He laughed a little. “Oh my god, I did say that, didn’t I?”
“Yes. It was a pretty memorable run-in with you.”
“You kind of deserved it.”
I laughed. “True.” I sobered a little. “Look, I know it’s a lot to ask, especially after everything, but I’d really appreciate it if you could help me out. And I really want to get to know you, but I sorta have to go back over there… this is the only way I can think to make both happen.”
“Or you could just tell him we’re friends.”
I blinked at him, then cringed. I really just wanted to prove to Tanner that I was okay, that he hadn’t left me completely shattered, that I’d recovered and moved on. But I guess that was a lot to ask of Symon. In fact, I never should’ve asked him in the first place. I was being selfish. Sometimes my mouth opened before I had time to fully think things through. I sighed. “You’re right. I’m a dumbass.”
He looked at me and opened his mouth to say something, but ended up taking a sip of his beer instead.
I took a long swig of my own, then glanced back to the table where Tanner was laughing with a bunch of guys. If one of those guys over there was his boyfriend—or god, his husband—I was going to lose my shit. I downed over half my bottle. I looked back at the gorgeous, tiny guy beside me and against my better judgement, said, “Look, I really just planned on trying to get into your pants tonight because you’re hot, but—”
“Wow, tell me how it really is.”
“Isn’t that why you came here, too?”
“I… I don’t know why I came here tonight.” He shrugged and wouldn’t look at me.
He seemed to be closing off again, so I changed the subject back to the matter at hand. “Anyway, I wanted to—still want to, actually—get into your pants.” He snorted but didn’t interrupt. “But now my ex is here, and he’s expecting me to come back over there. I haven’t seen him in years, and he’s with a bunch of guys, so one of them is probably his boyfriend or something, and I just don’t know if I can… handle seeing him like that.”
Symon looked at me and searched my face for a long time before blowing out a long breath. “What exactly do you need me to do?”
I held in my smile since I figured I had him now. “Let me introduce you as my boyfriend and don’t freak out if I put my arm around you or something?” I said it like a question. I couldn’t believe I was asking a virtual stranger to pretend to be my boyfriend. I had officially lost it. This was what happened when you ran into your ex by surprise—or at least into the only ex that you’d ever really, truly loved.
He eyed me for a minute. “Okay, what the hell. That sounds better than standing in the corner by myself for the rest of the night.”
“Oh my god, really? Thank you.” I swept him up into my arms in a hug, and kissed his cheek, pulling him even closer. He was stiff and clearly uncomfortable in my arms. “If this is going to work, you’re going to have to at least pretend that you like me touching you.”
“Sorry, I’m just not… used to that.”
“Used to what?” I asked without releasing him.
“Hugging,” he muttered a moment before he blew out another breath and gently wrapped his arms around my waist.
Hugging? Really? Who’s not used to hugging? The thought made me frown and pull him tighter against me. “Well, you’ll be used to it by the end of the night.”
He snorted out a laugh that seemed to make him relax against me.
“You feel good against me like this.” I never really knew when to keep my thoughts to myself, did I? “Thank you for doing this.”
“You’re welcome,” he muttered against my shoulder.
I reluctantly released him and stepped back as he chugged and finished off his beer.
My eyebrows shot up, but I didn’t say anything. When he saw the look on my face, he said, “I’m probably going to need another one to get through this.”
I passed him my beer. “You can have the rest of this one. I’ll get us some more once we’re over there.”
He nodded and took it without arguing. “Thanks.”
I smiled, then grabbed his hand, laced our fingers together and started pulling him back toward Tanner’s table.
Tanner
Seeing Jaxon tonight had been a complete surprise. A good surprise, obviously, but something I hadn’t exactly been ready for. I’d only wanted to find out how to get ahold of him; I wasn’t prepared for actually seeing him tonight. Finding him had always been the plan, even before I found out he’d dropped out of school. Ever since I planned to come home, I knew I needed to talk to him. I’d been preparing for months to contact him, to call him and explain, but I hadn’t been brave enough. Now here he was, in the middle of a bar. And after five years’ worth of time to prepare my apology, I still didn’t know what the hell to say to him.
After he walked away, I kept thinking that maybe he’d left the bar altogether because he didn’t want to talk to me. I wouldn’t have blamed him. Still, I kept glancing around, looking for him in the direction he’d gone. When I finally saw him after several minutes, I gasped out loud. He was pulling a guy behind him, holding the guy’s hand in a way he’d hold his boyfriend’s hand, not just a friend’s. JJ had a boyfriend. JJ wasn’t single. He had a boyfriend. Fuuuuuck. Jaxon had a boyfriend. Did you really think he’d wait five fucking years for you after what you did? Fuck. Get it together, man.
I took a deep breath and plastered on the biggest, fakest smile I could muster as he approached. I said loudly to my group of friends, “Guys, you remember my friend, JJ, right? We grew up together.” I saw JJ flinch at my description of our relationship. Why didn’t I say ex-boyfriend? Because apparently, I wasn’t quite through with hurting him. I sighed.
JJ stepped forward to shake a hand and said, “Actually, it’s Jax. No one but my parents call me JJ.” He shot me a look, and I had a feeling he didn’t want me calling him JJ anymore, but I didn’t really understand why. Everyone had always called him JJ. Everyone. Not just his parents. What was wrong with calling him by the name I’d always called him?
Teddy came over and gave Jax a huge hug and one of our other friends—Jasper—gave him a hug, too. No one else knew JJ—Jax that well back then, so some of them might not even remember him. There were a few waves and greetings all around as the little twink Jaxon had dragged over here chugged his beer behind his boyfriend. Jaxon pulled the guy in front of him and said, “This is my boyfriend, Symon. Sy, this is Tanner.”
The twink—Symon—held out his hand to shake. “Nice to meet you.”
I shook the guy’s hand and ignored how smooth and soft his skin felt and how I couldn’t help but wonder if the skin over his whole body was that soft. Because I really didn’t want another damn reason for Jax to hate me, and I was pretty sure picturing his boyfriend naked was a sure-fire way to make that happen. “You too.”
Jax smiled and leaned in to whisper something in Symon’s ear that made the guy blush. I felt a twinge of jealousy flare in my chest, but I tamped it down. I had no right to be jealous. I hadn’t been home in five years; we’d broken up, Jaxon had every right to move on. I tried to glare at the twink—er, Symon—but when his soft grey eyes met mine, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. It wasn’t his fault that I’d left Jaxon all those years ago. And I certainly didn’t want to make those soft grey eyes upset. If I were being honest with myself, Symon was someone I’d normally want to impress. He was thin and short with messily styled dark brown hair and a dusting of freckles over his high cheekbones and nose. He had on a tight t-shirt that showed off his surprisingly toned arms and the wrist cuffs he was wearing. His tight black jeans left little to the imagination.
All in all, he was the exact kind of guy that Jax and I would’ve tried to convince to come home with us for a long romp in the hay back in the day.
After my thorough investigation of Symon, I looked back at Jax. He was whispering into Symon’s ear again as he stepped behind him and pulled Symon’s bac
k against his chest. He wrapped his arms around his boyfriend—Holy hell, Jaxon has tattoos down one arm. When did he get those? Symon put his arms over top, then they laced their fingers together. I noticed Symon blushing again—at what, I had no clue—but I also noticed the amused smirk Jax threw my way. I had no doubt that I’d been caught checking out his boyfriend. I sent him a half-shrug and a lopsided smile. In response, he kissed Symon’s cheek, then rested his own cheek against Symon’s hair.
Jax asked, “So Tanner, are you back for good or just for a visit?”
“I’m back.”
“Does that mean you’re out? You didn’t renew your contract?”
I shook my head. “I didn’t renew it. I’m home for good and currently looking for a job.”
“What kind of job?” Symon asked. His soft voice was hard to hear over the music, so I moved closer to them.
“Uh, I’m not really sure yet. I just know I don’t really want a desk job.”
“You don’t want to work for the fire department anymore?” Jax asked with surprise lacing his voice.
I shook my head. “Nah.” I wasn’t about to tell him exactly why I no longer wanted to spend my time running into burning buildings. That was not a conversation for tonight, if ever. “When I first got here, I was set on becoming an EMT, but I haven’t been hired yet.”
“No way, really?” Symon said, another blush running up his neck. “I’m an EMT. If you’re interested, you could come by the station when I’m working, and I can show you around, introduce you to my captain and stuff.” His entire face was flush. He looked really adorable. Okay, he looked really fucking hot, but I was trying my best not to check out or hit on Jax’s boyfriend. That would be… such an asshole move after everything.
“Really? You would do that?”
He looked really embarrassed, which hadn’t been my intention, but he said, “Of course. You’re Jax’s friend, right? It’s the least I could do.”
Jax buried his face in the crock of Symon’s neck, and Symon closed his eyes for a second before looking at me and waiting for my response.
I cleared my throat. “Uh, sure, that would be great.” I pulled out my phone and unlocked the screen, then held it out to him. “Do you want to put in your number so I can shoot you a text?”
“Sure.” He took the phone.
“What day would be good for you?” I asked.
“Um, this week, I’m working Tuesday through Friday. It’d be better to come at the end of my shift since it can get pretty crazy at times. I get off at seven, so whatever day works for you at that time.”
“Okay. Maybe Tuesday?” I asked a little eagerly. I’d been sitting around on my ass doing way too little lately. It would be nice to get out of the apartment every once in a while, and the idea of a potential job was making me almost giddy.
Symon smiled and passed me back my phone. “That’s fine. Plan on Tuesday at seven, then. I texted myself from your phone in case something comes up; I can let you know if I’ll be back late or whatever.”
“Sounds good. Thank you.” I shot him a smile that he returned, his grey eyes connecting with mine and holding my gaze. I couldn’t look away and my breath caught.
Jax cleared his throat and I startled, looking at him with wide eyes. Shit. I cleared my throat as Jax wrapped his arms possessively over Symon’s chest and pressed another kiss to his cheek—a lingering kiss that he followed up with a little bite to his jaw which made Symon laugh and squirm. Jax pulled him farther into him, and they were both laughing and talking too quietly for me to hear. A huge jolt of pain shot through my chest at the sight. At first, I thought Jax was doing it just to make me jealous, but looking at him whispering and giggling with Symon, he just looked… happy. I hadn’t seen him smile in a long time. Even before everything fell apart. He hadn’t been that happy since before…
Don’t think about it.
Jax and Symon stopped squirming around, and when they looked at me, I asked, “So how did you two meet?” Shit. Didn’t mean to ask that.
They exchanged a look and Jax said, “I almost hit him with my car.”
Symon laughed a little, and my eyebrows lifted as I asked, “What?”
Symon laughed out, “He tried to hit me with his car.”
“I didn’t try to.” Jax nudged Symon playfully and made another jolt of pain pierce my heart.
“Sure you didn’t. And I guess you also didn’t mean to knock into me at the coffee shop or spill that drink on me when we ended up there at the same time again?” Symon asked.
Jax laughed. “No, I didn’t.”
“You’re a terrible liar,” I said.
Jax flipped me off. “Thanks for the backup, Tanner.”
I laughed at that.
“Sorry, I really need to use the restroom,” Symon suddenly said.
Jax smiled and released him. “Hurry back. I’ll get you another beer.”
Symon smiled at Jax and nodded, then I said, “I’ll come with you to get another drink.”
I followed behind Jax and couldn’t help but check him out after all these years. And holy shit were the years good to him. He’d filled out in all the right places. He was muscular, which probably meant that he still worked out; his ass was round and perfect and practically begging to be squeezed. Daaaamn, boy.
When Jax suddenly tapped my chin, making me look up at his eyes, he smirked. “Like what you see?”
I licked my lips and turned away, taking a deep breath, trying not to let him get me flustered.
Jax
Seeing Tanner get flustered hit me square in the chest. The fact that I still had that effect on him brought back a series of memories and a lot of emotions. So many emotions that I couldn’t decipher them. I didn’t want to decipher them.
Instead of bringing more attention to the fact that he’d been caught checking me out, I asked, “What’re ya drinking?”
“Whatever’s on tap is fine.” He cleared his throat. “So, uh, Symon seems nice.”
I eyed him, trying to make out the strange tone in his voice. “He is. Probably too nice for me, really.”
I heard Tanner sigh. “Don’t do that, JJ. You’re a good guy, you deserve the best.”
“You don’t know me, Tanner. Not anymore. And stop calling me JJ, that’s not my name.”
“I do know you—”
“A lot can change in five years,” I snapped before turning to the bartender and ordering three beers. I was seething. How dare Tanner come in here and think he has the right to say something like that to me? He was the one that left. He was the one the ended things. He was the one that decided he didn’t want me, decided I wasn’t good enough for him. He did that. Not me.
Neither of us said anything else as we waited and walked back to the table. When I saw Symon approaching from the opposite side, I let out a breath of relief. I knew we were only pretending to be boyfriends, but in the last hour, he’d managed to make me feel at ease better than anyone else ever had—including Tanner, in fact. There was just something soothing about Symon, and the fact that he was letting me hold him made me feel… special or something. Made me feel good. It felt right in a way I wasn’t used to, and I fully intended to take advantage of it.
So I set the drinks on the table and immediately pulled Symon into my arms. This time, he only tensed for a second—probably from surprise—before he wrapped his arms around my waist. He went up on his tiptoes and asked, “Are you okay? You’re shaking.”
I closed my eyes at the realization that he was right, that I’d let Tanner get under my skin as soon as we were alone together. I pressed my nose to the side of Symon’s head and breathed in his shampoo smell. “Yeah, I’m…” I almost told him I was okay, but I didn’t want to lie to him, so instead I told the truth. “I’m having a hard time… do you think… do you think we can get out of here?”
He nodded against my shoulder. “Sure. Let’s drink those beers you just got and make our excuses.”
“If we leave, will yo
u do something else with me? I don’t want to give you up yet.”
He hesitated for a moment, and I was afraid that he didn’t want to be around me anymore, but then he said, “Yeah, I’d love to do something with you.”
I sighed. “Thank you.”
I released him so he could turn around, but I pulled his back to my front, then leaned my cheek against his hair. Tanner was talking to one of his friends whose name I’d already forgotten, but I saw him watching me out of the corner of his eye. I reached over Symon and grabbed our beers, passing my boyfriend—fake boyfriend one. I stayed right where I was—glued to Symon’s back—as we finished our drinks and chatted with Tanner and his friends. It was weird seeing Teddy and Jasper after all this time, but it was kinda nice to catch up. I didn’t really know any of the others, though a few looked familiar.
As soon as I set my empty bottle on the table, Symon said, “It’s been a really long day, so we’re gonna head out. It was nice meeting you all.” Everyone said goodbye, then Symon said to Tanner, “Shoot me a text on Tuesday to let me know you’re coming.”
“I will. Thanks, Symon.” Tanner looked at me. “It was really good to see you, Jax. I hope we can get together soon and catch up.”
I nodded and held out my fist. Tanner stared at it for a few seconds before bumping it. I’ll admit that was a weird way to say bye to someone I’ve been in love with for half my life. Was in love with. I’m not in love with him anymore. I couldn’t be. Not after everything he did. He doesn’t even know me anymore.
Symon stepped away from me, and I grabbed his hand, pulling him toward the exit. I needed to forget all about Tanner and focus on the gorgeous man I’d wanted since the first time we’d bumped into each other—er, the first time I almost ran him over, I mean.
Symon is my future—I hoped. Tanner is my past.
I repeated my mantra all the way through the bar and down the sidewalk. The first part felt right. Symon was going to be my future if I had it my way. Hopefully it’d be a long future, too, and not just a one night stand. Symon was… special. He’d already gotten under my skin. Symon is my future—I hoped. Tanner is my past. Yeah, the first half felt right. But the second half didn’t quite fit. But if Symon was my future, Tanner couldn’t be, right?
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