Encyclopaedia of Hell: An Invasion Manual for Demons Concerning the Planet Earth and the Human Race Which Infests It
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Olfactory Mask
PERFUME (pər fyūm) n. 1. That which disguises the rancid smell of the female pudenda. 2. An exquisite bouquet, such as the aroma of roasting retarded children.
PERISCOPE (pĕr ə scōp) n. Device which allows humans under the water to kill humans over the water.
PERPETUAL MOTION (pər pĕt chū əl mō shən) n. From the point of view of the perceiver’s time frame, the most common motion in nature (the “perpetually ” spinning electron, planet, solar system, galaxy, etc.).
This concept which, like the Origin of Hell, points to a mystery which must not be divulged, and is denied existence by human scientists and their lab sponsors, fossil fuel magnates. See Cosmology of Hell; Infinity.
PERSONALITY (pər sən ăl ĭ tē) n. A monocle affected by an ape.
PERSPIRATION (pər spər ā shən) n. Salty, acrid oil which oozes from human skin and naturally spices baked human meat.
The Perverseness of Omniscience
PERVERT (pər vərt) n. The hypothetical God’s All-Seeing Eye.
COMMENTARY BY BELIAL
The Perverseness of Omniscience, in the Cosmology of Hell, is implicit in the Mythos of the Creator peeping lustfully at the naked carnality of its life-forms.
Pessimist: Most Delicious Human
PESSIMISM (pĕ sə mĭ zəm) n. When eating a human raw, the state of mind which makes the normally sour nervous system piquant and delicious.
PESTILENCE (pĕs tĭ ləns) n. An insidious human scourge, such as theaters infected by a rash of one-man shows.
Purveyor of Artificial Happiness
PHARMACIST (fär mə sĭst) n. Scientist beloved by humans for promulatin artificial happiness.
PHILATELIST (fəl ă tə lĭst) n. A human whose most cherished activity is the steaming off of small squares of paper from envelopes containing bills, tax forms and child pornoraphy.
Brain-Worshipping Idiot
PHILOSOPHER (fə lä sə fər) n. A grade of idiot who worships the weakest human organ, the brain. See Idiot; Imbecile; Moron.
PHILOSOPHY (fə lä sə fē) n. The twaddle which the human brain excretes under the influence of pipe smoke.
COMMENTARY BY ASMO DEUS
Philosophy, a.k.a. the Low Science of Artful Obfuscation, is the chief tool with which to corrupt the Bird Brain of Humanity.
As all Demonic Creatures know, Intelligence, or Reason, the intuitive art of Feeling one’s way toward a Solution, is counter to Logic and Philosophy, which are Reason’s lower, bastardized, praetorian subsets. Due to their inability to reason and chew gum at the same time, humans are beautifully susceptible to the seduction of Philosophy and Logic, and blind to the fact that their Exotic Forking Paths lead to Nowhere (q.v.). And since it is Nowhere that Mankind deserves as its Home, Demons in Earth-Density have throughout history encouraged Humans to suck at Philosophy’s Withered Teats.84
PHOTON (fō tän) n. 1. Spittle from the mythic God’s insouciant, buck-toothed, hayseed grin. 2. Radiation from a sickeningly peppy star which is, of course, noxious to Demonkind. See Electron; Star.
Uglifier of Reality
PHOTOGRAPHY (fə tä grə fē) n. That which uglifies reality, juxtaposing otherwise exquisite vistas with foregrounds featuring humans in shorts with cellulite and varicose veins.
PHOTOSYNTHESIS (fō tō sĭn thə sĭs) n. The influence of Hell upon plants which hungrily eat up despised Light.
COMMENTARY BY MEPHIS TOPHIEL
In Earth-Density, the Plant Kingdom was the first life-form created by Hell. Eons ago, the Demon Heretic Abra Kadab bio-engineered and seeded these Green Organisms of Evil in order to hungrily devour the hateful Light ceaselessly and disgustingly excreted from Earth’s Obnoxious Systemic Sun. See Plant.
PHYSICAL BODY (fĭ zi kəl bä dē) n. A seed which blooms into a corpse.
PHYSICIAN (fĭ zĭ shən) n. See Doctor.
PHYSICIST (fĭ zĭ sĭst) n. See Weapons Designer.
PI (pī) n. The relationship between the diameter and circumference of a mathematician’s testicle, symbolizing the Orgasm of Chaos. See Mathematics; Orgasm.
Orgasmic Filibuster of Chaos
PIANO BAR (pē ăn ō) n. A source of bizarre caterwauling in which alcoholics ingeniously wed the emission of sound and vomit. See Alcohol.
Human Skull-Opening Tool
PICKAX (pĭk ăks) n. Tool for opening the otherwise impenetrable human skull.
PICKLE (pĭk əl) n. That which goes well with the sautéed human anus.
Meat Tube Delicious to Humans
PIG (pĭg) n. Filthy tube of meat. See Bacon.
Aerial Excrement Machine
PIGEON (pĭ jən) n. 1. Liceinfested, flying excrement machine which humans enjoy as a rare gourmet delicacy. 2. Creature which the military enslaves to transmit orders to bomb civilians. 3. Earth-Density vermin whose existence hinges on the ability to distinguish bread crusts from cigarette butts.
PILLOW (pĭ lō) n. 1. Tool which facilitates the beauty of human suffocation. 2. Vehicle which a human rides to a nightmare.
Tool to Locate Children Hiding in Hay
PITCHFORK (pĭch fôrk) n. Instrument used by human soldiers to locate enemy children hiding in hay.
PIZZA (pē tsə) n. Repository for the mucus and snot of angry Italian cooks.
PLAGUE (plāg) n. A condiment most delicious in the form of tart pustules in the human epidermis.
COMMENTARY BY BEHEMOTH
The flesh of Mankind is known for its tangy taste when infected with disease. (The exception is the testicles of a priest, a sour and fetid repast regardless of the lush chancres peppering them.) Often Demons will conjure a sickness or epidemic to ravage a Continent prior to visiting Earth, to create a picnic holiday for Demonic tastebuds. To assist the hungry Demon Invader in infecting humans with the most delectable diseases, refer to Gourmet Diseased Flesh Chart in Appendix 6, Section 8.5, Article 9.
Hell’s Friend, Eater of Light
PLANT (plănt) n. A secret agent of Hell which hungrily eats the enemy, Light. See Light; Photosynthesis .
PLASTIC (plăs tĭk) n. Along with insects, the true inheritor of the Earth. See Ants.
PLASTIC SURGERY (plăs tĭk sûr jər ē) n. The result of the healthy instinct of humans to abhor their bodies with such gusto that they will pay other humans to hack themselves into pieces.
COMMENTARY BY LLU CIPHER
This incomprehensible act may be understood by curious Demons as Masturbation with a Knife. The slicing off of despised flesh and the injection or insertion of sacs of poison into the face, breasts, or buttocks generally occurs when the human’s body is old and Leaning Toward the Bethlehem of Putrefaction and Decay. Thus, ten years after plastic surgery, the slicings, injections and sacinsertions, originally designed to create symmetry in the human’s meat, now become misshapen, bloated bags of rotting epidermal layers, allowing the human to die in its truest, most perfect form, as a grotesquely twisted Gargoyle of Self-Loathing.
PLAYBOY (plā boi) n. Term created by male humans, who control human language, to contrast with the terms spinster and old maid. See Bachelor.
PLAYGROUND (plā ground) n. Recreation area for human children and pederasts, characterized by pendulums, slides, levers, revolving disks, metal grids, empty beer cans, pools of vomit and rusty syrines.
PLEA BARGAINING (plē bär gə nĭng) n. Flaccid phallus which a human attorney sucks on after castrating it from the God of Justice.
PLUTONIUM (pl tō nē əm) n. To humans, the nightlight of the future.
POETRY (pō ə trē) n. Prose wearing the junk jewelry of rhetoric.
COMMENTARY BY ZYK
After analyzing the weepy, maudlin and tediously crypto-fascist Poetry of Humanity, I was commissioned by Lord Satan to compose the following sonnet:Behold the mysterious singer per-
vading human verses,
The quisling quacking of an utterly
specious art,
Murmuring word after word like a
procession of hearses
Burying banal truths like corpses in
the human heart.
Human Poesy trumpets like the
anus of a king
Who, by divine right, befouls the
sweet air,
Believing that his ornamental
twaddle is covering
The stench which spreads from the
cellar to the stair.
Poetasters, mad and agog with
jingling glitter,
Pretend words to be wonder, trash to
be treasure,
Linking sappy squeaks, like birdies
all a-twitter,
Spewing sickly-sweet sounds at
their petty leisure.
Behold the horned human poesy
festering on the page
Having sex with itself in a self-
idolatrous rage.
Official with Hat Jewelry
POLICE (pə lēs) n. See Badge; Law.
Humans Worshipping Criminal
POLITICAL RALLY (pə lĭ tĭ kəl ră lē) n. A festival in praise of criminals.
Auctioning Laws to Highest Bidder
POLITICIAN (pä lĭ tĭ shən) n. Auctioneer who creates or repeals laws at the direction of the highest bidder. See Sanitation; Scum; Senator.
Depiction of Mankind’s Admirable Program of Self-Extermination
POLLUTION (pə lū shən) n. 1. The most beneficial product of human technology, in that it destroys Humanity. 2. The spew of human thought into the universe.
POLYTHEISM (pä lē thē ĭ zəm) n. Mankind worshipping Nothing under exotic pseudonyms. See Religion.
POPE (pōp) n. A foppish feudal lord who, claiming ownership of Heaven without a deed, charges his dupes to act as their middleman to communicate with a Mythic God.
Traditionally wearing vestments designed to allow ease of fellatio, Popes deplore sexual contraception, yearning for a planet overpopulated by the Curvaceous Big-Bellied Spectre of Hungry Boys. See Papacy; Vatican.
Pope Brought to Orgasm by Altar Boy Kneeling Under Robes
PORNOGRAPHY (pôr nä grə fē) n. All literature about humans, save this present magnificent and instructive volume. See Obscenity; XXX.
POSSESSION (pə ze shən) n. Amusing recreational activity a Demon performs on a human, sticking a Demonic hand up its etheric spine, twiddling the carcass and making it speak like a ventriloquist’s dummy.
POSTERIOR (pŏs tĭr ē ər) n. Sophisticated-sounding name for the part of the human body which oozes dung.
POSTHUMOUS (pôst (h) yū məs) adj. The least irritating category of human awards.
POWER (pou ər) n. See Receptionist .
POWER OF ATTORNEY (pou ər əv ə tər nē) n. Evil.
PRAISE (prāz) n. That which humans post to God with Satan’s return address. Since their Mythic God abandoned them with no forwarding address, all praise goes directly to Satan.
PRAYER (prĕ ər) n. Devout request by a human for more material goods and for the death of an enemy. Prayer has been the preeminent Tool of Hell to foment War, Vice, Greed and other Sacred Precepts of Pure Evil.
Humans Praying for Death of Enemy
PREDESTINATION (prē dĕs tə nā shən) n. Human belief that all unspeakable suffering was carefully prearranged by providence.
COMMENTARY BY ASMO DEUS
Contrary to human belief in Predestination, as every Demon knows, the Cosmology of Hell (q.v.) posits a Free, Evil Cosmos in which Creative Hatred allows each Demon to create and fulfill his own Black Destiny.85
Diagram of Inconvenient Flesh-Pod to be Vacuumed and Flushed
PREGNANCY (prĕg nən sē) n. Annoying inflammation of the stomach which, when inconveniencing rich human females, is cured by a vacuum cleaner. See Abortion, Baby, Fetus, Sex.
PREPOSTEROUS (prĭ pôs tər əs) adj. Category of information which the human mind is unable to process.
COMMENTARY BY ASMO DEUS
The suave eloquence of the word preposterous allows various grades of human idiots (such as scholars, scientists, theologians, philosophers, q.v.) to use its mellifluous hypnotic sound to effectively discourage the asking of difficult and embarrassing questions. See Hypothesis.
PRESIDENT (prĕz ə dĕnt) n. A dictator with an expensive press agent. See Vice President.
PREVENTATIVE MEDICINE (prĭ vĕn tə tĭv mĕ dĭ sən) n. The greatest pestilence to a human doctor’s profits.
Cult Leader and Boy Slave
PRIEST (prēst) n. 1. Human cult devotee who preaches false happiness and, if affiliated with the Vatican, protects the rights of its members to have sexual congress with children. 2. A male human who vows to have an inactive penis, and whose chief activity is cosmic wonder. Also known as a dickless wonder. 3. A male human who wears a feminine uniform and worships a statue of a tortured corpse. See Minister; Rabbi; Pope; Vatican.
PRIESTHOOD (prēst hūd) n. A club of dickless wonders who worship two statues: a sterile virgin female and an emaciated male god nailed to a tree.
Primitive Savage Aping Sophistication
PRIMITIVE MAN (prĭ mə tĭv măn) n. Term generally abbreviated to Man.
PRINCE (prĭns) n. A princess with a penis.
PRINCESS (prĭn sĕs) n. See Prince.
PRODIGAL SON (präd ĭ gəl sŭn) n. A human child who returns home to borrow money.
PRODIGY (prä dĭ jē) n. 1. A human child forced by his parents to memorize lists of worthless data. 2. A future alcoholic.
The Promised Land
Professor Conducting Fugue of Falsity
PROFESSOR (prə fĕs ər) n. 1. Impresario of Falsity. 2. Consensus-reality pimp. 3. A gardener who plants only the seeds of flowering intellects which complement the color of his eyes; all others to him are weeds. The seeds which he plants are supplied by the Seed Company which pays his salary. See University.
PROFITEER (prô fĭ tîr) n. An ape with pockets. See Capitalism .
PROGRESS (prŏ grĕs) n. That which allows humans to evolve over time from building a gun in a shed to building a death laser in space. See Science.
PROMISED LAND (prŏ mĭst lănd) n. The cemetery.
PROOF (prūf) n. A Narcotic which humans use to delude themselves into believing that they are capable of Reason. See Mathematics.
PROPHET (prä fĭt) n. See Bible; Scripture.
PROPHECY (prä fə sē) n. That which mystically predicts human failure.
PROSTITUTE (prä stə tūt) n. See Husband; Senator.
PUBERTY (pyū bər tē) n. The genetically timed release of tart condiments in the human body which, when parboiled by a Demon chef, make the human groin in particular a mouthwatering delicacy. See Invasion Manual, Book One, Section 8: On Eating Humans.
Warning: Floss After Gorging On Circled Areas
PUBIC HAIR (pyū bĭk hār) n. That which, when eating a human, sticks between the teeth.
PUKE (pyūk) n., v. See Vomit.
PULPIT (pŭl pĭt) n. Favorite hiding place for a minister’s pornography collection. See Masturbation.
PUNCHLINE (pŭnch līn) n. The wan, limp orgasm of a spewing dickhead. See Comedian.
PUPPET (pŭ pət) n. See Citizen ; Heart; Kidney; Lungs; Liver.