Finding Beautiful

by Amanda Kaitlyn

  I turn and am immediately struck by the stormy intensity of Gavin’s blue gray eyes.

  “Gavin, what’s going on?” I ask lifting my hand to lace through his between our bodies. He looks at me as if I’m about to disappear and without another word, I’m swept into his arms and one hand soothes down the back of my head, pressing my face to my favorite place. His warm, smooth skin urges me to wrap my arms around his shoulders and feel the taut muscles I know I’ll find. So, I do.

  “I’ll tell you everything as soon as I know it’s safe for us to stay here tonight. Can I just hold you for now?” Gavin places his palm on my cheek and the worry I see in his gorgeous face is palpable.

  I wrap my arms around his waist and nuzzle my face into the crook of his shoulder.

  “Okay”

  * * *

  Gavin wraps an arm around both my shoulders when Spencer lets us into the penthouse once again. As I look around, I don’t see anything out of place, but the hardened look the two men exchange tells me that something isn’t right. Confused, I back away from both of them.

  “What is going on? I deserve to know if something has happened.” My voice is strong with conviction, but that doesn’t seem to sway either of them to answer me. Gavin gazes down at me and I can see the obvious concern and possibly fear in his eyes.

  “Spencer, thank you for everything. I need to talk with Ms. Morgan, now.”

  Gavin shakes his hand and leads him to the door before shutting it with a silent click and turns to face me.

  “Talk to me, Gavin,” I whisper, taking his hand in mine when he’s standing in front of me.

  “Come with me,” He says, tugging me with him towards our bedroom. I feel as though I’m being kept in the dark about something and whatever it is that Gavin is trying to protect me from must be bad. I hate feeling like I’m being kept in the dark, but I’m also afraid to know the new danger I can see is imminent from Spencer’s visit.

  Gavin guides me to sit on his lap and as I straddle him, I press my hand to his chest.

  “Just tell me. I deserve to know.

  I feel his slow exhale and then he starts to trail a lazy finger down the slope of my shoulder.

  “Spencer has been keeping tabs on Bryce ever since he was seen last fall across the city. I had to keep you safe and this was the only way I know how. Knowing where he is and what he’s doing is the only way I can know he won’t get near you, Aria. Baby, he can’t get near you. I—I need you safe.” The vulnerability in his voice tears through my heart and I nod, the horrid fear and confusion and love for this man overwhelming me.

  “I know you’ll keep me safe. Why was Spencer here? Did you think he’d come here?”

  Gavin leans down ever so slightly and kisses the top of my head.

  “No. He—Shit, I don’t want to have to tell you this. I don’t want any of this touching you, but Aria, he’s been watching you. I saw the feed live and I can tell you he’s probably been watching you, me, and us for at least the last two weeks.”

  Suddenly it feels as if I can’t breathe and my heart is pounding so fast that I’m sure I’ll pass out from the exertion of it. Bryce—God, the man that has haunted my nights and dreams for months now has been watching me. I clutch onto Gavin’s hands steadily holding mine and I see the mixture of concern and fear in the blue-gray eyes staring back at me.

  “How?”

  Gavin must see the panic in my eyes because he leans forward and cups my cheeks with his hands. His warmth chases away the cold suddenly skating along my skin.

  “Spencer found two hidden cameras, in the bedroom and just above the front door. They’re gone now, Aria. You’re safe here.” I see the fierce love and I believe with everything I am that he’ll do everything to keep me safe. I believe him.

  “Gavin.” I wrap my arms around his neck and lift my mouth to his without another word. I taste the minty taste of this man and when he wraps his arms around me, with one hand holding the back of my head I part my lips for him, taking all he has to give and giving the same in return.

  Gavin sucks my bottom lip into his mouth and tugs in that way that I love before he pulls away and cradles my face in his hands.

  “I won’t let him take you, Aria. I don’t care what I have to do but I promise you, you’ll be safe. Please, believe me.” The shake in his voice makes me wrap my arms around him tighter and I press my lips to his throat in a kiss.

  “I trust you, Gavin. As long as we’re together, I know you’ll keep me safe.”

  A gentle smile spreads over his mouth and he nods, then dips his head to kiss my temple.

  “Can I take you somewhere, baby?”

  I nod and kiss him once more instead of answering him.

  Twenty Six

  THE SAND WARMS MY FEET as Gavin leads me toward a small cliff just south of the lake below. I recognize the set in the land as where we had a picnic only weeks ago.

  “I love that you brought me here, Gavin. It feels like this is our beach, our spot away from everything and everyone,” I say, catching his hand in mine as we walk.

  Gavin looks down at me and he smiles gently.

  “Just ours, Aria. I brought some food and that wine you love. I thought we could have a picnic before the sun sets.”

  I wrap my hands around the back of his neck and draw his mouth to mine for a light kiss.

  “I think that sounds wonderful.”

  I watch as Gavin sets a sky-blue blanket across the flattest spot along the ridged cliff and sets a basket down by his feet. Then, he reaches for my hand.

  “When did you prepare all this? We left so quickly,” I ask, sitting beside him and leaning back on my hands. He sets two plates of fettuccine Alfredo with basil and I gasp in surprise.

  “Oh, Gavin. You remembered.”

  I can still smell the flowers from our first date at Gavin’s cousin’s restaurant. It was the first time we had dinner formally and I had this meal that night.

  “Of course, baby. It’s your favorite.” Gavin’s eyes spark with softness and mischief and a joyous smile spreads over my mouth. Love surges inside of me for him and I lean forward to kiss his cheek.

  “Thank you,” I whisper, meeting his deep eyes with my own. Even with the mixture of fear and confusion still coursing through me, I’m thankful to have this man.

  I set into the mouth-watering meal and with a moan, the flavors hit my tongue.

  “Good?”

  I take another bite and see him watching me eat with such intensity.

  “Oh, yes. Aren’t you going to eat?” I take a spoonful of pasta and bring it to Gavin’s mouth. He opens to me and when he tastes it, he groans in satisfaction.

  “See? It’s delicious.”

  I see his eyes become hooded as he traces a line down my throat.

  “You are, Beautiful.”

  My food and the fearful thoughts in my mind are all forgotten when his full mouth closes over mine and warm hands cup the back of my head. His kiss has a tenderness and desperate edge to it that makes pulling away from him impossible. He needs me.

  “Gavin, the food—”I say between heated kisses and I’m quieted with a searing and hungry kiss across my lips. A moan tumbles from my throat when our tongues meet and tangle, explore and memorize this moment in time. My arms clutch to his shoulders as Gavin’s deft fingers untie the back of my skirt, then pulls down my tank to reveal my uncovered breasts. A small part of my mind thinks how someone, anyone could see us but somehow, that thought doesn’t stay with me long.

  “God, Aria. I need you.”

  In two seconds, he has me cradled in his arms, lowers me so my back lays flat against the surprisingly smooth blanket. With a flick of his fingers, my panties are gone from underneath me and I feel the cooled air hit my core. I moan against his mouth and wrap my hands around his neck to find his lax jaw. Cupping it, I look up at him with all the love I can muster.

  “Please don’t worry, I’m safe with you. I know that’s true.”

  His lip
s part and briefly closing his eyes, I feel his breath whoosh out of him in relief at my words. Gavin presses every line of his upper body to mine and when he opens his eyes, the darkness and worry are gone.

  When he kisses me again, it’s the gentlest of kisses. He slides the fabric of my tank top back over my head, leaving me confused all of a sudden.

  “Let me take you home to our bed. I want to make love to you so badly.”

  I press a kiss to his chin and nod, letting him pull me up to stand with him.

  * * *

  My thoughts wander to the shadows of my past as Gavin drives us back in the Jaguar. I love this car, this car that is so much like the man himself that I could laugh. It’s sexy and sleek, knows just how fast to go and just how smooth to turn when it’s time. But even thoughts of this car or really—anything else don’t stop my mind from remembering the sense of fear that gripped me when Gavin told me about the cameras. God, what kind of crazy sort of person does that? Puts actual cameras in someone’s home in order to spy on them!

  I let out a shaky breath at the thought of what he must have seen. Gavin, me, our bedroom…

  “Fuck, Aria, you’re shaking!” Gavin’s panicked voice treads through my mind just as he parks and hurriedly unbuckles his seat belt, turning towards me.

  “H-he was in our bedroom,” I whisper, more to myself than to him. I don’t know why I’m just reacting to this fact now. I’ve known this these last two hours and just now I find my hands shaking with the gripping panic at the image of Bryce Williams standing in the sanctuary of our bedroom. The place that I gave myself to Gavin for the very first time. Will all of our happiness be tainted by his presence and threat now that he’s disturbed it? Will I never be rid of my haunting past? Will I ever be able to forget?

  Tremors wrack my body as Gavin takes my face in gentle hands, caressing underneath my eyes where I’m sure wetness is building. His deep, concerned eyes are all I focus on as he tells me to breathe. In and out, one… two… three. By the third, I feel the panic ebb away from my mind and I close my eyes.

  “Would it make you feel better if we go somewhere tonight, baby? I don’t want you to ever be reminded of that man when you’re with me. Just tell me what you want to do and I’ll make it happen. Your safety and peace of mind is all I care about.”

  His voice is filled with concern and his own fear. I can’t stand to think that our time together will be haunted with the pain and loss I’ve endured at the hands of that man.

  Somewhere deep inside, one word comes to my mind. No. For so long I was afraid and unable to move on, to move forward in fear that I couldn’t overcome the abuse I’d suffered. But I am stronger. I am strong. Through dancing and my sister, my friends and the love Gavin has freely given me, I’ve built a life for myself and I won’t allow Bryce to take that away from me.

  “No. Gavin, take me inside. I know as long as I’m with you, I’m safe. I won’t let this change our life together.” I lay my hands over his that are still holding my face. His blue gray eyes dart between both of mine, searching.

  “Are you sure? This is your home, Aria. If you’re at all afraid here, I want you to tell me.”

  I nod and look up into his steely eyes.

  “You’ll keep me safe.”

  As he tugs me into the bedroom with him and puts the bedside light on, Gavin presses a kiss to the top of my head.

  “With my every breath, baby.”

  * * *

  Sleep eludes me as Gavin holds me right against him in bed only minutes later. I press my face to his neck and inhale his musky minty scent that immediately soothes me.

  “You’re safe. Sleep now.”

  I close my eyes and feel the press of his lips against my cheek before I fall into the deepest of sleep.

  Fear grips me when I smell the overwhelming cologne that I remember from so long ago. I immediately try to move but I’m trapped against the headboard of a four poster bed that I know is not the one I share with Gavin at our home. My body is completely still, but everything else feels on fire with the need to move, to struggle, something to get away. I force a deep breath out of strained lungs and lose every particle of air when I hear the low, hollow sound of his laugh.

  “You’ve changed, Princess.”

  My whole body goes rigid as Bryce nears the bed and his hands come down to the ropes binding me to the end of the bed. Fight, Aria. Move! My entire being screams at me but for some reason, no matter how hard I try I cannot move even one finger.

  “W-why can’t I move? Let me go” I strain to say those few words and they come out as a cry for mercy. I vowed I would never be a victim again, but how can I do anything? I can’t move, I can’t scream. God I can’t even breathe.

  “Why would I do that? You are my captive. And trust me, I fully intend to appreciate it, Princess.”

  My skin crawls when he slides a finger around my ankle, which is numbed just like every other limb I possess. I open my mouth to scream, but all that comes out is a strangled whimper. His singular finger moves around the ankle, to the clammed skin of my calf. I jerk helplessly, rolling my face to the side of the bed so I don’t have to look at the smugness in his darkened features.

  “You forgot, Ari. You’re mine.”

  Those words. Those words are the stone that breaks the damn on my mobility and emotions. I start to scream.

  “No! Don’t touch me! I’m not yours! I’m not yours!”

  Fear grips me, swallows my screams and I feel the press of his hands against my sides.

  Miraculously, I hear another anguished voice calling my name in such worry. Aria! Aria, baby you’re safe. You’re safe here in our bed. You’re mine, come back to me. Come back, baby. I struggle to hear more, but my eyes close and I seem to lift from the weight of dread I’m overwhelmed by.

  “Aria? Open your eyes, now. You’re safe now.”

  Gavin’s deep and anxious voice lifts me out of the horrible blackness.

  “Oh, no, no, no… ” I whisper, shaking as my eyes open and I find myself back in the comfort of our bed. Our room. Our home. My home.

  Warm, too gentle hands come up to my damp cheeks and Gavin slowly lifts my chin to meet his soft gaze. I see love and adoration and fear. Fear that still grips my body and heart. I can still feel the grimy fingers of Bryce’s hands and the perfumed air that surrounded me. Gavin takes my hands in his and kisses each fingertip before pulling into his lap and grasping the back of my head as I bury my wet face in the crook of his neck. My chest heaves erratically, my body and hands shaking as I let the warmth of his body seep into mine.

  “He—he said I was his. He wouldn’t let me go. Please, please don’t let me go.”

  “You were never his. A man like him could never know the treasure he held in his grasp. Aria, baby you are safe with me. I won’t let go. Not ever.”

  I draw my face away and look up into his blue gray eyes filled with worry and tenderness.

  “You promise?”

  He nods, drawing his mouth down to mine in the slowest of kisses.

  “I promise.” Even as he says that, the fierce and tender look in his eyes is his promise. His vow.

  Twenty Seven

  SOMEHOW, I WAKE EASILY from an untroubled sleep that feels as if I’ve slept a full twelve hours since the last time I woke last night. Out of habit and need, I reach out for Gavin’s warmth, but instead I hear his voice out on the terrace overlooking downtown Chicago. It has been one of my favorite parts of Gavin’s home. I never would have dreamed that I would feel so comforted here, but I do. My pleasant thoughts are interrupted when I hear the aggravation in my man’s voice.

  “I know the contract is huge, Carly. I know. But this is of priority. Cancel all of my meetings today and that is final.”

  He pauses, bracing both his hands on the banister in front of him. He flexes his neck side to side and I can tell he’s been on this call for longer than he’d like.

  “Thank you. I’m sorry to snap at you, I just need this done. O
K, I will see you tomorrow.”

  As he lowers the phone from his ear, I wrap the sheets around my torso and shuffle my feet towards the open door of the terrace. Gavin lets out a breath and leans his elbows on the banister as I near him from behind and easily wrap my arms around his waist to hold him.

  “Hey, Beautiful.”

  Gavin turns and embraces me, tucks my head under his chin and soothes his hand down my back. In this moment, I feel completely safe in his arms.

  “Did you sleep?” he asks, drawing away and clasping one of my hands in his. I nod and reach up to move a thick strand of sandy brown hair from his eyes.

  “Somehow, I did. I don’t know why I had such dreams like those. I’ve moved on from all of it. My past. Why is it coming back to haunt me now?”

  Gavin caresses my face with one hand and I could cry with the understanding I see in his eyes.

  “You’re afraid. I completely understand that. And I’m going to do everything in my power to help you feel safe and secure again.” He urges me to rest my head on his chest and I do, wrapping my arms around his waist as tightly as I can.

  “What do you want to do today, baby?” Gavin asks as we eat breakfast just inside at the kitchen island that I love so much.

  “I just want to be with you. No drama, no questions. Just us.”

  “Just us,” he murmurs and when I look up from my food, I see the promise in his eyes.

  * * *

  “Savor it, Aria. What do you feel?” Gavin asks, each word blowing a bit of air across the hyper sensitive folds of my center. He has me spread over the bed, my thighs parted and my arms bent behind my head. I’ve lost count of how many mind numbing beautiful orgasms he’s coaxed out of me and I know I can again, with just the slightest pressure of my clit. But still, Gavin spreads me wider and blows against my tingling walls, waiting for my answer. God, what did he ask me?

  “I feel… close. I feel like every molecule in my body craves your mouth on me again. Please, don’t tease me.”