by Beth Wiseman
“This is about Saul, no?” Her father eased into one of the rockers. Mamm sat in the other one while Miriam took a seat on the couch across from them.
“Ya.” Miriam folded her hands in her lap, then took a deep breath. She looked from one parent to the other. “Mamm, Daed. . . I love Saul. I’ve always loved him. I want to marry him. And his dream is to live in Pittsburgh and be a chef in a nice restaurant. Without that dream, he’ll never be completely happy. He’s carried that dream for a long time. I don’t know what you said to him, Mamm, but now he’s not going. Saul said he wants us to get baptized, married, and live our lives here. But I know that’s not what he really wants. I don’t think it’s fair that—”
“Fair?” Her father scowled as he spoke. “It’s not fair for Saul to take you away from here.”
“Daed, he didn’t talk me into this. And don’t you think I’m scared and nervous?” Miriam felt the lump forming in her throat. She swallowed hard, then hung her head. “I need the blessing of my family.”
“Miriam, what if you both get to Pittsburgh and you don’t like it?” Mamm rubbed her eyes and shook her head. “Then what?”
“Then we come back. Or we do something else. We won’t be shunned.” Miriam wondered if there would be some type of private shunning if she left. “Will we? Because I don’t think I could stand that.” A tear rolled down her cheek. “I need you both. I need your blessing.”
Mamm blinked back tears but didn’t say anything. Her father abruptly stood up from his chair. “You will not have my blessing if you choose to leave here.”
“Daed!” Miriam cried. “Please.” She covered her face with her hands until she felt her mother’s arm come around her. When she looked up, her father was gone.
“I will talk to your father, Miriam.” Mamm patted her shoulder.
“The way you talked to Saul?” She pulled away from her mother. “The only reason you’re saying you’ll talk to Daed is because you know Saul isn’t planning for us to leave now. You talked him out of going. He was ready for us to go start our lives. Now he isn’t the same, Mamm. He is so sad. And both of us were so excited. Ya, I was nervous and scared, but still excited.” She gazed into her mother’s eyes. “You’ve raised me gut, Mamm. I’ll carry my love for God wherever I go. I’m sorry you can’t see that.”
Tears flowed as she raced up the stairs.
“Why didn’t you tell her the truth?” Aaron sat down on the edge of the bed, still in his work clothes. Rebecca sat down beside him and sighed. She leaned down and stepped out of her shoes.
“I think Saul should tell her.”
“And in the meantime, you have to listen to her blame you?” Aaron stood up, looked down at her, and put his hands on his hips. “I do not want that boy taking Miriam away from us.”
“I know you don’t. I don’t either.” Rebecca stood up. She pulled Aaron into a hug and kissed him on the cheek before she burrowed her head against his chest. “But we are going to have to let her make this decision.”
He eased her away. “It sounds like the decision is made. Saul isn’t going to leave his brothers with Zeb. So they will just get baptized, married, and live here in Paradise.”
Rebecca rubbed her forehead. “And what about Saul’s brothers, Ruben and James? They’re only young teenagers. They shouldn’t have to be handling this at their age. And what about Zeb? I think his drinking probably started after Sarah and Hannah were killed. But it doesn’t give him the right to raise those boys that way. Zeb needs some help, Aaron.”
“Ach, Rebecca.” Aaron sat down on the bed again and put his head in his hands. “I wish we could just leave it alone, let the kinner get married and stay here.”
She sat down on the bed and put her arm around her husband, then rested her head on his shoulder. “I know, Aaron. It would scare me to death for Miriam to venture out into the Englisch world.” She paused, kissed him again on the cheek. “But it scares me even more that we might be trying to manipulate God’s plans for them.”
“We ain’t doing that. Saul made the decision not to go so he could stay and tend to his bruders and daed.”
Rebecca sighed. “I know.” She paused. “It certainly says something about the type of person Saul is, no? He would give up his dreams for family. Isn’t that the kind of person we want our daughter marrying, Aaron? Wherever they choose to live.”
Her husband sighed. “I guess so. But still. . .”
“You know that a small percentage of our young people will venture out into the Englisch world.”
Aaron slipped his suspenders off his shoulders and let them hang at his side. “I know. I just don’t want Miriam in that percentage.”
Rebecca couldn’t agree more, but she also didn’t want to be responsible for ruining her daughter’s life, as Miriam had put it.
Shelby walked to the barn after everyone was in bed. She knew her mother would still be awake and probably worried since they hadn’t spoken in a couple of weeks. Shelby’s cell phone had been dead for a while. She put the lantern on the workbench, then lifted herself up to sit between it and the phone. As she picked up the cordless phone from the base, her stomach churned. She loved her parents, but she dreaded going home in a couple of weeks. She couldn’t believe her stay here was almost over.
“Shelby! Thank goodness! Why haven’t you called?”
“Why haven’t you called?” Shelby’s voice was flat as she spoke.
“I’ve tried several times. Your cell phone must be dead.”
“Yes. But you have the number to their phone in the barn, the phone I’m calling you from.”
“Well, we’re talking now. Tell me what you’ve been doing.”
“We stay busy, and like I told you before, we get up early, but I—”
“Honey, hold on a sec. I have another call.”
Shelby sighed as her mother put her on hold. She waited.
“Okay. Sorry about that. It was Richard, telling me he’s running late. We’re going to Joe’s Place tonight for dinner. I bet you miss the food at Joe’s.”
Shelby thought about the mouthwatering steaks she used to enjoy at her favorite restaurant back home. “I like the food here too. Rebecca is a great cook. Miriam is a good cook too. I help prepare the meals, so I’m learning to make a lot of different things.”
“That’s good. You’ll have to try out some new recipes for me and Richard when you get home.”
Shelby’s heart leaped in her chest. “Mom? How often is Richard there?”
The line was silent for long enough that Shelby knew the answer.
“I was going to talk to you about that, Shelby. I know you don’t know Richard all that well, but he’s become so important to me, and we’ve been spending a lot of time together while you’ve been away. You’ll love him as much as I do.”
“Mom! Is he living there?”
“I know I always said I didn’t believe in living together, but it’s different because I’m older, Shelby, and I’ve already been married to your father.”
“Lead by example, Mother.” Shelby shook her head.
“Shelby, try to understand— Hang on, honey. Let me tell Richard I’ll call him back.”
Shelby stood still, the phone at her ear, for about ten seconds, then slammed it back into the carrier. She jerked around to grab the lantern but knocked it with her elbow. It rolled about two feet away and rested against a hay bale. Within seconds the hay swelled to a glowing orange ball, and Shelby froze.
Water. She ran out of the barn, turned on the faucet, and pulled a garden hose into the barn. By the time she got to the bale, the fire had spread to the workbench and the east wall. Chickens were cackling, the horses were reared up and kicking the stalls, and Shelby’s heart was pounding out of her chest. She was unsure whether to run for help or to keep spraying the stream of water on the fire.
Please, God. Help me. What do I do?
Instinctively she ran to the horse stalls and flipped the latches, and the animals ran free to sa
fety. She opened the chicken coop, hoping the chickens would follow her as she ran out of the barn to get help. Aaron met her in the yard.
“Shelby! Are you all right? Are you hurt?”
She shook her head but couldn’t speak. Ben, Elam, and John ran past her, followed by Miriam. But Aaron sent them back. “It’s too late! Go back! Wet the yard in the front of the haus with the other hose—try to keep the fire from spreading to the house.”
Why didn’t I call 911? Shelby looked on as the rest of the family tried to control the spreading fire and made sure animals were a safe distance away. Even little John was coaxing the chickens toward the backyard. What have I done?
“Shelby! Are you all right?” Rebecca threw her arms around her. “Are you hurt?”
“I—I. . .” She couldn’t talk.
Rebecca eased her away and cupped Shelby’s cheeks in her hands, and even in the moonlight, Shelby could see the concern on Rebecca’s face. “Nod if you’re okay.”
Shelby did.
“That’s all that counts.”
Rebecca kissed Shelby on the forehead, then went to help secure the animals. Shelby heard sirens, so she knew the fire wouldn’t spread to the house. She stood alone in the middle of the yard and buried her face in her hands, sobbing.
16
MIRIAM WATCHED MEMBERS OF THE COMMUNITY CLEARING the rubble from the fire the next day. Even though the barn had been leveled, the animals survived and the fire never got near the house. Luckily, a neighbor down the road spotted the smoke from his place.
She smiled at Saul as he walked by her carrying a load of debris. Several areas still smoldered, and Saul’s father and brothers were busy keeping the hot spots wet. Her own brothers were busy building temporary housing for the chickens and pigs, and her Uncle Noah, Uncle Abe, and friend Kade Saunders helped her father drag the larger pieces of burnt lumber to the far side of the house. Miriam counted more than sixty people helping out on this hot Saturday morning. The following Saturday most of those same people, plus some, would be back for the barn raising.
She blew a loose strand of hair from her face and accepted a tray of glasses of iced tea from Sadie Saunders before passing them out herself. It didn’t matter that her mother was trying to ruin Saul’s life; his entire family was still here helping. That was the way things were done, and Miriam briefly wondered how folks would be out in the Englisch world during a crisis. She still hadn’t given up hope that she and Saul would be leaving for Pittsburgh in a couple of weeks. She had to figure out a way to convince him to go.
“Do you know where Shelby is?”
Miriam turned at the sound of her mother’s voice, sloshing tea from one of the glasses onto the tray. “She’s upstairs.”
Mamm frowned. “I’m worried about her. Poor thing was in shock last night and pale as a ghost before she went to bed. She didn’t say much.”
Miriam tried to put her own hurt and resentment toward her mother aside. “I thought I heard her crying during the night. And before she went to sleep, she just kept saying how sorry she was, over and over again.”
Mamm shook her head. “It was an accident, and God saw fit to spare us any harm. I’ll go check on her.”
Rebecca knocked on the bedroom door, then pushed it open before Shelby had time to answer. “Shelby?” She stepped into the room, and her heart dropped. “What are you doing?” Rebecca eyed Shelby’s packed suitcases. Her young cousin was sitting on the edge of the bed, her eyes swollen and red. Rebecca sat down beside her. “Shelby?”
Shelby sniffled as she kept her head hung. “I figured you would be ready for me to leave. I know I still have a couple of weeks, but after what happened—” She started to cry.
Rebecca put a hand on her shoulder. “Shelby. The fire in the barn was an accident. We are thanking the Lord that you are safe. That everyone is safe. Child, we hold no ill will toward you.”
Shelby still didn’t look at her. “I’m so sorry, Rebecca.”
Rebecca twisted to face her. “Shelby, look at me.” When Shelby finally did, Rebecca cupped her cheek in her hand. “Sweet Shelby, please don’t leave yet.”
A tear rolled down Shelby’s cheek. “I would be leaving soon anyway. And I know you don’t like me here, and—”
“That’s not true.” Rebecca lowered her hand and gazed into Shelby’s eyes, realizing they’d never really had a heart-to-heart conversation. “I—I was worried when you arrived, Shelby. We’re not used to having Englisch living in our home, and I admit. . .” Shame fell over Rebecca as she thought about the blame she’d mistakenly placed on Shelby in the past. “I was fearful.” She lifted Shelby’s chin, then smiled. “But you are part of this family. And I know that you have been a gut influence on our Miriam.” Rebecca frowned. “Even if we’ve questioned her choices.”
Shelby turned on the bed, bent one leg underneath her, then stared hard at Rebecca. “I think Saul loves Miriam very much. But I can understand why you wouldn’t want her to leave here.” Shelby looked away, stared at the wall for a moment as if remembering something, then said, “It’s a scary place out there.”
They were both quiet for a few moments. Rebecca finally stood up and folded her arms across her chest. “Young lady, you get busy unpacking those bags.” Shelby looked up at her. “Because you haven’t lived until you’ve experienced an Amish barn raising.” She grinned. “Do you really want to miss that?”
Shelby’s eyes teared up again. “You don’t want to send me away? Seems like every time I did something bad, my parents were ready to ship me off. This wasn’t the first time. When I was thirteen, I got sent to my aunt’s to live because I failed two classes.” Shelby paused, swiping at her eyes. “There were other times.”
Rebecca sighed as she lowered her hands to her sides. “No, my dear. No one is shipping you anywhere, except perhaps outside to help serve tea to the neighbors helping us.”
A grin tipped the corner of Shelby’s mouth. “Yes, ma’am.”
Rebecca folded her hands in front of her and stood taller. “Now, get these bags unpacked, and I’ll see you downstairs.” She winked at Shelby, then headed out the door.
Once downstairs Rebecca grabbed a pitcher of tea from the kitchen table and headed out the back door—just in time to see Bishop Ebersol pulling up. She’d prayed about this situation with Zeb and the boys, and now she knew that she must talk to the bishop. She took a deep breath and walked outside.
Saul stopped dead in his tracks with a handful of burnt wood when he saw Rebecca at the side of the house talking with Bishop Ebersol, and twice the bishop glanced toward Saul’s father. There was no doubt in Saul’s mind that Rebecca was telling the bishop about his daed. It would only be a matter of time before the entire community found out. How could she do this after Saul promised to stay here in the community? Clearly Rebecca’s ultimate goal was to make sure that Saul didn’t marry Miriam, here or anywhere else.
And I’m here helping your family while you go destroying mine?
He dropped the wood on the pile of debris and turned again toward the bishop, locking eyes with him briefly until he saw Miriam walk up beside him.
“I wonder what Mamm is talking to Bishop Ebersol about.” Miriam handed Saul a glass of iced tea.
Saul accepted the tea, took a long drink, then shrugged. First, his dreams of going to Pittsburgh had been shattered, and now he couldn’t help but worry that Miriam would change her mind about him once she found out about his father.
“Saul, no matter what, I still think we should go to Pittsburgh, like we planned.”
“I told you. We can’t. Because of Ruben and James.” Saul didn’t mean his words to sound so harsh, but it was hard to watch everything falling apart right before his eyes.
“I—I don’t understand that. Your father will take care of Ruben and James, and—”
“I can’t talk about this right now.” Saul walked away, thinking it was only a matter of time before Miriam didn’t want anything to do with him or his family. H
e couldn’t look back.
Miriam stood completely still as she watched Saul walk away. Maybe he’d decided against marrying her after all. Maybe he couldn’t deal with her meddlesome mother. She turned toward Bishop Ebersol and Mamm and watched them for a moment. Bishop Ebersol was stroking his long gray beard as her mother did most of the talking. She didn’t see her father walk up beside her.
“I can’t stand to see you leave here, mei dochder.” Daed frowned as he spoke. “But I can’t stand to see you unhappy either.”
Miriam didn’t say anything.
“You love that boy?”
She turned to face him. “With all my heart, Daed.”
Her father shook his head and stared at the ground. “You don’t know anything about the Englisch world, dochder.”
Miriam kept her eyes on her mother and the bishop. “And apparently I’m not going to.”
“What would be so terrible about you and Saul staying here, raising a family here?”
She turned to face her father. “Because Saul has a dream, Daed. A dream he’s had for a long time. I would be the same person, Daed, whether I’m here or in Pittsburgh. I love God. I can love Him from anywhere.” She lifted one shoulder, then dropped it. “But Saul is so unhappy right now, I don’t even know if he still wants to marry me.”
“If he loves you, he should want to marry you no matter where you live.”
Miriam’s mouth dropped for a moment. “You and Mamm should love me no matter where I live too.”
Daed put one hand on his hip as he rubbed his forehead with the other, then he sighed. “Of course we will always love you, Miriam.” He gazed at her with soft eyes and a gentle smile, and Miriam felt like a little girl all of a sudden.
“Then what is it, Daed? Why can’t you stand the thought of me leaving with Saul?” She moved closer to him. “My faith will go with me wherever I go. Don’t you believe that, Daed? You’ve raised me gut.” She touched his arm. “Please, Daed. Have faith in me.”
