Wishing for Trouble

by Kate Forsyth

  ‘Stop being such fools!’ the countess said. ‘Obviously they’re not witches and devils. Have you no eyes in your heads to see they are merely children?’

  Emmy said to Nick, in a low voice, ‘See, that was a good wish!’

  Nick made a face at her, then said to the knight, ‘Really, we don’t mean any harm. We don’t know what we’re doing here. It just sort of happened.’

  ‘We’ve got this ring,’ Ben said, lifting Emmy’s hand to show everyone the red ring with the lion carved upon it. ‘We think it’s some kind of wishing ring. It brought us here, and every time we wish for anything, no matter how stupid, it happens.’

  ‘That’s my ring!’ the countess shouted. ‘Give it back to me now!’

  ‘It’s not your ring, it’s Timmy’s ring,’ Emmy answered at once. She looked down at the ring, which was beginning to burn her, and shook her hand to cool it.

  ‘That is the seal ring of the Lyonessa family,’ the countess said imperiously. ‘I have heard many tales of it. See! Does it not have my family shield upon it?’ She waved one hand at the banner that hung behind her, which showed a red lion rearing up on its hind paws. ‘Legend has it that the ring was blessed by a fairy, but until now I thought that was just a story, like the one that it was stolen by a dragon many years ago.’

  Ben and Tim glanced at each other, and grinned, remembering their friend the dragon.

  ‘It is my ring, and I want it back. Now!’ the countess demanded.

  Swiftly, Emmy slid the burning ring off her finger and gave it to Nick. ‘Sorry,’ she said. ‘Nick’s got it now. He can’t take it off until he’s had his three wishes.’

  ‘Which I won’t be wasting on coats of armour, or silly dresses,’ Nick said loftily.

  The countess scowled. ‘Guards! Arrest them! Get me my wishing ring, and throw them in the dungeon!’

  Guards began racing towards them, shouting at the tops of their voices.

  Nick took a deep breath. ‘Freeze!’ he shouted.

  The guards rushed upon them, waving their swords and pikes and maces.

  ‘Urn, I mean, I wish you would all freeze!’

  At once, every single person in the room – apart from the five children and Jessie – were encased in a shining sheath of ice. Through the ice, their boggling eyes and screaming mouths could still be seen.

  ‘Do you reckon it’ll hurt them, being frozen solid?’ Ben said. ‘Maybe you should have wished they would all just stop shouting at us.’

  ‘And listen?’ Tim suggested.

  ‘And be nice,’ Emmy said.

  Nick was rather taken aback that his wish had been fulfilled quite so literally. ‘Um, OK,’ he said. ‘I wish that … everyone would stop being frozen, and not be cold, or get frostbite or anything, but all be still and quiet and listen to us …’

  ‘And be nice,’ Emmy said.

  ‘… and be nice to us,’ Nick finished.

  The five children watched with some trepidation as the ice melted away, and the crowd of people in the room stood quietly, listening.

  ‘Maybe the ring did belong to your family a long time ago,’ Ben said to the countess, ‘but finders keepers. It’s our ring now, and we need it to get home again.’

  ‘Indeed, of course, you are absolutely right,’ the countess said. ‘You must forgive me. It is just that I was hoping the wishing ring could help us. I could wish for a rain of boiling oil to descend from the sky upon our enemies, or for those cursed traitors to all get the plague and drop dead on the field, or …’

  ‘I guess this is the countess being nice,’ Ben murmured to Emmy.

  ‘Or for boils to appear on all their bottoms …’

  Tim and Lach giggled, and the countess shot them a furious glance. There was a huge bang, and the whole castle shook. Everyone screamed and shrank together.

  ‘Sorry to interrupt,’ Ben said politely, ‘but I guess you couldn’t tell us what’s going on out there?’

  ‘We are under siege,’ the countess said, her voice trembling. ‘The villain leading the assault is my neighbour Lord Dastardly, who thinks that because I am just a girl, and an orphan, he can claim my land and my castle as his own. He has had us besieged for months!’

  ‘There, there, little cabbage,’ the woman in the horned hat said. ‘Do not weep. What’s the use? We’re all doomed. There’s no hope. We may as well surrender, as I’ve been saying from the first.’

  The countess scowled. ‘Yes, there’s hope,’ she said crossly, ‘for hasn’t the wishing ring of Lyonessa returned just in our hour of need? We’ll be able to strike down all our enemies with sweating sickness and boils and lice and the pox …’

  Tim and Lach giggled.

  Emmy felt very sorry for the countess, and for all the people in the castle, who were looking sick and thin and frightened. ‘Couldn’t we use just one of the wishes to help the countess?’ she said. ‘We’ve got heaps left.’

  ‘We could wish the bad guys were all back at their own castle,’ Ben suggested.

  ‘That would be no use,’ the countess said. ‘Lord Dastardly would just come straight back and besiege us again. He’s wanted Castle Lyonessa for years. No, the only hope is for them all to drop dead.’ She saw their faces, and added, ‘Or for us to capture them all, and then send a message to my uncle, who would lock Lord Dastardly up in prison and make sure he never attacked us again.’

  The five cousins looked at each other and shrugged. ‘I guess we could do that,’ Nick said. ‘What we need to do is sit down and work out a plan.’

  ‘Except I’m starving,’ Ben said, rubbing his stomach. ‘I can’t think when I’m so hungry.’

  ‘I wish we’d come here after dinner, not before,’ Emmy said.

  ‘I wouldn’t mind my sausage sambo now,’ Lach said sadly.

  The countess bit her lip. ‘I think we may have some rat stew left…’

  ‘Urgh,’ Ben said. ‘Gross!’

  ‘I wish we had some ham and pineapple pizza,’ Nick said longingly, and then, as a big round sizzling pizza suddenly appeared on the table before him, smelling absolutely delicious, he hastily added, ‘for everyone!’

  It was amazing how much better everyone felt after ham and pineapple pizza. The countess alone ate four pieces, and her governess ate seven. Even the knight took off his helmet so he could eat too and was revealed as quite an ordinary-looking man with a hot, red face and hair that stuck up everywhere.

  Nick had been so hungry that he had not noticed the ring now glowing like a hot poker and burning him. But as soon as he finished his second piece of pizza, he realised and slid the ring off his finger and into the pocket of his shorts, so he could eat his third piece undisturbed.

  ‘We have only six wishes left,’ Ben said quietly to the others. ‘Mine and Lach’s. Don’t you think we should work out what we want to do with them, before we go wasting any more?’

  ‘We need to get back home!’ Lach said.

  ‘We should save some of the wishes,’ Emmy said. ‘Imagine, we could wish we were on a desert island, with mermaids …’

  ‘Or we could wish we were up in space, flying to the moon,’ Tim said.

  ‘We could wish for more dragon gold,’ Nick said. ‘I’d like to have seen the dragon!’

  ‘Can’t we just wish the ring had unlimited wishes?’ Ben said.

  ‘I don’t think it’d work like that,’ Emmy said.

  The countess finished her last mouthful and leant back in her chair. ‘Most delicious,’ she said. ‘Chamberlain, please inform the head cook that I want ham and pineapple pizza for dinner every night from now on.’

  ‘Yes, Lady Lyonessa,’ the chamberlain said, bowing low. ‘Though he’s already examined one closely and says he has no idea what strange ingredients have been used to make it. He has never tasted food like it.’

  ‘I guess they didn’t have tomato and pineapple back in these days,’ Ben whispered.

  ‘How can you not have tomato and pineapple?’ Lach demanded. ‘Everyone has
tomato and pineapple.’

  ‘Maybe they weren’t discovered yet,’ Ben whispered back.

  ‘I’m really glad I don’t live back in these days,’ Lach said.

  ‘I thank you for this most delicious meal,’ the countess said. ‘Now I would like you to conjure a pox upon my enemies, so that they all die and suffer for their treachery.’

  ‘That doesn’t seem very nice,’ Emmy said. ‘Couldn’t we do something else?’

  ‘Like what?’ the countess demanded.

  ‘We could lure them into a trap,’ Ben said. ‘Do you have dungeons?’

  ‘Of course we have dungeons,’ the countess said proudly. ‘Very extensive ones.’

  ‘How about we trick them into the dungeons somehow?’ Ben said. ‘Then we could find some way to send a message to your uncle, to come and arrest them.’

  ‘Bet mobile phones haven’t been invented yet either,’ Lach said, grinning.

  ‘It is too dangerous,’ the knight said. ‘We cannot risk our countess. What if the plan goes wrong?’

  ‘We should just surrender now,’ the governess said, and the priest nodded, looking very gloomy.

  ‘It won’t go wrong,’ Ben said. ‘We’ll just wish that it all works.’

  ‘We could wish for a helicopter,’ Lach said, ‘for the countess to escape in.’

  The kids jumped up and down in excitement.

  ‘Except no-one knows how to fly one,’ Nick said, and they drooped in disappointment.

  ‘A hang-glider?’ Emmy suggested.

  ‘A parachute?’ Ben said.

  ‘How about a balloon?’ Tim said.

  ‘A balloon,’ Ben shouted. ‘A hot-air balloon! They’re easy to fly. Brilliant, Tim!’

  ‘I know,’ Tim said.

  All the time they had been talking, a deep boom! boom! boom! had been shaking the castle, rattling all the plates and spoons on the table.

  ‘They’re ramming the gate,’ the knight said wretchedly.

  ‘What shall we do, what shall we do?’ The priest wrung his hands.

  ‘We’re doomed!’ the governess wept.

  ‘We’d best be quick,’ Ben said. ‘Give me the ring, Nick.’

  ‘No! It’s my turn!’ Lach said.

  ‘It’s my ring,’ Ben said. ‘I mean, ours, mine and Tim’s. We got it from the dragon.’

  ‘Yeah, but you had all the fun with the dragon before,’ Lach said. ‘Let me have a go!’

  ‘Oh, all right, but don’t go making any silly wishes,’ Ben said. ‘We want to save some for later.’

  ‘OK,’ Lach said, and took the ring eagerly, putting it onto his finger.

  ‘What shall we do first, wish for a hot-air balloon for the countess, or lure the enemy into a trap?’ Ben said.

  ‘I want to see Lord Dastardly’s face when he falls into my dungeon,’ the countess said, clapping her hands with glee.

  ‘OK, dungeon first,’ Ben said, and they all followed the knight as he clanked down the great hall.

  Beyond was a long, wide corridor. Light streamed through the tall, narrow windows along one side, striping the smooth stone floor. Ben and Emmy looked at each other, grinned, then were off like rockets, racing each other on their scooters. Emmy’s blue skirts billowed out behind her, thongs flip-flapping, and Jessie chased after them, dragging her rabbit by one ear.

  Ben swerved in front of Emmy, almost knocking her over as they came to a screeching halt at the top of a grand staircase.

  ‘I won!’ Ben cried.

  ‘I’d have won if it wasn’t for the dress,’ Emmy said.

  ‘I wish I had one of those,’ the countess said enviously.

  ‘Yeah, it looks like fun,’ Lach said. ‘I wish we’d brought ours,’ he said to Tim.

  At once both Lach and Tim were standing on their scooters. Since they weren’t expecting them, they fell off immediately, knocking over the governess, who gave a little scream. ‘Sorry,’ Lach said, clambering off her. Then both the boys went zooming down the long corridor as fast as they could, while the governess – who was rather fat – tried very hard to get back up again. The priest pulled her up, only to be dragged down on top of her, so that the knight – who found it rather hard to bend in the middle in his armour – had to pull both of them to their feet. Meanwhile, the countess waited, tapping her long, pointed toe.

  Then the countess, the governess, the priest and the knight trudged along the corridor, all of them scowling, though for different reasons.

  ‘Another wish gone,’ Nick said, and shook his head in worry.

  Nick looked even more worried when they reached the top of the gatehouse tower and looked out over the countryside.

  All they could see below was a seething mass of soldiers. Some were climbing up long ladders while the castle’s men-at-arms tried to knock the ladders down again. Others were manning a wooden catapult that hurled huge boulders at the castle. There was also a tall siege tower that the enemy was trying to roll up to the base of the castle wall, except that the moat was too wide and deep, and filled with stinking green water.

  ‘Urgh, I wouldn’t want to swim in that,’ Lach said as he watched soldiers fall off the long ladders and splash into the moat.

  In front of the gatehouse, Lord Dastardly’s men had filled in the moat with rocks and laid down a rough bridge of wood so they could roll their battering ram up to the gate. Back and forth the ram swung, hitting the gate again and again. Boom! Boom! Boom!

  The noise was horrendous. Part of the castle was on fire from the flaming balls the enemy kept lobbing at them, and a chain of people were passing buckets of water from the well in the courtyard all the way up to the top of the castle to try to put the fire out. It wasn’t helping much. Then one of the men-at-arms got hit by an arrow and fell down, groaning and clutching his arm where blood was pouring out. The five children could not help being rather scared. It was far different actually being in a castle under siege than reading about it, or playing it.

  ‘It won’t be long and they’ll have broken in,’ the knight said sorrowfully.

  ‘What shall we do?’ the priest sighed. ‘What shall we do?’

  ‘We’re doomed!’ sniffled the governess.

  ‘So where are the dungeons?’ Ben asked, trying to pretend he wasn’t scared.

  The dungeons were under the gatehouse, accessed through a big, iron-bound door that led into foul-smelling darkness. No-one wanted to go in there, though a rat went skittering away down the steps when they opened the door. One of the men-at-arms went bounding after it and came back a few minutes later, grinning, with the rat dangling from his hand.

  ‘Dinner,’ he said happily.

  ‘Yuk. Urgh. Gross,’ the children all said, and hurried back out into the sunny courtyard, away from the frightening pounding of the battering ram.

  Lach had to shout when he made his wish, to be heard over the noise of the battle.

  ‘I wish that the floor of the gatehouse would disappear so the bad guys fall down into the dungeon below, on top of a big pile of mattresses so they don’t get hurt.’ (That had been Emmy’s idea, of course.)

  Lach had made his wish just in time. Just as he was saying the last words, the gate cracked open and the enemy began to pour through. At once Lach pulled the door to the courtyard closed, but no-one could resist peering through to see how well their trap worked.

  First came a charge of knights in armour. They galloped into the gatehouse and promptly fell down into the dungeons below with a great clatter, like someone throwing saucepans down a staircase.

  Emmy winced. ‘I’m glad we put the mattresses down there,’ she said. ‘I hope none of the horses got hurt.’

  ‘Me too,’ Tim said.

  Then hundreds of men came running, yelling and brandishing their weapons. They poured over the lip of the floor like a flood of water.

  ‘Maybe we should have wished all their weapons away,’ Emmy said. ‘I wouldn’t want someone holding a sword like that to fall on top of me.’

 
‘Me neither,’ everyone said, except the countess, who put her nose in the air and said, ‘They deserve nothing less, the treacherous curs.’

  Eventually, though, the soldiers realised they were falling into a trap and the charge faltered. A man dressed in black armour came striding through the broken gate and looked down into the dungeon, which was filled with people trying to climb out.

  ‘Lord Dastardly,’ the countess said, and shrank back.

  ‘Quick, what can we wish for?’ Nick cried. ‘Wish he falls down too, Lach!’ Lord Dastardly must have heard him because he suddenly looked directly at them, and the next instant arrows were flying across the pit and thudding into the door to the courtyard. Lach only managed to slam it shut just in time.

  They were all a little shaken.

  ‘He’ll have a bridge across that pit in a matter of moments,’ the knight said bleakly.

  ‘What shall we do?’ the priest blithered.

  ‘We’re all doomed!’ the governess bleated.

  ‘We’ll just have to think of something else,’ Ben said.

  ‘Let’s wish for the balloon,’ Emmy said.

  ‘Then at least the countess can escape.’

  ‘I cannot escape and leave all my people in peril,’ the countess said. ‘I must know that Lord Dastardly is safely under lock and key before I can go.’

  ‘We have a few wishes left,’ Ben said. ‘Lach, call up the balloon and we’ll just leave it tethered to the battlements until the countess needs it. Then I’ll have the ring. I’ll be able to think up a good wish for dealing with Lord Dastardly!’

  ‘Let’s word the wish very carefully,’ Nick said, ‘so we don’t make any mistakes.’

  So Lach said, in a very deep, gruff voice, ‘I wish that we had a hot-air balloon, and the wind was in the right direction to safely carry the Countess of Lyonessa all the way to her uncle’s castle, and that the balloon was safely tied down until she is ready to go, and doesn’t get hit by an arrow or anything.’