Encyclopaedia of Hell: An Invasion Manual for Demons Concerning the Planet Earth and the Human Race Which Infests It
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HISTORY (hĭs tə rē) n. Fictions commissioned by and praising the wealthy in order to disinform slaves known as citizens (q.v.). See Civilization; Cosmology of Earth.
HITCHHIKING (hĭch hī kĭng) n. A dating custom which matches paupers with perverts. See Justifiable Homicide; Vacation; Volkswagen.
Tedious Demon Impersonator
HITLER (hĭt lər) p. An annoying, amateurish Demon impersonator, toadish in countenance, designer of the tediously obvious swastika and the ineffably clunky Volkswagen (q.v.).
Hitler, a moron whose shabby attempts at Evil are forever an embarrassment to Demonkind, was known for filling canvases with sterile landscapes and war rooms with crapulous flatulence. See Fascism; Halitosis; Volkswagen.
COMMENTARY BY MEPHIS TOPHIEL
Hitler’s inept obsession with the eradication of Human Imperfection was a Psychologically Displaced Desire to compensate for the imperfect one-balled testes sac at the root of his half-inch penis.
In The Succubus Brothers’ Circus of Hell, Demon children are annually delighted by the slapstick antics of “Hitler the Clown” and the famous “Diarrheac Dog-Shit Pie in the Führer’s Face” routine.
For Zyk’s personal remembrance of Hitler and his miniature scrotal sac, see Zyk’s 2ndMemo to the Publisher. See Germany; Machismo; Nazi; Swastika.
Hollow Earth Showing Kadab’s Mansion and Wheel of Kadab (Obverse)
Family Festivities Prior to Suicide
HOLIDAY (hŏ lə dā) n. 1. A warm, festive gathering together of a human family. 2. The peak period of human suicide. See All Fools’ Day; Debt; Halloween; Las Vegas; Santa Claus; Xmas.
HOLLOW EARTH (hŏ lō ûrth) n. That which was hollowed out by the Demon Abra Kadab when he first homesteaded the planet in ancient times. The openings Kadab created at the North and South Poles have served as “fly-traps” sucking in countless human explorers, as well as entire American, British and Nazi military expeditions.
After centuries of eating explorers, Kadab has tastefully adorned the walls of the Hollow Earth with thousands of stuffed carcasses, each meticulously mounted and labeled according to the manner in which each bag of flesh was trapped, tenderized and cooked. See Abra Kadab; Earth; Wheel of Kadab.
HOLONOMY (hŏ lŏ nə mē) n. 1. The study of directional spin. 2. The science of politicians who rotate their tongues in opposite directions simultaneously.
HOLY SPIRIT (hō lē spĭ rət) n. A mistranslation of the exuberance of early priests for grain alcohol.
HOLY WATER (hō lē wä tər) n. That which creates holy urine.
HOMESTEADING (hōm stĕ dĭng) v . Stealing land from natives.
HOMICIDE (hŏm ə sīd) n. Statistically, the most common fruit of human friendship.
HOMOSEXUAL (hō mō sĕks yū əl) n., adj. See Fashion.
Hand Gestures Simulating Sincerity
HONESTY (ŏn əs tē) n. A ruse in which humans simulate a brief respite from treachery. See Handshake; Sincerity.
HONEYMOON (hŭ nē mn) n. The ritualized performance of sex, after which the male considers the female soiled and immediately seeks out another.
HONOR (ŏn ər) n. See Compassion .
HOPE (hōp) n. The brick wall at the end of the Tunnel of Human Logic.
HOROSCOPE (hôr ə skōp) n. A beautifully meaningless loop of stars which symbolizes the fundamental meaninglessness embedded in Reality. See Astrology.
Horses Enjoying Amphetamines
HORSE RACING (hôrs rā sĭng) n. A sport in which criminals take money from alcoholics. See Gangsters.
HOSPITAL (hŏs pĭ təl) n. A tree, its branches heavy with unripe corpses. See Morgue.
HOTEL (hō tĕl) n. 1. A stack of boxes which humans climb up into and sleep inside. 2. A pavilion of adultery and loneliness.
Haven from Other Humans
HOUSE (hous) n. A box in which a human hides from its natural predators, other humans.
COMMENTARY BY AHRIMAN
A house is an oasis of darkness in which humans hide their secrets. Here a saliva-drooling human secretly empties and “cleans” his disgusting carcass, performs arcane ablutions upon his or her body, then mindlessly waddles into six hours of involuntary unconsciousness.
In this house are smaller boxes within which a human stores the decomposing artifacts of his brief life, such as casino match-books, 4-H blue ribbons, and tiny umbrellas from Chinese cocktails, objects usually signifying pathetic triumphs or roiling fornications.
In addition, all human houses are traditional repositories for hiding immaterial scandals (such as beatings, incest, rape, drug addiction, etc.) before crumbling in a rotting heap into the unappreciative dust.
Slave of Human Male
HOUSEWIFE (hous wīf) n.
Slave of human male designed to house-clean, prepare foodstuffs, provide ejaculation orifice for male masters, and exude juices from the chest which are squirted into the mouths of offspring. See Geisha; Mother; Prostitute; Slave; Wife; Woman.
Conscious Clump of Static Cling
HUMAN BEING (hyū mən bē ĭng) n. 1. From an ultimate perspective, a conscious clump of static cling. 2. The natural predator of Humanity. See Humanity; Oaf.
HUMAN INTELLIGENCE (hyū mən ĭn tĕ lə jĕns) n. The ultimate sarcastic oxymoron.
The Hideous Heads of Humanity
HUMANITY (hyū măn ə tē) n. 1. The primitive tribes of Earth, who eventually evolve into the race of Demons. 2. Term denoting all humans in Earth-Density, except for those known as art critics (q.v.). See Soul Cycle.
HUMILIATE (hyū mĭl ē āt) v. To create such a satisfyingly wretched state of debased torpor in a human that a Demon is momentarily deluded into believing Happiness actually exists. See Degradation.
Humor Expert
HUMORIST (hyū mə rĭst) n. That which has no jokes and is thus even less funny, if it can be believed, than a human comedian. See Comedian; Comedy.
Director of Dysfunctional Family
HUSBAND (hŭz bənd) n. 1. The client of a prostitute. 2. The inept, usually penniless director of a dysfunctional family. 3. The first stage of alcoholism. See Father.
HYGIENE (hī jēn) n. The fantastic notion that humans are somehow able to wipe up the constant flow of excrement emitted by their bodies. See Soap.
HYMN (hĭm) n. Vibration patterns squawked by humans in church (q.v.). These patterns, secretly composed by the Demon Abra Kadab (q.v.) under various human pseudonyms, are in reality Spells which conjure new Demons invisibly into existence. Thus, unknown to humans, each hymn creates a different standing wave pattern, forming a new Evil Creature to defile the Earth.
The two types of Demons sculpted from the ethers by hymns are:1. Demons which instill incestuous lust in humans
2. Demons which instill unbridled homosexuality in humans
The above chart lists Kadab’s hymns and the Demons they conjure.
See Country-Western Singer; Homosexual.
HYPNOTISM (hĭp nə tĭ zəm) n. Formerly, repetitive, flashy motions by mesmerists; presently, repetitive, flashy commercials by advertising executives. See Advertising.
COMMENTARY BY AHRIMAN
For example, the concept of outlaw-anarchy, a danger to corporate survival, is cleverly linked to nicotine addiction and promoted by an outlaw “Marlboro Man” via corporate mass hypnosis.
Advertising Executive Wearing Mind-Control Turban
Similarly, the equally dangerous concept of democracy (which is incompatible with a corporate hierarchy) has been made hypnotically synonymous with imagery involving beer, guns, sports and flags.
HYPOTHESIS (hī pŏth ə sĭs) n. Suave word humans use for “What if–?” to make asking questions seem an elitist activity.
. The letter of Human Identity, naturally assigned by Mankind to an obscene lower-case pictogram of a turgid, spewing phallus.
Idiots Preparing Music Video
IDIOT (ĭ dē ət) n. 1. A human being. 2. A specific class of humans characterized by the desire to direct music videos. See Human Being,
Imbecile; Moron.
ILLEGITIMATE CHILD (ĭl lə jĭt ə mət chīld) n. The bastard human race, born of ape and angel.
ILLITERACY (ĭ lĭ tər ə sē) n. An admirable imperviousness to the corruption of knowledge implicit in human language; a temporary state of grace.
COMMENTARY BY BAAL ZEBUB
Second only to their need for weapons, human governments need their citizens to be literate in order to read tax forms.
ILLUMINATION (ĭl lū mə nā shən) n. A product sold by criminals wearing robes and crystals.
COMMENTARY BY LORD SATAN
Humans delude themselves into thinking that there is some secret, hidden “Good” (q.v.) which will be illuminated if only a human can figuratively screw the right mental light bulb into the right mental socket. The truth, however, is that the only hidden Illumination underlying Reality is the Exquisite Black Radiance of Hell.
IMAGE WORSHIP (ĭm əj wûr shĭp) n. A predilection to adore an image of a senile poofter pasted in the sky, or a loin-clothed loser nailed to a crossbeam. See Pagan.
IMAGINATION (ĭm ă jə nā shən) n. 1. The puerile human faculty which creates God and Good (q.v.). 2. The Mindstuff Matrix of Black Magic.
COMMENTARY BY LORD SATAN
Indicative of their stupidity, humans consider the Imagination to be a delusional Excrescence of Logic. The truth, as all Demons know, is the precise opposite: Human Logic is a delusional Excrescence of the Imagination.
IMBECILE (ĭm bə səl) n. Grade of idiot abundant in all walks of human life and characterized by an inability to process information in any manner other than literally; a fundamentalist level of understanding. See Idiot.
Imbecile: Low Grade of Idiot
COMMENTARY BY ASMO DEUS
The most dangerous imbeciles are those who possess a thin veil of knowledge, which covers them like a layer of logical scum; these specialized imbeciles are referred to as experts, scholars, philosophers and theologians.
IMMACULATE CONCEPTION (ĭm mă kyū lət kən sĕp shən) n. Dogma inspired by sex-terror in which human children are horrified by their parents’ orgasms; in religion, the analogous horror of theologians at their mythic God’s Big Bang.
IMMORTALITY (ĭm môr tăl ə tē) n. The state of unspeakable horror in which a human’s in-laws never die.
COMMENTARY BY ZYK
Figuratively putting on the pustuled
skin of a human to view immortality,
I offer the following modest insight:
I sing my love in essence never dies,
For love is stored in delicate design
Embedded in the cells behind the eyes,
Where reason and emotion intertwine.
And when through death we lose all
we possess,
Our love is thus miraculously saved:
In microscopic parts our first caress
Is deeply and indelibly engraved.
But worms will gaily eat through
every flesh,
And in our brains will dine and
interbreed.
Our cells of love with worms will
intermesh,
And worms upon themselves forever
feed.
Thus I sing my loves in essence never
die,
But forever in the bowels of maggots lie.
IMPALEMENT (ĭm pāl mənt) n. Popular human wartime activity; a splendid term for soldiers sticking the head of an enemy soldier on a stick, and performing an ersatz puppet show for enemy children, before killing them.
IMPOTENCE (ĭm pə təns) n. The admirable ability to deny the spawning of yet more fetal sacs oozing from human vaginas.
COMMENTARY BY BAAL ZEBUB
The degree of sexual impotence in human males may be computed in inverse ratio to:1. intensity of the swaggered gait ;
2. number of times the word “fuck” is articulated;
3. number of guns owned.
IMPROVISATION (ĭm prä və zā shən) n. The ability of a soldier who has run out of ammunition to use his shoelace to strangle the enemy.
INBREEDING (ĭn brē dĭng) n. Breeding on Earth.
INCARNATION (ĭn kär nā shən) n. The funneling of pure cosmic energies into the sewage of flesh.
INCEST (ĭn sĕst) n. See Country-Western Singers.
INDICTMENT (ĭn dīt mənt) n. 1. The only circumstance in which politicians stand for their convictions. 2. The junk mail of human politics.
INFALLIBILITY (ĭn făl ə bĭl ə tē) n. See Pope.
INFANT (ĭn fənt) n. That which screams for more.
INFECTION (ĭn fĕk shən) n. See Disease.
INFINITE REGRESSION (ĭn fən ət rĭ grĕ shən) n. See Vicious Circle.
Pain Without End
INFINITY (ĭn fĭn ə tē) n. The potential for human suffering.
COMMENTARY BY ASMO DEUS
Infinity is a Forbidden Topic in the Mathematics Department of the University of Hell.63 Lord Satan, in His Magnificence, issued an Edict eons ago forbidding Demon Mathematicians from exploring this Distasteful Concept.60 For if the Infinite is acknowledged even conceptually, suggesting implicitly a Supernatural Personification of Infinity, what becomes of the Omniscient Status of Our Lord Satan, King of All Evil in the Known Cosmos, if there is acknowledged a Concept Higher, Deeper and Blacker than His Majestic, All-Inclusive Blackness? 61 See Mathematics; Supreme Being.
INFORMER (ĭn fôr mər) n. That which a human’s best friend becomes during the Inquisition.
INHERITANCE (ĭn hĕr ə təns) n. Dung remaining in the intestines of a corpse which is fought over by maggots.
INHIBITION (ĭn hə bĭ shən) n. That unnatural force which suppresses a child’s natural instinct to kill his parents, and vice versa.
Insane Asylum: Symbol for Planet Earth
Detestable Purveyor of Annoying Human Ideas
INK (ĭnk) n. Blood from plants which are accessories to the crime of human literature.
INNOCENCE (ĭn ə səns) n. A human before being eaten by the Beast of Incarnation.
INQUISITION (ĭn kwə zĭ shən) n. Term for a Demonic Renaissance in human history when Mankind openly tortured Itself to encourage Its fleshy components to deny Truth. This creative movement also revived the natural instinct in humans to grovel while betraying others.
INSANE ASYLUM (ĭn sān ə sī ləm) n. Hyperbole for the Earth.
INSANITY (ĭn săn ə tē) n. 1. That which denies the peephole of human consensus reality. 2. Alien wisdom. See Madness.
COMMENTARY BY ASMO DEUS
Although the only intelligent human is an insane human, yet all of Mankind is, relative to Galactic Standards of Sanity, deemed Insane; thus that which is Insane to Humanity is Sane to Demonkind, and vice versa. However, a paradox arises if a Human determines himself to be Insane. For, then, a Demon must acknowledge that the Human is not Insane as a result of recognizing his Insanity, yet must be Insane as a result of judging his Insanity with a Sane Mind. The solution to this antimony, of course, is that logically there cannot be a Human who is Sane.62
Epigraph of Indifference
INSCRIPTION (ĭn skrĭp shən) n. That which must be filed off the inside of an otherwise perfectly reusable wedding ring.
INSECTS (ĭn sĕkts) n. Nobel
Prize winners from ten thousand feet.