Light a Penny Candle

by Maeve Binchy

  ‘Is she pretty, the colleen?’ he asked.

  ‘She used to be super. I think I’m going to keep her well hidden from you.’

  ‘Perhaps she wants a chap to show her the sights of London,’ he teased.

  ‘Perhaps, but I don’t think so. The local lord or squire wants to marry her. She’s coming over here to have a think about it.’

  ‘Marry? What does she want to get married at her age for? She’s only the same age as you,’ said Johnny.

  ‘I know, it’s ridiculous,’ said Elizabeth, lifting her voice right up with almost a physical effort. ‘Perhaps she’ll change her mind about it when she sees the delights of London.’

  Aisling had loved the room, the flowers, the pretty mirror. She had marvelled at everything: the red buses, the red pillar boxes. The neat gardens, the rows and rows of houses – she couldn’t believe so many people must live in one place.

  They were having tea at the kitchen table when Father came in. At once Aisling went into the attack.

  ‘You’re never a man who’s going to be fifty years, Mr White, are you?’ she said before any ridiculous introductions were made.

  ‘Well … er … how do you do … that’s right I … er. …’

  ‘Father, this is Aisling,’ said Elizabeth unnecessarily.

  ‘Well, it’s some kind of mistake I think. I tell you Mr White, my father is fifty-one and he looks ten, fifteen years older than you. I mean that now, not a word of a lie.’

  Elizabeth thought Father would recoil from such over-familiarity but to her amazement she saw him almost preening.

  ‘I’m sure that your father. …’

  ‘I don’t have a picture of him or I’d prove it to you. Come on now and sit down Mr White. You must be tired after your day’s work. Isn’t this an astonishing country?’

  Hiding a smile, Elizabeth poured a cup of tea for Father.

  ‘Why is it astonishing?’

  Aisling burbled happily on, telling of all the marvels she had seen from the train. Huge cities and big factory chimneys and miles and miles of fields. Nobody in Ireland knew that there was any countryside in England, they thought it was all cities.

  Then she leapt up and unwrapped some of the foods. She brushed aside Father’s worries about how she got them through customs.

  ‘Don’t you see this tin has “dinner service” written on it?’ The butter had kept, the chicken was perfect, the side of bacon was put in the larder.

  ‘But my dear, we must recompense you for all this. …’ Father began.

  Elizabeth ground her teeth in rage. Trust him, trust him not to understand friendship and generosity and presents. Trust him to think that this was something you paid for. But Aisling didn’t seem a bit put out.

  ‘Not at all. These are presents from Mam and Dad. Now of course there is a chance that I might go into the black market seriously now that I’ve discovered how easy it is to get things in. Then it would be a matter of payment.’

  She threw her head back and laughed. Elizabeth thought she looked so lively and bright, she was like a coloured picture when everyone else was in black and white.

  ‘Now, Mr White, what are we going to do for this birthday of yours? That’s why I’m here.’

  Father looked up in alarm. ‘No, not seriously. …’

  Aisling was quick to see the alarm reflected on Elizabeth’s face. ‘Heavens no, I’m only pulling your leg, but it is a coincidence that when I wanted to come and see Elizabeth. …’ She looked over his shoulder for confirmation. Elizabeth nodded enthusiastically. ‘When I asked if I could come for a visit … that I also heard it was your birthday.’

  His face cleared. ‘Oh, it’s silly for a man of my age. …’

  ‘Not at all, when Dad was fifty we had a great party, and Mam will be fifty next year and so we’ll have a massive celebration altogether.’

  ‘What did you do when your father was fifty?’ asked poor Father. Elizabeth felt a wave of pity for him, he was like a lonely child.

  But Aisling seemed to see none of this. She leaned across the table, chatting as if she’d known him all her life.

  ‘Well, it was a Thursday so we went to Maher’s. We still do that you know, Elizabeth, and they often ask for you there. It’s a pub. …’

  ‘A public house, and you all went…?’

  ‘Well, yes, we always go.’

  ‘They’re not like pubs here Father. They’re half pubs and half shops. They sell groceries at one end and drink at the other.’

  ‘Well I never,’ said Father. ‘You never told me that.’

  Aisling told the story of an evening when Peggy came down to Maher’s four times to say that the dinner was stuck to the roof of the oven but Dad wouldn’t go home because everyone in the place had to buy a drink to celebrate Sean O’Connor being fifty. Eventually Mam had taken Donal and Niamh home and put them to bed, and they woke up again at eleven o’clock when Father and Eamonn had come in singing, and Mam said that was the last time they’d ever go along with this nonsense of having a dinner in the evening like the gentry, it only led to trouble.

  Father actually laughed at the descriptions instead of wrinkling up his lip as Elizabeth had feared. Normally Father spent three minutes having a cup of tea before shuffling off. Today he seemed ready to sit in the kitchen forever.

  ‘It’s your bridge evening,’ Elizabeth reminded him. ‘Mr Woods isn’t it?’

  Reluctantly Father went off to change his shirt and spruce himself up.

  ‘He’s grand altogether,’ said Aisling when he was out of earshot. ‘You never told me he was a fine handsome man. I don’t know what you go on about for in your letters, he seems a very peaceable sort of man to me.’

  ‘You bring out the best in him. I only make him more miserable,’ said Elizabeth.

  ‘Oh I know what I’ll do. Why don’t I marry him? He’s not much older than Tony Murray, and to tell you the truth I think he’s a finer-looking man. Then I’ll be your stepmother and you and I’ll be related after all.’

  Elizabeth laughed, delighted with the whole fantasy.

  ‘Great, we could have the wedding from this house and the honeymoon in Kilgarret and I could come with you.’

  ‘Yes, Westminster Abbey, no that’s Protestant, what’s the Catholic one called?’

  ‘I think you’re forgetting about the d-i-v-o-r-c-e,’ Elizabeth spelled out. ‘It might have to be a registry office job.’

  ‘Oh it’s off then. Forget it,’ said Aisling.

  ‘You must tell me all about Tony Murray, every detail, every single thing.’

  ‘I will of course. But what about Clark Gable, where is he? I thought you’d have him on a padlock and chain at the station. It’s not all over or anything is it? Not when I’ve come the whole way to have a look at him. …’

  ‘No, it’s not all over. But wait until Father’s gone. I’ll tell you the whole thing then, I don’t want to be interrupted … and I don’t want to have to break off if he comes in to say goodbye. …’

  ‘Does he know about Clark Gable then?’

  ‘Oh he does in a way … but it’s too complicated. Now tell me about Squire Murray.’

  ‘That’s a good name for him. Well, he’s a bit of a cock of the walk you know, big fellow with the lads in the hotel. Wouldn’t drink in Maher’s or anything, but in the bar of the hotel of an evening. He’s got a car, a Packard. Well, he runs Murray’s, Eamonn says actually that he doesn’t do much in it, and that it’s their awful little pickaheen Mr Meade that runs it. But you wouldn’t mind Eamonn, you see he and his friends would call Tony’s lot the High and Mighty’s – not as high and mighty as the Grays and all, but that’s different they’re sort of Protestants with big houses. …’

  ‘Does that still matter?’ asked Elizabeth.

  ‘It doesn’t matter, it’s just still there. Anyway what else about Tony? Well he started to try and pin me down on Tuesday night last, and I told him a pack of lies. I said I was going to have to see the world befo
re I said anything like yes or no. I’d no idea on God’s earth, how I was going to travel, and didn’t I come home that night and find your letter? Wasn’t it like an act of God?’

  Elizabeth laughed. ‘In a way I suppose.’

  ‘So after I rang you yesterday morning, and after I had an hour-long barney with Dad about the time off, Mam supported me of course … I went up to Murray’s and asked to speak to him. Ten o’clock and he wasn’t there, and prissy-prunes Meade said that Mr Tony might be in around eleven. Oh, the life for some! I was going to write him a note but I thought I’d express it wrong, so I got a lift from the hotel out to his house. His Ma was there. “I’m afraid Tony’s in bed,” she said. “At a quarter past ten in the morning!” I said. That didn’t please her. “He was out late and he’s tired,” she said. I got an awful urge to tell her why he was tired. Anyway, to cut a long story short, he came down in his dressing-gown. His Ma was sort of hovering around in case we fell on each other. But she went off eventually, and I told him that I was going off that evening.’

  ‘Was he upset?’

  ‘He was outraged. Why hadn’t I told him? Why was I springing it on him? Why was I so juvenile? Why this, why that… but I was able for him, I really was. I spoke in a low throaty voice like they do in the pictures. I said that I was young and I thought I knew my own mind, but I had to be sure. I reminded him that nothing had been asked or answered and that it was better that way. He listened, a bit mournful, but he didn’t interrupt. So I said I’d look forward to seeing him when I got back.’

  ‘It was very good timing for you then?’ Elizabeth said.

  ‘It couldn’t have been better. It really did save my life as I said at the station. I couldn’t have said to you that I wanted to come over and I really didn’t have the fare together. Hey, Elizabeth, I can’t take the fare from you. Why did you send it anyway? I’ll pay you back.’

  ‘Idiot, look at all the food you brought. That’s twice the fare.’

  ‘Oh, okay, well anyway, to end up – I told him I couldn’t stay any longer, the delivery man from the hotel was waiting for me and that I’d see him later.

  ‘He came out to the steps of the house, you remember it don’t you? The big one on the river about a mile out of town.’

  ‘ “When is later?” he shouted.

  ‘ “Later is later,” I shouted back. I don’t know what I meant but it sounded great. And then I got myself together and here I am.’

  ‘And what do you really think of him? Do you really like him?’

  ‘I don’t know. Honestly and truthfully I don’t know. I’m flattered by him, and I’m becoming a bit of a cock of the walk myself with others in the town thinking more of me for going out with him. But. …’

  ‘But what … I mean when the two of you are on your own. …’

  ‘I like it when he tells me I’m attractive-looking, and I like it when he says what he’d like to do with me … if you know what I mean, but I don’t like all the grunting when he’s trying to do it … if you know what I mean.’

  ‘Trying, what do you mean trying?’

  ‘You know, him struggling in the car to get my clothes off and me struggling to keep them on, the usual sort of thing.’

  ‘Oh,’ said Elizabeth. ‘Oh of course.’

  Father came in to say goodbye.

  ‘You’ll knock them sideways at that bridge party, Mr White. Don’t let them run off with you now.’

  Father looked ridiculously pleased. They watched him from the window, fixing his tie and smiling to himself.

  ‘Now he’s gone, will you take out some kind of an alcoholic drink and tell me what it’s all about. Tell me what happened.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Oh anything at all, a sherry, a whisky. … I even had a brandy on the boat. I’m not particular.’

  ‘I didn’t mean what drink. I meant what do you mean tell you what happened? Why, do you think something happened?’

  Aisling was on her knees in front of a cupboard. ‘This is the kind of a place you’d keep the drink.’

  ‘No, silly, it’s in the other room.’ They walked in and in the corner cabinet there was a bottle of sherry with three quarters of its contents left. A half bottle of whisky seemed to be untouched.

  ‘I think we’ll start on the sherry,’ said Aisling firmly. ‘If it’s bad enough we may get to the whisky.’

  ‘It’s bad enough,’ said Elizabeth. ‘Let’s take the whisky with us as well.’

  They poured the sherry into two ordinary glasses, great dollops of it.

  ‘Cheers,’ said Elizabeth.

  ‘Slainte,’ said Aisling.

  ‘It’s as bad as it could be,’ said Elizabeth.

  ‘Johnny Stone threw you over …?’ suggested Aisling.

  ‘No.’

  ‘He turned out to have a wife and children?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Well is it about him at all?’

  ‘Oh yes, yes it’s all about him.’

  ‘I can’t think Elizabeth, really. What is it? You sounded desperate in your letter, even though you look quite all right now. What is it?’

  ‘I’m pregnant.’

  ‘WHAT?’

  ‘I’m pregnant. My period was three weeks late. I went to have a test and it’s positive. I’m going to have a baby.’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Oh Aisling, what am I going to do? What on earth am I going to do?’

  ‘You mean. …’

  Elizabeth had begun to cry now and there was no stopping her. Aisling moved over and put her arm around the shaking shoulder.

  ‘What am I going to do, you’ve got to help me.’

  ‘Shush, shush. You mean, you mean you had sexual intercourse with him?’

  Elizabeth’s hands came from her amazed face.

  ‘Of course I had. How else would I be pregnant?’

  ‘You mean lots of times? For ages or just once?’

  ‘For ages. Oh since last spring.’

  ‘And what was it like?’

  ‘What was it like?’

  ‘Sexual intercourse, what was it like?’

  ‘Aisling O’Connor, I can’t believe you. I’ve told you the most terrible tragedy, I’ve told you the worst bit of bad news anyone could have, and you ask me what it’s like having sex. …’

  ‘I just didn’t know you did, like that you had done it.’

  ‘Listen to me, doing it is no problem, that’s easy, it’s what to do about it … that’s the problem.’

  Aisling recovered. ‘Yes, I’m sorry. I got side-tracked. It just seems to put you on a different side of the fence from me, the ones who know what it’s like and the ones who don’t. I feel so stupid telling you all about the silly things I was up to and assuming. …’

  ‘No, why should you feel stupid? I would never have either if it hadn’t been for Johnny. With him it’s normal, it’s part of the way we go on. He never thinks of it as anything special, or people who Do or people who Don’t. I would have been like you otherwise, it’s just that I take my line from him.’

  ‘I know.’

  ‘But now it’s true, Aisling. I can’t pretend any more. I knew really for days, but I wouldn’t let myself admit it. Then on Monday I went off to a doctor miles and miles away. I bought a ring in Woolworth’s and I told him I was a visitor and I just wanted it confirmed.’

  ‘And what did you have to do?’

  ‘I took along a specimen of urine, I knew that, I had heard you had to bring what you did first thing in the morning for them to do a test.’

  ‘Yes, I see.’

  ‘So I put it in a jam jar, I didn’t know what else to put it in. And he said that was fine. And he asked me to come back on Wednesday. So while you were driving round Kilgarret giving ultimatums to people, I was lying in a chair like a dentist’s chair and there were stirrups in it where you put your feet and he felt inside me and examined my breasts and said that there was no doubt.’

  ‘Oh God. Poor Elizabeth.’


  ‘He was very nice actually. He said, “Congratulations Mrs Stone,” and I tried to put on a pleased smile. But I bet he knew anyway. I said to him that my husband would be pleased, and I gave him his money, thirty shillings it was, in an envelope. But I bet he knew. He sort of patted me on the shoulder as I was leaving. He said, “These things often work out better than you think.” I said I didn’t know what he meant. He said, “Just remember that things often work out better than you think.” So I said I would. And here we are.’

  ‘Oh Elizabeth. Poor, poor Elizabeth. What a thing to have to go through.’

  ‘Yes, but that’s nothing to what other things I’ll have to go through.’

  ‘What did Johnny say?’

  ‘I haven’t told him.’

  ‘When are you telling him?’

  ‘I’m not going to tell him.’

  ‘But you’ll have to tell him some time.’

  ‘No I won’t.’

  ‘You’re not making sense. When you get married, when it’s obvious that you’re going to have a baby – you can’t keep it a secret until it arrives can you?’ Aisling looked puzzled, ‘I think you’re in shock over it all, I really do.’

  ‘We won’t be getting married.’

  ‘Well of course you will, once he knows. Won’t you?’

  ‘No. He won’t know.’

  ‘But he’s fond of you. He still fancies you doesn’t he?’

  ‘Oh yes.’

  ‘And you fancy him.’

  ‘Oh I do.’

  ‘And there’s no awful secret like him being tied up with anyone else?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘So all you have to do is to screw yourself up to tell him. Isn’t that it? And he’ll be a bit annoyed because maybe he didn’t want to settle down yet. But he’ll realise it might as well be now as later. And count your blessings you’re in a place like this where people aren’t looking at you and whispering and gossiping about you. Nobody’s going to count the months you were married before Little Stone junior is born. … Elizabeth why are you crying so much? It isn’t that bad. All he can do is curse and swear a bit about the timing … isn’t that all? I mean it’s not as if it were your fault is it? You’re not trying to trap him or anything. You both did it, so it’s the concern of both of you.’