Perception

by A. L. Waddington

  “You have two husbands.”

  “Yes . . . and?”

  “I am assuming you have a full marriage on both planes.” I couldn’t bring myself to spell it out any more clearly than I already was.

  Phoebe laughed out loud at my question. “My goodness, Jocelyn, are you asking me if I have a sexual relationship with both of them?” she whispered with tears in her eyes from laughter.

  I couldn’t believe how blasé she was behaving about such a serious topic, “Yes, but I do not understand your sense of humor in all this.”

  “I am laughing because of your innocence and naivety of real life. I have to keep reminding myself that you are still young and have not had any other serious relationships other than my little brother. If you had then perhaps you would understand the way I perceive things.”

  “Perhaps, but is it not strange having two husbands? I mean, they are completely different from one another. They do not have any similar characteristics.”

  Phoebe looked around again as we heard footsteps in the kitchen. She held up her finger to hush me. “Excuse me just one moment.” She rose from her seat and pretended to stoke the fire and gently called, “Ms. Katie, could you come here a moment please?”

  Her housekeeper, Katie, arrived promptly wiping her hands on her apron, “Yes, ma’am?”

  “Ms. Jocelyn and I are going to take a walk and get some fresh air. Would you mind keeping an ear out for Wallace?” Phoebe asked.

  “Of course, and shall I go ahead and feed him if he wakes before your return?”

  “Yes, please. We shall not be too long.”

  Katie curtsied and exited. We wrapped our shawls around our shoulders and put on our bonnets and headed out.

  A short distance from the house, Phoebe looked over at me with a strange look on her face. “Jocelyn, I know my lifestyle appears odd to you, but perhaps you will understand my reasoning after you hear my explanation. Yes, Carson and Silas are completely different men with the exception of their height, eye and hair color.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh a little. Her words slightly understated the drastic differences between the two men. “Yes, they are.”

  “You see, before this . . . EVE thing happened to me, I led a very conservative, proper life here and a very modern happy-go-lucky lifestyle there, to say the least. I was a bit of a wild child, as my parents called me and I enjoyed life to the fullest. Then, when the barrier started coming down, I honestly thought it was flashbacks or something from partying too much. When I finally confessed what was happening to Alex, he and my parents explained to me the truth, and I did not exactly take it that well.” She paused to take a deep breath of fresh air before she continued on. “When I finally did adjust I made up my mind that I was going to make the most of my situation and have the best of both worlds if this is what I had to deal with. So I buckled down with my studies and graduated college at the top of my class. Then I went on to law school. I wanted to have a high-powered career that made good money so that I would never have to worry about things financially. Once I had achieved that, it put me in a position that I could marry a man with a carefree spirit that I enjoyed spending time with, made me laugh, was my best friend. I wanted someone whom I loved and that would love me for who I was and couldn’t care less about my money. For me, that was extremely important. And I found that with Carson. He is an incredible man and I love him dearly.”

  “But what about Silas?” I inquired.

  “Silas is a wonderful man also and I love him just as much. I love them both equally yet differently. Silas is a serious man who is very passionate about life and his career. He has a firm yet gentle hand and is more quiet spoken than Carson.” She laughed again and I joined her. “Silas is a respectable loving man who takes good care of me, loves me, and is a wonderful father.”

  “What about Wallace?”

  “You mean who his real father and how do I plan on explaining all this to him someday?” she said, looking me directly in the eye.

  “Well, yes. Who is his biological father?”

  “Carson I believe. I have never had him tested . . . obviously. But he seems to favor him more than Silas. Wouldn’t you agree?”

  “Yes, I believe so.” I nodded my head slightly, still baffled by her strange lifestyle choices.

  “I suppose I will explain it to him the way I have to you when it becomes necessary.”

  “And you believe it to be fair to him? I mean to have two fathers?”

  “Would you believe it to be better for him to be without a father on one plane or the other?”

  “It is not uncommon in 2009 for a career woman to be a single mom,” I pointed out. “At least you would only have one husband.” I immediately regretted the words as soon as I’d said them.

  Phoebe stopped and looked at me, narrowing her eyes a bit. “Don’t judge me, miss. None of us asked for this curse and if there is nothing that I can do to fix it without hurting those I love dearly, then I will make the best of it the way I see fit for me. Imagine yourself in my position for one minute. Why should I have to be alone on one plane because I fell in love on the other and he cannot travel with me? Does that mean that my son should grow up without a father on one plane? With his barrier being completely up until late adolescence or early adulthood, he would always remember the feeling of never having a daddy. Is that fair to him? Could you honestly do that to your child if Jackson could not travel with you?”

  “No,” I whispered softly, thinking of the picture of our three beautiful children. “I know I couldn’t.”

  “I know you may find my choices difficult to understand but I assure you, I love both Silas and Carson with all my heart. While I do appreciate what you are saying, you need to look at the bigger picture for everyone involved. Don’t judge me for the decisions I made to make this lifestyle more bearable for me and my son. Alex and I both believe we have done what is right for us.”

  “I do understand looking at it from your perspective. And I honestly am not judging you for your choices. I just wanted to understand how you saw things.”

  “It was not a decision I made lightly, but it is one that I am happy with. On one plane I have a high-powered career and a nanny to help me with my son when necessary. I make an excellent living, am well respected within the community, and have a husband that I adore. Here, I have a beautiful home, a hardworking and loving husband, a housekeeper, and a peaceful life that gives me some solace after a hectic day in the other plane. It’s a nice reprieve. Plus, I have a beautiful son that means the world to me in both.” She shrugged with a big grin. “I am very happy with my choices and while they may not be right for everyone in our situation, they are right for me personally.”

  “Then that’s all that matters.”

  She placed her hand on my arm and gave it a gentle squeeze. We turned the corner and walked a little ways without saying a word. The noon sun was fighting to break through the clouds and we could still feel some of its warmth. We saw several of our friends and acquaintances out and about that greeted us with glad tidings. Their thoughtfulness still somewhat amazed me with its direct contrast to how individuals behaved in the twenty-first century. Courteousness was not the first thing that came to mind when passing a stranger on the streets of Chicago in modern times.

  “Is that Ms. Maryanne over there staring at you?” Phoebe leaned over and whispered, breaking my train of thought.

  “Yes.” Maryanne was standing next to her father in front of the general store talking to Christina’s father.

  “If looks could kill . . .”

  I couldn’t help but giggle. “I know.”

  “She really needs to stop blaming everyone else for her break-up with Mr. Dimitri.”

  “I doubt she ever will because she will never admit that it was her sparkling personality that drove him away,” I said.

  “Yes, she is very sweet. Just like her mother from what I hear,” she smirked.

  “A carbon copy of her mother to be p
recise,” I replied, but Phoebe stopped and grabbed my arm firmly with a weird look on her face.

  “Jocelyn . . . do you realize what you just said?” Panic flooded her face.

  “What?” I said, feeling confused.

  Her eyes widened as she waited for me to realize what I’d said, but I was completely clueless. “What?” I asked again a little louder.

  She pulled me closer to her and whispered in my ear, “Carbon copy!” She stepped back a little and tilted her head and widened her eyes at me again.

  “Yeah . . . so?” I shrugged. “What?”

  “Jocelyn, I know you are not that thick!”

  “What in the world are you flipping out about?”

  Phoebe grabbed my arm a little more gently so as not to draw any attention to us from onlookers and guided me over to a more isolated location by the post office, which was closed on Saturdays.

  “First off, you cannot say carbon copy. It has not been invented yet! Secondly, you cannot say flipping out either. It’s slang and ladies do not use slang!” she scolded.

  Then it hit me. I finally understood what Jackson and his parents had been constantly warning me about: little slip-ups. And I hadn’t even realized it. The words had literally rolled right off my tongue without me giving it a second thought.

  “Oh my goodness!” My hands flew up over my mouth. “I had not even realized . . .”

  “I know.” She put her hand on my shoulder in a comforting manner. “It’s all right, but you have to be more careful. No one heard you . . . this time.”

  “I am so sorry, I . . .” I fumbled my words, feeling dumbfounded.

  “It’s all right, calm down. No harm was done.” She laughed slightly. “Come on, we need to get back home. Wallace should be awake soon if he’s not already.”

  ***

  Jackson came over a little before three in the afternoon. I had been trying to focus on reading Jane Austen’s Sense and Sensibility, but I couldn’t concentrate on it and kept rereading the same paragraph over and over again. I was thrilled when he showed up and I happily tossed the book aside.

  “Where have you been all day?” I rushed into his eager arms.

  “Doing a little holiday shopping,” he laughed, flashing me a brilliant smile. “Guess you missed me.”

  “Only a little,” I teased and kissed him on the cheek.

  “I would have been here sooner, but my sister stopped by with Wallace. She told me something rather interesting about your conversation this morning.” He gave me a coy smile.

  “Really? What did she say?” I wasn’t sure if he was referring to my inquisition into her lifestyle or my slip-up.

  “Only that I need to spend a little more time monitoring your vocabulary,” he laughed.

  “I had a minor slip this morning,” I grinned and shrugged.

  “Something about a carbon copy and flipping out,” he whispered before laughing loudly.

  “Oh, stop it!” I playfully slapped him on the arm. “It could have been much worse.”

  “True.”

  “I am sorry. I said it without thinking first. It was stupid.”

  “Yes, it was. But understandable.”

  “Perhaps, but I will need to be more careful. This is all so incredibly strange. I do not feel like myself the majority of the time. I know things that I shouldn’t and have no clue of why or how I know them. It’s the most bizarre feeling,” I half complained.

  “It will be that way for a while, I’m sorry to say. But you will have to be more cautious of your vocabulary until the barrier is completely dissolved.”

  “I feel as if I don’t know what is real and what is not anymore. I cannot seem to differentiate reality from memory. It’s frustrating to know things that are to come but not be able to explain how I know them.” I looked over at Jackson with pleading eyes. “Does that make any sense?”

  “To anyone who did not know better, no,” he laughed and put his arm around me. “But to me, yes. It makes perfect sense.”

  ***

  My mind was a whirlwind of thought as I tried to settle down for the evening. Mimi was setting out my gown for tomorrow morning and I watched her carefully moving about my room. It was strange to think of not having her in my life every day. Not to have her as my voice of reason when I was set on being stubborn and bullheaded was unchartered territory. Even when I was behaving my worst, Mimi was always there to bring me around and force me to see things from a different perspective. I always loved her for it later, but I hated it at the time.

  She kissed me gently on the forehead and dimmed the oil lamp while Eddie put a couple logs on the fire before they both left me for the night. I rolled over and watched the moonlight dance amongst the trees displaying their beautiful waltz along my bedroom walls. Part of my mind knew this was a familiar ritual for me in my other world as well except the shadows were larger because the trees just outside my windows were so much older there and shaped differently from being trimmed back against the house.

  My mind was like a jigsaw puzzle with several essential pieces still missing to make it complete. Without those pieces, I felt like I couldn’t rest with any real peace. There were still so many unanswered questions, things that flashed before me that I didn’t recognize or understand. Strange objects and weird things that made no sense haunted me nearly every waking hour. In a vague attempt, I closed my eyes and tried to splice together everything I had seen and been told recently to picture what exactly my life was like in 2009. It was hard to fathom how drastically different it really was. Thinking of having a family that was not closely bonded, gadgets that practically do any and everything for you, devices to talk to people anywhere at any time, choices, opinions, and actual freedom were more than my nineteenth century mind could comprehend. I couldn’t help but think about when the barrier was finally demolished; would combining such different worlds in one person even be possible? I knew the Chandlers dealt with it as commonplace, but somehow I didn’t know if I could ever be so graceful.

  CHAPTER 3

  Saturday, November 28, 2009

  EAR PIERCING SCREAMS soared through the blackened house in the early morning hours. I bolted upright dazed and confused. It took several more moments before it registered in my brain that I was no longer asleep and for once it wasn’t me who was screaming.

  Footsteps stormed the hall followed by a barrage of confused swearing in my father’s sleepy voice. My door flung open startling me even further, “Jocelyn?”

  “Dad?” My dad stood in my darkened doorway looking frazzled in his pajama bottoms, no shirt, bare feet. and open bathrobe.

  “Ethan?” My dad shouted and disappeared down the hallway.

  I leapt out of bed and followed. My dad threw open Ethan’s door as I collided behind him to see what was going on. Ethan was sound asleep and snoring, completely oblivious to anything going on.

  “What in the world is going on?” My mother stood in their bedroom doorway rubbing her eyes. Neither of us answered her.

  Another scream rang through the halls sending cold chills down my spine. “Sidney!” I hollered and ran to the bell-way stairs.

  The screaming hit new heights when I threw open her door and ran up the stairs with my dad clamoring behind me, muttering disbeliefs and disruptions. When I hit the landing I grabbed a hold of the railing and came to an abrupt halt in stunned disbelief at what my eyes were witnessing. My dad ran into me unaware that I had stopped short, shoving me forward into the room.

  Sidney was sitting upright in her bed, her eyes unfocused and screaming madly. Landon was kneeling in front of her with both his hands on her arms and shaking her wildly. “Sid! Wake up! Wake up! Sidney!” he repeated over and over.

  My dad pushed past me to Sidney’s bedside. “Sidney!” he practically shoved Landon out of the way. “Wake up!” he said, grabbing her.

  Sidney was nonresponsive to either of their pleas. She just continued screaming blindly. I held onto the rail hoping in vain that my knees would not
give out. In my blurred vision of the events unfolding before me, I could see myself in Sidney’s place and William screaming and shaking me wildly. The image made the tiny hairs on the back of my neck stand on end.

  My mom’s frantic shove brought me back into reality as she flew by me. “What is going on?” she hollered over Sidney’s constant screams.

  “She won’t wake up!” Dad yelled back.

  “Smack her!” she yelled.

  “I will not!” he hollered over his shoulder.

  My mom pushed Dad out of the way and hesitantly smacked her Sidney across the face. Sidney’s eyes immediately focused on our mom, but quickly became confused. She was drenched with perspiration and tears. She was breathing heavily and starring at us with silent tears rolling down her reddened cheeks. I don’t believe I’d ever seen my sister in such a state.

  My parents tried to recompose themselves and began to question Landon extensively. I quietly turned and crept back down the stairs. I paused in the hallway at the bottom of Sidney’s stairwell and leaned against her doorframe. I could hear muffled cries and words coming from her room but nothing was audible. I glanced in the direction of Ethan’s room, which was still silent. I have no idea how he managed to sleep through all that. It was so like him though.

  Sidney’s bizarre screaming nightmare hit so close to home it aroused every feeling of terror and uneasiness that I had experienced myself in both periods. I knew that I had never seen Sidney in my other world. Is it possible that she could have inherited this curse too? Could she have another life somewhere other than where mine was? Could that kind of thing even happen?

  My mind raced with questions that I had absolutely no answers for. I listened for a few more minutes to the mumblings from above before I made my way back to my room. The alarm clock announced that it was only two thirty in the morning. I pulled the curtain back and glanced at the house across the way. Everything stood dark and silent. I reached for my cell phone, wondering if perhaps Jackson had his phone beside him as he slept.