by Beth Wiseman
“Saul. . .” she finally said. “Why don’t we step into the kitchen?” Saul pointed to his right. Rebecca walked ahead of him, and she was surprised how clean and fresh the kitchen was, especially for four men living alone. White countertops were shiny and clean, and nothing looked out of place. Rebecca sat down in one of six chairs around an oak table in the middle of the room.
“Do you want something to drink?” Saul didn’t sit down.
Rebecca pulled the chair out next to her. “No, I’m fine. Sit down, Saul.”
He sighed but did as she asked. “Are you going to tell anyone about this?”
Rebecca rubbed her forehead for a moment, then looked up at him. “Saul, if this goes on all the time, like James said, then you boys need—”
“It ain’t that often.” Saul leaned back in the chair and looped his thumbs beneath his suspenders. She noticed the blood on Saul’s shirt and quickly glanced over him to see if he might be hurt. He didn’t appear to be.
“Your father needs some help, Saul. You all do.”
Saul pushed the chair from the table and stood up. His eyes blazed as he spoke to Rebecca. “Mei daed is the best man I’ve ever known. He is a loving man. He loves his family. He loves us!”
Rebecca stood up, slowly putting her hand on Saul’s shoulder. “Of course he does, Saul.”
Saul jerked away from her. “He would never do anything to hurt us.” The boy blinked as fast as he could, but a tear still rolled down his cheek, and he quickly wiped it away.
“Saul. . .” She paused as their eyes locked. “How long has this been going on?”
He pulled his eyes from hers, folded his arms across his chest, and stared past Rebecca.
“Since your mamm and Hannah died?”
Saul bit his bottom lip and wouldn’t look at her.
A knot was building in Rebecca’s throat, but now was not the time to cry, even though her heart was breaking for Saul and his brothers. “Saul, you need some help.”
“Why did you come here, Rebecca?” Saul leaned against the kitchen counter, his arms still folded across his chest. “Is it about me and Miriam?”
She cautiously took a step toward him. “Ya, but, Saul, I think right now we need to talk about what is happening here, and—”
“If you’re worried about me taking Miriam away from here, don’t worry about it anymore.” He swiped at his eyes again. “I can’t leave Ruben and James. They ain’t old enough to take care of everything around here.”
Rebecca was quiet for a moment. You’re only eighteen, dear child. You’re not old enough either.
“Is this why you are so anxious to leave our community, Saul?”
“No.” He wouldn’t look at her.
“I can understand. You’ve been raising your brothers, cooking, cleaning, taking care of your father, and—”
“Mei daed’s drinking is not the reason why I want to leave. I’m not running away from everything.”
Rebecca ignored Saul’s sharp tone and softened her own. “Then why, Saul? Why do you want to take my baby girl and leave here?”
Saul uncrossed his arms, then rubbed his forehead for a moment. “I told you. I can’t leave now anyway.”
“Maybe in a few years when you are both older, you can rethink this, and—”
Saul shook his head, then locked eyes with Rebecca. “My job offer is only good for September.” He paused, then stood taller. “I love Miriam. I would have made a gut home for her, taken care of her, and always made sure she was happy.”
“Why cooking?” Rebecca eased herself back into a kitchen chair.
“What?”
Rebecca twisted her mouth to one side. “Why does cooking interest you so, and why do you think you need to leave here to go cook?”
Saul’s blue eyes brightened for a moment as if he was about to tell her exciting news, then he looked away as his expression fell. “It ain’t acceptable for a man to cook here. It’s women’s work.”
Rebecca thought for a moment. “True. But I’m sure Miriam would let you do some of the cooking.” Miriam marrying Saul might not be ideal, but if Rebecca could keep them both in the community—well, it seemed the lesser of the two evils.
Saul shuffled to a chair across from her, sat down, then leaned forward a bit. His eyes brightened again. “Do you know how many different recipes there are for rhubarb?”
Rebecca sighed, feeling they were getting off topic.
“There’s rhubarb compote and all kinds of rhubarb sauces for fish, chicken, and beef.” He shook his head. “It’s not just for pies and jam.” After he paused, he grinned. “And I have a great recipe for rhubarb soup with mint in it.”
Rebecca opened her mouth to try to redirect the conversation, but Saul kept going. “And do you know how many different things you can make with eggs? Breakfast frittatas, crepes, quiches. . .” He shook his head. “It’ll make you never want to scramble another egg for breakfast.”
I enjoy scrambled eggs. Rebecca scowled a bit, realizing Saul knew more at his young age about cooking than she’d probably know in her lifetime.
“And the gadgets, electric gadgets that are available to help with the cooking. . . it’s amazing.” Saul let out a heavy sigh, then stood up from the table. “It was just a dream.” He glanced around the corner into the den where his father was sleeping on the couch, and a big wave of reality brought them back to the subject at hand. Saul spun around and faced her. “Are you going to tell anyone about this?” He swallowed hard.
Rebecca stood up and took a deep breath. “Saul, don’t you feel that you and your brothers could use some help, and that maybe—” “No. Please.” Saul took a step toward her. “I won’t take Miriam away from here, but please don’t tell.”
Rebecca rubbed her forehead as she thought about how miserable Miriam had been. Was she really being fair to Miriam—and Saul? She’d tried to rule out the possibility of true love between the two of them. They’re so young. But just as soon as she saw fit to, she thought about her and Aaron. Their love was as real and true then as it was now. Do Miriam and Saul have that kind of love?
Miriam and Saul’s whirlwind romance gave cause for speculation. Like her husband, Rebecca had known that Miriam admired Saul from afar. And yes, they’d grown up together. But true love was more than attraction, and Rebecca wondered if Miriam and Saul shared the kind of everlasting love blessed by God. Saul was standing at the counter, writing something on a piece of paper. He walked toward Rebecca and handed her the note.
Rebecca pulled the piece of paper closer, struggling to read it without her glasses. “A recipe for rhubarb mint soup.” She scowled. “Saul, you can’t bribe me with a recipe.”
“It’s not a bribe.” Saul lifted one shoulder. “More of an offering of peace.”
Rebecca tucked the recipe into her apron pocket. “I need to go.” She left the kitchen and eased through the den, past Zeb on the couch, and toward the door. Saul followed. She’d won this round. Miriam wouldn’t be leaving here. But as she glanced at Zeb on the couch, she didn’t feel victorious at all.
“Good-bye, Saul.”
It was two days later when Saul finally caught up with Miriam. He’d managed to get a message to Jesse, who gave it to Shelby for Miriam—for her to meet him at the covered bridge in Ronks on Thursday at six in the evening. Saul worried that Rebecca had told Miriam everything, and he wondered what she would be thinking—about him, his father, and their family. Miriam didn’t seem one to judge, and it wasn’t their way, but he was still fearful.
Today he would tell her that he planned to stay in the community. Marrying Miriam would be wonderful, but he couldn’t help but feel that the dream he’d had for years was just out of reach, and that he’d never have this opportunity again. They’d both be baptized, and there’d be no need to rush a wedding. Plenty of time. Since he wouldn’t be going anywhere.
He greeted Miriam with a kiss when he walked up to her. She was standing under the bridge, her buggy parked off the s
ide of the road. “Do your folks know where you are?” He couldn’t stand the thought of Miriam lying to her parents to sneak off and see him. It shouldn’t be like that.
“I told them I was going for a ride.”
“How is everything at home?”
“Tense. No one is saying much.” She leaned closer to him. “But it doesn’t matter, Saul. I love my family, but you are going to be my husband, and I’ll go anywhere with you. Your dreams are my dreams.”
Saul pulled her into a hug and held her tight for a few moments before he eased her away, feeling relieved that Rebecca hadn’t shared anything. “Miriam, I’ve decided not to take the job in Pittsburgh.”
She stepped back from him. “Why? Why not? Saul, please don’t do this because of me. I’ve thought a lot about it, and I want to go out into the world. I want to experience things I’ve never been able to.” She reached into the pocket of her black apron. “Look! I found this in a magazine. It’s a person who helps you find houses—a realtor. And look at this.” She pulled another piece of paper from her pocket. “This is a list of things to do in Pittsburgh” She smiled. “Look, there’s museums and beautiful churches. All kinds of things for us to see and learn about.” He watched her take a deep breath, then her face brightened even more. “And. . . I’m so excited about this! There is a job for a preschool teacher right near where you work. Oh, Saul. I’ve always wanted to work with children. And this is a class for what they call special needs children, kinner who need lots of extra love and care.”
“That all sounds great, Miriam.” Saul tried to share her enthusiasm, and there was nothing he wanted more than to take her with him to Pittsburgh, if she truly wanted to go. “I just don’t think I can leave Ruben and James right now.” Miriam actually hung her head, and it saddened him to see that she was genuinely disappointed. “I—I thought you’d be happy about this. Now we can stay in the community, raise a family here.”
“But it’s your dream. I want to be a part of your dreams, Saul. What made you decide you can’t leave Ruben and James? Is your father ill? Does the farm need help? If so, maybe someone in the community can pitch in.”
Saul avoided her eyes, knowing he was going to give her a partial version of the truth. “Maybe when they’re older,” he said, careful not to get locked into her gaze.
“But what about your job?” Her forehead creased as she spoke.
“I’m gonna write a letter to the owner of the restaurant and turn it down. There will be others.” Although he knew there wouldn’t.
“Saul, if we get baptized into the community, then we can’t ever leave here without being shunned.” She put her hand to her chest. “My family won’t be happy if I leave here with you, but I won’t be shunned.”
Saul felt the life being zapped out of him. Too much was happening at once, and worry filled his heart. “I love you, Miriam. I want to marry you and be with you wherever we are.”
She cut her eyes at him, then put her hands on her hips. “Saul, I love you too. And maybe I should feel happy about staying in our community, but. . .” She took a deep breath. “It’s your dream.”
“I’ll build new dreams with you.”
Miriam studied him for a few moments. Something was different about him, as if his spirit ran dry. His eyes drooped with sadness, and the smile that normally filled his face when he saw her seemed forced. “Did you talk with your daed? What did he say? Did he disapprove of you leaving? Is that why you don’t want to leave? Because James and Ruben seem fine.”
He shook his head, then leaned back against the inside of the bridge. “Miriam, you’ll be happier here with your family. We’ll have a gut life.”
If that were true, then why did he look like he’d just settled for second best?
Saul shifted his weight, then pulled off his straw hat and wiped his brow. “I just changed my mind.”
Miriam folded her arms across her chest. This didn’t make sense. And she had a hunch who was behind this. Her parents. “Did mei mamm or daed talk to you?”
Saul scuffed one foot against the road and avoided her eyes. “Your mamm came for a visit, but—”
“I knew it!” Miriam stomped her foot. “I am eighteen years old and in my rumschpringe. She shouldn’t be doing this. I have a right to make my own choices.”
Saul gently grabbed both her shoulders and gazed into her eyes. “Miriam, you wouldn’t have made a choice to leave this place if it weren’t for me. I know that.”
“And you wouldn’t have made a choice to stay if it weren’t for—for my mother.” She pulled away from him. “You are letting mei mamm take away your dreams, and that’s not right.” She shook her head. “I’m not letting her do that. We are going to get married, go to Pittsburgh, and you are going to be a great chef in that new restaurant.”
Saul pulled her into a hug. “No, Miriam,” he whispered. “I’m not going.”
Such sadness in his voice. This is not right. Miriam wanted her mother to undo whatever she’d done to change Saul’s mind.
15
FOR TWO DAYS, REBECCA HAD PONDERED WHAT, IF anything, she should do about Saul and his family. It didn’t seem right for those three boys to be taking care of Zeb, then— understandably—hiding it from the community. They were too young to carry such burdens. Even Saul.
“Just stay out of it, Rebecca,” Aaron said after Rebecca voiced her concerns. He raised his eyes above his Bible. “Be glad that Miriam will be staying here in the district. That’s the most important thing.”
“Keep your voice down. Miriam and Shelby are on the porch in the rockers.” She spoke in a whisper, then tapped her finger to her chin as she thought about what her husband said. Keeping Miriam in the community should be Rebecca’s only concern, but she couldn’t ignore the little voice in her head pushing her to listen to her heart. And her heart hurt for everyone involved. She leaned her head back against the couch while Aaron sat across the room in the rocking chair reading. Closing her eyes, she prayed to do right by all concerned. The boys were upstairs. The house was so quiet. She didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but she couldn’t stop herself when she clearly heard her daughter’s voice.
“Saul is so sad, Shelby. It’s like his spirit has withered. I want to be with the Saul I’m in love with, the one with hopes and dreams. He’s adventuresome, and it’s one of the things I love about him.”
Rebecca opened her eyes and leaned one ear closer to the window, her heart heavy as she listened.
“Are you going to talk to your mom?”
“Ya. I am. I cannot believe that she would ruin Saul’s life like this. And mine. Whatever she said to him, now he is refusing to go to Pittsburgh and follow his dreams. It’s not right. In the Ordnung, it’s clear that we get to experience the outside world and decide for ourselves if we want to leave.”
Rebecca brought her hand to her mouth and held her breath, not wanting to miss what Miriam said, but with each word, her heart ached.
“Miriam, I probably sound like a broken record, but . . it’s a rough world out there, and there are so many things that you don’t know anything about. It’s dangerous. There are bad people everywhere. I just don’t understand why you would want to leave here. It’s so safe, and everyone is so loving and kind. It’s all about family, and I love that.”
Rebecca heard Aaron grunt, and she looked at him.
“Guess you were wrong about Shelby, no?”
“Shh, Aaron.” She narrowed her eyes at her husband, who could evidently hear the girls talking even though he was across the room. She listened as Miriam responded to Shelby’s remarks.
“I could’ve been happy here, Shelby. But I can be happy in Pittsburgh too. I’m a Daughter of the Promise, and if I take those beliefs with me and live by them, it doesn’t matter where I live.”
Rebecca glanced at Aaron and whispered, “I don’t want her to go, Aaron, but you must admit, we raised her right.” Aaron scowled, but together they kept listening.
“What’s a Daughter of
the Promise?”
“It’s a spiritual journey that a woman takes when she finds true meaning to the words faith, hope, and love. I have a strong faith, hope for my future, and I love God with all my heart.” After a pause, Miriam added, “And Saul.”
“I think you’re lucky, Miriam. I would have loved to have grown up in a place like this, especially with your family. I love your family.” She giggled. “Even your mom. I wish my mom cared about me even half as much as your mom cares about you.”
Rebecca brushed away a tear.
“Let’s go to bed, Rebecca. We’ve intruded on those girls enough.” Aaron spoke in a whisper as he stood up and reached for her hand.
“I’ve been so wrong about Shelby.”
“Ya. You have.” Aaron put his arm around her as they moved toward the stairs, then he let her edge in front of him. She took a few steps, then turned around to face him.
“We got what we wanted today, Aaron. Saul isn’t leaving, and Miriam isn’t going anywhere with him.” She looked down at her husband. “Why do I feel so bad?”
“I don’t feel so gut either, mei leib. I don’t like to see Miriam hurting. And my heart hurts for Zeb and those boys.” He paused. “But I can’t bear the thought of Miriam leaving.”
Rebecca turned and started back up the stairs again, wondering if sleep would come tonight.
Miriam was nervous to face off with her parents, but by Friday, she’d made up her mind. Mamm still wasn’t hosting suppers, and Miriam knew that it was partly because she was still mourning Uncle Ivan’s death, but also because of the money that was stolen during the last meal she hosted.
After supper Shelby coaxed Miriam’s brothers outside, challenging them to a game of basketball, so that Miriam could speak privately with her parents. She wished she could talk only to her mother, tell her how wrong she’d been to convince Saul to stay here, but the decisions about her life affected her father too. Normally Daed was more easygoing than her mother, but when it came to her leaving, Daed’s behavior went from calm to crazy. She wasn’t looking forward to talking to either of them, but if there was any chance that they might see her side and convince Saul to accept his job offer, then it was worth a try.
