnant but I thought it would be better for him if I didn’t. I mean, it was better for him but …” Becca stood and began gathering up their plates for room service to collect. “... maybe it was only best for me.”

  Chapter 28

  “Hey guys, help me out with the blanket here—” But Cam and Mason kicked off their flip flops and ran down to the water. “Or not,” Jack finished his sentence. “Mason! Keep an eye on your brother!” he shouted at the boys as they crashed into the soft, lapping waves of the bay.

  Serena wasn’t feeling well again today. Jack had offered to get Cam and Mason out of the house for a few hours so she could rest. According to Oliver, this pregnancy was way harder than the first two had been. Jack started to wonder whether Becca’s pregnancy had been hard or easy, then he stopped himself—the way he did every time Becca Trevor crept into his thoughts.

  You’re mad at her, remember?

  He shook out the blanket and spread it across a patch of sand, then dropped the backpack filled with sunscreen and water bottles on top of it. It was Sunday morning and already Secret Beach was filling up with sun worshippers. He was about to point that out, but stopped that impulse too. He was done discussing things with God. God clearly wasn’t listening. So screw it.

  He looked toward the water and his heart stopped cold. The boys were gone. He sprinted toward the water, then heard Cam yell, “Uncle Jack! We’re over here!” He turned to see Cam stretched up on tiptoes and waving both hands at him. Mason was talking to a tall, blonde girl.

  A girl Jack hadn’t seen before … but who looked exactly as he had imagined she would.

  The moment he’d been dreading—trying like hell to avoid—was here. He couldn’t take his eyes off his … daughter. Matt was right. He had no plausible deniability here. If Jack Wolfe was going to have a daughter, that’s exactly what she would look like. Tall and gangly like he’d been at her age. Blonde hair bleached even lighter by the sun. And—as her eyes flicked up to meet his—impeccable situational awareness. When he was a kid, everyone’s perception of him was of a quiet kid whose nose was always in a book. But that hadn’t meant Jack was oblivious to what went on around him. He was perfectly capable of reading and taking in his surroundings at the same time.

  Like she was right now. She was talking to Mason, who was seven years old too, but her eyes kept returning to Jack. Seven-year-old girls used to terrify him when he was that age, and he was remembering why. Her gaze made him feel like she was peering straight into his mind—and she was not impressed by what she was finding.

  He looked away from her only to find Becca’s gaze skewering him too. She leaned over and spoke to the kids, who took off immediately for the water. They had been dismissed. Now it was his turn, evidently.

  He walked over to Becca and the woman she was with—his daughter’s adoptive mother, who was covered up head to toe. Long sleeve shirt, one of those long skirt things women wore at the beach, and a broad-brimmed straw hat.

  “Hey,” he said when he reached them.

  “Hi there. Shari, this is Jack.” Becca’s voice couldn’t have been any frostier. Obviously, she wasn’t spending any time remembering … he pushed that thought from his mind. You’re not supposed to be remembering either. “Jack, this is Shari Weber.”

  Jack shook the older woman’s hand. Her skin felt papery thin, just like his mother’s. Up close, he could see a scarf peeking out from under the straw hat she wore. The dark shadows beneath her eyes were starkly familiar—just like his mother’s.

  Thanks for the happy day at the beach! No need to let me forget about things, not even for a few hours!

  Shari Weber looked him up and down, then glanced toward the water where the kids were splashing in the shallows.

  “Yes,” he answered her unspoken query. “I’m the other half.”

  “Are those your boys? Your brother had them the other day. That’s when they met Jackie.”

  “No, Cam and Mason are Oliver’s kids. That was Matt you met.”

  “Oliver’s wife is pregnant. She’s been sick a lot with this one,” Becca explained.

  He watched the three kids play together. Two other girls joined them, all of them laughing and talking. Happy. He couldn’t imagine what Jackie would go through, losing her mother at this age. He wasn’t sure he was going to survive it himself. Oh intellectually, he knew he would. He’ll wake up the morning after she’s gone … and then the next morning … and the morning after that … and every morning for the entire damn rest of my life!

  But a piece of him would be gone. A piece of his family. He couldn’t even begin to imagine holidays and birthdays in the future with just his brothers and father. The picture was fuzzy and indistinct—four men, two young boys, and Serena as the one female, the lone balancing force to all that testosterone.

  “Can I ask what you’ve decided to do, Becca?” The question was out of his mouth before he even had a chance to consider how bad the timing of it was.

  Becca looked at Shari, then back at him. “The plan is for me to adopt her. It’s not going to happen overnight.”

  Shari jumped in. “I’m working with a child psychologist in Ohio. It’s going to be a gradual transition as we prepare Jackie for what’s ahead. I don’t know how many more trips I will have the strength to make, but my parents will bring Jackie here. I will fly Becca out to Ohio for visits. You too, if you want.”

  “All of this is contingent, of course, on Jackie wanting to be with me,” Becca hurried to clarify.

  “But after this weekend, I don’t think that’s going to be an issue,” Shari jumped in again. “And my parents are out with a realtor this morning, scoping out the real estate market here. They’re quite taken with St. Caroline.”

  “They would move here?”

  Shari nodded. “They never intended to retire in Ohio, but they stayed to help me with Jackie. And to be near her.”

  “She might live with them at first,” Becca added.

  “That would help a lot, if her grandparents were here,” Jack allowed. It sounded like Becca had this all planned out already. It’s really happening. His daughter was moving to St. Caroline. He watched as she turned cartwheels in the sand, then tried to show Cam how to do them too. “Her cousins seem to like her.”

  He wasn’t sure what to feel about all this. Or think about it. It was hard to fathom that he and Becca—together—had created that little girl. Another person. And just like the first time, things were happening that he apparently had no part in.

  His mother’s eyes were closed when he slipped into the hospital room, and his heart stopped. It was doing that a lot lately and yet he was still here. He watched the slight form of her body beneath the thin hospital sheet, looking for the faint rise and fall of her breath. He didn’t want to be the one who had to … he couldn’t even articulate the thought. The doctor had said there was maybe a week left.

  Just get me through this. Please. That’s all I ask. Get me through this next week and I’ll be a model citizen from here on out. Whatever you want, I’ll do it. I’ll help Becca with Jacki
e. I’ll stay in St. Caroline. Anything. Just help me survive this.

  “Jack?” His mother’s voice was weak. “Is that you?”

  “Yes, mom. How can you tell it’s me with your eyes closed?”

  “A mother’s intuition.” Her eyes opened. “Plus, your dad said you’d be coming by.”

  He smiled at her. At least, her sense of humor wasn’t gone yet.

  “I’m on call, but maybe nothing will happen in town today.”

  “There’s a good chance of nothing happening. St. Caroline is nice that way.”

  “It’s starting to grow on me, I’ll admit.” He sat down in the hospital chair that was always right next to her bed.

  “So you think you’ll stay?”

  “Maybe. Becca is going to adopt Jackie.”

  “That’s what Michelle said.” She reached her hand out to him. “Have you forgiven Becca yet?”

  He didn’t answer immediately. The answer was “no.” He wasn’t sure he ever could forgive her. Becoming parents to a seven-year-old traumatized by the death of the only parent she’s ever known? The odds of him and Becca screwing that up royally were pretty high.

  His mother seemed to read his thoughts.

  “You would not have made a good father back then,” she said.

  “I know that.” His voice was soft.

  “But I think you would now.”

  “I’m not sure about that.”

  “Becca has a good head on her shoulders. She did the smart thing.”

  “She didn’t tell me about it though. She didn’t even give me a choice in the matter.”

  “There’s no perfect route through life, Jack. Pardon my deathbed wisdom here. Becca took the path she thought was best at the time. What’s done is done.”

  He leaned back in the hard, cold chair and stared up at the ceiling. “I don’t know anything about kids.”

  “Nobody really knows anything about kids until they have them. And even then, every kid is different. Having Oliver and Mattie didn’t completely prepare me for you.”