Perception

by A. L. Waddington

  ***

  I got home shortly before eight and ran straight upstairs to my computer. I typed in the website for Indiana University and found their search engine. I typed in my uncle’s name and it pulled up a picture of him, his credentials, department, and contact information at the university. The face staring back at me on the monitor was indeed the same one that I vaguely recalled from my youth and the visions of my other life.

  It seemed my uncle Nicholas held a doctorate in history and a bachelor’s in Philosophy. A rather queer combination for the ordinary person. I pulled up Microsoft Word on my computer and started drafting an email to him. I got as far as the initial salutations and then sat there stumped and staring at the screen. I had no clue how to begin such a letter. Hello, Uncle Nicholas, this is your niece Jocelyn and I was wondering if you also had the ability to live on two planes of existence like I do. I was told by the Chandlers, who came to Chicago looking for me, that’s it’s referred to as EVE. If you do happen to have it and would like to discuss it with me, please call me.

  Yeah, that doesn’t sound a bit insane.

  I sighed heavily and deleted the document. There was no way I could send him a casual email of any sort. I needed to speak with him in person. But how am I going to get all the way down to Bloomington Indiana? It’s at least a five-hour drive.

  ***

  An hour later I found my dad milling over paperwork in his office.

  “Ummm, Dad, mind if I interrupt for a second?” I lingered in the doorway.

  “Sure.” He looked up as I took a seat in the armchair across from his desk by the hearth. “What’s up?”

  “I wanted to check something with you. Emily and I were working on the guest list for the wedding and she asked me about our family,” I lied, hoping not to draw any suspicion from him.

  “Okay.” He shuffled some papers around not paying much attention to me.

  “Well, I wasn’t sure if you wanted me to invite Uncle Nick or not.”

  His demeanor immediately changed. “No, you most certainly may not invite him!”

  “All right, I just wanted to check. I know you didn’t want to see him last summer when we were down at IU, but I wasn’t sure if you had spoken to him since.” I tried to play it off innocently.

  “No, nor do I plan to.” He shuffled his papers again absentmindedly. “You don’t need that crackpot ruining your wedding.”

  “Crackpot?” I laughed. “I thought he was a professor?”

  “He is, but . . .” My dad took a deep breath and exhaled loudly. “Jocelyn, I have not spoken to Nick since Monte passed away unexpectedly. Your uncle said some things at the funeral that well . . . make me believe that he’s not exactly playing with a full deck.”

  “Really? Like what?” I gently urged him to continue.

  “It’s a long story, Jocelyn and not one you should worry about.”

  “But what could he have said that was so awful that would cause you not to speak to him for more than a decade?” I pushed.

  “He told me after the funeral, when we were alone, that Monte and he had inherited some special gift. Some weird thing, I can’t even remember what he called it, but he said that it allowed them to live on two planes of existence and that our brother was in love with a woman named Vivian. She apparently did not have this gift so rather than live only with her part time, he chose to leave our world and is now happily married and living in the late nineteenth century.” My dad half laughed and rolled his eyes. “So yes, that is why I call him a crackpot.”

  I grimaced slightly and nodded my head. “Understandable. So I won’t invite Uncle Nick. Anyone else I need to know about?”

  “Nope.” He glanced over at his clock. “You’d better focus on your homework right now and worry about the guest list later.”

  “All right, Dad.” I got up and walked over to his chair. I gave him a hug and kissed his cheek. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

  “Sweet dreams,” he said before I closed his office door.

  I headed back upstairs to call Jackson. I stopped for a moment in front of Ethan’s room. His television was blaring and I could hear him talking on his cell phone to someone. I hated to admit how much I really missed him. He was always someone I’d taken for granted would always be in my life, but now he wouldn’t even speak to me.

  I flopped down across my bed and picked up my cell phone. I dialed Jackson’s number and waited impatiently for the call to connect.

  “Hello?” he answered on the third ring.

  “Hey, you’ll never believe what I just found out!” I rambled on tirelessly everything my dad had just told me.

  “Hmmm . . .”

  “Hmmm? Is that all you’re going to say?”

  “What did you expect me to say?” he chuckled.

  “I don’t know. Something. I can’t believe he actually told my dad the truth. What was he expecting him to think?” I asked.

  “I am not sure. It is rather unusual,” Jackson admitted.

  “No wonder they haven’t spoken in years.”

  “I cannot imagine Alexander doing anything that would make me cut him out of my life, even if I did not agree with his views or beliefs.”

  “I never thought anything could come between Ethan and me either, but look at us now. We’re not talking.”

  “Yes, but that is only temporary and you did not cut him out of your life.”

  “I want to see him, talk to him in person.”

  “Isn’t he across the hall?” Jackson said in a coy tone.

  “Cute. I was talking about my uncle Nicholas. I know where he’s at. It’s the getting there that’s going to be a problem. IU is about five hours away,” I explained.

  “That’s not that far. Let me see what I can do.”

  “Jackson, what are you up to now?”

  “I will let you know in the morning.”

  “Jackson?” He knew how much I hated it when he pulled this crap.

  “I will see you in the morning. I love you.”

  “I love you too.”

  I hung up the phone not sure what exactly he had in mind. I set the phone on my nightstand and picked up Uncle Monte’s journal hoping I could find something in there that would give me a little insight into what my uncle Nicholas was up to.

  CHAPTER 8

  Thursday, December 01, 1878

  THE RAIN was never ending. It suffocated our world with all the emotions that the entire household was wearing on their sleeves. We remained in mourning for the loss of William and Olivia’s child. Sadness hung heavy over all of us and everyone’s movements, including the staff, were slower, almost challenging.

  The long days at prep seemed torturous as I hated spending the time away from Olivia and Jackson. Classes were the furthest thing from my mind and I had no desire to put any effort into my studies. I felt my time would be better spent comforting Olivia if it was only sitting beside her bed quietly holding her hand.

  By the time Elizabeth and I set out for home the temperatures had dropped markedly. The sky had finally opened, allowing soft light flakes to drift down around us. The air was frigid, clean, and crisp. She chatted lightly about Lee and how their relationship was moving along smoothly. She talked about his siblings, his parents and his childhood in Indiana. I listened intently, grateful for the distraction from all the drama in my worlds. I was saddened when we finally reached my house and had to part ways, but she was anxious to get home and complete her schoolwork before Lee stopped by after work.

  After putting my things aside, I made my way to the stairs leading to William and Olivia’s room. I knocked softly on the door but received no reply. I quietly opened the door, expecting her to be asleep. Instead I found her sitting in the rocker staring blankly out the side window in the direction of the house she had once called home.

  “Good afternoon, Olivia. How are you feeling today?” I asked softly.

  “I wonder if they know,” she said in a low voice without looking in my direction.<
br />
  I crossed the room and sat down on the end of the bed. “I don’t know how they would. No one knows where they moved.”

  “I would imagine someone knows. I thought about writing my grandmother and asking her. I am sure she knows how to get in touch with them.”

  “Perhaps you should if it would make you feel better.” I couldn’t imagine why she would want to after all they had done to her, but I supposed she had her reasons.

  “I’m not sure if I am ready to speak with them yet.” Olivia shrugged slightly still focused on the house next door.

  “Are you all right?”

  “Would you mind, Jocelyn, I would like to be alone right now.”

  “Whatever you want, Olivia. Just remember I’m right down the hall if you need anything.”

  “Thank you,” she whispered before I closed the door behind me.

  ***

  I joined William and my parents for dinner in the dining room after I had completed my homework. The conversation was light and not over any particular subject. William’s eyes were dark and heavy and he looked as poorly as he had in the weeks before his wedding. He remarked once that he would be leaving early in the morning to return to Northwestern. He said he was afraid that he was falling behind in his coursework, yet was still unsure about leaving his wife in such a state. Mother promised him repeatedly that we would all take very good care of her.

  Once the rest of my family had retired for the evening, I leaned my head against the windowpane in my bedroom taking a moment to collect my thoughts. The overwhelming urge to scream had died out into pure exhaustion. The world seemed to be a cold, cruel, and unfair place.

  The soft sound of approaching footsteps broke my train of thought.

  “How ya holdin’ up, child?” Mimi placed her warm gentle hand on my shoulder.

  I peered up into her caring tired eyes and tried to smile. “I’m all right. How is Olivia doing?”

  “Finally asleep.”

  “Good.” I let out a small sigh of relief.

  “Yes’m, I’s thinks so. She’s had a rough time of it. I did get her to drink some chicken broth befo’ she drifted off.” She sat down on the other end of the bay window.

  I nodded my head slowly. “Good. She will need it to regain some strength.”

  “Yes’m,” Mimi gave me a motherly smile.

  We sat in silence for a short while. Mimi looked tired and worn out, like the last couple months had weighed heavily on her too.

  “I wish I could understand why all of this happened?” I whispered.

  Of course I was referring to the loss of the baby but also this new world that was exploding around me as well.

  “I’s don’t know, child, but everything happens for a reason.”

  I closed my eyes and tried to fathom what possible event had suddenly occurred to make it necessary to flip my entire world upside down. A part of me was elated with the idea of getting to continue my education and have any career I desired. Still, the flip side of the coin was full of despair at all the new limitations and restrictions being thrust upon me. Having to monitor every word, every action, social cue, was overwhelming. I felt like I was being placed under a microscope and studied. Perhaps maybe I should be . . . perhaps then I can finally get some answers about this whole EVE thing. Why do I have to be the only one amongst my siblings to inherit such a gift . . . or curse?

  To have the ability to experience life in two lives, in drastically different worlds, remained a concept that felt so surreal to me. How is it even possible to have one life that is so . . . basic and another that is so challenging and amazing at the same time? I wondered how many people actually had the same genetic marker.

  CHAPTER 9

  Thursday, December 03, 2009

  JACKSON WAS ALREADY WAITING for us next to his car when Ethan and I walked out the front door. He was smiling widely, which made me all the more nervous about what he was up to after our conversation the night before.

  “Do you have any plans this weekend?” he asked as we approached.

  “No, why?”

  “My dad managed to get his hands on four tickets to the Colts game on Sunday for my birthday.” Jackson’s smile broadened.

  “The Colts? They’re not playing the Bears this Sunday.” Ethan looked oddly at Jackson. It was the first almost polite thing that he had said to him in weeks.

  “I know. They are playing Tennessee at the new Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianapolis.” Jackson turned his attention back in my direction. “So, would you like to go?”

  “Of course,” I quickly realized what he had put together for me.

  “But you don’t even like football!” Ethan said loudly.

  “I do so. I go to all your games, don’t I?” I glared his way.

  “Only because your friends go. You never watch NFL games.” His eyes narrowed at me as he opened the back door.

  “Maybe you should have thought about that before being such an ass to Jackson. Then maybe he would have asked you instead,” I taunted before climbing in the passenger seat and slamming the door.

  “You don’t even know who their quarterback is,” Ethan continued hotly, folding his body into the backseat.

  “Peyton Manning. Geez E, even I know that.” I turned around and smirked at him.

  “There’s no way Mom is going to let you go.” He returned, satisfied with his quick wit.

  “I’m eighteen, remember? I do not need her permission to go anywhere.” I turned back around and the three of us remained silent the rest of the drive to school.

  Word about our trip to Indy seemed to spread like wildfire throughout our group of friends. During lunch, both Cody and Zak volunteered to take my place and tried several times to change Jackson’s mind about taking me to the game. Apparently this new stadium was some big deal in the NFL and the Colts were great prospects for the Super Bowl. None of which I knew anything about.

  Jackson made me suffer all day at school. He wouldn’t give me any of the details as to what he and his parents were up to. All he would say is that everything was covered. By the time we made it to Mr. Rand’s psychology class at the end of the day, I was ready to strangle him.

  Jackson had practice during the small break that we got before our opening game. So I had no opportunity to drill him on anything. I fidgeted relentlessly, which thankfully Caitlyn attributed to my nerves for the opening game.

  “Hey, calm down. This is no different than any other game we’ve played.” She placed her hand on my shoulder in the locker room.

  “I can’t believe it. This is our last first basketball game in high school.” Hilary leaned against her locker. “I can’t believe how fast this year is flying by.”

  “I know, Christmas break is only three weeks away and then 2010,” Jenna added, slipping on her jersey.

  Their voices faded around me as I went through the motions of changing into my uniform and thought about how different I was with them in comparison to Olivia, Elizabeth, Laurie, and Christine. I couldn’t imagine any of them attempting anything remotely close to a sporting activity, nor the girl I was there.

  “Jocelyn? You okay?” I nodded numbly. “Come on. We’ve got to get out there.” Jenna tugged on my arm.

  We trotted out onto the court with the rest of our teammates and performed the same ol’ routine we’d done before every game during our high school career. Jenna smiled and waved over at the bleachers causing my gaze to follow. Jackson, Kyle, Cody, and Zak were all sitting together. I smiled at Jackson and scanned to see whether my parents or Ethan had arrived yet. Then my heart sunk a little when I found only my dad sitting beside Jackson’s and Jenna’s parents without my mom or brother.

  We fought hard and barely came out victorious. Being the starting point guard, it took me several plays before I became immersed in the game and forgot about all the drama outside the gym. Luckily, the other team made several sloppy passes, making it very easy for Caitlyn to steal the ball.

  ***

 
; Showered and changed, I stood in front of my locker with my friends but could not seem to join in on their enthusiasm for our win. My mind kept wandering back to what my dad had said about his brother’s confession. It had destroyed their relationship and splintered our family. I could not help but think of the Uncle Nicolas I recalled from my other life and how much I enjoyed his easy-going and jovial temperament. I couldn’t help but be curious about the professor at IU. Was this man similar to the one in my visions? Could he be like the Chandlers and have the same temperament in both eras? Was he well-adjusted to living dual existences? Or was he more like me and struggling with it?

  I emerged from the locker room with Jenna to find our little fan club waiting on us.

  “You did great, pumpkin.” My dad said excitedly.

  “Dad . . . pumpkin?” I rolled my eyes with a playful nudge.

  “Sorry,” he laughed. “Habit.” He turned towards Jenna. “Great game, Jenna.”

  “Thanks, Dad,” she teased.

  “You ladies hungry?” Jenna’s mother, Melinda, asked.

  “Starving,” Jenna responded.

  “Ditto,” I followed.

  “Anyone up for a bite at I-Hop?” her dad, Craig, suggested.

  “Sounds good,” Robert answered and we all nodded. “Great, we will meet you all there.”

  “Would you like to ride with us?” Jackson leaned towards me.

  “Actually, I think I’ll keep my dad company if you don’t mind.” I gave him a quick kiss and took my dad’s arm.

  “Of course.”

  ***

  The night air had really turned brisk or maybe it was just walking out of the hot gym that made it feel so frigid, but the cold wind tore through my thin sweats. I shivered and huddled closer to my dad. He smiled and put his arm around me as we walked to his car.

  “You know, I’m really going to miss this,” he said, climbing in the driver’s side.

  “Me too,” I smiled at him before getting in on the passenger side.