When We Fell

by Elena Aitken

  Drew stiffened but on the inside, her stomach did a weird flipping thing at the mention of Ben’s name.

  “You are going camping?” Christy added. “Like, you actually agreed to this?”

  Drew nodded but didn’t say anything.

  Next to her, she heard Amber ask, “Are you okay?”

  “Not only did she agree to it,” Cam continued, “but from what Evan tells me, she actually asked to go.”

  Drew was aware that all three of her friends were staring at her. After a moment, she managed to push the strange feelings in her stomach down, shake off Amber’s hand, and force a smile. “It’s true,” she said. “I did ask Ben if I could come along, but there’s actually more to it.” She ended up explaining the Bro List to her girlfriends, and how it was discovered. By the time she was done telling them about it, not only did they all fully understand why she would willingly go along on a camping trip, when she’d always been the only one of them who’d hated doing outdoorsy things when they were young, but she’d also managed to quell the queasiness that had appeared at the mention of Ben’s name.

  It’s for Austin. She needed to remember that. It had nothing to do with her and judging by what she’d overheard Ben say, that’s exactly how he felt, too. Which was exactly how it should be.

  For Austin. Plain and simple.

  Chapter Eleven

  It was almost the end of June before Ben and Drew were able to find a weekend that worked for both of them to take Austin camping and hiking so they could cross some more activities off the Bro List. They’d both been so busy, it had been almost impossible to nail down one weekend that didn’t have a Little League game, or a function at the Log and Jam, and then there was…well, he couldn’t put his finger on it, but if he didn’t know better, he would have thought Drew was avoiding him.

  Or at least, trying to find reasons why one weekend or another wouldn’t work. He couldn’t be sure, but he’d finally cornered her after a Little League practice and made her commit to a date. They were leaving for the camping trip in three days, which meant that Ben had a lot of work to do to get ready.

  He’d already spent the better part of the day going through his parents’ garage, digging up whatever camping and fishing supplies he could find. Sadly, it wasn’t much. Most of what they had was so old it was barely usable anymore. He had his own stuff, of course, but he didn’t even need to ask to know that Drew didn’t have any camping gear. Eric may have had some, but Ben was pretty sure he hadn’t done much in the way of outdoorsy stuff after he moved to Nevada. Which meant Ben was going to have to come up with enough supplies for everyone.

  And there was one guy Ben knew would have everything he needed: Evan.

  He hadn’t been able to avoid his best friend because they were both coaching the Trouts, but besides their nights with the kids, Ben had done his best to limit his time with Evan. It was easier than trying to defend himself against whatever crazy ideas Evan had about him and Drew.

  And that’s what he needed to do—defend himself, because none of what Evan thought he knew was true.

  Except it was.

  All of it.

  For his entire adult life, Ben had done his best to pretend he wasn’t desperately in love with Drew. He’d even managed to convince himself at one point that he didn’t have any actual feelings for her, but it hadn’t lasted long. And ever since they’d moved back to Timber Creek, it hadn’t been about his feelings for Drew. Far from it. The focus had been strictly on Eric and then on Drew and Austin and making sure they were going to be okay. That was it.

  But now…

  He couldn’t even think about it.

  Ben shook his head, took a deep breath, and rapped on Evan’s front door.

  A moment later, his best friend answered the door with a grin. “Hey, man.”

  “I need your help.”

  “Yeah, you do,” Evan teased. “Come in.”

  They went straight to the kitchen, where Evan got them each a beer from the fridge. “You’re going to tell me that you need help with—”

  “Before you say anything.” Ben held up a finger to stop Evan from saying anything that would piss him off further. “I don’t want to hear anything about my personal life.”

  Evan opened his mouth, but Ben once again stopped him from talking. “I mean it, Evan. I need a favor from you, and that’s it. I’m not looking for advice.” Once again, Evan opened his mouth. “I mean it,” Ben emphasized. “No advice. Deal?”

  He stared at his friend until finally, Evan nodded. “I got it. But for the record, my advice is pretty damn good and it’s not going anywhere. You let me know when you want it.”

  Despite himself, Ben laughed. “Noted, but I don’t think that’s going to happen.”

  “Oh, it will.” Evan took a deep drink from his beer. “But what can I do for you today?” His tone shifted so quickly, Ben almost laughed.

  “I need to borrow some camping gear.”

  “For your trip with Drew?”

  “And Austin.”

  Evan gave him a look, but true to his word, didn’t offer any additional comment.

  “I don’t have enough sleeping bags or fishing rods. Or…well, I should probably have another tent.”

  He could see how hard Evan was working to not say anything. Finally, Evan opted for another sip of his drink. “Okay,” he said after a moment. “Let’s go see what I have. I’m sure I can help you.”

  A few minutes later, they were in Evan’s garage, surrounded by bins of camping and fishing equipment and Ben had a small pile of supplies next to him. “When are you leaving?”

  “Friday.” Ben leaned against the shelf. “It’s Austin’s last day of school and I guess Drew’s been really busy. It was hard to find a weekend that would work, but I’m glad we did.”

  Evan nodded. “You’re going up to Bizarro?”

  “The cave is on the list. Eric and I used to test each other to see how far we could go in without a flashlight.”

  Evan laughed because no doubt he’d done the same thing. “I can’t imagine Drew will be up for that. I can’t believe she’s going on this trip with you. Cam said she was looking forward to it, though.”

  “Really?” Something inside him brightened. It was no secret that camping wouldn’t have been on the top of Drew’s list of things to do, but Ben truly hoped she would enjoy herself.

  “Really.” Evan nodded slowly. “Cam says she’s doing really well and even starting up her catering and cooking class business. I guess she’s going to cater Amber and Logan’s grand opening.”

  “That’s great.” Ben turned away so Evan wouldn’t see the surprise and hurt on his face, because he had no idea.

  “Yeah,” Evan said. “It is great. It’s good to see her laughing and smiling again.” Something in Evan’s voice made Ben turn around.

  “You said you’d keep your mouth shut,” he warned his friend. “Don’t say a word.”

  Evan shrugged innocently. “You might like what I have to say.”

  “Not if it has anything to do with Drew, I won’t.” He gathered up his pile of gear. “Thanks for your help on this. I’ll return it next week.”

  Ben loaded up his Jeep and headed for home, still stewing about what Evan had said or not said. Having a best friend who knew you better than anyone else was a good thing, but sometimes it was a royal pain in the ass.

  And to make matters worse, as he drove away, he realized he’d never gotten that second tent.

  By Friday afternoon, Drew couldn’t be sure whether Austin was more excited about the last day of school and the festivities they had planned, or the camping trip they’d be going on with Ben when that was all finished. Either way, Drew was pretty sure she was going to have one very tired little boy when the excitement wore off.

  She waited for him outside after the little pre-kindergarten graduation ceremony the teacher had held in the classroom. Next year, he’d be off to full kindergarten, and then after that…well, time went quic
kly. Just like this past school year had, all of the years to follow would go just as fast.

  Drew stood on the sidewalk and stared at the school, waiting for the bell to ring. She hadn’t been there for the first day. It had been Amber who had to take him, a week after the official first day of classes, because Drew was still so consumed by grief over the loss of Eric she could barely get out of bed some days.

  A lot had changed.

  She’d changed.

  But without a doubt in her mind, she knew Eric would be proud of her and how far she’d come.

  He’d also laugh at the idea that she was about to willingly spend a weekend in the woods. The thought of her husband laughing at her made her smile. He’d also be incredibly impressed, Drew thought. Because not only was she going to go on the camping trip, she was going to fully immerse herself in it. She’d spent the last week preparing snacks, as least as much as Ben would let her, insisting he’d take care of the food. She’d raided Cam’s closet and found some thermal clothes in case it got cold at night and she’d even gone out and bought a new pair of hiking boots.

  She was determined to show everyone that she could be outdoorsy when the situation called for it. She wasn’t scared of the bugs, or bears, or anything else that could possibly be out in the woods.

  After all, the scary stuff wasn’t out there. It was inside her. And those thoughts and feelings were going to be there wherever she went, so she might as well distract herself with a camping trip.

  Before she could think any more about what she didn’t want to think about, the bell rang and the schoolyard filled with shrieking kids. A smile spread across her face as she scanned the crowd. Her eyes landed on Austin, who made a beeline for her.

  “We’re going camping!”

  “We are.” She laughed. “Are you ready?”

  “Am I?” He pumped his fist in the air and shoved a handful of artwork into Drew’s hands.

  “I’m going to guess that it’s a yes.” She laughed again. “Let’s get going then. I betcha Uncle Ben is already waiting for us.”

  Sure enough, when they pulled up to the house, Ben’s Jeep was parked in the driveway. He was leaned up against the door, his arms crossed over his chest.

  Drew tried and failed to ignore the flutter in her stomach at the sight of him. But she couldn’t help but smile when he bent down to greet Austin with a huge hug.

  “Ready for this, buddy?”

  “Totally.” Austin wiggled out of his grip. “I just need to change. Mom says I can’t wear my jersey.”

  “Go change,” she told him. “We’re ready when you are.” She turned to Ben. “That’s the only way I could get him to take it off.”

  “What can I say? He’s a ball player.”

  She rolled her eyes. “I just have a few things in the kitchen for snacks. I’ll go grab them.”

  He followed her inside. “I hope it’s not much. The cooler is all packed and I told you to keep it simple.”

  She whirled around, not realizing how close he was. “Who says I didn’t?”

  Ben raised an eyebrow. “It’s you we’re talking about. Besides, I heard a rumor that you were testing recipes for your new business.” There was the slightest question in his voice, and she immediately felt guilty because she hadn’t talked to him about it. Which was ridiculous, because there was no rule that she was supposed to talk to him about this stuff.

  But they were friends.

  Friends.

  And just because her feelings were bruised, or hurt, or whatever it was she was feeling since she’d overheard him talking to Evan, that hadn’t changed. They’d always been friends. That shouldn’t be changing now. “I am,” she said. “I was going to tell you about it, but—”

  “You’ve been avoiding me.”

  Her face flushed and she shook her head. “I haven’t.” It was a lie and they both knew it. “I’ve been busy.” She stared at him for a minute. He stood so close she could smell his shampoo. Peppermint. She inhaled and tried to work up the courage to be honest with him, but how? Finally, she exhaled and turned around. “Let’s get packed up. Austin will be ready in a minute and trust me when I say he’s not going to want to wait one more minute.”

  Ben had been right. Drew made too much food and after a quick negotiation, they put some back in the fridge and loaded the rest into the cooler before strapping Austin into his booster seat and pulling out of the driveway.

  Drew was thankful she didn’t have to make conversation on the drive out. Austin kept up a steady stream of chatter. He bounced between telling them all the details of the last day of school, to his friend’s summer plans, to asking questions about camping and hiking. Drew was exhausted just listening to him, but Ben was incredibly patient. He took his time answering each of the questions and explained the details of what was going to happen when they arrived at the camp site he’d selected. At some point, Drew stopped listening to the two of them and focused her attention out the window, lost in her own thoughts.

  She had been camping one other time, but not since their senior year in high school. The only reason she’d agreed to go was because the entire graduating class was going, and she’d been assured by her friends, including Ben, that it would be fun.

  And it had been.

  They’d gone out to Ghost Lake and turned the beach into a tent city. Their days were spent suntanning and floating on the water while the guys fished and threw a football back and forth. The nights were spent around a roaring bonfire, where the entire graduating class would gather and tell stories, and drink cans of beer they’d snuck from their dads’ garages. The couples among them would cuddle and make out. But because Drew was dating Eric back then, and he was older, he’d been away at college. Not that he’d be welcome at the camping trip, anyway, considering he wasn’t part of the graduating class. And without Eric there, Drew found herself more than once sitting alone with Ben around the bonfire.

  They’d always been so easy together. He’d been one of her best friends almost their entire life. She’d had a few beers on the second night of the camping trip. Not enough to be drunk, but definitely enough to loosen her tongue a little. And although neither of them talked about it after, she still remembered the entire conversation.

  “How come you’re not over there?” She’d pointed to the other side of the campfire, where most of the couples were wrapped up in each other.

  He’d laughed. “No one to be there with.”

  Drew paused, her can of beer halfway to her lips. “Why not?” She’d always kind of wondered why Ben had never dated through high school. Plenty of girls had been interested. Hell, she herself had always had a crush on him, but that was before. “Why don’t you have a girlfriend?”

  Ben grinned and shook his head. “It’s just one of those things.”

  “That’s not an answer.” She laughed and put her hand on his arm. He’d stiffened under her touch, but she’d only barely noticed, because the heat from his skin raced through her, cutting off her laughter. She tilted her head and looked at him. “You’re cute and smart. I know you have girls throwing themselves at you all the time.”

  “You think I’m cute?”

  He pinned her with his gaze and for the briefest moment, with her inhibitions lowered, she’d almost told him about her own crush. Instead, she laughed, and said, “And smart. Come on, there must be someone you’re interested in.” She asked the question seriously, and waited for an answer, but he only stared at her. “Come on, Ben.” She pulled on his arm. “There must be someone.”

  Maybe he’d been a little drunk, too. Or maybe he thought she wouldn’t remember the next day, but after a minute, he looked directly in her eyes. “There’s only one. But I can’t have her.”

  In that moment, despite the alcohol in her system, she’d heard and felt everything clearly. She didn’t even have to ask him who he was talking about. She opened her mouth to say something, but couldn’t think of one thing to say. A second later, Amber pushed her way between t
hem and started talking about something Drew could never remember. She’d snuck one more look at him across her friend, but the moment had been lost.

  The next morning, they’d all woken up, packed up their gear, and gone home to their lives. They’d never once spoken of that moment, and over the years, Drew had largely forgotten about it.

  Until now.

  Chapter Twelve

  “Okay, Austin,” Ben called across the tent. “Just pull that side tight.” A second later, the nylon was pulled from Ben’s hand. He tried not to laugh. “Okay,” he said. “Not that tight.” Austin tried again, and the fabric pulled snug so Ben could pound the nail in to hold it in place. “Good work. I think it’s almost all set up. We just need to put the beds together.”

  “I can do that.” Drew appeared, holding a sleeping bag. “But I thought that…” She leaned closer so Austin wouldn’t hear her. “The list,” she said. “I thought it said sleeping under the stars.”

  “It does.” Ben grinned. “And there’s only one tent.” He’d checked the forecast, and it looked good, but in the mountains you could never be sure. Either way, he’d be outside. There was no way he was going to share such a tight space with Drew. And with only one tent…he’d make it work. “This is backup. Mostly for you two. I’ll sleep out by the fire.”

  “You’re not going to…” She looked over the ring of stones where the fire would soon be. “You’re going to sleep out here.”

  He laughed. “You just said yourself that the list said sleeping under the stars. Where did you think I was going to sleep?” He didn’t want her to answer that question. Not really. There was some strange tension between them lately, and although he had no idea what it was, at least not as far as Drew was concerned, it definitely wasn’t going to be made any better by sleeping in close quarters with her.

  “Are you sure?”

  “Absolutely. Just leave my stuff in the Jeep. I’ll grab it later.”