A Family for Jason

by Virginia McCullough

  Ruby rolled her eyes at Emma’s over-the-top cheeriness. Her best friend knew exactly how uncomfortable she was. Mike, too. He shoved his hands in the front pockets of his jeans. The decades dropped away. As a young boy and even a teenager, Mike had always hid his hands in his front pockets when he a little nervous, unsure of himself.

  Knowing he was self-conscious, just like her, challenged the wall she’d built between them. As if a switch flipped deep inside, Ruby decided to let down her guard and go with the moment. She dragged the chair from the corner over to the other side of Emma’s bed. Mike still stood there, all six feet two of him, with eyes as bright blue as ever. Curious, intelligent eyes that could darken with frustration and anger, or be full of fun and soft with affection. Years ago, her mom had said Mike’s eyes could twinkle for real.

  Even after all this time, Ruby remembered the smallest things about him. He ruffled her somehow, made her self-conscious and jittery. She had best get used it. No doubt she’d have to see him now and again before she left town—new destination TBD. Besides, what was she going to do, demand that Mike leave Emma’s room? Tell him not to bring his little boy to the park?

  “So, Em, how’re you doin’?” Ruby asked. “Do they have you training for a five K yet?”

  Mike snorted. “She was just saying she intended to start running again. Soon.”

  Emma groaned. “Oh, please, you guys. Let a girl dream.” She raised her hands helplessly. “As you can see, I’m not even sitting up straight yet.”

  “Ah, but your bed is raised a little higher than it was yesterday,” Ruby said.

  Emma lowered her chin to concede the point and the room went silent, until she finally said, “Uh, Mike was just telling me about looking for office space downtown.”

  “Oh, there’s plenty of room on River Street,” Mike said, inching toward the end of the bed. “The question is whether Bluestone River is busy enough to support another lawyer.”

  “You’ll make it work,” Emma said, then added, “Mike, please, sit back down. You look like you’re trying to escape a prison cell.”

  Ruby swallowed back a laugh and pretended she hadn’t heard Emma’s remark. “You’re setting up your own practice?” Ruby asked, watching Mike follow Emma’s order and slip into the chair.

  “I’m giving it a try,” Mike said, lifting his hands in the air. “If it doesn’t work out, then I’ll look for a job with a firm over in Clayton.” He paused. “I’ll do whatever it takes so Jason and I can stay in the house at the lake.”

  He spoke like it was any old house, not a place that held almost a lifetime of memories.

  “Mike said his son likes the ducks and geese,” Em said.

  “We, uh, row around on the lake most every day.” His face reddening, he looked away.

  Like we did. Right, Mike? “I’ll bet he likes that.” She smiled brightly and glanced at Emma, as if her friend could provide some kind of escape route out of the conversation, maybe the room.

  “Ruby? Um, before you got here, I told Mike about—”

  “About what.” She winced at the sharp tone of her loud interruption. She glanced at Mike, but his gaze was fixed on Emma, his eyebrows raised in surprise.

  “I told him why you’re here,” Em said softly, “other than for me, I mean.”

  Ruby’s stomach rolled. “But it wasn’t your story to tell.”

  “I know, I know,” Emma said, raising her arm and letting it flop on the bed. “But I was telling Mike what a great career you’ve had so far. Your last job kind of came up on its own. I didn’t plan it. Besides, there’s nothing shameful about losing a job.”

  Easy for you to say. A sarcastic—and completely unfair—remark was up-front and ready, but Ruby squelched it. Emma was the only person Ruby knew who’d never had to work, and probably never would. Now and again, she envied her friend the freedom inherited money could buy. But that wasn’t fair, either.

  “It’s my fault, Ruby.” Mike got to his feet. “I pried it out of Emma. I wanted her to tell me what you do. What you said about your work the other day in the park kept running through my mind. Crisis and trauma.”

  She stared into his eyes and willed herself not to cry—again. “Because of Jason. I get it.”

  “Maybe we could talk sometime. I could tell you more about what happened to him.” He wrapped his hand around the back of his neck as if working the kinks out of his muscles. “Get a new perspective. I sure need one.”

  She wouldn’t refuse anyone a conversation about a child with a problem, but before she could say yes, two women swept into the room. Ruby got up and stepped back to clear space for them, and so did Mike, but the room wasn’t big enough for four visitors. As soon as Emma had introduced Mike to her surgeon and the rehab specialist, Ruby went to the door. “I’ll be back soon, Em,” she said.

  Mike stated he needed to leave, anyway.

  Emma waved at Mike. “I’m so glad you stopped by, Mike.”

  “I’ll see you again,” he said. “I promise.”

  He followed Ruby into the hall. “I’ll walk you to your car.” He glanced down the hall. “Or are you staying?”

  It would be so easy to be rid of Mike by ducking into the cafeteria and waiting there, but instead she said, “No, they’ll keep Emma busy this morning. I’ll go home and drive over this afternoon.”

  “Then could I ask a favor?”

  She stared into the blue eyes of a man she hadn’t seen in ages and wondered how it could be so easy to let the words of course roll off her tongue. Maybe it was his clear, confident voice, which hadn’t changed at all.

  “Would you come with me to look at a couple of office spaces?”

  “In town, you mean?”

  “Right. I’ve narrowed my choices down to two—for now. I need to make a decision—soon. Like today or tomorrow.”

  Keeping her voice light and hoping she didn’t reveal the growing excitement inside her, she said, “Then I guess we better get going.”

  * * *

  MIKE WATCHED RUBY study the long, narrow room, once a supply store that served most of the businesses within twenty or thirty miles of Bluestone River. According to the Realtor, almost all the fixtures and shelving had been sold off at auction more than a decade ago. Now only a couple of supporting columns broke up the empty space.

  “What a barn.” Ruby playfully tapped her fingertips on her mouth. “Oops, was I blunt enough?”

  “No, no, you’re right.” He explained his idea of adding a couple of walls to create a private space and then fixing up the front as a reception area. The more he talked, the more impossible it seemed. “I’d have to invest a lot of time and money. It would be different if I had a couple of partners, or if I bought the building outright and rented out other offices.” He pointed up to the ceiling. “Or, I could transform the second floor into Bluestone River’s first trendy loft.”

  Ruby’s eyes opened wide. “I’m surprised you’d even think about buying a building or taking on partners so soon. I guess you really are serious about staying here.”

  He looked at the dirty gray walls scarred by the shelving, which was long gone now. Half the floor was bare tile, the other half worn-out carpeting. With a sigh, he said, “I need this town now. Or, Jason does. I believe he can get better here.” He gestured around the room. “But I don’t want to buy this building. I’m considering renting it because it’s roomy and empty. No heavy equipment to shift, like at the closed-up dry cleaner. The clothes press is still rusting in place.”

  “Let’s move on to the next place.” Ruby’s optimistic tone told him all he needed to know about her opinion of this option.

  Mike took another set of keys out of his pocket and held them up. “Our next stop is the building you’d remember as the insurance office. My dad used to go there to make his payments in person. It’s smaller than this place, but it could work.”r />
  “I remember the insurance office,” Ruby said. “The windows were perpetually dirty and the plants drooped.”

  Mike could only chuckle at the precise picture of the old place. “The Realtor tells me it’s been empty for a while. It’s only a few doors down.”

  “I’m game. Let’s go see it.”

  She sounded pleasant, even eager, but she looked everywhere but at him. He didn’t blame her. He also avoided looking at her directly in the eye—at least, not for very long. If he did, he might get lost in a game of pretending they were kids and that everything was still ahead of them. He’d take her into his arms and hold on tight.

  Mike locked the former supply company’s door behind him. They raised their hoods and hurried past the pharmacy, the beauty shop and a franchise exercise studio advertising a discount on new memberships. Two vacant storefronts later and they came to the small brick bungalow-style building with a wide picture window. There were a couple of others exactly like it on the street, built back in the 1950s, when the town was growing.

  Ruby stopped in front of the window. “Some things don’t change, do they? The window is as grimy as ever. But once it’s cleaned it would let in lots of light on a sunny day.”

  He unlocked the door and held it open for Ruby to step inside. “And it has two offices inside and a supply room big enough for file cabinets and copiers. The rent is higher here, it’s smaller, but the start-up costs would be less.”

  “Hey, this is nice.” She glanced back at him. “Really. It looks exactly like a small law office—at least it wouldn’t be hard to convert it into one.” She pointed to the floor. “Hardwood floors, no ratty carpeting to pull up. A few live plants and comfortable chairs would dress it up.”

  Mike smirked. “I could put a few outdated magazines on a coffee table and the place would fit right into the rest of the street.”

  “Can’t argue with that.” Ruby grimaced. “Over the years, Emma’s been frank about the struggles around here. You’ve seen it for yourself.”

  With the sound of the rain coming down hard on the flat roof of the one-story building, Mike led Ruby into the first of the two offices, empty but for an ordinary metal desk left behind. The ugly blue paint on the walls of the good-size room would have to go. First thing. “New paint and new furniture would make a substantial difference,” he said, resting his hip on the corner of the desk. “So, what do you think?”

  She looked down as if studying the wooden floor. “I think it’s good. So much better than the other place. Certainly worth the extra rent money.” She chuckled. “Easy for me to say. I don’t know what...”

  He waved off her comment. “Not a problem. I can pay a few dollars more. I’ll be fine for a while. I’ve got some savings, and sold my condo. I can live on less around here, anyway, and make the money last longer.” He stopped himself from elaborating more about his relative solvency. What did Ruby care? “But what about you? Emma said you’ve had some great jobs over the years, but you’re at loose ends now.”

  “Loose ends?” She let out a cynical guffaw. “So that’s what we’re calling being unemployed these days.”

  “I didn’t mean it as a joke. Really, I didn’t.”

  Ruby perched on the other end of the desk and began her story.

  Over the next few minutes, Mike took in an abbreviated version of Ruby’s career. She hadn’t been kidding about moving around from state to state. She developed preventative programs, mostly geared toward young people, that were intended to avoid traumatic events occurring in the first place, but when that failed, she helped people deal with the aftermath. Hotlines and women’s shelters, plus pilot suicide-prevention networks, were all items in her work history. She surprised him when she mentioned the national fraternity that had consulted with her to develop new antihazing policies.

  Her expression fixed in a thoughtful frown, Ruby said, “I started to understand post-traumatic stress disorder. I saw how PTSD can result from all kinds of situations.” Once again, she studied the floor, where rainwater had dripped from her waterproof boots.

  “Like Jason. The fire. His silence,” Mike said softly. “The loss of his mother. It was devastating.”

  Ruby nodded. “He was physically injured, but he witnessed something much worse. From what you told me, he likely saw his mom die.”

  Mike closed his eyes against the imagined scene. He’d been told about the firefighters whisking away Jason and rushing him to the hospital in the small town in Pennsylvania. “Ever since, I’ve been worried about him being vulnerable to bullying. It’s one of the reasons I moved back. I know there are mean kids everywhere, but...”

  “You think you can protect him better here. Right?”

  “That’s the plan.” And Mike wanted Jason to experience the kind of childhood he’d had growing up in the huge house and discovering every inch of the lake.

  “For what it’s worth,” she said, “if we stop bullying at the first sign of it, kids are much less likely to bully other people when they’re in high school and college and beyond. Bullying is abuse—stop it early, and you prevent abuse later.” She shrugged. “That’s not just my belief. Lots of research confirms it.”

  Mike was about to respond, but Ruby stood and took off to the back of the building. “Plenty of storage here. And a place for a coffeepot,” she said. “What more do you need?”

  Mike’s mood was as good as it had been when he’d first driven into town with Jason. Being in the same room with Ruby changed how he felt inside. Self-conscious, nervous, yes, but maybe more optimistic, even confident that he could make his plan work. Sometimes impatience for his son to be well again ate away at him. As long as his son was living in silence, Mike felt like he was living on the edge of something unknown. It made no sense, but only a few minutes with Ruby softened that edge a little.

  That’s how he’d been as a teenager falling in love with Ruby. What could go wrong? They were invincible. Nothing would stop them from going after their dreams. He glanced around the office space and had to laugh to himself. Here he was, a single dad of a troubled child, putting up a shingle, Mike Abbot, Attorney at Law, in his more-or-less crumbling hometown. Maybe not crumbling, just a place that had seen better days. He was either truly optimistic or completely naive. Time would tell.

  “I need to go,” Ruby said, breaking his train of thought.

  Mike could almost hear his heart drop with a thud. He didn’t want to end this time with her. But he realized Emma was her priority.

  “I’ll hang out here for a bit.” He took a deep breath. “It’s time to call the Realtor and tell her to draw up the lease. I can settle this today.”

  Ruby’s face registered that as good news. That emboldened him to ask for more. “I know you’re busy with Em, but one day soon can we have a talk about Jason? I want to pick your brain. Maybe you could come to the lake with that peachy dog of yours. Jason likes her a lot. You could watch Jason just being himself and tell me what you see.”

  He saw the hesitation in her face. Then she opened her mouth as if to speak, but changed her mind and looked away. Finally, she said, “Or, maybe you could come to Em’s house when she’s home. It’s quite the place that she and Neil built. Not far from the park.”

  “Sure,” he said quickly, “I can do that. I value your opinion.” It was going out to the lake that threw her off, he thought. Too many memories. He never should have suggested it. Sadness and grief gathered steam inside him. Along with the powerful urge for answers.

  “So, I guess I’ll see you.” She opened the door to leave.

  “Ruby, wait.”

  She turned. Her light brown eyes were filled with fear, but he wouldn’t back down.

  “Why did you run away, Ruby? Without even calling to explain, to talk about what happened. To even say goodbye. Why?”

  Hours ticked by, or at least it seemed that way, with Ruby standi
ng there and staring at him with an expression of despair.

  “Because you hated me so much.”

  The door slammed. She was gone.

  Mike braced his hand on the wall to steady himself as he absorbed the blow. He shook his head, forcing himself to breathe again. He’d never hated her. Never.

  * * *

  HER HANDS TREMBLING, Ruby drove down River Street toward Emma’s house. She considered going another half mile to the bridge, but nixed that idea as fast as it came to her, and not just because of the rain. What if Mike showed up? The place held as many memories, happy and terrible, for him as it did for her.

  The windshield wipers beat back and forth at the highest speed as she made her way slowly through town and turned into Emma’s short tree-lined drive. The drops falling from the leaves onto the glass were like the tears she held back, not ready or willing to shed them. Flashbulb moments rushed back. Her mother’s anguished wails in the hospital emergency room. The sounds of shock and grief—and anger—that took years to quiet.

  But even as the memories slipped through her mind, she had no inclination to wail or cry herself. She knew better. The buckets of tears shed years ago had failed her. She could declare herself done with being crushed and controlled by the past. Almost uncontrollable crying when she saw Mike at the bridge didn’t count. She’d written that off as an anomaly—a clinical word, but it fit. That was about shock and surprise.

  Long ago, Ruby faced the simple fact that tears wouldn’t heal the broken place inside her. Ever. The best she could do was avoid ripping open that place, and that’s why she’d never set foot in Bluestone River until Emma needed her. Now, it was too late. The wound was open. She wouldn’t let it poison her, though—not again.

  Taking a deep breath to toughen her resolve, she ran through the rain, then let herself into the house and greeted Peach, who bounded toward her in her typically joyful way. Ruby bent over and hugged the dog and then let her out through the patio doors in the kitchen. Too restless to sit, Ruby folded her arms and leaned against the wall next to the doors so she could keep an eye on the dog.