Encyclopaedia of Hell: An Invasion Manual for Demons Concerning the Planet Earth and the Human Race Which Infests It
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VICE PRESIDENT (vīs prĕ zə dĕnt) n. A smiling human who, with every beat of his heart, wishes for the death of his benefactor. See President.
VICIOUS CIRCLE (vĭ shəs sûr kəl) n. See Infinite Regression.
VICTIM (vĭk tĭm) n. The wisest of humans, who abjures the totalitarian dogma of self-preservation.
VINEGAR (vĭn ĭ gər) n. That which beautifully complements the wounds of saviors.
Dance of the Humans
VIOLENCE (vī ə ləns) n. 1. The stabbing of the Earth in the back with the Knife of Mankind. 2. The Favorite Dance of Mankind. See Amputation; Family; Undertaker .
Mythic Bloodless Vagina
VIRGIN (vûr jĭn) n.1.A state of human female grace, femininity and purity. 2. The opposite of a human’s mother.
VODKA (vôd kə) n. See Game Show Host.
VOID (void) n. The creaking cradle of the Cosmos, which gently rocks Humanity to the Big Sleep.
VOLITION (və lĭ shən) n. The sadist trapped inside Mankind, without whom humans would never bother getting out of bed.
Cute Hitler Vehicle
VOLKSWAGEN (fōlks vä gən) n. Cute vehicle enamored of by hippies and designed by Hitler. See Automobile; Hippies; Hitler.
VOMIT (vôm ĭt) n., v. See Dry Heave.
COMMENTARY BY ASMO DEUS
The Demon Reader may be curious as to whether the appearance of vomit may initiate in a human a chain reaction, that is, the human vomiting in disgust at the stench of his own puddle of vomit, then vomiting further at that which has just been vomited in reaction to the original vomit, and so on. But this, rest assured, is not the case. The amount of vomit spewed by a human is in direct ratio to the amount of putrefied matter curdling in its belly. The human capacity for vomiting, unlike human sorrow, is finite.
Voodoo: Cosmic Science
VOODOO (vū dū) n. An advanced form of cosmic science, utilizing the Law of Correspondences.
COMMENTARY BY AHRIMAN
Ironically, this advanced principle, via voodoo, is understood only by primitive humans, who thrust pins into a doll representing an enemy. (Humans have never even considered using this Principle to send healing love, which is, Demonkind admits, to their credit.) This science has been used in ineffective forms by many obtuse human social morés, for example by degenerate males who thrust their turgid phalluses into inflatable dolls which represent unavailable females.
VOTE (vōt) n. 1. The political dildo which facilitates the mass rape of citizen-slaves. 2. That which human corporations buy. See Citizen; Farce.
w, W (dŭ bəl yū) n. The reverse of the Pictogram M, W symbolizes the sagging Teats of Mankind offered below in supplication to Man’s Relentless Predator, the Maggot.
WAKE (wāk) n. Gathering in which humans tearfully envy the dead.
WATER (wô tər) n. That which, when it seeps into the Earth, pollutes otherwise pure deposits of DDT.
WAITING ROOM (wā tĭng rūm) n. 1. That place wherein humans do nothing, waiting to be Next. 2. The Earth.
Human Pauper
WAITER (wā tər) n. Slave who relies on the kindness of humans to supplement his wage. 2. A pauper.
Poverty Container
WALLET (wô lĭt) n. An envelope of dried cow skin which holds the lack of human prosperity.
Wall Images Soothing to Humans
WALLPAPER (wôl pā pər) n. Soothing or peppy images and colors with which humans line the walls of their homes to disguise the sterile emptiness of their lives.
WAR (wôr) n. 1. The activity which allows humans to feed their insatiable desire for More. 2. That which pays for the air-conditioned doghouses owned by arms dealers.
WARNING LABEL (wôr nĭng lā bəl) n. After gutting a human, that which a Demon Butcher places on the tiny poisonous lobe of the human brain ruling Kindness.
WASH (wŏsh) v. That which a Demon must do immediately after handling a disgorged human heart.
Penile Weapon Designs
WEAPON (wĕ pən) n. The conceptual mating of metal with the erect human penis.
WEAPONS DESIGNER (wĕ pənz dĭ zī nər) n. Whorish fop of science who designs fashionable new ways for enemy children to wear burning flesh.
WEATHER (wĕ thər) n. 1. That which humans discuss when torturing enemy children becomes routine. 2. That which determines whether torture will take place inside or outside.
Enslavement Ceremony
WEDDING (wĕ dĭng) n. A ceremony of mutual enslavement between two humans which, when in its purest form, is performed at a urine-scented drive-up window in Las Vegas.
COMMENTARY BY LILITH
Human males and females perversely make a mass spectacle out of the agreement to fornicate exclusively with each others’ meat nodules. The spectacle, or wedding, creates a delusional haze of glamor around the stinking nodules in question.
To facilitate the illusion, multi-tiered layers of sugar are devoured by the male and female and their witnesses, investing them with glucose intoxication, which simulates brief happiness. This is complemented by the guzzling of fermented wheat, and thus alcohol intoxication, which simulates numbed gaiety.
The meshing of the male and female meat nodules occurs at the honeymoon (q.v.), in which the sex flaps are disguised not only by layers of wispy cloth, but also by the forgiving pallor of night. In the light of morning, however, when the couples’ flaps are no longer tumescent, the sight of each other’s rumpled, hairy organs is almost more than even a human can bear. See Divorce; Husband; Marriage; Ritual; Sex; Wife.
WEEK (wēk) n. An imaginary cycle invented so that every seven days church leaders will have a fresh influx of funds with which to augment their pornography collections. See Church; Day; Ritual.
WELL (wĕl) n. That which a child falls into or a neighbor poisons.
WET NURSE (wĕt nûrs) n. A detestable female who suckles human infants indiscriminately instead of allowing them a fighting chance to die. See Baby; Breast; Fetishism; Sucking.
Wasted Wheat
WHEAT (wēt) n. Plant wasted by using it to produce bread instead of whiskey.
Device to Facilitate Killing the Elderly
WHEELCHAIR (wēl châr) n. That which facilitates a wealthy grandfather being pushed off a cliff, roof or deck of a ship.
WHEEL OF KADAB (wēl əv kə dăb) n. The Wheel of Kadab is a magical device which the infamous Demon Pioneer Abra Kadab conjured at Earth’s precise Centre of Gravity. This vast stone Wheel, with a diameter 7/22nds of the planet’s circumference, a thickness of 6.624 x 10-27, and inscribed with ancient magical figures, is now a permanent fixture spinning at the center of the planet’s interior.
Each side of the Wheel displays different concentric rings of magical symbols.
One side is shown below. To view the obverse, see Addendum: Endpiece. [Note: Available only in Lord Satan’s Exclusive Commemorative Variorum Edition.]
Origin of the Wheel of Kadab: In ancient times, the Earth was hit by a comet and knocked 6.131313 degrees off its axis. As a result, the planet wobbled and spun like a drunken dervish. To correct its sloppy spin, Kadab conjured the Wheel to float in the center of the hollowed-out core of the planet, aligned at right angles to the equator. Kadab then spun the Wheel at the precise speed of Earth’s rotation, creating a compensatory torque which instantly corrected the wobble and stabilized the planet.
Wheel of Kadab
In his journal, Kadab notes that the Wheel served another convenient purpose: that of Grinding Humans into People Paté which, when mixed with a Dollop of Pitchblende, created a Delectable Dip for Kadab’s notorious cocktail parties.
(For Visual Detail of the ancient Wheel and the peculiar Magical Figures etched on each side, refer to the Frontispiece and Hollow Earth.) See Abra Kadab.
Self-Loathing Accessory
WHIP (wĭp) n. That which the human back craves.
WHISKEY (wĭs kē) n. Blessed substance which causes euphoria in humans by rotting their brains and livers. See Dry Heave.
WHISTLE BLOWER (wĭ səl bl�
� ər) n. A naive and despicable human who believes in truth over expedience.
WHOREHOUSE (hôr hous) n. A milking station for human semen, manned by rows of female milking machines whose swollen diseased holes perfume the halls with the delicate scent of spunk and syphilis. See Madam; Prostitute.
WIDOW (wĭ dō) n. That which is no longer forced to fellate the withered, liver-spotted penis of a husband (q.v.).
Soon to Be Discarded
WIFE (wīf) n. That which is soiled and then discarded by a husband. See Housewife, Woman.
WILDERNESS (wĭl dər nes) n. That which Humanity paves.
WILL (wĭl) n. See Inheritance .
WINE (wīn) n. That which is flavored by stinking human feet. See Alcohol.
WINTER (wĭn tər) n. The Earth’s stylish coat of crystallized pollution.
WISDOM (wĭz dəm) n. The ability to sensitively and feelingly comprehend the worthlessness of human existence.
WORD (wûrd) n. The fundamental building block of human thought, and the basis of the lawsuit Reason vs. Humanity, charging humans with the crime of construction with substandard building materials.
WORK (wûrk) v., n. That which humans perform in order to afford drugs and pornography.
Human Mind Rapist
WRITER (rī tər) n. 1. An alcoholic who collects rejection slips 2. A rapist of human minds.
COMMENTARY BY ZYK
With regard to His Majesty’s Definition 2, I offer the following serried explication:
A human writer secretes his seed in
scratches,
In stiff, sluicing, alphabetic mem-
bers,
Spewing ink hoping a homunculus
hatches,
Yet ignorant of the bastards it
engenders.
But is the Writer to blame for these
poor curs
Squeaking in the wombs of human
minds?
Was it not You who opened to this
seedy verse
And wantonly embraced its lecher-
ous lines?
In sucking in these thoughts You
were receptive
And, as it were, proffered forth your
nipples;
Agreeing to be ravished by runes
deceptive,
And seduced by these dangling
participles.
Thus Human Writers distill their
essence into ink
And rape the Reader with conceptual
stink.
Writer Unable to Soil Blank Paper with Human Thought
WRITER’S BLOCK (rī tərz blŏk) n. That by which a writer enriches literature.
WRONG (rông) adj. A Demon who believes that a human does not taste better after torture. See Expert ; Faith.
x,, X (ĕks) n. See Space-time.
X-AXIS (ĕks ăks ĭs) n. When severing a human in twain, the line across the waist separating the blood- and mucus-filled top from the blood- and excrement-filled bottom.
X-CHROMOSOME (ĕks krō mə sōm) n. The female component in human genetic material, responsible for the ability to use fellatio to control idiotic Mankind.
COMMENTARY BY BELIAL
The supremacy of fellatio as the defining act of human civilization is clear when Demons, during Human Observation Expeditions, observe the temerity with which human males, who control Earth, will do anything to receive fellatio.
Observation Expeditions have shown that every major event in human history was directly or indirectly caused by the desire of the male King, Prince, Politician, Assassin, Artisan, Celebrity or C.E.O. to be fellated.
COMMENTARY BY AHRIMAN
To illustrate how this gooning human desire can be used to manipulate human events, refer to the following Chart of Human History as a Function of Oral Gratification: [Chart Available only in Deluxe Commemorative Edition]
Seasonal Consumer Marketing Activity
Reproducer of the Insipid
XEROX (zîr äks) n. An abomination which mindlessly reproduces the insipid clunk-work of Humanity.
XMAS (ĕks məs) n. Term which demonstrates the excellent trend to delete the annoying Christ element from the human marketing of Xmas.
COMMENTARY BY AHRIMAN
The erasure of the didactic plagiarist Christ from Christmas has been the pet project of Ahriman (myself) and my Demon assistants. We have succeeded beyond all expectations in that human children now forsake religious imagery and instead worship a simplistic caricature of Satan, known as Santa Claus (q.v.) See Anti-Christ.
Humans Engaged In Grotesque Spewing Ritual
XXX (ĕks məs) n. Term denoting depictions of humans in the absurd activity of spewing fluids upon each other’s grotesque carcasses. See Dildo; Fetishism; Orgasm; Orgy; Penis; Semen; Sex; Sperm; Testicles; Vagina.
y, Y (wī) n. Pictogram representing the Forking Paths of Man’s Destiny, both leading to Stinking Putrefaction.
YAHWEH (yä vā) n. See Jehovah.
Fruits of Embezzlement
YACHT (yŏt) n. A vehicle sometimes purchased by humans after embezzling proceeds from a charity for blind retarded children.
YARD (yärd) n. Sandbox of land wherein humans are allowed to stretch their legs in between torture sessions in the homes or offices in which they are imprisoned. Without yard exercise, the prisoners would die too quickly to pay all of the bills which finance their torture.
YARMULKE (yär mə(l) kə) n. A device used by sects of male humans to hide lice from the scrying eye of a mythic God.
YARN (yärn) n. Hair that humans rip from a sheep’s back and knit into poodle-shaped toilet-paper covers.
Intense Boredom of the Human Spirit
YAWN (yŏn) n. 1. An intense, involuntary movement by which the human body expresses its boredom with the human spirit inhabiting it. 2. In Human Mythology, the breath of a bored “God” which accidentally spawned the universe.
Y-CHROMOSOME (wī krō mə sōm) n. The human chromosome which places the male brain in the genitalia. See X-Chromosome.
YEAR (yîr) n. The grouping of twelve Moon orbits into an organized pattern of human misery.
YEARNING (yûr nĭng) n. Emotional tropism a human idiot exhibits toward something considered priceless, such as a lover’s erect penis or lush vagina, or a great uncle’s dust-encrusted stamp collection.
YESTERDAY (yĕs tər dā) n. The Deceiver promising humans that Tomorrow will be endurable.
Yodeling Champion
YODEL (yō dəl) n. An incessant caterwauling cured by strangling the closest human wearing lederhosen.
COMMENTARY BY MEPHIS TOPHIEL
The strange human emission called yodeling is a cacophony of vibrations which is deadly to Demons. The first Demons exploring the land called Switzerland were tragically vibrated to death by human yodeling.
Assuming that the humans devised this weapon against Demonkind, Mephis Tophiel (myself ) led a battalion of Demons to the Swiss border and decapitated every human there engaged in this deadly and annoying act. Yet to this day, humans persist in yodeling, attempting to kill more innocent Demons.
Hence, after invading Earth-Density, if you see a human cupping its hands to its mouth and drawing a deep breath, kill it instantly.
YOKEL (yō kəl) n. A human who naively believes that the Cosmos is not bent on his personal destruction. See Sap.