“Mrs. Harrison?” A sweet-faced middle-aged nurse called from the clip-board she was clutching.
My heart pounded. “Yes.” I stood up at the same time as Jax and he squeezed my hand, infusing it with some of his strength. We followed the nurse’s Snoopy scrubs out of the waiting room and into the belly of the Coastal Cancer Center. I didn’t feel like I belonged there. I felt like the cancer in such a pristine, sterile-smelling place, pastels on every inch of the walls, furniture and floors. Cha-Cha, you’d better behave.
After taking my vitals and measuring my height and weight, she asked me to remove my shirt and don one of the horrifically embarrassing white paper shirts. It was scratchy and opened in the front, so I overlapped the layers and held it tight against my body. It didn’t take long for the cold air to pebble my skin.
I sat on the examination table while Jaxon stood beside me rubbing my back gently. It was strange to me that such a strong, masculine guy could be so tender at times.
Two rapid knocks sounded before the door inched open and the doctor strode in. He was probably near forty with hair that looked as though it had recently been dyed dark brown, at least around the temples. It seemed darker there. His gray eyes peered through silver wire lenses as he introduced himself and shook my hand and then Jaxon’s. “Doctor Eric Golden. You must be Mercy.”
“Yes. This is my husband, Jaxon.”
Dr. Golden smiled. “It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Harrison. It’s good to see that you have a support system, Mercy.”
Support system? I was gonna puke. “So, I understand you discovered a lump near your breast. Can you show me where?”
I looked at Jaxon, who nodded. The doctor placed his chart down and smiled. “No need to be modest or embarrassed. I’ve seen thousands, sweetheart. Jaxon and my nurse...” at that time the nurse who’d ushered me into the room, stepped back into it. “...will be here with you.”
I nodded. I was being stupid. Of course he’d seen breasts before. But not mine. I covered up as much as I could with my opposite hand, but moved the shirt over to expose Cha-Cha. She’d gotten a bit bigger somehow. I wasn’t sure how and was worried about that fact. I hadn’t even known she was there for that long. Rapid growth was bad, right?
The doctor pushed, gripped and felt around Cha-Cha. “Is this the only lump you’ve discovered?”
“Yes.”
He blew out a breath. “Cover up. I think the first step is getting you a mammogram. We have the machines in our office and can get one now if you have time.”
“We have time,” Jaxon answered for me.
“Can you hang around for me to read it? If this thing is growing like you say, we need to be aggressive in our approach. It may be completely benign, but growth is bad either way.”
I nodded. “We can wait.”
“Good.” He clapped me on the shoulder. “Linda, can you show them the way?”
She smiled sweetly, her graying hair tucked into a low bun. “Sure can.”
Mammograms sucked. They hurt. They hurt and squished and squeezed the girls in ways I had no idea were possible. And now they and Cha-Cha were sore and aggravated. And so was I. Jaxon wasn’t able to go into the room where the test was performed but sat patiently in the waiting room, or so I’d assumed.
We sat quietly in the examination room waiting for the results, or he did, anyway. I paced the floors. “It’s going to be okay. We’ll get through it, no matter what he comes in here and tells you.”
“What if it’s not okay? What if it’s cancer? What if I’m going to die, Jax?”
He stood and hugged me into his chest. “Shhh. Don’t talk like that. You’re going to be fine.”
I was getting ready to yell at him. How did he know it was all going to be rainbows and butterflies? The door opened and the doctor and nurse Linda walked back in. I sat next to Jaxon, and thankfully, was fully dressed this time.
Dr. Golden sat on the little swivel stool and rolled up to us. He took a deep breath. “Good news and bad news. I always give the good news first.” I nodded and he continued. “There are no other tumors in your breasts. They are clear and healthy. So I need to know for certain what this is. In order to do that, we need to biopsy it. I can stick a needle in and get a sample, send it off and we can wait. What I would rather do is remove it. It’s in an area now that it would be easily removed. You’ve mentioned that it’s growing. I don’t want the rapid growth to continue. It could become more difficult to remove. If it’s benign, we could remove it now without the chance of it becoming malignant.”
“And if it’s already malignant?” I asked.
“Then we determine a way to treat you. The treatment will depend on what sort of cancer you have, if you have it. I think we should cross that bridge when we come to it, but I recommend surgical removal of the tumor immediately. I can schedule an outpatient surgery for Thursday morning if you are agreeable.”
“Thursday?”
“Yes. I have an opening on Thursday.”
I looked at Jaxon. He nodded. “Okay. Thursday.”
Linda nodded and told Dr. Golden that she would have the proper staff book the surgery and contact the insurance company for approval. Dr. Golden explained the surgery in detail. At least I think he did. He tried. I just couldn’t focus. That weird buzzing started again and soon the black dots swirled like an angry tornado across my vision.
Mercy looked numb. I held her hand and rubbed her back as the doctor explained what would happen in the surgery, how I would care for her afterwards. He said he would explain again on Thursday and I was glad. Mercy had checked out. She looked at me and her eyes didn’t seem to be focused. Then she slumped forward and her head thumped onto my collar bone.
“Shit! Mercy! Mercy!”
She was out cold. Again. “Doc, this happened the other night.”
I helped him ease her onto the exam table. “Linda!” he shouted. She burst into the door a moment later. “Ammonia.”
She rifled through a cabinet and produced an ammonia packet like Brody had used to revive her the other night at Shady. Linda waved the small packet underneath Mercy’s nose. After a few seconds, she blinked rapidly and finally began to come to.
Golden calmed down. “Full blood panel. Check for anemia. Call me when you get that back.” He stepped out of the room and in stepped two additional nurses. I moved back to let them work on her, raking my hands through my hair. I felt helpless. And I hated feeling like that. I’d walk over coals for Mercy. She’d ducked under my radar and crawled right into my heart.
They put the rubber thing around her arm while another readied the collection tubes. Soon, her crimson blood was spurting into tube after tube, filling them to the brim. I wasn’t sure she’d have any left after they were through with her. When they pulled the needle out and slapped a cotton ball and bandage on, Linda poked her finger with something else and squeezed the blood into some water. It swirled across the top of the surface.
“She’s very anemic. That’s probably why she’s having these episodes.” I nodded once and waited while they filed out. “I’ll send Dr. Golden in to speak with you.” True to her word, she led him into the room fifteen minutes later. Mercy was sitting up, sipping out of a glass of orange juice that one of the women had brought her.
Golden stepped up. “Mercy, you’re very anemic. You have very little iron in your blood. You also have low sugar. Have you eaten?”
“Not this morning.”
“Okay. You need to make sure you eat several times a day. The meals can be small, but you need to eat frequently to keep your sugar up.” Handing her a white bottle of pills. “These are iron supplements. You will need to take two a day, one in the morning and one at night until we can get your iron built back up. Don’t take anything or eat after midnight on Wednesday, though. You can’t have anything on your stomach when we operate.”
Her hands were still trembling. “Okay,” she said.
He looked to me. I nodded. I’d take care of her.
> Later that night, Mercy and I lay facing each other on the huge canopy bed.
“Sorry I ruined our honeymoon by being sick.”
I tucked her blonde hair behind her ear. “Baby, you gave me a honeymoon by being sick. I’m the luckiest man alive.”
She grinned. “Thank Cha-Cha.” I rolled her over so that I hovered over top of her.
I licked the side of her breast as she lie beneath me. “Thank you, Cha-Cha.” She sucked in a breath and I went to work loving my wife. Damn, I loved the sound of that.
Poor Jaxon. He seemed like he might miss Cha-Cha. She was getting a lot of his attention, mostly from his tongue. The sweetest thing he’d ever done was thank her for bringing us together. And that’s what we were. We were together. We’d skipped the awkward dating stage and went from mutually attracted friends to husband and wife. Every girl should be so lucky. Oh, well, be jealous, bitches.
It was Thursday and way too early. I had to check into the outpatient center at eight o’clock. The alarm beside the enormous bed read four-nineteen. Jax wanted to take a walk on the beach before we checked out of the hotel and into surgery. He was still in the shower, so I decided to call Daddy. He would be really pissed if he found out I’d had surgery after the fact.
Holding my cell phone to my ear, I stepped onto the balcony and waited to be patched in to him. Several minutes and seagulls later, I heard his voice. “Mercy?”
“Hi Daddy!”
“It’s so good to hear your voice.” I could hear the relief wash over him. Sorry, Daddy, but that will be short lived.
“It’s good to hear your voice, too.”
“How are things in paradise?”
I paused, swallowing some courage. “Not so perfect.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Don’t get mad. I have to tell you a few things. They just all happened at once and I haven’t had time to even process everything myself, so please just don’t be pissed at me.”
“I’m listening.” His voice had hardened.
“I found a lump on my breast.” I heard him inhale a sharp breath. “Then I sort of passed out. I didn’t have money to go to a doctor, so—”
“Damn it all, Mercy! Go to a doctor. Get a medical card. Do what you have to, but go!”
“Daddy, listen. I’m telling you what else happened. Just shush and listen.”
“Fine.”
“Look, you know Jaxon that I’ve told you about?”
“Yes.”
“Well, we sort of...got married. And now I’m on his insurance plan. I went to the doctor and they want to do surgery and remove the lump. They have to biopsy it and see if it’s cancer.”
“You’re married? You’re having surgery? You’re married.”
“Yeah. I’m married. I’m having Cha-Cha removed in a couple of hours and then we’ll take it from there.”
“When did you get married?”
“A few days ago?”
“You got married on your birthday?”
“Yep. And he’s wonderful, Daddy. I think I really love him. I know it’s stupid and sudden and you probably think I’m nuts, but I do.”
“I’m really happy for you, Mercy-girl.” His voice broke. “But are they cutting your Cha-Cha off?”
“No, silly. Cha-Cha is what I named my lump. They’re gonna cut her out. A lumpectomy. Then they’ll test her and see if she’s a cancerous bitch.”
“Shit, Mercy.” He paused. “I’m the silly one?” he muttered.
Jaxon sidled up next to me and pulled me back against him and started kissing my neck. “Daddy, I...need to go. I’ve gotta get ready for surgery.”
“I wish I could be there for you, but I’m glad you have Jaxon.”
“Me, too. I love you.”
“Love you more, Mercy-girl.”
The phone cut off and Jaxon looked at me with a smirk. Oh, no. How long had he been out of the shower and what had he heard? His damp hair glistened in the morning sunrise. It was glittering off of the waves and sand below, the blue sky getting paler by the moment, illuminated happily by the sun.
“Hey.”
“Hey.” He kissed the corner of my mouth and I melted.
Soon, he was maneuvering me toward the bed. We were wrapped up in another moment of passion before I even knew what had hit me. Tangled in each other’s arms and legs, Jax stroked my hair languidly.
“So much for that walk,” I teased.
“I’d much rather make love to you than walk on the beach.”
I almost choked on my tongue. Make love? I was somehow certain that those words had never passed through those beautiful lips of his before. “Mercy?”
“Hmmm?”
“I think I love you, too.”
My heart turned to mush. I smiled and kissed him again.
I was able to stay with Mercy until the moment before she was wheeled into the operating room. Watching her wave to me, looking so small on that gurney was the worst feeling in the world. I wanted to run after her, protect her. But whatever this was, it was bigger than me. I couldn’t do anything but support her. Love her.
My cell buzzed in my pocket.
Brody: Did they take her back yet?
Me: Yep.
Brody: You okay?
Me: I don’t know.
Fifteen minutes later, Brody and June walked into the waiting room holding hands. I damn near cried when I saw him. June was crying. I had to hold it together for Mercy. If she knew I’d been upset, she would get upset.
An hour and a half later, Dr. Golden stepped into the room, untying his surgical mask from behind his head. He shook my hand, then Brody and June’s. “Mr. Harrison. We were able to remove the entire tumor. I’m sending it to the lab so that we’ll know exactly what we’re dealing with. To me it looked like a phyllodes tumor of the breast.”
“What exactly is that?”
He blew out a breath. “It’s extremely rare and complicated. The fact is that it could be a blessing. A lot of the time phyllodes tumors are benign. But you get the rare ones that are malignant or seem to be somewhat borderline malignant. If it’s benign, we’re good. If it shows any indication of malignancy, I’ll have to recommend further treatment, possibly chemotherapy or radiation. Some people need a combination of the two. But first we need to identify the culprit, so to speak. Then we can make an action plan. I’ll call Mercy with the results if I get them sooner, but she needs to follow-up with me on Tuesday. Linda left a message on her phone with the appointment details. She also put an appointment card in the stack of discharge paperwork.”
I nodded and shook his hand again. “Thanks for taking care of her, Doc.”
“You’re welcome. I’ll see you Tuesday.”
June slammed into Brody and shook with sobs and I pinched the bridge of my nose, hard. I wasn’t much of a praying man, but right then and there, I thanked God for bringing her out of this and prayed for a benign test result.
Mercy was kept in the recovery area for another hour and then I was allowed to take her home. She was still groggy from the anesthesia. Brody and June went to my place ahead of us to get things settled at our place. We’d been at the hotel.
June was going to get her bed turned down and make some chicken soup we could eat for dinner later. I wheeled Mercy out of the automatic doors in a wheelchair that the outpatient facility provided. She’d started to protest the ride, saying that she was perfectly capable of walking on her own. I didn’t even have to argue with her. The nurse interjected, saying it was policy and she couldn’t leave without being wheeled to the car.
Her torso was bandaged underneath a hospital shirt that tied at the side. I offered her a button-up, but she refused, saying it would make a dress on her. It probably would have, but I’d like to see her wear it anyway.
Her head lolled to the side and finally came to rest on the window beside her. I drove home, letting the warmth from the sun-warmed car soak into my skin. Waiting rooms and hospitals in general were cold. I parked in front of m
y condo and went around to help her out. She stood up and I guided her to the steps. “I need to sit down.”
“Are you okay?”
She shook her head. A moment later, she vomited every ounce of the Sprite the nurse had given her to make sure she could ‘keep things down’ before she left. So much for that. It wasn’t a little spew either. It was as if someone had shaken her up like a soda pop and then popped the top. Projectile at its best. Luckily, she’d only had fluid.
I grabbed her hair off her back and rubbed her back. “Are you okay?”
“No,” she sobbed. “I’m not okay, Jax.”
“Shhh. I’m here. Let’s get you inside.” She nodded and let me help her to her feet and then up the stairs. I would have carried her, but didn’t want to mess up her incision or hurt her.
Celeste ran across the street toward us. “She’s okay?”
I shrugged. “You tell me.”
“Don’t get smart with me. I’ll tan your hide.”
I just laughed at her as she climbed the steps behind me. Her jewelry jingled with each step she took.
Celeste and June helped Mercy get settled. When they finally let me into the bedroom, she had been changed, her teeth brushed and her hair combed and pulled back into a long braid. She was sitting up in the bed, leaning into a pile of pillows behind her. Smiling at me, she motioned me in. I’d never seen her look so pale, or so small. She was tiny in my bed. Fragile and delicate.
I stood beside her and bent down for a kiss. She patted the bed next to her. “No. I don’t want to hurt you, baby.”
Celeste and June left the room quietly. “You won’t. I want you beside me. Please?”
I walked around to the empty side of the bed and climbed in next to her as slowly and gently as I could. She never let on that it had hurt or bothered her, just snuggled into my outstretched arm and was asleep less than a minute later. The sounds of her rhythmic breathing were all I could hear. Before long, I was asleep, too.
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