Be My Reason

by Brooklyn Taylor

  I shook my head, knowing she meant my disapproval over Cash, and walked out her door.

  I didn't get out of her condo fast enough though and came face-to-face with the one person I was trying to avoid. I had zero to say to him and had no intention of acting like I wanted to.

  I walked past him in rush and he touched my arm lightly.

  “Are you going to act like you don't see me?” he asked with a snarky growl.

  “Have a good time. Treat my girl good,” I muttered.

  “That is all you have to say to me?”

  “What else would I have to say? That I am in your love with your brother and because of YOU we are over. Because he thinks I was dishonest.”

  He moved closer to me and held me to where we were face-to-face. I moved my head back, not willing to obey his demand.

  When I moved farther away, he moved closer. I could smell his breath and I fought the urge to gag. He was far too close to me for my liking. The whiskey was already in the air.

  “Let go.” I pulled back one final time and moved my arm, swinging my elbow away. My chicken wing attempt didn't budge his grip.

  Then, he kissed me. It was quick and forceful. I had never been so mad and violated.

  My palm met his face with as much as I could muster. “How dare you? I just told you I was in love with your brother! And you are dating my best friend! You are a CREEP!”

  “It was just a kiss.”

  I moved away from him as fast as I could and before I got to my truck door, I stopped.

  “I don’t know what game you are playing, but you are a pathetic piece of work.”

  He smiled mischievously. “I wanted to see what had Wyatt so in love with you. I don't get it, that’s for damn sure.”

  “Screw you!” I jumped in my truck and burned rubber squeaking off.

  I lost the man I was in love with for that turd. To hell with Cash.

  25

  BREIGH

  The thing with life was you never really knew how things could change. I was living proof of that, and especially after what happened with Wyatt. I got it, and I got why things went the way they did.

  After much thought, and a hell of a lot of tears, I realized everything happened for a reason.

  He gave me hope so that was something, but the gaping hole he left in my heart wasn't going to be one I would be able to recover from. Not anytime soon.

  Grammy had wanted to attend a special Bible study and asked that I go with her. If there was anything I needed more, God was it. I craved His presence and reassurance that He had a plan. I needed him to lessen the pain.

  Rhonda greeted Grammy and me, not a minute after we entered the room. It seemed to be nearing capacity but I looked forward to what we would learn. Grammy always loved to hear the Word, and took it in deep to her soul.

  After sitting, I glance at Grammy to my right and Rhonda to the left of me, proud I had these two incredible women in my life. I wanted to learn from them as much as I could.

  The Bible study lasted for over an hour, and I took in every single second of it. Nothing was in my mind, but what was being taught. It was fulfilling.

  The room emptied fairly quickly and Rhonda, Grammy, and I began to talk about the study that had just ended.

  “I really needed this today. So thankful that you brought me, Grammy.”

  “Of course, sweet girl,” she replied.

  “Wyatt called me pretty tore up…” Rhonda spoke up. Her eyes showed kindness and concern.

  I began tearing up. “I wish he just would have listened to me. I would’ve never done anything to hurt him. Wyatt wouldn't even listen to my side.”

  Grammy put her hand on mine but let me do the talking.

  “He dismissed me as if I wasn't worth his time. These last months have meant so much to me, and I told him I loved him. That isn't something I do…”

  I had begun to cry, although I fought it as much as I could. Grammy scooted over the Kleenex that I would need.

  “And then, the other night at Emma’s, Cash showed up. He kissed me and I slapped him. He was behind all this…and he is…and now I’ve lost Wyatt. Worst of all I had told Wyatt I loved him, and there is this part that regrets it…”

  Rhonda’s eyes got as big as saucers and she looked angry. “That Cash!” She shook her head no in disapproval.

  Grammy spoke up then, “Don’t you ever regret telling someone you love them. Ever.”

  I cried and then excused myself. I thought I would feel better having talked about what happened, but I didn’t.

  I felt lost and empty. I wished Grammy’s comfort could cure me like it did for so many years, and make the pain go away.

  But this wasn’t possible.

  Not anymore.

  WYATT

  Rhonda called me to her house, asking that I come over as soon as possible. She gave me very few details, but I made my way over there dropping everything that was going on.

  Who was I kidding? I’d been functioning on half a cylinder, quite honestly, since losing

  Breigh.

  When Rhonda told me what had happened with Cash kissing Breigh and how terrible Breigh felt and looked at church, my heart ached. I was glad to hear she slapped him, but I still had something to do about that. It certainly wasn’t said and done without my knocking him on his ass.

  “I don’t know what you thought happened but…” she said sternly and disappointed.

  “I was wrong. So very wrong.” I put my head in my hands, not wanting to see the look of disappointment in her eyes, at me and my actions.

  “To say the least.” She paused. “Cash has done so many things to you in your life, but this is a new low. And you took the bait. He played you like a fiddle.”

  She paused. “You let him take something from you that you love…still…”

  I looked up at her and listened. Her voice was coated with frustration.

  “You said you loved her, but then you walked away…and even if you have a come-to-Jesus meeting, and you get what happened and want to fix it…I can’t say if I was her that I would.”

  “What?”

  Her comment surprised me. She had always been straight on, telling me like it was without a filter but this…my eyes were tearing up and I felt like I couldn't breathe.

  “Tonight I saw her at church with Helen. And she was broken, Wyatt. She is hurting badly. I know she loves you, that is clear, but I think you may have really ruined this one.”

  “I thought with what happened with Cash and what had happened with April…”

  “She’s not April. That’s like you saying everyone is like your piece of crap father, or your mother, who is a loon half the time. All people are different.”

  “I was scared.”

  “She was too, but she let you in, she thought you deserved to know the truth of what really happened. With Cash and between her and her ex. Yes, her ex. Helen had told me what happened last Sunday.”

  “I should have listened and taken her word for it.”

  “Yeah, you should have, but you didn’t. Shoulda, woulda, coulda, Wyatt.”

  “Breigh could have been the love of your life, like Kurt was mine, and you wouldn't even let her tell you what happened. You owed her that at the very least…”

  I stood determined to process everything Rhonda said.

  “So what do I do now?”

  “I can’t tell you that, but I can tell you that if it was the love of my life, I wouldn't let them walk away for good. Make her listen, and if she still won’t take you back, then make sure you tell her how much you love her, and you are thankful for the time you had with her.”

  “I don’t know if I can…”

  “Well, then that’s your problem, not mine, isn't it?”

  BREIGH

  The knock at my door remained at the same pace for the last thirty minutes. I thought I heard the repetitive sound but was napping after the meltdown I had. I was exhausted and could no longer keep my eyes open.

&
nbsp; I opened the door and spotted Wyatt sitting in my rocking chair on my porch.

  “What are you doing here?”

  He walked toward me with a look of determination. He took my face into his hands and kissed me. I pull back shocked and mad at the same time.

  “You can’t just come here and kiss me like that. Not after what…”

  “I know, Breigh. I came here to apologize. I made a huge mistake. Tons of them, actually. I didn't trust you, I didn't listen to you. I didn't hear what the woman I love was saying.”

  “You discarded me like I wasn't worth it. You didn't fight for me. You said you would always be there for me, and you…” I started to tear up. I didn't want him to see me cry. I wasn't going to be weak around him. He had already seen me that way.

  “I screwed up in so many ways. God only knows how bad I feel for how I hurt you. I am so sorry.”

  “Thank you for that.” I stepped back into my doorway and reached for my door to close it. I didn't know what else to say, I didn't know what would make this better.

  “Please don't shut me out.”

  “You mean like you did me?”

  “Breigh, please don’t. Please let me prove my love to you. I love you. I love you like I have never loved another person in my life. I have been miserable since we broke up. My life isn't the same without you.”

  “You made that call, though.” I wanted to so badly stand strong. I wanted him to know he hurt me but also that he didn't break me.

  But he did.

  “You are right. And I can’t take that back. All I can do is make it up to you. And I can prove to you I will never walk away again. Ever.” Wyatt moved to hug me. I fought it, I didn't want to let him know I wanted it as bad as I did, but I did. I relented.

  Then I broke down. I cried and cried in my doorway and he held me. I felt his tears fall on me as well. After our breathing calmed, he pulled back slightly from me.

  “I love you, Breigh. I will never let you down again. Please let me prove that to you.”

  I still had tears falling down my face, but I didn’t care to conceal them any longer. I wanted him to see the pain he caused me. "I want to believe you so bad, but I have heard all of this before, maybe in different situations though. Promises broken...over and over. I was at first hurt, because I tried to tell you. Then I felt guilty because you felt like I lied to you. But finally I was mad. I had never given you a reason to not trust me. Here I thought you were the reason for my happiness, and instead you were the reason for a hurt I wasn’t sure I could get past."

  I couldn't form any other words to say. I wanted to kick him in the shins, but then I wanted to bring his lips to mine and kiss him. I wanted to push him away, and I wanted to bring him in closer to me and not let go. So that is what I did. I grabbed him and held on.

  This would have to do for now.

  That’s the thing about when you get hurt, over and over in your life; you put that guard up. Maybe he would be able to break it down, but it would take some work. But I did love him. I loved Wyatt Galloway.

  26

  WYATT

  Everything seemed to be going right on track, for once. After getting over the dog pile that Cash caused and making me almost lose my girl for good, I decided to take a second look at things.

  Instead of being so quick to assume the worst, I needed to trust. I just hoped I could do it.

  There was a good possibility I would be making apologizes for my actions for the rest of my life to Breigh, if she would have me.

  My aunt and I arrived at Helen’s, Breigh’s grandma’s house exactly on time. They had invited us over for dinner, and although I was hesitant about it since everything happened, I surrendered. Things were still rough, and I regretted everything that occurred so badly.

  She was trying to forgive me, but she was cautious. Not something you wanted someone to be when you loved them.

  Breigh met Rhonda and me at the screen door. She welcomed us in, giving me a hug and my aunt, as if we had walked through their door a million times before.

  “We are so glad y'all could make it. Grammy has been cooking all day and loving every minute of it.”

  “Thank you for having us,” I said. I kissed her on the cheek, hoping it wasn't too much.

  She pulled back right after that.

  “Let’s go into the kitchen. We are almost done.”

  She led us the way, and instead of how she normally waited on me, she walked ahead. I had to honestly remember that I did this, and I had to earn her back.

  The smells permeated the house and I felt like a dog following my nose.

  “Hello, Wyatt and Rhonda. I’m so glad you came.” Helen wiped her hands on her broken-in apron and then hugged us, giving me a kiss on my cheek. She then made herself busy placing things on the table from the counter, back and forth, just like I had seen Breigh do when she cooked dinner for me at her house and at lunch at the station.

  “Go ahead and have a seat. We should be ready here in just a few minutes. Pork chops, greens, scalloped potatoes, and some rolls. There is a relish tray on the table for you to nibble on until everything is set.”

  “Grammy likes to cook enough for an army.”

  “I just like to be able to send home leftovers with company is all.”

  “And peach cobbler. Breigh picked the peaches herself.”

  I smiled at her. I remembered peach cobbler was one of her favorite desserts.

  “Wyatt and Breigh, can you go out yonder and get some more ice for the tea?”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  Breigh looked irritated with her request.

  I followed Breigh to the mudroom that had an extra fridge.

  She stopped and turned to me. “You do realize what she is doing, don't you?”

  “No?”

  “She wants us to have a minute to get on the same page. She feels that I…”

  “I know you aren't letting everything that happened go. I can tell you’re still upset with me.”

  “I…” She paused and looked away. I was right.

  “I just don't know how you could dismiss me without a response, an answer. You just assumed, and the worst part is you took Cash’s word over mine.”

  “I know.”

  “And you left. You turned around and left.”

  “Yes, I did.”

  I was fully aware that there was nothing I could say to make it better. Everything she said was true. There was no denying it.

  I took her by the side of her face and held her still. “I promise you, I will never do that again.”

  “I want to believe you, but I’m sorry. This has happened too many times in my life. I’m so tired of getting my heart broken.”

  “I wish I could take it all back.”

  I put the ice in the extra pitcher that they had in the secondary fridge, along with the tea, and started to walk back to the kitchen.

  I kept quiet, although every fiber in my body was screaming to hold her and make her believe what I had said. I had to prove it to her, but I couldn't do it right this minute. I couldn't even prove what I said I meant.

  In the hallway, Breigh stopped and smiled. My eyes followed hers and I saw a loving couple in a picture, a man kissing the woman.

  “My grammy and gramps.”

  “Man, they look so happy.”

  “They were most of the time. That is what I want, nothing less.”

  “That is what you deserve.” I just wished I could do that for her, like I had in the beginning. I had let my brother intrude on my happiness like I had other times in my past.

  Shame on me.

  After dinner we sat on the covered back porch and Rhonda and Helen talked about the various flowers, trees, etc, while Breigh served the peach cobbler and coffee. I listened to them gab on and all I could think about was getting alone with Breigh to talk. I needed to make her see reason and see I was worthy of her love. After I acted the way I did, I was shocked she was letting me try.

  I finally got
my chance when my aunt and Helen excused themselves to do the dishes. We offered to help but they insisted we sit and visit. “We have some church business to discuss anyhow,” Rhonda said, fairly confident that would shut my mouth, which it did.

  “Thank you for dinner and dessert, and most of all getting to spend time with you and your grandmother.”

  “You’re very welcome. Truthfully, it was my grammy’s idea. She loves to have company over and doesn't get too nearly as much. So many of her friends have passed on.”

  “Well, she is great at making company feel like family.”

  “Yeah, she is, isn't she?” Breigh said, sweetly proud of her grandmother.

  “Can we finish our conversation from earlier?”

  I moved closer to her to where our knees were touching. I put my hand on her knee and rubbed slightly.

  “Yes, we can,” she said nervously. “I’m sorry I walked off. It was childish.”

  “Kind of like what I did.”

  “Yes…it just hurt. I thought we were heading in the direction of our future together; I was sure of it. Wyatt, this isn't just an issue of what happened with you. And Alan, my ex. But this has been my life. Things might get complicated or unclear, there might be doubt or fear, but you showed me a side of you that is exactly what I can’t have. I refuse to have. I can’t be with someone who doesn't give me benefit of the doubt.”

  I shook my head, taking in what she said. It was far more complicated than I had realized.

  “You assumed, and you didn't ask; you just threw me away. How do I know that won’t happen again? What about all the different things that can happen later? What about IF we get married, or IF we have children?”

  “I don’t have any excuse for my actions. But I will say, I’ve been hurt too. I have major trust issues and that just made me react in a way, in a way, I regret. Our pasts make us who we are, for better or for worse. I assumed incorrectly. I was told what Cash saw and I took it to heart without listening to you, the one person who would never hurt me. You had told me part of what happened and when you didn’t tell me all of it, I assumed. I assumed you were something like I had in the past. I was angry and hurt, scared even.”