“I understand all that and yes, some of it is truly amazing, but I feel as if I do not know where I fit into the larger scheme of things.” I tried to express myself the best way I could.
“You fit in the same place as you always have. Like the rest of us you have the best of both worlds. You will get to witness the industrial revolution, see the turn of two centuries, be a part of the technological revolution and experience firsthand the drastic differences between the two worlds. I cannot begin to tell you how truly lucky you are. There are so many people who would be so intrigued to have such a gift.” Uncle Nicholas’s enthusiasm was almost contagious, but not quite.
“But doesn’t it get confusing, trying to keep it all straight?”
“In the beginning, in the stage you are in it can be extremely confusing, even terrifying at times. I remember being in your position and it sounded so condescending when family members would say things like this to me.”
“Yes, I know,” I chuckled a bit.
Emily walked over and joined us. She looked lovely this evening in her rich coffee brown dress with an ivory lace collar. “Is everything all right?”
“Yes, of course. Jocelyn and I were discussing the fun stages of EVE,” he explained.
“I see,” she sipped her coffee. “I do not believe any of us ever forget those.”
“I think what bothers me the most about my other life there is the family dynamics. While it seems women have gained a great deal in independence, from what I have seen it appears it was achieved at a great sacrifice to the family. At least that is the way it appears with my own family,” I explained.
“Yes, it is true, Amy is very career driven and not exactly a homemaker but not all women there are that way. There are still a great many women who manage to work full time and maintain an active and close relationship with their children. Plus, there are those who stay home with their children and are very happy doing so,” Emily whispered softly.
“From what I have observed, Amy cannot cook, clean, or really has anything to do with the household or our family. She works all the time and she is more concerned about my education than my happiness,” I confessed.
“I know there is a great deal of tension in your home since you and Jackson announced your engagement and that Ethan and Amy are being unkind to you, but I know they both love you very much. I am sure they will come around in time.” Emily squeezed my arm gently in reassurance.
“Amy has always been very career oriented. Shane knew that when he married her, but she was a very beautiful and sweet woman when they met. But the long hours and hectic schedules have hardened her in many ways. However, I know she is only worried about you and your future. She has always been a wonderful mother and I am positive she loves you very much,” Uncle Nicholas added.
“She sure has an unusual way of demonstrating it.” I rolled my eyes with a smile. As much as I did not want to admit it, talking to them actually did make me feel much better.
Olivia and William had remained upstairs throughout the entire evening. I knew they were both aware of the celebration taking place beneath them. I thought of going upstairs and trying to talk with her but something held me back. I had no words of comfort for her or for my brother.
CHAPTER 19
Saturday, December 12, 2009
I WOKE UP stiff and score. I stretched and a small moan escaped from my lips. My tumbling match with Ethan the night before took more of a toll on me than I had initially thought. I climbed out of bed and looked at myself in the vanity mirror. There was a nice knot and bruise under my left eye and I had a bit of a fat lip probably caused by Ethan’s elbow or head. It wasn’t nearly as bad as the one I’d received from the coffee table but still, it didn’t look good.
I quickly threw on a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt. My arms and legs had scattered bruises on them, giving me a very spotted appearance. I brushed out my hair and decided to leave it down, hoping it would help cover the bruises if not my entire face. I felt so ridiculous going to the clinic now. It looked like I was a battered girlfriend trying to get some birth control so I wouldn’t get knocked up by my crazy boyfriend. And no amount of make-up was going to help with the swelling.
***
Jenna sat in my passenger seat laughing her butt off as I retold what happened last evening between my brother and me.
“I wish I could have seen it.”
“It’s not funny.” I looked over at her out of the corner of my eye.
“Yes it is. You just don’t see it.”
“Can we talk about something else please?”
“Fine.” I could still see her struggling to stifle her laughter. I turned up the radio and we dropped the subject and sang along, each of us purposely not saying what we were actually thinking.
***
“Well?” Jenna asked expectantly.
“I got them.” I quickly walked out of the clinic with Jenna close behind me.
“That’s good, isn’t it?” she whispered over my shoulder trying to keep up with me.
“Yes,” I pushed the elevator button. “Want to get some coffee?”
“Um . . . sure.” She gave me a puzzled look as the door opened and we stepped in.
As the door closed I turned towards her. “I have never felt more uncomfortable in all my life! That was horrible!”
“What?”
“The exam . . . I thought you’ve had a pap before?”
“No,” she shook her head.
“But you and Kyle . . .”
“Condoms.”
“Yeah, well we have to use them also, at least for the first month after my next period,” I explained.
“They’re not so bad,” she shrugged as the doors opened on the first floor.
We remained silent as we walked outside and around the corner to some little coffee shop. We ordered our drinks and slid into a booth in the back.
“I was hoping we’d never have to use them. After all, we are getting married.”
“Are you saying you two still haven’t done it yet?” She clearly was surprised.
“No, not yet.”
“Why? He’s not a virgin, is he?” she whispered leaning towards me.
“No. He’s slept with a few girls in college,” I slipped before I caught myself.
“College girls? Ouch! Guess you have a right to be so nervous having to compete with them.” She made a face before taking a sip of her coffee.
“I hadn’t thought about that.” I said more to myself than to her. “Damn it . . . great! Now not only am I nervous and scared about my first time, I’m going to suck at it compared to them!” I looked over at her trying not to cry.
“You’re not going to suck at it. But yes, the first time sucks. I’m sorry, but it does.” She shrugged.
“Great,” I muttered.
“When are you two planning on . . . ?”
“Soon. Probably Christmas break.”
“Well, don’t worry about it.” She tried to smile but didn’t pull it off very well. “So, college girls . . . huh?” She sipped her coffee. “That’s not all that surprising really.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Really, Jocelyn, look at him. He’s gorgeous. It’s not surprising that he’s been out with college girls. You can’t tell me that you haven’t noticed the way everyone looks at him?” She looked at me over her coffee and raised her eyebrows.
“Yes, I have. It’s funny because he doesn’t seem to notice it at all.”
“Yeah, I guess he and Zak definitely don’t have that in common. Zak loves the attention and Jackson seems almost oblivious to it.”
We did a little bit of shopping before we headed back to the suburbs. We drove the majority of the way in silence, just listening to the radio. I couldn’t get her comments out of my head. As if losing my virginity wasn’t bad enough, all I could think of was how bad my performance would be in comparison to his previous partners. I was positive I was going to be such a letdown to him in
that department. I hated the thought of him secretly being unsatisfied with me but there was no way I could ever ask him.
***
Jenna went home to finish up her own homework so we could all get together later. The house was silent by the time I returned. I wasn’t sure where anyone was so I hurried up the stairs and closed my bedroom door behind me. I put the three month supply of sample birth control packs in my nightstand under some loose papers, knowing no one ever touched those drawers but me. It felt silly to sneak around but I really didn’t want another confrontation with my mother over Jackson and really didn’t want to have that conversation with my dad either.
My stomach had started grumbling and I realized that it was almost one o’clock and I hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast. I grabbed my study material for biology and headed downstairs to find something to eat.
The refrigerator and pantry left little to be desired. I grabbed some bread and peanut butter and started making myself a sandwich when my phone began buzzing.
“Hey sweetie,” I noticed Jackson’s ID before I answered.
“Hello, where have you been? I noticed your car was missing this morning. Are we still studying?”
“Sure.” I quickly began cleaning up my mess. “I’ll be over in a few minutes.”
“All right, see you soon. I love you.”
“You too.” I quickly hung up the phone before he could inquire any further and stuffed the sandwich in my mouth.
***
Jackson answered the door wearing nice fitted jeans and a maroon tee-shirt with a casual dress shirt hanging unbuttoned in various shades of striped grey. His almost black hair was perfectly tousled and curling more than usual as if he was in need of a trim sometime soon.
“Hello, baby.” He smiled and stepped back to let me enter.
“You look nice, Bae.” I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck giving him a kiss.
“My sister just sent me this from Boston for my birthday. You like it?”
“Very much so. Phoebe has good taste,” I remarked as we made our way to the family room. “Where’s your parents?”
“Shopping. They will be back shortly. Have a seat, make yourself at home.” He gestured towards the couch. “Would you like something to drink?”
“Sure,” I replied, taking a seat and putting my books down on the coffee table.
“Green tea?”
“Perfect, thanks.”
He headed off into the kitchen with a giddy lightness to his steps that immediately made me wonder what in the world he was up to. I tried to focus my attention on the first Lord of the Rings movie he had playing on the television and made myself comfortable on their oversized stuffed couch.
“Here you are.” Jackson returned, placing both drinks down on the table beside my books.
“Thank you.”
“Nice shiner.” He lightly touched my face.
“Beautiful, isn’t it?” I smirked.
He flashed his lopsided grin at me and sat down wrapping his arm around me pulling me closer to him. “So, are you going to confess to your whereabouts this morning?”
“I thought we already decided that you weren’t going to ask questions with Christmas right around the corner.” I continued to stare at the TV, hoping he wouldn’t notice the blush that rushed to my cheeks.
“I would not have asked if you had come home with Jenna and a bunch of packages, but you did not,” he said.
“Were you spying on me?” I tried to turn the tables.
“No, my parents were leaving about the same time so I was at the door talking to my dad when you pulled up,” he smirked.
“Some things do fit inside a purse you know?”
“Nice try. Why won’t you tell me where you were? Am I going to be upset?” He straightened up to look directly at me.
“No,” I stuttered. “It’s just embarrassing.” I looked back at the movie, wishing he’d just drop the subject although I knew he wouldn’t.
“Embarrassing? Why?”
“Because it is, Jackson. Will you please just let it go? There are some things . . .” I didn’t know how to finish the sentence.
“What? You’ve lost me . . .”
In exasperation I turned and faced him. “Fine, you want to know where I was. I asked Jenna to go with me to a clinic in the city where the physicians don’t know my mom so that I could get a physical to get on the pill. Happy now?”
“And why is that embarrassing?” He honestly looked confused.
“Because it is . . . that’s why”
“We are getting married in a couple weeks. Don’t you think this should have been a conversation we already had?” He raised his eyebrows a bit.
“I was going to get on the pill earlier right after Halloween but then we broke up so . . .”
He gave me a tight squeeze. “Not a big deal. We will just use condoms for a while just to be on the safe side.”
“And you don’t mind?” I had always heard how much guys hated them.
“I have honestly never had sex without one,” he shrugged. “I mean, I never thought we would have to use them, but it is all right. As long as I get to be with you, that’s all I care about.” He leaned down and gave me a reassuring kiss.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. So what did the doctor say?” he inquired.
“About what?”
“Your physical.”
“Oh that . . . I’m fine.”
“Good, and on a lighter note. I have some great news to share with you.”
“Really?” I snuggled back against his chest.
“What are your plans for Christmas break?” A coy smile rested on his shapely lips.
“I thought I was marrying you.”
“Here, dork!”
“I don’t know. Lying around the house in my pajamas all day watching movies and eating junk food,” I shrugged.
“How would you like to go to Boston with us?” he asked.
“You mean you’re not going to be here for Christmas?” I sat straight up in alarm.
How can he do this? Especially with us getting married on Christmas Eve. I thought it was going to be time for us . . .
“No, my parents are planning on going home for Christmas so they can spend time with Alex and Phoebe and their families. I figured you knew that.”
“No! I thought . . . I mean, I assumed . . .” I stood up and walked over to the hearth. I stared down at the dancing flames feeling foolish for the tears that welled up in my eyes.
Jackson followed. “Hey, none of that.” He turned me towards him and wrapped his arms around me. “I was always planning on taking you with us.”
“My parents would never let me leave over Christmas,” I tried to explain.
“My dad already spoke with your dad this morning and you are coming to Boston with us.” He pulled me close to him and kissed the top of my head. “Do you really think I would leave you on our wedding day and honeymoon?”
I rested my head against his chest feeling a rush of relief. Being away from him was like trying to survive without air. I couldn’t do it. “I’m sorry.”
“Plus, as a wedding gift from my siblings, you and I are going to New York for a few days.”
“Seriously?”
“Yes, we will leave the day after school gets out, drive to Boston with my parents, visit everyone for a few days and then you and I will leave the day after Christmas for New York and stay there until January third. Then we will drive back to Boston, spend the night and the four of us will drive home on the fifth.”
“And my parents are okay with this?” I looked up into his gorgeous emerald green eyes.
“Well, your dad is, at least about the Boston part. I figured we would not mention New York until after we return and then allude that all of us went.” A mischievous grin slid across his lips.
“You little devil.” I reached up and pressed my lips upon his.
Fire ignited with a vengeance. I twisted m
y fingers up in the back of his hair and wrapped my other hand around his waist pulling him towards me. With one hand he cupped the side of my face and the other pressed firmly against my back. Our appetite rose to a heightened level as he guided us back over to the couch. We gently fell backwards upon it with him lying over me. Our hands hungrily explored each other’s bodies.
Jackson carefully slipped his hand beneath my sweatshirt, then my tank top. Our mouths devoured each other as I felt his hand slide over my breast and gently caress it. I let out a small moan and tightened my grip on him, letting my other hand roam freely beneath his tee shirt over his sculpted chest and abdomen. I couldn’t believe how ripped he was. I couldn’t get enough of him. I started tugging on his shirt and got it off him. Jackson leaned up, slowly straddling me as I breathlessly ran my hands over his upper torso under his tee shirt before sliding it up over his head.
His body was amazing. He looked like something out of a movie or magazine. I had to remind myself that he was twenty-two and not a teenager like the other boys in our school. He was a man.
Jackson looked down at me with a sleepy dreamlike expression on his face that heightened every nerve in my body. I traced my hands slowly over his bare chest as our eyes embraced each other. Neither of us said a word nor did we try and deny what we both were feeling or wanted.
He lightly ran his fingers over the middle part of my abdomen that was exposed. Then he slowly placed his hands on my sides under both my shirts and pulled them both off over my head. I rested back on the couch pillow with my hair billowing out around me. He smiled softly down at me making me ever so thankful that I had put on my matching light pink lace bra and panties when I got out of the shower this morning.
“You are so beautiful,” he whispered barely loud enough for me to hear him.
Jackson leaned back down over me, one leg standing on the floor and one knee on the couch between my legs. His arms wrapped tightly around me as mine did him. Our lips met in an unquenchable desire for more. My hands were grasping at his body pulling him closer and harder against my own. I could feel his fingers wrapping through my hair, his lips moved down to my breast, my stomach.
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