by Ali Parker
"That's not true. You need to do whatever your heart pulls you toward."
"And if that's not hockey?"
"Then to hell with hockey. That's your father's dream. Your brother's dream. It doesn't have to be yours. You do whatever makes you happy, and I will be beyond proud of you."
"And if what I want more than anything is a woman to love me for who I am? For all this messed up shit?" I lifted my arm toward Bret's grave. "What if I just want to bare it all and not be the rock for once?"
"Then go find her, Lucas, and show her who you really are." My mom smiled and cupped my face. "Is it that cute girl that bosses everyone around at the games?"
I laughed. "Long brown hair and a great smile?"
"Yeah, that's her." My mom laughed and released me. "I love you."
"I love you too."
Chapter 24
Aubrey
I couldn't stop looking for him when we got back to the Ice House. Surely he would have come after me to explain whatever the hell it was that I saw between him and Lizzy in the locker room. But no. He was nowhere to be found.
"I don't know where he is." Jayce stopped beside me and sighed. "Let me text him."
I reached out and gripped my brother's hand. "No. I'm fine. Honestly. Go grab a beer and have a good time tonight. It's the homecoming party, and we're going to have a good time. Period."
"You sure?" His lip lifted in a smirk as Layla moved up beside us, bouncing around as the music blared above us.
"Yes. Layla, go force my brother to dance. He needs a break. Like, yesterday." I laughed and pushed at Jayce's chest.
"You don't have to ask me twice." Layla grabbed him and pulled him into the center of the room where the action was.
I knelt down as the brightness of motorcycle headlights filled up the living room.
Lucas. Thank God.
Somehow over the last hour of waiting on him, I'd come to the solid conclusion that Jayce was right. The Ice King was damaged goods, and I didn't care. We could work through anything if I could just find a way to whittle myself into his heart. Lizzy wasn't anything more than a friend to him, and I had to believe that what I saw between the two of them was Lizzy acting out in her ignorance of something starting between us. She would never hurt me or anyone for that matter.
Jessie walked through the front door and nodded at me. "Lucas is asking for you."
"Sure." I finished my beer and tossed the bottle in the trash as I walked out the front door and down the stairs.
He was still sitting on his bike with his helmet on. He extended the other helmet to me, and I took it, putting it on and getting on the back of the bike without a word. He wanted to talk, or so I hoped he did.
I held on to his t-shirt loosely and tried to think through all the things I could say to convince him that we were good together and could figure out things as they came at us. I wasn't going to beg or sound as needy as I felt, but he needed to know that I wanted in - deep into his heart.
We stopped beside the track on the far side of campus, and got off the bike. He took my helmet and put it up with his before turning to me and extending his hand toward me. The sadness on his face tore me open, and I reached for him and moved up to his side without questioning anything just yet.
"My brother died nine years ago today." His voice was deep, but so soft. "I usually spend this night alone at his graveside and then go home to relive all that shit until I can't stand it anymore."
"Do you want to go out there?" I stiffened as he stopped and turned to face me. I'd never get over how handsome he was. His blue eyes almost seemed otherworldly as he studied me closely.
"I already went, but the whole time I was there, I felt this odd comfort. This feeling that if I needed to know that someone cared, that someone was willing to come with me..." He paused as tears blurred my vision of him.
"That I would come?" I whispered and reached up to touch his face. His beard tickled my fingers as I caressed his cheek. "Because I would."
"I know." He moved closer and slid his hands over my hips. "I realized that while I was standing out there tonight."
"Did you go alone?" I had a million things I wanted to say, but I was holding back as best I could.
"Yeah, but my mom showed up." He sniffled and reached up to wipe at my tears. "It was good. We needed to clear the air between us. It's been a long fucking life since Bret died. Everyone sort of just shut off with him."
"I can't imagine losing Jayce. I wouldn't survive it." I pressed my hands to his chest, wanting so badly to offer him anything to ease his pain.
"It's hard." He glanced around. "I need you to know that what you saw in the locker room was nothing. Lizzy-"
"I figured that out on my own." I smiled and slid my hands up to his neck. "Are you sorry for what we did two nights ago?"
"What?" His lips lifted in a cocky smirk. "Fuck no. I wish we would have kept going. I haven't stopped thinking about it since that night. Are you sorry?"
"No." I pulled back a little and wiped my tears away. "I'm not sure how to explain all the craziness going on inside of me, but sorry isn't a word I would use for how I feel about us getting together."
"I should have called you yesterday. I'm just struggling with my brother’s anniversary, getting the call from Washington, fending off my fucking dad and trying to deal with Will and Jayce."
"Jayce has been extra emotional lately, right?" I tried to lighten the mood between us a little.
"Yeah. I know he's just worried about you, but I wish he would trust me a little. I have a lot of baggage, but I'm working through that shit, you know?" He moved over to the bleachers and motioned for me to join him. "Come here, baby."
I sat down beside him and scooted closer as he wrapped his strong arm around my shoulders and turned to press his fingers to the bottom of my chin.
"If you'll give me a little bit of time, I'll work through all this shit." He leaned in and brushed his lips by mine. "Can you do that?"
"I think so." I ran my hand over his thigh and leaned in for another kiss. It was soft and tentative. I pressed harder into it as he slipped his hand into my hair and tilted my face a little to deepen it.
The firm press of his tongue as it slid by mine made everything melt. His cologne filled my senses and caused me to moan.
"More," I whispered and shifted to his lap with his help.
"You sure?" he mumbled against my lips as I straddled him.
"Yes. I need you. I want all of you." I ran my hands over his neck and cupped his jawline as I made love to his mouth.
He pressed his hands against the muscles of my lower back and dragged them up slowly, forcing me to press my upper body against his.
"I want all of you too." He moved down and pressed his mouth over the top of my breast through my shirt, biting down softly. "Come back to my place with me."
"Yeah." I moved back and let him help me up. Our cell phones went off in tandem, and we both groaned. Where there was a lot left to discuss between us, the night would be better spent moaning and grunting in the darkness together. He was emotionally beat from the situation with his brother, and I was physically needy for his touch. It was a match made in heaven for a long night of fucking.
I pulled my phone from my pocket. "Layla."
"Jayce." He growled and picked up the call as he turned from me.
I lifted the phone to my ear. "Hey. What's up?"
"Get back here. Now. Will’s here and things are going to shit, fast. Now." I'd never heard her sound so frightened before.
"Does he have a gun or something? What the fuck is going on?" I jogged toward the bike as Lucas grabbed my hand and pulled me with him. He was barking out instructions to Jayce as we went.
"No. He's unconscious. He came in ranting and raving, but had something like a fucking seizure, and now he's on the floor, passed out."
"Shit. Is he breathing?" I got on the bike and gripped Lucas with one hand.
"Yes, but we need you guys. Is Lucas with you?
"
"We're on our way." I put the phone in my back pocket and wrapped my arms around the big guy in front of me. I hated the fact that he was about to walk into a shit storm that resembled the one that had ruined his life nine years before.
All I could do was hope that Will would wake up and we could work with Coach Billows to get him some help. The poor kid couldn't seem to get his shit together. I was grateful that Lucas hadn't turned out like him. There were almost too many resemblances to them in the pressure that they faced and their level of talent.
I hopped off the bike and raced toward the door to the Ice House with Lucas moving past me by the time I made it to the door.
"Where is he?" Lucas moved into the living room and forced the crowd back. He dropped down on his knees as I searched for Jayce.
"Did we call an ambulance?" I moved over beside my brother as a dark-haired guy I didn't know was leaning over the top of Will. I'd never seen anyone look so pale.
"No. Dejean is a pre-med student. He's checking Will out now." Jayce pressed his thumbnail to his teeth and shifted from foot to foot. My brother was close to losing it.
"He's not okay. Call the fucking ambulance." Lucas turned and glanced up at us with a wildness in his eyes that scared me.
"You know this means that he won't play again. Right?" Jayce pulled his phone from his back pocket and waited for Lucas to respond.
"Fucking call, Jayce. Hockey isn't worth possibly losing this fucker’s life over. Nothing is. Call them. Now." Lucas reached down about the time Will's eyes opened and he started to seize again.
"Shit." I backed up as Lucas pulled the guy in his lap and rocked him back and forth.
Jayce was screaming into the phone as the room turned into complete chaos.
I slid down the wall behind me until my butt hit the floor. A numbness rolled over me as I watched Lucas try and take care of Will. His words were hard to make out, but my heart broke as he glanced up at me and continued to chant against Will's forehead.
"It's okay, buddy. I gotcha. Stay with me. It's okay, buddy. I gotcha. Stay with me."
Chapter 25
Lucas
"You all right, man?" Jayce squeezed my shoulder the next morning as I sat in the waiting room at St. Matthews. I'd been the one to ride in the ambulance with Will when it finally showed up. I was in for a long day seeing that we were expecting his parents any minute. I was glad Jayce was there with me, and would have left if I thought he could handle the Tanners coming in soon.
No fucking way though. If the pressure on Will was comparable to me or worse, then we were waiting on one hell of a shit storm to hit.
"I'm good. Just tired." I brushed my hands down my face and let out a long sigh. "Take off a load, Jayce. You've been pacing the floor all night."
"I know. I'm just scared. Will could have died last night." He dropped down in the seat next to me and leaned his head back. "We should have gone to Coach the last time. We made a shitty call, and we almost paid for it."
"He's not out of the woods just yet." I moved to the edge of my seat and swallowed the lump in my throat. I couldn't stop reliving the night Bret died, almost as if it was him again in my arms the night before.
"Hey." He reached out and rubbed the top of my back. "I'm really proud of you. We all freaked the fuck out, and you were the only one with a legit reason to break down, but you didn't."
"That's what being captain is all about, right?" I glanced over at him. "Speaking of... did Billows talk to you about the baseball situation? Any of you guys yet?"
"Yeah. It's pretty fucked up. We're all a little numb by it." He crossed his arms over his chest and slumped down lower. "I know they need me to step up over there, but I'm not sure what to do yet. I can't be the captain of both teams. It doesn't work like that. I'm not looking at going to the pros. I'm looking at getting into medical school and following after my dad's career track. He's the happiest guy I know, at least about his job."
"So then decide which sport brings you more happiness. Which you enjoy more." I lifted my arms to the ceiling and let out a loud yawn. "Go that route. Life's too short for anything else, and from what I could tell, your parents aren't riding you to live out their dreams."
"No, they're riding my sister. At least, my mom is." He turned his head and lifted his eyebrow as I turned to face him. "Speaking of..."
"Yeah. Speaking of is right. Let's get this shit out in the open and over with. I'm tired of feeling like you're going to tackle me every time I turn around. You're one of my only goddamn friends. Cut me some slack with Aubrey."
"Jacob doesn't count as a friend, by the way." He gave me a smirk, which helped to ease the moment. Jacob Wright was a good friend to both of us, but the guy was a class-a dick when it came to sports and women. Jayce was right - Jacob didn't count, even though I'd known him most of my life. The only one that counted was right in front of me and didn't trust me an inch with his sister. Could I blame him?
"I don't know what you want to hear." I let out a long, painful sigh. "I've been in love with Aubrey for three fucking years."
"Then why the hell did you lie to me? Have I ever lied to you?" He stood up as his face flushed.
I put my hand against his chest as he moved toward me. "No, you haven't, but you have never had a reason to. Take one fucking second and think about this from my point of view, Jayce. You know where I come from. You know how I feel about women. I've been trying hard to avoid your sister since I met her, and I've done a damn good job of it." I pushed a little, but not enough to start the fight he seemed to want.
"Then what changed?" His eyes narrowed as he swatted my hand from the front of his chest. Why was he being so damn defensive? Had someone hurt Aubrey in the past and he blamed himself for it?
"I changed. I'm tired of being lonely, okay? You want me to rip my chest open and show you all the shit?" I lifted my hands to the side. "You fuckers rely on me for everything and have I ever once let you down? Have I left you to deal with anything yourself?"
"No." He deflated and pressed his hand to his mouth as he glanced down. "No, dude. I'm sorry. I know you don't need this shit right now after what happened last night. I just need closure on this thing with my sister. She doesn't need to be pulled through the ringer. She's a great girl, and my mom... fuck, my mom is so horrible to her."
"Then talk to your mom about being a better parent. Don't shove me out of her life because you're scared that she's going to get hurt. That's the risk we both take, right? I could be the one hurt, or we could end up really fucking happy together, Jayce." I slipped my hands into my pockets. "I need some time this week to think through things. I have to decide if I'm going to move to Washington or give up on that part of my life completely."
"The Caps?" His eyes widened. "Are you saying that the Caps called you to come join them?"
"Not yet, but they told Coach that I was their number one pick."
His lips lifted in a smile as he wrapped me in a bear hug and lifted me off the ground. "What the fuck, dude? That's awesome. Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because I don't know if I'm going." I pushed at him softly to get him to back up out of my personal space. "I need to work on things with my parents a little. It's time for us to move past the walls we've built up with each other. My dad..."
I paused as my voice broke.
"Fuck, dude. I'm sorry." Jayce reached out and gripped the side of my neck. "I'm sorry for getting on you. Aubrey's a grown-ass woman."
"No, it's good." I sniffled and wiped my hand by my nose. "I'm just tired and broken by all this shit. I need to figure things out. With my parents and where Aubrey is concerned. I've promised her nothing, but it's taken everything inside of me not to. This isn't a quick dive into lust for me. I've been falling for her since the night I met you both."
Jayce chuckled and shook his head. "She broke her toes that night on the bleachers. She looked like shit."
"Maybe to you." I ran my hand down my face. "I've never seen a more beautiful wo
man in my life."
"Three years, man? You've been loving her for three years and you never said anything? Why? Because of that shit with Bret? You know that's not how life goes. Your brother had more problems than just women, Lucas. He was racing up the side of a cliff alone. That's hard shit to make it to the top and realize that no one is there with you." He patted my chest. "You're not Bret, Lucas. You're a good man with lots of people that love you and will forever. Take this time and figure shit out. Hell, hurry and help me figure my shit out."
"I will buddy. Until then, just help me get through all this stuff, and take care of Aubrey when I can't, okay?" I extended my hand to him.
He shook it and pulled me into another hug as a staunch-looking businessman and overdressed woman walked into the waiting room, looking around.
"Are you Lucas?" the woman asked as she turned her attention to Jayce.
"I am." I extended my hand to have her swat it away.
I jerked back as she slapped me hard in the face.
"Denise." Her husband pulled her back as she crumbled. "I'm sorry. She thinks the hockey program did this to William."
"It did! You did this. Your stupid parties and hazing bullshit games." She tried to get to me, but her husband had a tight hold on her.
"Hey. You don't know what the hell-" Jayce stepped in front of me, but I jerked him back.
"Jayce. No." I turned to look at Will's parents. "I'm sorry for all Will's been through. I'm the only one that's stood beside him this year and encouraged him to be a better man. I'm the captain of the team, and I have no choice but to report him to the Dean and our head coach. Tell him I'm thinking about him when he wakes up."
"If he wakes up!" she screamed as I turned and nudged Jayce to leave the waiting room with me. We didn't need to be there anymore. I'd keep tabs on Will through the attendant at the front desk and come see him the minute he came to. If he didn't, I'd drink myself sick and dive into the darkest depression of my life. Either way, I wasn't sitting there any longer.
