The thing was, I really couldn’t blame him. Not after what I’d done to him and how I’d left. Not after leaving him stranded; not after breaking his heart just so I could follow in my older brother’s footsteps. No, I couldn’t blame him at all. I’d been a selfish jerk back then. I’d like to say that I was different now, but I didn’t really know if I was. I tried to be, that was for sure, but whether or not I succeeded was an entirely different story.
When my phone rang, I sighed, but finally decided to man up and answer the call I’d been avoiding for a couple weeks. “Hello?”
“Tanner freaking O’Rourke. I hear you’re back in town.”
I couldn’t help but smile a little at the voice on the other end of the call. “Hey, Teddy. How are you doing?”
“I’m good, man. I heard there was a close call over there. I’m glad you made it home safe.”
I didn’t want to talk about that, so I said, “Thanks,” then changed the subject. “What have you been up to since college? Where are you working now?”
“I work in accounting for a local tech company, so nothing too exciting.” He went on to tell me some specifics, all of which sounded extremely boring. “I heard you were looking for a job?”
I scowled at the phone, wondering what else he’d heard and who the hell he’d heard it from. “I’m still figuring out what I want to do.” I walked into my kitchen and put a pot of coffee on.
“Well, let me know if you want me to put in a good word for you with my boss. We’re always hiring over here.”
“Thanks, Ted, I appreciate it.” And I did, even if working for that company sounded absolutely horrible.
“So some of the guys are getting together this Saturday night, and I was hoping you could come out with us?”
I took a deep breath and tried to figure out what I wanted to ask without making me sound pathetic. Fortunately, Teddy understood my hesitation.
“He won’t be there, Tanner,” he said quietly.
My brow furrowed. “Why not?”
“Look, man, I don’t really know what happened between you two back then, but JJ hasn’t spoken to any of us since you left.”
I sucked in a sharp breath and sat on my couch, no longer caring about coffee. “What? What do you mean?”
“He cut himself off. Wouldn’t answer calls or come out with us or anything. And, um, he…”
When he didn’t continue, I asked, “He what?”
Teddy sighed into the phone. “Look, are you sure you want to know? I just… I don’t really want to be the one to—”
“Please just tell me, Teddy.”
There was a brief pause before he sighed again and said, “He dropped out of school, man. He dropped out of school and started working as a waiter or something. Last I heard, he was doing okay for himself. I think he’s a photographer or something now, but I’m not sure. I haven’t seen him in years.”
I closed my eyes and sucked in a shaky breath. Oh god. He quit school because of me. He quit pursuing his dream because of me. Jaxon had always wanted to be a lawyer, ever since he was a little kid. School and keeping his grades up had always been a priority for him the entire time I’d known him. “He quit school?” My voice was ragged and quiet.
“Yeah,” Teddy whispered. “But like I said, I heard he’s doing well now. I’m sure it had nothing to do with… you know.”
I swallowed down the guilt and ran a hand through my hair. I needed to figure out how to get ahold of JJ. I needed to… I didn’t even know what, but I needed to do something. Even if all I could do was make sure he really was okay, to see it with my own eyes. But how the hell was I supposed to find him?
“You said you and the guys were going out on Saturday?” I asked.
Teddy cleared his throat. “Yeah. You up for it?”
I took a deep breath. “Yeah.” Maybe. It was as good a place to start as any. If Teddy had heard that JJ was doing well now, then someone must be in contact with him. I just needed to figure out who, then beg them to give me his number, or at least tell me where he worked, or something, anything. Yeah, it was a good place to start.
Chapter Two
Jax
This week had been such a long week after a really long weekend. But at least I didn’t have to work tonight or tomorrow. Just a couple hours this morning, then I’d be good until Sunday afternoon when I had a wedding to shoot with Alex.
I decided to stop for some coffee even though I knew Levi had restocked the break room yesterday. But there was something to be said for getting a fresh cup from a coffee shop. No matter what I did at home, or at the studio, it never tasted quite the same. So I ran into The Chipped Mug and ordered my coffee while chatting with one of the employees and debating on getting a pastry to go with it. I frowned and decided against it so I didn’t need to add extra minutes in the gym later, and once my coffee was in hand, I turned around and immediately ran into the person behind me.
“Holy shit!” The guy screeched when my coffee cup burst between us, spilling hot liquid all over us both. “Ow, ow, ow,” the guy hissed.
I hissed, too, but turned and set the broken cup on the counter, grabbing napkins before I turned back. I pulled my shirt away from my skin to get the burn off and held the napkins out to my poor victim. When the short guy looked up at me, my eyes widened and I blurted, “Oh shit.”
“Seriously? You again!” The guy angrily grabbed the napkins out of my hand as he pulled his own shirt off his skin, too. It was the same grey-eyed, dark brown-haired guy I’d almost hit with my car, then knocked onto the floor earlier in the week. And now he could add trying to kill him with hot coffee to my tally. “What the hell is your problem?”
“I’m so, so sorry.” I fanned my burning skin with my shirt. “It was an accident.”
The guy glared at me and his cheeks flushed, though I couldn’t tell if it was from embarrassment or anger. “You seem to have a lot of those. Do you do this to everyone, or am I just lucky?”
I frowned at him. “You’re just lucky, I guess.”
He shot me another glare, but Harley—the owner of The Chipped Mug—ran over with his boyfriend Theo—who had a mop and bucket. Harley held out two wet washcloths as he asked, “Are you two okay?”
“I’ll be fine.” I accepted the washcloth.
“Yeah, I’m okay. Just… a mess.” The short, adorable guy sighed. “I’m going to have to run home and change.” He looked at his phone. “Oh god, I’m going to be late for work.” He waved off the washcloth and turned to go, but Harley stopped him with his voice.
“At least let me give you a cup of coffee on the house.” Harley reached over the counter, and his employee passed him an extra-large cup before Harley handed it to Short Guy.
Short Guy said, “Thank you.” He nodded at Harley, glared at me, then turned and walked out the door.
“Smooth move,” Theo said as he mopped the floor. “I think you have a real shot with him.”
Harley tried to hide his smile but failed, and I rolled my eyes. “It’s not like I did it on purpose.”
Theo chuckled and his boyfriend handed me a cup of coffee. “Here. Try not to spill this one.”
I sighed. “Thanks.” I set the washcloth on the counter. “I’ll see you guys later.” Then I walked out and looked up and down the street for that guy. I even walked over to the parking lot to see if I could find him even though my car was in the other direction. Unfortunately, that cute guy that I definitely owed a drink or two to was nowhere to be seen. I blew out a frustrated breath and made my way to work. I so needed to go out this weekend after all this stress.
Symon
Leaning against the wall and watching from afar was so not why I came here, but I couldn’t seem to move from the spot I’d claimed thirty minutes ago. I took a sip of my beer, then sighed as I looked out onto the dance floor at all of the guys that were way braver than me. I thought coming here would push me to meet people, push me to participate. But all it’d done was point out just how un
comfortable I was. I hated it. I hated being that person that was afraid to go out there and dance, or even just go over to the bar or a table and strike up a conversation. I hated it, but I couldn’t seem to change it.
It wasn’t that I was shy exactly; it was just that initiating contact made me want to vomit. If someone else spoke to me first, I’d be fine. But I knew that standing huddled away from everyone, holding up the wall, was basically the same thing as putting up a don’t speak to me sign.
Maybe I should’ve just stayed home. Like always.
I sighed again and took another sip of my beer. Movement to my right caught my attention and I did a double-take. Holy shit, standing only ten feet away was that jerk that’d tried to run me over the other day… and he was possibly the hottest guy I’d ever seen. He was wearing tight jeans that showed off his ass in a way that had me groaning under my breath, and he had on a black tank, which meant I could see every inch of his muscular arms that flexed with his every movement—you’d think with those muscles he’d be capable of holding up a coffee. His tan skin was covered in tattoos down one arm. Of course, that would be the guy that’d run me over, tripped me, and spilled burning coffee all over me. Seriously, why wouldn’t the jerk be absolutely, stunningly gorgeous? I rolled my eyes to myself, then refocused on him.
I watched him as he leaned against the wall on his elbow and ran his hand through his short brown hair that was at least a few shades lighter than mine.
The reason he was leaning like that? He was chatting up some little twink with blond hair, an innocent-looking smile, and a tiny lithe body. Because of course he’d pick someone equally as stunning as himself. As if someone that gorgeous would ever even look at me, let alone talk to me. But that didn’t stop me from watching him as he flirted and laughed and smiled and playfully ran a finger down the twink’s neck.
I watched the display, unable to look away. Well, unable to look away until the guy turned in my direction, and his striking green eyes connected with my plain grey ones. My eyes widened a little at being caught and I quickly turned away, focusing on the dance floor again and sipping my now-warm beer.
Less than a minute later, my shoulder got bumped and when I turned to see who the culprit was, my eyes widened again. Gorgeous, sexy, green-eyed, tried-to-kill-me-with-his-car guy was standing there with a small smile on his lips. I opened my mouth but no words came out, so I snapped it closed.
Sexy Guy chuckled a little and said, “You really not gonna say hi to me?”
My cheeks flamed and I opened my mouth, snapped it shut, then cleared my throat and tried again. “Uh… hi?” I cringed at how stupid I sounded. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to stare before I just…” I trailed off, not sure how the hell to finish that sentence. He should be the one apologizing after everything, not me.
Sexy Guy smirked. “I didn’t mind you staring.”
I swallowed, my mouth suddenly dry, then I looked past him to see where his friend had gone, but I didn’t see anyone there. “What happened to your little twink?”
He laughed in surprise. “He decided to seek out a better option.”
My brow furrowed. “There’s no way he could find a better option.” Oh god, did I really just say that out loud? My cheeks heated with embarrassment again.
He chuckled and the sound settled my nerves a little. “Thanks. My ego needed a little boost after that.” He waved over his shoulder where he’d been standing before. “You probably think I’m an asshole, but I was just having a really bad couple days this week. I’m not normally such a dick, I swear.”
I figured that was as close to an apology as I’d get, so I said, “It’s okay.”
He bopped my chin with his finger, making me look him in the eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry… for the car, the fall, the coffee, everything. I hope you weren’t hurt.”
He looked incredibly sincere, so I blew out a breath and nodded, then repeated, “It’s okay.”
He shot me a half-smile, then bopped my chin again. “So do you have a name?”
“Yeah,” I said automatically, earning another laugh from him as my face remained hot and red. “I mean, I’m Symon.”
I automatically held out my hand to shake, and he looked at it with amusement, then took it into his bigger hand. “I’m Jax.” He held onto my hand longer than was necessary and ran his thumb over my knuckles, and just that small movement sent a shiver down my spine.
When he released my hand, I looked down at the ground, unsure of what to do or say.
“Can I get you another drink?”
I looked up in surprise and found him smiling at me. “Sure.”
His smile grew and he stepped closer to me, putting his lips close to my ear as he spoke. “You better not go anywhere, or I might have to hunt you down.” He leaned back with a smirk and winked. “Be right back, gorgeous.”
I stood in shock for a few seconds as I watched him making his way across the room to the bar before his words finally registered. Holy shit. Did the hottest guy ever just call me gorgeous? I felt my cheeks heat again, even though he wasn’t standing there anymore.
Jax
Thank god he forgave me for being such a dick all week. Well, I thought he’d forgiven me, but I probably still had a little groveling to do. Not that I minded since the guy was adorable, sweet, and obviously gay since he was alone at a gay bar.
Making my way back over to the cute guy—uh, Symon—with our beers in tow, I got stopped by a hand on my arm. I turned to tell the person that I was busy, but my eyes widened in surprise as a whole myriad of emotions filled my entire being. “Holy shit! Tanner! When the hell did you get back?” I held both beer bottles in one hand and a little awkwardly wrapped Tanner in a one-armed hug. My heart was beating frantically in my chest, and I sort of felt like I might throw up.
Tanner put both arms around me and squeezed, patting my back. “It’s so good to see you, Jaxon.”
“You too. Jesus, how long’s it been?” I asked as if I hadn’t been keeping track of how long it’d been since he broke my heart and left me to join the army.
Tanner shot me a little half-smile, and his eye lashes brushed his cheeks as he looked up at me through them. His sweet brown eyes had always drawn me in. Although now there was a slightly haunted look behind them, though that could be from the lights, or maybe it was from seeing me—a ghost from his past. He said, “Five years.” Yes, five long-ass years.
“Wow. I can’t believe you’re really here.” My heart was filled with excitement, fear, heartache, sorrow. I looked behind him and noticed a whole table of guys occasionally looking in our direction. “Can you give me one minute to grab my… guy?” I internally winced at the word choice. “I’ll come right back so we can catch up.”
“Okay.” He nodded at me, then pointed at the table behind him. “I’ll be over here.”
I nodded, then continued my trek toward the sweet guy that’d been holding up the wall all night—I hadn’t realized it was the same guy from before until he’d looked straight at me, and I’d seen those sweet grey eyes. He’d had his arms crossed over his chest and looked completely unapproachable, but I didn’t care. He just seemed shy and like maybe this was his first time at a gay bar. It could be overwhelming on a crowded night like tonight.
I stopped right in front of him and held out a beer. “As promised.” I shot him my most charming smile. “So I ran into an old friend just now, and I was thinking that we coul—”
“It’s okay, I get it,” he cut me off. I blinked at him not understanding what it was he thought he got. He sighed. “Thanks for talking to me and for the beer, though. No worries. Go ahead and have fun with your friend.” There was a bite of annoyance in the last word that had me holding back a smile.
I put my hand on the wall beside his head and stepped closer to him, almost boxing him in. Then I leaned down so my breath brushed against the skin of his neck, hoping it was doing the same thing to him that his close proximity was doing to me. “If you had let
me finish, I would’ve told you that I wanted you to come back over there with me.”
When I leaned back, his pupils were blown, but he still said, “You want me, a complete stranger, to come hang out with you and this old friend of yours?” He took a shuddered breath. “I’m going to feel awkward as hell.”
I smiled at that and stepped even closer so our chests were just barely touching. I should’ve felt bad for what I was about to suggest, but if it got me a chance to spend more time with Symon, then I’d just have to go for it… and hope he didn’t punch me or something. “Actually, I was hoping that you would maybe pretend to be my boyfriend?”
A surprised laugh bubbled out of him. “What?”
I blew out a breath. “Technically, we’re not complete strangers. We met the other day, so this is practically a second date. And the friend I mentioned is maybe actually my ex.”
“Do you always try to hit guys with your car on the first date?”
I cringed. “I’m sorry about that. I swear it was an accident.”
He rolled his eyes, but he didn’t look mad, more amused, if anything.
“I really am sorry.”
He sent me what looked like a genuine smile, making his whole demeanor change and making him more open. “I believe you. It’s okay.”
“You’re really gorgeous when you smile,” I blurted.
A deep blush ran up his neck and cheeks. “You don’t have to tell lies to get my help or whatever.”
“I’m not… I wouldn’t do that. You’re gorgeous, even when you look pissed off, but when you blush or smile, you take my breath away.”
His blush deepened and he looked away from me, running a hand through his hair. “Wow, you’re really laying it on thick, Romeo.”
I chuckled. “Maybe, but I’m telling the truth. I never would’ve come over here if I didn’t think you were… not after you told me you hoped I died while choking on a bag of dicks.”
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