Snowbound Hearts

by Benjamin Kelly

  “No matter what you think, you don’t know what’s in my mind unless I tell you.”

  “Okay, tell me you’re not in love with me.” She leaned forward and kissed his lips.

  Stephen hesitated for a moment, thinking up a way to answer her question without lying or admitting the truth. “You know—it’s just a word. Four little letters someone strung together to give a polite name to a biological need to reproduce.”

  Audrey slowly shook her head and inched her face closer to his. “It’s not just a word. It’s a universe unto itself, and we’ve fallen into it.”

  Stephen gave her a little peck, catching her top lip between his. “You do realize that you’re contradicting yourself? You said we weren’t in love.”

  “In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve been full of contradictions lately.” She leaned forward and kissed him again, allowing the tips of their tongues to brush ever so briefly together.

  Stephen touched his forehead to hers, their lips barely an inch apart. “I’m utterly confused.”

  “You’re only confused because you don’t have all the facts.” She extended her tongue and gave his a little lick.

  “I don’t have the facts because you won’t give them to me.”

  “Exactly.”

  Stephen grasped her head, thrust his lips against hers, and kissed her, passionately caressing her tongue with his. She wrapped her arms around his neck, enthusiastically returning his kiss.

  “Tell me you’re not in love with me, Audrey.”

  “I can’t tell you that.” She clasped her hands to his cheeks and gave him an openmouthed kiss, using only her tongue, never quite letting their lips contact. “All I can tell you is that I’m scared of where we are and how fast we got here.”

  “Okay, so we’ve fallen into this universe unto itself. What happens now, Audrey? If neither of us can tell the other that we’re not in love, then apparently we are in love. Unless there’s some in-between state that I’m not aware of.”

  She leaned forward and kissed him again with an air of urgency about her.

  “Does that mean I’m right?”

  “I don’t know what it means except that you’re a really good kisser.”

  “Let me go out on a limb. I think it means that your perfect partner isn’t who you thought he was.” Stephen leaned forward and brushed her lips with his, but quickly pulled back, making her come toward him and not letting her catch him. He desperately wished that she’d give him definitive answers. “Why don’t you curl up on the sofa under the blanket while I get us some heat going?”

  She grunted in protest and grabbed his hair, forcefully taking the kiss he had just denied her.

  Stephen threw another log in the stove and stoked it up, then climbed under the blanket with Audrey. She slid over next to him, and he pulled her close.

  “I shouldn’t have let the fire burn down so low, but I had my mind on something else.”

  Audrey playfully bumped him with her shoulder. “You just wanted it to get cold so my nipples would poke out. I saw you looking at them.”

  “You look sexy wearing my shirt open like that, but if you don’t want me to see your nipples, button it.” Stephen raised a hand to her breast and flicked his thumb across her nipple.

  She shoved his hand away. “I like wearing it open, but if you want me to button it, I will.”

  “Now why would I want that? If you did, I wouldn’t be able to see your nipples poking out, and that would mean I let it get cold in here for nothing.” He reached over and flicked her other nipple.

  She shoved his hand away again. “Stop that. By the way, I know how we got like we were this morning. I did it intentionally. Don’t ask me why, I just wanted to. I hope that doesn’t irritate you.”

  “No, of course not, but”—Stephen scooped her up and set her in his lap—”dammit, if you’re going to sit here, then you might as well sit some place that’s comfortable.”

  Audrey giggled and squirmed, rolling her hips around in a circle. “Stephen, this is so much fun. I know you think I’m nuts.”

  “Yeah, the thought had crossed my mind.” He slipped his hands up to the sides of her breasts, but she pushed them away before he could grasp her nipples.

  “Uh, you’re not supposed to agree with me.”

  “You have to admit that nothing about you makes any sense, but don’t feel bad, after a couple days with you, I’m pretty much nuts myself. And I wouldn’t change it if I could.”

  “Maybe you’re right, Stephen. When I said that, I was joking, but I suppose I really could be crazy. You have no idea how many things in my life that would explain.”

  He slipped his hand down and caressed the tops of her thighs. “Oh yeah? Like what?”

  “Like the way all my boyfriends always die mysteriously after they break up with me and the voice in my head that keeps telling me kill, kill, kill.”

  “Now it all makes sense. You plan to kill me by making me want your body but not letting me have it.”

  “It was just a joke, Stephen. I don’t want to hurt you.”

  “I never figured you for a psycho killer. I know you’re afraid.”

  “Terrified. I need time.”

  He pointed to the window and watched as she turned to look. “It’s still snowing.”

  Stephen pulled the blanket over them and wrapped his arms around her waist. She leaned backward and rested her head on his shoulder, then grabbed his hands and slid them up to her breasts. He grasped her rigid nipples and gave them one good squeeze before she pushed his hands back down to her sides. Her smooth, freckle-covered cheek was right in his face. He couldn’t resist planting a kiss on it. She closed her eyes and sank farther into him. The more she squirmed, the more his body strained to get free from his clothing. She rose up a little and sat back down hard, wiggling her hips until he was centered. The fabric between them was so thin he could feel her soft warmth through it. As much as he wanted to rip open the cloth separating them and take her, all he could do was close his eyes and enjoy what she was willing to give him. Her constant motion, back and forth and side to side with continually changing pressure, was driving him out of his mind, but rather than ask her to stop, he soaked it up, deciding that she’d have to live with the consequences of her actions.

  Just when he knew that he couldn’t take another second, Audrey leaped from his lap and ran into her bedroom, slamming the door behind her. In a moment she rushed out fully dressed and hurried to the coat rack.

  “What are you doing, Audrey?”

  “I’m a horrible person, Stephen. I can’t stay here and keep tormenting you like this.” She threw on her coat and ran out into the storm.

  ***

  Audrey pulled the hood of her coat over her head and stepped off the porch into the knee-deep snow. The temperature had dropped overnight, and the wind was whipping even more relentlessly than it had been the day before. Any doubt that she had about Stephen was long since gone. Fate had brought her together with the perfect man. He was all that she had ever wanted.

  The cabin was rustic and cute and far enough from civilization that it made an excellent lover’s hideaway. The blizzard was just enough of a storm to keep her stranded with only her fantasy man for company, but not so severe to pose any serious danger to those smart enough to remain indoors. Everything was perfect, so perfect in fact, that it could never be achieved in the real world. She was certain now that she was conscious, not living in a delusion while dying in her car, but she finally understood what had really happened, and it made perfect sense.

  Daniel’s recent stupidity had put her head in such a fog that she had tricked herself into finding exactly what she had dreamed of for so many of her early years. Stephen met all the criteria of her fantasy man, right down to his name, but only because she had lost her objectivity. Fate had nothing to do with her current situation; it was all in her head. Stephen was obviously a nice guy, but no matter how much she wanted him to be, he wasn’t her soul mate. And as d
esperately as she longed to be near him, she had to get away to clear her mind before she did something she couldn’t undo.

  Chapter Five

  Stephen hurried into his bedroom and quickly bundled up. Given Audrey’s fragile emotional state, there was no telling what she might do. He followed her fresh tracks down the driveway, listening to the engine of her car revving as the tires spun. She was rocking it back and forth and had managed to move it a couple feet. As she backed and went forward, the front bumper kept tapping a small pine sapling, making the bow shake violently back and forth. The little tree leaned slightly farther over with every impact, like it could give way at any second. The top of the snowdrift her car had plowed into crumbled and fell away down the far side. Cracks opened up in the base of the drift as if it were about to follow the top. Mountain roads don’t have much runoff and despite the terrain appearing solid beyond the car, he knew from all his previous trips to the area that she was near the edge. Stephen hurried to the driver’s door and rapped on her window. She let off the gas and cracked the window enough to speak to him.

  “Go back inside, Stephen, before you freeze.”

  “Turn off the engine and talk to me, Audrey.”

  “When we get near enough to talk, other things happen. I can’t be close to you without wanting to get closer. It’s not fair to you. Now move back. I don’t want to run into you. I think if I can get past that little tree, I’ll be able to get a running start and get it out of the ditch.”

  Stephen grabbed hold of the window and leaned down so he could be sure that she’d hear him clearly. “Are you trying to kill yourself?”

  She scowled and waved him off. “I’m trying to get my car out of this ditch. Will you please move?”

  “Get out and let me show you something.”

  She sat glaring at him through the window.

  “Turn off the car and come out here for a minute. You really need to see this.”

  Audrey huffed loudly as she shut off the car. When she stepped out, Stephen grabbed her by the arm and pulled her along with him right to the little tree she was trying to get past.

  “Have a look, Audrey.” He held her arm tightly and inched her closer to the tree.

  She reached out and clutched the little sapling as if holding on for dear life.

  “Look down. It’s a fifty-foot drop. This little tree is the only reason you’re still alive.”

  Audrey began to waver and staggered backward into him. “Get me away from the edge.”

  Stephen escorted her back to the road and stood with her, gazing off into the distance, watching the snow fall.

  She motioned to the cliff. “I don’t understand why I didn’t see that before.”

  “It’s an optical illusion. All the scrubby little trees growing on the edge let the snow drift up, hiding the drop-off. As hard as the snow is falling, it looks like we could just walk right to the other side. Why don’t we both go back inside before we freeze to death?”

  Somehow he should have stopped things before they went so far, before he and Audrey crossed the line between strangers with no emotional connection to lovesick puppies who could never be together. Despite Audrey’s doubts about her fiancé, she had made it clear enough that he was her soul mate and she would never leave him. Butterflies, that’s all it was. She was having last-minute jitters before making a lifelong commitment, and Stephen had done his best to erode the foundation of her convictions. He was far from being a saint, but he had never before involved himself with a woman who wasn’t available. His actions were reprehensible, but knowing that didn’t quell his desire for Audrey in the least. Their situation was intolerable and could only end in heartbreak, but the sooner he put a stop to their fledgling romance, the sooner she’d get over him. He’d never get over her, but her heart belonged to someone else, and that was the cold reality he’d have to live with.

  “Audrey, since we obviously can’t remedy our issues, I’ll leave you alone, and you can leave me alone. No more flirting or holding or contact of any kind. We’ll maintain a discrete distance and treat each other like we would any other casual acquaintance. You can sleep on the sofa tonight. That way you’ll be warm, and a safe distance from me. Does that work for you?”

  Audrey hung her head and sighed. “Yes, Stephen, that will be fine. I’m sorry I’ve caused so much turmoil.”

  Stephen’s chest tightened at the sound of relief in Audrey’s voice. Somewhere deep in the back of his mind he had hoped that she’d throw her arms around his neck and profess her undying love for him. Damn her fiancé, damn morality, he wanted Audrey and didn’t care about any of the consequences except causing her further pain. That’s the one thing he couldn’t do, regardless of what it cost him. “Come on, it’s too cold to keep standing out here.” He grasped her hand but quickly dropped it. “Sorry, I’m sorry. I won’t do that again.” He trudged up the hill toward the cabin with Audrey following behind. When they got inside, Audrey unbuttoned her coat and hung it on the rack, but Stephen headed to the back door.

  “You don’t have to leave, Stephen, I won’t bother you anymore.”

  He stopped, facing the door, wondering what he should tell her. “I’m going out to split some firewood. I have a big pile of logs in the woodshed.”

  Audrey strolled over to him and peeked out the window at the back porch. “You have a huge stack out there. Isn’t that enough?”

  “That’s mostly pine. We’ll burn through it pretty quick. Some of it’s still a little green. I’d rather leave it to dry for a few more months.”

  She spun around to face him and cocked her head. “Well, I’m soaking up as much of the heat as you, so I suppose I should help.”

  Stephen shook his head. He needed to get away from her, before he lost control of his emotions. Breaking down wouldn’t do either of them any good, and he didn’t think he could live with the humiliation. “I only have one ax. There’s no need for you to come out there.”

  “I could stack while you split.”

  “I’ll be moving to stay warm. You’d just be standing there, freezing for no reason.”

  “You’re going out there to get away from me, aren’t you?”

  “The cabin owner lets me and the guys have the place rent free for a week every year. In exchange we keep the place stocked with firewood for the other renters and take care of the maintenance. So, I really have to get that wood split. If the guys were here, we could knock it out in no time.”

  Audrey threw up her hands, stormed over to the sofa, and flopped down. Stephen grabbed his ax off the back porch and trudged out to the woodshed. The wind was howling, driving the snow. The weather was too cold and miserable for him to be out in it, but he couldn’t stay inside with Audrey. The small, dried-out logs made for relatively easy splitting. His pile grew quickly, and pretty soon he had to clear them away. As he gathered an armload of wood, he glanced toward the cabin. Audrey was standing at the window, staring out at him. He deposited his load in the stack on the porch and headed back out to split more. Audrey had moved away from the window, which was just as well. If he saw her sad face gazing in his direction again, he’d have go to her and break his promise to leave her alone.

  Stephen set up the last of the logs, brought the ax down, and reveled in the satisfying pop as the two halves tumbled away. He stacked the final armload of firewood beside the wood box, which had long since been filled, and stepped inside.

  “Man, it’s cold out there. I thought the snow had stopped a couple times, but it’s still coming down.” He pulled off his coat and patted his face with both hands. “My cheeks got a serious windburn. They feel like they’re on fire.” He glanced around the cabin, but Audrey was nowhere to be seen. “Audrey?” The bathroom door was closed. The light inside was off, but he knocked anyway. “Audrey, are you in there?” He slowly opened the door, but she wasn’t there. Stephen quickly checked the rest of the cabin. Audrey was gone. He ran to the front door and flung it open. A set of fresh tracks led away from the
cabin, down the driveway. An image of Audrey’s little car plunging over the cliff flashed through his mind. Stephen rushed back inside and threw on his coat. He quickly followed her tracks to the road, but they turned right, heading away from her car, back toward the other cabin.

  Stephen hurried along as fast as he could travel through the deep snow. Within a few minutes, he was out of breath and sweating, a bad combination for the conditions. In good weather, he could have easily jogged the two-mile trip in a few minutes, but that wasn’t happening in knee-deep snow. He could only hope that he’d catch up to her before she either froze or made it all the way.

  Audrey’s tracks led right up to the cabin door. Stephen tried the handle, but it was locked. He knocked and called, but she didn’t answer. He banged again, harder than before. “Audrey! I know you’re in there. I can see your footprints. Open up!”

  The latch clanked, and the door swung slowly open. “Why did you follow me?”

  Stephen glanced inside the dark cabin. The fireplace was stacked with logs, kindling, and wadded newspaper, but wasn’t burning. Audrey slogged over and sat on the hearth.

  Stephen followed her and held out his hands as if warming them by the fire. “This fire’s not throwing out much heat, is it?”

  Audrey put her forehead on her knees. “I have everything I need to make a fire except matches. I searched everywhere. There’s not a single thing capable of making a flame, anywhere. I know there were matches here, because we made a fire when we first arrived. One of my friends must have swiped them. How stupid is that?”

  Stephen sat beside her. “It’s not stupid at all. You’re not supposed to be here. You’re supposed to be at the other cabin with me. That’s why there aren’t any matches. Come on, so we can get back before dark.”

  “I’m not going back with you. I’ll get the fire going somehow. I just have to figure out how to make a spark. It shouldn’t be that difficult.”

  Stephen glanced at the firewood stacked in the open-faced wood box at the end of the hearth. “You had better get to chopping wood because you’ll burn through this little stack in a few hours and you’ll be down to burning the furniture.” He slipped his arm around her back and hugged her.