A Family for Jason

by Virginia McCullough

  “And I’ll dig round and find out who owns the land,” Mike repeated. “You sold me.” He flashed back to Ruby, an aspiring marketing entrepreneur. “I’ll drive over there soon and see the roads for myself.”

  “I just want you to see what looks like a real possibility,” Ruby said softly. “Wouldn’t it be something if this comes together? I’d be leaving a little something of myself behind this time.”

  “Other than a hole in my heart?” The words had just slipped out. Horrified, he shot out of the chair. So did she. “Ruby, I’m sorry. I can’t believe I said that.”

  “Yeah, well, my heart wasn’t in one piece, either.” She started to leave. “I’ll let myself out.” At the door, she turned, but stared at her shoes. “It’s always there, Mike. No matter what we do, no matter how much I care about you and Jason, or you care about me. It never goes away.”

  “But Ruby—”

  “There’s nothing you can do right now, Mike, that’s going to make this better. Strange, isn’t it? We’ve paid for what our parents did a lifetime ago. We’ve been paying for twenty years.” She scoffed. “And what’s worse, they weren’t even our mistakes in the first place.”

  Ruby hurried away. He didn’t go after her. Ruby was right. It was always there. He’d just proved it.

  * * *

  MIKE LOOKED THROUGH the one-way glass at Gloria sitting with Jason on the carpet. So far, Jason had followed Gloria’s directions and, using blocks and plastic figures as well as items like cars and trees, he’d built a house and in it put two figures. Then he knocked the blocks over. The figure of a woman was half in and half out of the house and the boy was on the green grass. There was never anything subtle about Jason’s art. Rather than upsetting Mike, he was relieved Jason’s memories and fears were obvious.

  “Activities, Mike,” Gloria had said. “The path to what’s inside Jason.”

  Over the weeks, following Gloria’s lead, they’d captured their fears and sent them off in balloons. Jason and Gloria had treated wounds on stuffed animals. He’d drawn images from nightmares and used colors to show his changing emotions. Mike and the ducks were showing up more often and a lone woman in distress less frequently.

  The pictures Jason created at the felt board usually included a lake and a boat, and now bare trees. Tumbling the blocks was something newer.

  Gloria’s assistant entered the room and the therapist said something to Jason and patted his shoulder. She left and, a few seconds later, came inside the observation room and greeted Mike.

  “I don’t know how close he is to talking,” Mike said, “but he looks happy.”

  “Well, today was a repeat of something we’ve been doing for a couple of weeks. He’s closing in on the fire.”

  Closing in? An ominous thought. “What do you mean?”

  “I’m asking him questions, and because he likes to build and draw, and is good at it, he’s creating real representations of the traumatic event. Little by little. We don’t go too far at any one session.”

  He glanced at Jason putting together a puzzle. “What about his representation of Zoe?”

  “Showing the woman not quite out of the house was as close as he’s come to indicating her death. He included himself. But he hasn’t filled in features on his own face.” She smiled slyly. “Not the way he puts a big smile on the man with curly hair.”

  “I’ll take it,” he said, grinning.

  “You’re his world, Mike. The foundation.” She pointed to Jason through the glass. “Does he react to fires? Has he seen one yet?”

  Mike shook his head. “I have a fireplace in the living room, but I haven’t given any thought to using it. Friends I visit knew not to light a fire in theirs when Jason was there.” Ruby and Emma thought of that on their own. No need to remind the two of them. “He responded to a siren a few days ago. An ambulance. It was faint out where we live, but he ran to the window to look outside. I followed him and assured him it had nothing to do with us.”

  Gloria stared at Jason, seemingly gathering her thoughts. “He ran toward the sound?”

  “He did. I was surprised he didn’t run into his room or become agitated.” Then Mike remembered. “But he had a bad nightmare that night.” And long. “It took me a while to settle him down. Once it’s over, he sleeps peacefully and it’s like the torment, whatever the images are, never happened.”

  Gloria’s face turned serious. “That’s distressing for you, I know, but when I look at his drawings and the felt-board pictures, I see the two stories merging somehow. He’s integrating his losses with the security of his life with you.”

  “It’s not that different when we’re older, is it?” Mike asked, thinking out loud more than expecting an answer. “I mean, everything that happens can be abbreviated into a story.”

  “True, but with a traumatized child,” Gloria explained, “we hope we can coax the adjustment to the stories without leaving the raw pain behind or push the memories so deep they’re triggered without warning.”

  Mike leaned against the wall. “Man, I sure understand triggers, not in the way Jason does, but the trauma is there all the same.”

  Gloria intensified her gaze, obviously expecting him to answer. “You probably don’t remember this, or perhaps you didn’t live here twenty years ago, but my mother was killed in a crash on the highway.”

  “I’m a relative newcomer, so I wouldn’t know anything about that.”

  As Mike filled in the details of his mom’s death, Gloria’s expression registered surprise only when he brought Ruby and her dad into the story. “It was the night before graduation and the police came down to the covered bridge to find us. They took us to the hospital together and we learned what happened. The whole of it. And she and I never spoke to each other again until a few months ago, when we ran into each other here in town.”

  “Two traumatic losses in the space of an hour. That’s a big deal.”

  It had taken him years to look at it that way. “At the time, I had to throw all my energy into my dad. He was destroyed.”

  “I’m glad you told me about this,” Gloria said. “What happened to you is terrible, but I think it’s helped you cope with Jason. You’re doing a great job.”

  “Thanks.” His voice, hoarse with emotion, caught him off guard. He quickly cleared his throat.

  Gloria squeezed his arm. “You can take him home now. Just keep doing what you’re doing.”

  Frustrating as that was, it would have to be enough. At least for now. When he met Jason at the door to the playroom, he gave him an extra tight hug.

  “We’re off to Clayton to get supplies,” Mike told him. “We’re getting low on oatmeal and ice cream.”

  An hour later, still feeling good about Gloria’s words, Mike pushed his loaded cart through the exit doors of the supermarket. He settled Jason in his car seat before unloading the groceries. When he closed the trunk he glanced across the street and took a quick breath of surprise.

  Ruby was coming through the door of the Chinese restaurant carrying a large shopping bag. Wearing jeans and a purple blazer, she hurried off as if she had someplace to be and might be running late. But then, even as a young girl she’d walked with purpose in her step.

  He started to call her name, but held back. What would he do after she waved back? Would her face light up? Probably. It always did. The smiles she offered him were bright. It was like old times. Would she be happy to see Jason? Of course. He hadn’t mentioned it to Ruby, but he’d seen Ruby hug Jason. From halfway across the meeting room, he couldn’t have missed the sweet way Jason snuggled in her arms. Jason had put the prescription pad and stethoscope on his shelf in his room. Mike had seen where he’d written HUG on the pad. That night Jason made room for Toto in the crowd of stuffed animals on the bed. Jason would always connect those things to Ruby.

  It would be so easy, Mike thought, to collect Emm
a and all have dinner at the lake house. He’d pick up carryout food for him and Jason. No problem.

  But no matter the time or place, if he did reach out to her, she’d only, eventually, pull away.

  Later, at home, Mike caught himself again mulling over what it would be like if Ruby settled permanently in Bluestone River. He’d inevitably run into her at the bakery, or the library, or the hairdresser next door to his office. They’d shop in the same stores and say hello to the same people. And not be together.

  When Mike finished putting the groceries away, he said, “Hot dogs coming up, Jason. With mustard and relish—the works.”

  The amused smile on Jason’s face brought him back to what was really important.

  I’m letting you off the hook, Ruby.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  RUBY MET EMMA in the waiting room of the medical center.

  “I’m a medical wonder, Rubes. The doctor even said so. And I feel it.” Emma thrust her fists over her head. “See? I’ve got energy to burn today and that means I don’t want to go home right now.”

  This was a new Emma, or maybe the old Emma was back. “You want to get some lunch?”

  “Nah, not hungry—yet. Besides, Brenda left us plenty of food.” She counted on her fingers as she listed, “Quiche, and baked chicken. Half a ham...”

  “Good point,” Ruby said, thinking of her waistline. “Brenda is the reason I have to run extra miles every day.”

  Emma clapped her palms together. “Which is how you discovered the back road to Mike’s. See? Things have a strange way of happening at the right time. You’ve made a positive difference for the town already.”

  “We’ll see,” she said, allowing a note of skepticism into her voice. “So, where do you want to go?”

  Emma couldn’t make up her mind, but they had time to make a decision on the way home. It took them through farms and new housing developments on what was once farmland. As they approached the town, more wooded land took up the spaces between the vast acres of fields. With Emma’s help, she and Mike had located the owners of all the other pieces of land needed to connect the trails.

  “I’m looking at the town through different eyes now,” Emma said. “I’ve been focused solely on getting better for the last couple of years, but now...” She laughed. “Do you know I’d forgotten all about the money for the kids’ Halloween party? My accountant takes care of all of that.”

  “How easily that rolls off your tongue,” Ruby teased. “You have to admit it’s fun not to have to think about it every year. It’s like it’s running on autopilot.”

  “I do admit that. But since my fall and then Neil dying, I’ve been in a desert. No fresh ideas. Until now. I want to do more good things for my hometown. Projects that make a real difference.”

  Ruby patted Emma’s knee. “I know, Em. I was just joshing you a little.”

  “Hey, Rubes. Have you been by your old house? ”

  Sensing what was coming, she said, “No. I’ve kind of avoided going there. I’m not sure I want to deal with the memories.”

  “Come on, let’s go have a look,” Emma urged.

  “Okay, you twisted my arm.”

  Ruby’s house was easy to spot on the street. It was the only ranch style house on a block of two-story homes.

  “Oh, Rubes, we had such good times here.” Emma opened the car door, and climbed out. Awkwardly, but on her own. She took a few steps to the side and craned her neck. “I wonder if the picnic table is still there. Your dad was the king of burgers.”

  Ruby laughed. “He was. And you were always one of his favorite guests—you were easy to impress. You also appreciated his corny humor.” It wasn’t until the summer before senior year that her parents thought it was okay for Mike and sometimes Neil to be invited over to spend time with the whole family. Her dad had been careful about maintaining his principal-student distance. Senior year everything got a little looser and Mike was almost like family.

  Staring at the house now, Ruby put her hand over her stomach, as if that could stop the churning. When her father wasn’t being jovial and friendly to Mike and Neil, he was apparently sneaking away to meet Mike’s mom. Post-accident, Ruby’s mother had hired a private detective and discovered that the affair had been going on for at least a year. So much for fun times.

  Ruby distracted herself by waving to the older woman who was on the porch next door. Mrs. Kovich. Ruby had to laugh. Her neighbor had seemed so old when Ruby was young.

  “Can I help you?” Mrs. Kovich asked.

  Addressing her by name, Ruby introduced herself. “You probably don’t remember me or my family. We moved away twenty years ago.”

  “Of course, I remember you, Ruby. You still have such pretty hair. Your daddy taught over at the high school until he got a better job somewhere else. Are you here visiting?”

  “She’s here helping me,” Emma said, stepping forward. “I just had some surgery. I remember you, too, Mrs. Kovich. I spent a lot of time here. I’m Emma O’Connell. I still live in town.”

  “Oh, that’s right. You two girls were always going off on your bikes.” Mrs. Kovich chuckled. “And you had some handsome boys around. You kids were always so respectful. I sure appreciated that.”

  Talking with Mrs. Kovich made Ruby light-headed from the rush of images coming at her. She tried to listen to Emma and Mrs. Kovich chatting, but all she could hear was her dad joking with a neighbor about being outnumbered. “Surrounded by women,” he’d said on a sigh. Then her mom would chide him playfully until he admitted he loved every minute of it.

  There were the times her dad drove to the resort to drop her off and pick her up on rainy days. He and Ellen would make small talk, always cordial, with Ellen warning them about getting home safely.

  Ruby smiled thinking about how popular her dad was with the kids. Maybe because he always seemed to know the right thing to say or do at exactly the right time. He was like that at home with his daughters, too. Her dad celebrated her top grades, but didn’t criticize the ones that fell short. If she needed help with a chemistry test, he calmed her fears and stepped up to help her. He swore a hot drink that tasted suspiciously like sweet lemonade was his secret concoction to treat a cold. He’d mix up a batch at the first sign of a sniffle. Generous with compliments, he was the first to console her when she didn’t make the softball team.

  Now, standing in front of the house she grew up in, all that fell away. The memory of her dad at the kitchen table with his newspaper talking about graduation was sweeter than it had ever been before.

  Pretending she was going to have a look at the backyard, Ruby left Emma’s side and went to the fence fighting back tears. Grief over the loss, yes, but her heart overflowed with something else. Love. For all his flaws, and the huge betrayal, Timothy Driscoll was a great dad. She needed to say that. Out loud. To Mike. Because the same was true of his mom.

  She swallowed hard and went to find Emma, who leaned heavily on her cane. “I better get you home.”

  “I still wear out too fast,” Emma said to Mrs. Kovich.

  “You two sure turned into lovely women. You take care of yourselves now. So nice you’re back in town.” She smiled warmly. “I hope you stay.”

  Ruby thanked her and she and Emma returned to the car.

  Emma stared out the passenger-side window. “You really are leaving in a few weeks, aren’t you? You’ve made up your mind.”

  “You’ve got a house cleaner, Em, a shopper and when it snows, a guy will show up to plow your driveway.”

  Emma shrugged. “None of that matters. This isn’t about me being ready. It’s about what’s going on with you. You haven’t finished with the trail project. The council meeting is next week.”

  Right. Emma and Mike were going to present her idea. “I’ll still go. I won’t be gone that soon. It feels good to have my hands in this.” She’d ab
out made up her mind to look for freelance grant-writing work. Safe work. She was confident about that skill.

  “What about Mrs. Kovich? She hopes you’ll stay. And she doesn’t remember anything about any scandal.” Emma grinned.

  “She was sweet, wasn’t she?” Ruby came to a four-way stop sign and took a deep breath as she pressed her foot on the brake. “I just know in my heart, Em, I can’t stay much longer.”

  Emma turned to face her. “What makes you think so? Tell me,”

  Ruby started across the intersection, glad for the need to focus on the road and avoid Emma’s gaze. “I told you about Jason becoming way too attached to me, and to Peach. I’m so...so myself with that little boy. I haven’t heard him say one word, but it feels... Oh, Em, he could be mine. But he isn’t.”

  The air around her seemed charged. “I haven’t said that out loud. But Jason sees me interact with Mike. How we tease and joke. I’ve already crossed a line into risky territory. If Jason doesn’t have the wrong idea already, he soon will.”

  “Or, he’ll have the right one,” Emma said, getting huffy. “Poor you. Talking and laughing with Mike. And everything is pleasant. How terrible.”

  “Quit twisting my words. You know what I mean. I can’t stay.” She hadn’t confided to Emma that she had this same argument with herself every night.

  “You must think men like Mike come along every day.” Emma snapped her fingers. “Just like that.”

  Ruby groaned. “No, I don’t.” Like she needed that reminder.

  “I’ll say it again, Rubes, every woman I’ve ever known wants a guy to look at her the way he looks at you.”

  Ruby’s face heated up and beads of sweat formed on her hairline. She wasn’t angry with Emma, just surprised she’d erupt so fast. Was it frustration? Anger? Maybe both. “But what felt real a lifetime ago might be nothing more than a wispy fantasy now.”

  “If you take off again, you’ll never know. You’ll have to live with that.”

  Ruby drove across River Street, conscious of Mike’s office a block away. No doubt he was working, planning his life, thinking about Jason. He sure wasn’t spending his time wringing his hands over what might have been.