by Beth Wiseman
“Uh-oh,” Shelby whispered. “Something’s up.”
They walked cautiously toward the porch. “Miriam, we need to speak with you,” her father said in a voice that sounded frightfully unfamiliar.
“Ya, Daed.” Miriam didn’t look at her parents as she padded up the steps to the porch. Shelby followed but passed by Miriam and went inside.
Daed stood up and started to pace. “Sit down, Miriam.”
Miriam did as she was told. She glanced at her mother, and Miriam could tell she’d been crying. She was pretty sure she knew what this was about. I should have never told Hannah and Leah about me and Saul. Miriam was hoping that her mother would take over the conversation, like she usually did. She wasn’t sure that anything her mother could say would be nearly as scary as the way her father was looking at her, his mouth pinched together in a frown and his eyes squinted.
Daed took a few deep breaths, then stroked his beard several times before he glared at Miriam. “Do you have any idea how upsetting it was for your mamm today when Marie and Leah King came over to tell her about your plans? Did you not think that your parents should be the first to know that you are planning to marry Saul Fisher?” He walked closer and bent at the waist. “And that you are planning to leave the community? Do you not think us worthy of this news before it is spread around the community like sinful gossip? So tell me, Miriam, that this news is not true.”
“I—I. . .” She sought help from her mother with her eyes, but Mamm just looked down at her feet and kicked the rocker even harder with her bare feet. “I love him, Daed. I love Saul.” Her voice cracked as she spoke, but a tear rolled down her cheek when her father grunted. “I’ve always loved him,” she added as she put her face to her hands.
“Look at me, maedel.”
It wasn’t a plea, it was a demand, and Miriam did as she was told. She met eyes with her father and waited.
“I’ve always known you liked Saul. But this rushed courtship so that you can move with him is disgraceful.” Her father pulled his eyes from Miriam, and he stared out into the pasture. “Are you—are you in a family way?”
Miriam started to cry harder. “No, Daed. No. Never.” She looked to her mother, but Mamm refused to look at her.
Her father turned around, then moved toward her. Daed had never laid a hand on her except as a young child who needed a spanking, but he was shaking so much that Miriam feared he might. But he squatted down beside her, and when he did, Miriam saw tears in his eyes.
“Then why, mei maedel, do you need to marry so quickly and leave us? Why not bring this boy around, let us get to know him better? And why do you both choose to leave your families?”
Miriam tried to breathe, to control her sobs. “Saul has a job in Pittsburgh working as a chef in a new restaurant. It starts in September.”
Daed stood up and rubbed his eyes. “And he can support you doing this job?”
Miriam had thought of this too, despite the fact that Saul said he had some money saved. “I will work too, if I need to.”
“A woman’s place is in the home.” Mamm finally spoke up. “Taking care of her husband, their haus, and their kinner. Working in the Englisch world in Pittsburgh is no place for you, Miriam.”
Miriam knew that she needed to remind her parents that she was in her rumschpringe, and that according to the Ordnung, she had a right not to get baptized and to seek out a life among the Englisch. Fear kept her from doing just that. Everything her parents said only magnified her anxiety about going. She needed her family’s support. She needed their blessing.
“I can still have a nice home and kinner,” she said in a whisper between sobs.
“No.” Her father crossed his arms across his chest. “You will not leave with Saul.”
Miriam hung her head and cried. She needed Saul, but she needed her parents too.
Rebecca pulled back the covers and got into bed. She snuggled up against Aaron who had his head buried in a book. She’d prayed a lot since their conversation with Miriam, and the guidance she felt she was receiving from God surprised her. She felt called to share her feelings with Aaron.
“Aaron. . .”
“Ya?” He didn’t take his eyes from his reading.
“We cannot keep her here against her will.” She eased away from him, fluffed her pillow behind her, then crossed her ankles beneath the covers. “Besides, I thought you said you saw this coming, her seeing Saul.”
Aaron closed the book. “Ya, I did. I’ve known for years those two were smitten with each other. One only has to watch them for a few minutes when they are in the same room to know that.” Aaron looked at her for a moment, a hurt expression clouding his face. “But I never thought Saul would drag our only dochder away from the only place she’s known.” He paused, then scratched his head. “And to go be a cook. What kind of man goes to be a cook?”
Rebecca stifled a grin, although not one thing about this situation was funny.
“You told me to be firm, Rebecca. So I was.”
She rubbed his arm. “Ya, you were.” Rebecca’s heart hurt for Miriam. But how could her daughter be in love? Surely she wasn’t old enough. She sighed, recalling how she was the same age when she fell in love with Aaron. “But, mei lieb, we cannot stop her.”
Aaron twisted to face her. “Why are you soft about this now? You don’t want her to leave.” He gave his head a taut nod. “We will stop her.”
“She has free will, Aaron. We have to trust God to guide her.”
“Is this the same woman who told me to make sure our dochder didn’t leave the community?”
“I’m scared, Aaron. And I know you’re scared too. Because usually where Miriam is concerned, you are a big ol’ softie.” She put her head on his shoulder. “But if she ends up leaving, we cannot shun her. It wouldn’t be right.”
“You sound like you’ve already given up. I will not give up.”
“I’m not giving up either, Aaron. But. . .” She gazed into her husband’s eyes. “Can you bear to see your only dochder with a broken heart?”
“If it means keeping her in the community, then ya. . . I can.”
“Ach, Aaron. You don’t mean that.”
“If she chooses to leave with that boy, she will get no help from me. I’m not surprised that Saul Fisher is her choice for a spouse, but I always thought that boy would stay here.” He shook his head. “How wrong I was.”
Rebecca leaned up and kissed her husband. “We are both forgetting everything that we know and believe in, mei lieb. Everything is God’s will. It’s in His hands. We will have to trust that everything will work out.”
Aaron sighed. “When you put it that way, I know you’re right.” He pulled Rebecca close. “But it scares me, the thought of our baby girl leaving.”
Rebecca put her hand on her heart. “Me too.” And I plan to pay a visit to Saul Fisher as soon as possible.
Shelby wasn’t sure what to say to Miriam. Her cousin had been crying on and off all afternoon since her talk with her parents. No one said much at supper, and after helping clean up the kitchen, both Miriam and Shelby headed upstairs.
“I don’t understand, though. I thought you got to choose if you wanted to stay or not.” Shelby reached into her purse and pulled out her diary.
Miriam sniffled, then frowned. “You haven’t written in that in a long time. Why are you writing in it?”
Shelby pulled the cap off of her pen. “I just feel like it. Maybe because I haven’t written in it in a long time.”
“I thought—I thought that you were happier now, and—and talking to God instead of that book.”
Shelby briefly wondered if Miriam had looked at her diary. “It’s not the same. Sometimes I just like to voice my thoughts to...” She paused, thought for a moment, then closed the diary, realizing that she had been voicing her thoughts—to God. “Maybe you’re right.” She dropped it back in her purse, then sighed. “So what are you going to do about you and Saul? Are you still going to go?”
“I love him. I’m going wherever he wants to go.”
Shelby thought for a moment. “Is it really fair of him to ask you to leave here, though?”
“He didn’t ask. He said he would never ask me. I offered.”
“Hmm. . .” Shelby crossed her legs beneath her and faced Miriam on the other bed. “Will you be shunned by your family, like your Uncle Ivan was?”
Miriam sat taller as she dabbed at her eyes. “Well, I shouldn’t be, that’s for sure. I’m not baptized. Neither is Saul. We should both have the freedom to choose.” She started to cry again. “Mei daed has never spoken to me like that.”
“You’d be leaving in less than a month. It doesn’t sound like your parents are going to help you get married, either.” Shelby cringed when Miriam started to cry harder. “I’m sorry. I guess I shouldn’t have said that.”
“I’m scared. And I need my family’s blessing. I don’t know how I can leave without it. But I don’t know how I can live without Saul in my life, either.”
They were quiet for a few moments.
“Are you sure you can be happy away from here, Miriam? The Englisch world, as you call it, can be a scary place.” She uncrossed her legs and dangled them over the side of the bed. “Hey, would Saul reconsider and stay here?”
“I’m not asking him to give up his dream.”
“What about your dreams, Miriam?”
She smiled. “I just want to be with Saul. We will build dreams together.”
Shelby thought about the time she’d been spending with Jesse and what good friends they were becoming. He wasn’t like the guys back home. Jesse was polite, never pushy, and seemed interested in what she had to say. And more than once he’d said he wondered what it would be like to live away from here.
Was he just making conversation or would he really consider leaving this peaceful place? Shelby was starting to feel like her heart was back in a dangerous place. Maybe it would be best to stop spending so much time with Jesse—for both their sakes.
14
IT TOOK SEVERAL MORE DAYS BEFORE REBECCA FOUND the right time to go see Saul. It was later in the evening but well before dark, and everyone was occupied after supper. Aaron and the boys were milking the cows and taking care of things in the barn. Miriam and Shelby were doing whatever they did up in that bedroom for hours each evening after their chores were done.
Rebecca couldn’t help but worry about what sort of plans might be in the works. Was Miriam secretly planning a wedding, perhaps even somewhere far away? Rebecca’s heart broke at the thought of not seeing Miriam get married, and she was equally as upset for Miriam, who moped around the house, barely speaking to anyone—except Shelby.
She thought about her first phone call with Shelby’s mother. There was an urgency in the woman’s voice, as if Shelby would never mend unless she was sent far away from friends who were causing her to make bad choices.
One thing that bothered her a lot was the lack of communication between Shelby and her parents. She’d asked Shelby about it, but the girl just shrugged and looked away, commenting that she had talked to each of her parents a few times.
Rebecca shook her head. She couldn’t imagine Miriam being away from her for one day, much less two months—with barely any conversation. Divorce must affect people in strange ways, Rebecca assumed, but to put oneself first over the well-being of one’s children—well, it just seemed wrong.
She pulled into the Fisher driveway, surprised not to see anyone outside. This was Rebecca’s family’s favorite time of night. As soon as Aaron and the boys got through with the cows and secured things up for the night, they’d often sit on the porch and watch the sun set, or sometimes Aaron would even join the boys for a game of basketball. Miriam used to join in for those activities often as well, and Rebecca loved to sit and watch her family enjoying some fun after a hard day’s work.
After parking the buggy, she tethered the horse to a pole by the fence. She hadn’t taken two steps when Saul’s two brothers came tearing across the yard from the barn. Breathless, the boys wound around her and stopped, almost blocking her way.
“Hello, Ruben. Hello, James.” She waited while the boys caught their breath, and as she looked at them, she realized that she hadn’t been here since Sarah and Hannah had died. Zeb and the boys didn’t have any other family, and Rebecca had assumed that the bishop must not push Zeb to hold church service at his house. Rebecca silently reprimanded herself for not coming to check on Zeb and the boys over the years. Surely they would have enjoyed a home-cooked meal. Then she remembered Saul’s job offer, and she doubted Zeb or the boys missed any meals. “I need to talk to Saul. Is he home?”
She hadn’t planned out what she would say, but hopefully God would give her the right words to convince Saul not to take her baby girl away from the only life she’d ever known.
Rebecca looked on as Ruben and James both stuttered, looking back and forth at each other. “He’s busy right now. Can we give him a message?” the older boy, Ruben, finally said.
“There is no message. I need to talk to him. Do you know when he’ll be home?” Rebecca glanced to her right and saw three buggies. Surely the Fisher family didn’t own more than three buggies. “Or is he home and just busy?”
“Ya. He’s busy,” James said. Rebecca knew him to be about thirteen now. Handsome boys, both of them. Saul was a nice-looking fellow too, so Rebecca could see Miriam’s attraction, but hadn’t she taught her daughter to look past just charm and looks?
“I would like to wait for him, please.” Rebecca knew she was being rude, but this was an urgent matter that needed to be handled as soon as possible. She’d already waited too long to make this visit.
Both boys stood their ground, not moving. Rebecca folded her arms across her chest. “Perhaps I could wait on the porch for him. Can you please let him know that I am waiting to speak to him? It’s important.”
Ruben bit his bottom lip, glanced at James, then said, “Sure. Please have a seat on the porch, and I’ll let Saul know you’re here.” He turned back to James. “Can you get Rebecca some tea?”
“No bother. I don’t need any tea. Danki, though.” She scooted past the boys, walked up the porch steps, then took a seat in the porch swing.
Ruben and James both went into the house, closing the screen and wooden door behind them. Rebecca could hear movement inside, but all the doors and windows were shut, which seemed ridiculous in this heat. She patted the sweat on her cheeks with her hands, then dabbed at her forehead. Maybe they secretly have airconditioning inside.
Less than a minute later she heard a loud crash inside the house, followed by loud voices, though she couldn’t understand what was being said. She rose from the swing, eased her way to the front door, then leaned her ear against it.
“I can’t get him up. He’s out cold!”
“What do we do? And by the way, Miriam’s mother is on the porch.”
Rebecca listened, unsure what to do. The voices grew softer for a few moments, then she heard James say, “Saul, maybe Miriam’s mother can help us! We need some help! We need someone to tell us what to do!”
“No!”
Rebecca recognized Saul’s voice as the one who’d denied his brother’s request.
What in the world is going on in there? She took a deep breath, eased the screen away from the door, and grabbed the doorknob. In one quick motion, she turned the knob and pushed the door open. She stepped inside before anyone could say anything.
Bringing her hand to her mouth to stifle a gasp, she wished she could turn around and go back outside. She eyed the scene before her, and Saul was the first one to speak.
“Rebecca, please go home.” Saul’s eyes were wet with tears, and Rebecca started to do as he asked until she saw blood on Zeb Fisher’s face. All three boys were squatting down around their father, and the rank smell of red wine filled the room. Rebecca moved toward them, squatted down between Saul and James, then spoke directly to Ruben as she leaned over
Zeb.
“This isn’t bad, boys. Ruben, go get me a wet rag, and see if you can find some ointment. We’ll have your father fixed up in no time.”
“Sarah, is that you?” Zeb could barely open his eyes as he spoke. “No, Zeb. It’s Rebecca Raber. You’ve got a nasty cut on your face, but we’re going to doctor it for you. You’ll be just fine.”
“Hannah, mei dochder?” Zeb’s lids flitted open for only a couple of seconds before they closed again.
Ruben returned with a wet rag and some ointment, and Rebecca dabbed at Zeb’s chin. He could probably use a couple of stitches, but taking him to the hospital right now would cause scandal for this family.
Rebecca glanced around at the boys as sweat poured down everyone’s faces. “Saul, why don’t you open some windows?”
“But someone might come by or—”
Rebecca raised her brows. “Someone already did. Me. Now open those windows before everyone suffocates in here.”
Saul did as she asked, and a breeze quickly filled the den. Once she’d tended to Zeb as best she could, she told the boys to just put him on the couch. “He’ll wake up in the morning with a nasty headache, but he will be all right.”
“We know,” James said as he swiped at his eyes.
“Hush, James.” Saul frowned at his brother as he reached underneath Zeb’s shoulders. James and Ruben each grabbed a leg, and the boys lifted Zeb onto the couch.
Rebecca glanced around at the boys as she realized that they had done this more than once. How many times?
“Boys, has this happened before?” Rebecca directed the question to James, since he seemed the most willing to talk.
“All the time,” James said as he shook his head.
Saul quickly grabbed both his brothers by the arm. “Go finish your chores. I’ll take it from here.”
Ruben and James moved toward the door. James turned around and faced Rebecca, his eyes somehow pleading with hers, and Rebecca’s heart hurt for this family. The boys were barely out the door when Saul spoke.
“Please don’t tell anyone, Rebecca. Please.” Saul’s eyes melded with hers in a way that left Rebecca speechless. “Please. I’m begging you.”
