Cassandra: And they all fall down

by Julie Hodgson

  By 10.00 a.m., Ellen and John were in the stands with the other spectators, waiting to watch their daughter in the final event of the morning, the 100 meters. Cassandra was in the locker room watching Coach Andrews’ mouth move, and she knew he was giving her an inspirational talk, but she wasn’t taking a word of it in. There was so much going on in her head, and the race really shouldn’t have been important to her, but it still was. She had rested a little and felt stronger than she had when she woke, and now she wanted to win again, but of course, she also wanted to lose; she knew the eyes of the school would be on her, and her parents – and Braydon. Although he knew her predicament. Would he judge her if she lost? Would he judge her if she won? Could she win it after last night?

  “… Now go out there and make us all proud!”

  The speech was over. It was time to do exactly that – go out there and, well, she hadn’t decided exactly whom she was going to make proud yet.

  She had seen the girl she was supposed to take a dive to a few days before in training. Eve Paterson. She had never raced against her before, but she could see she was fast. Maybe she was naturally faster than Cassandra anyway. Maybe she would naturally lose to her and then she wouldn’t be letting anyone down. If she looked to be doing her best and her time was still strong, she wouldn’t lose face at school, and Abby would be happy. However, the thought of losing, even naturally, pained her. As she had watched the tall girl train, her stomach had knotted with the excitement of what it would feel like to beat her, and she knew that her fighting instinct would kick in on the day, the way it always did, particularly when she was behind, which rarely happened. The fire would spread from her stomach, down through her legs and feet, pumping her arms, firing her lungs and her whole body would be alight with the power of the only thought in existence – winning. Now she was making her way to the track, hearing the crowds cheering her name and feeling the first flickers of that flame, she had a feeling she wouldn’t be going to Abby’s party after all. Her body was switching on again, becoming a machine. She was going to win. She had to win. She would have to do something else for her birthday. And as the cheers became deafening and she started her warm-up at the starting line, she couldn’t care less. This was what was important, this feeling inside of her. She had felt its distant relatives when she had run during the week, but now this was the real thing. She was finally in control of this energy and the next eleven seconds were all that existed.

  She shook out each leg then crouched and slotted her feet into the blocks. She still had a vague awareness of the chanting around her – “Cassandra! Cassandra! Cassandra!” – But it sounded miles away from her, or as if she were underwater and the sounds couldn’t quite reach her. And then it disappeared completely, and all she could hear was the thump, thump, thump of her heart and the flow of blood as it flushed around her system. Everything constricted and locked as if she were being pulled back away from the blocks, building the potential energy as the countdown to the race began.

  “On your marks!”

  Her eyes were fixed on the finish line. She was there already. She had won already. It was a one-stride race, and she would trample the competition just as soon as the gunshot her down the track.

  “Set!”

  And when the gun shot finally cracked the sky, the crowd frenzy erupted out of the silence, and Cassandra burst out of the blocks, her legs a blur of speed, and swallowed the course meter by meter, second by second, until the finishing line was hanging off her chest. Then she collapsed to the ground, desperately dragging the air back into her lungs, victorious but absolutely spent.

  “And that’s a new record,” she heard over the speaker, and finally raised her head to look at the time. She had knocked a whole second off her PB. She dropped her head back onto the track and marinated in the sound of her name being chanted repeatedly for just a little while longer, and then Coach Andrews pulled her up to her feet and was parading her around the track. A full five minutes had passed like this before she gave Eve Paterson and the party a single thought. Now it was over, the regret started to sink in. Yes, she had a new record. Yes, it was perhaps the most amazing eleven seconds of her life. But was it worth messing everything up for? She soaked up the last of the adulation and felt that it was, but as she began to make her way back to the locker room, all of that now behind her, her old anxiety returned to her. Thankfully, Bindi was there waiting for her. Just her presence made her feel better about things.

  “Wow, Cass!” she beamed. “You were on fire!”

  Cassandra’s smile broadened. “Bindi, you wouldn’t believe what that felt like if I told you.”

  “If it felt anything like it looked, you must be buzzed. And you get to go to the party.”

  “But … Are you kidding? Abby’s gonna make sure my sweet sixteen’s a kid’s party at McDonald’s.”

  “You don’t know?”

  “Know what?”

  “Wow! You might be fast, Cass, but you’re blind. You didn’t notice that Eve Paterson wasn’t there?”

  “No way!”

  “I shit you not.”

  “That’s the best news ever.”

  “For you maybe. It’s all over the news. She was one of the girls attacked at the mall last night. She won’t be running again for a real long time.”

  Chapter Twelve

  The night of the party finally arrived, sixteen years in the making, and engulfed in controversy. Half the parents in school wanted the party of the year to be canceled until Garden City was safe again until the masked monsters on the prowl for teenaged girls were safely behind bars. Others didn’t care if it went ahead or not; they simply refused to let their kids anywhere near it. It was to be held in a secluded house out in the woods. It was asking for trouble. Why couldn’t they bring it into the town or anywhere else that was less of a written invitation for trouble? Abby and her family, however, held firm. Abby had been planning the details of her sweet sixteen since she was old enough to talk and they simply refused to deny her dream. They also refused to allow themselves and their lives to be dictated by violent criminals. The moment they began to bend themselves around this heinous threat of violence was the moment the perpetrators had won. Cassandra respected them for this, although she had met Abby’s parents and knew them to be some of the snobbiest, most detestable people she had ever met. They had now gone up in her estimations, and she couldn’t pretend she wasn’t happy about the party going ahead. Abby wasn’t the only one who had dreamed about a sweet sixteen for as long as she could remember and although it wasn’t officially her party, Cassandra knew it would be the greatest moment of her life. But there were home celebrations to get through first. Ellen had invited grandparents and a few aunts, uncles and cousins for a barbecue in the afternoon, and of course Braydon, Leo and Bindi were invited. Cassandra knew how much trouble her mom had gone through to put it together, but all she could think about was the party. Even thoughts of her condition left her. The party was the only thing in the world.

  When everyone went home, only Bindi stayed, and they spent hours getting ready for the main event. Bindi wore a tight, tie-dye, short dress and looked stunning with her hair sweeping down over her shoulders. Cassandra had gone all out and persuaded her dad to buy her the little black dress she had dreamt about for the last three years. Now, standing in front of the mirror, she couldn’t believe she was wearing it or that the moment had actually arrived.

  “Do you think he’ll be there?” Bindi asked, fidgeting on Cassandra’s bed with the excitement.

  “Who?”

  “Who do you think? Mac?”

  “Why would Mac be there? He’s a teacher.”

  Bindi considered this. “Abby said he might be. She said she’d invited him.”

  “And you don’t think a twenty-five-year-old guy might have better things to do than show up to a sweet sixteen?”

  Bindi considered this too cocked her head to one side and then said, “You would think that, Frankenbaby!”


  “Frankenbaby?” Cassandra giggled. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

  “Ha! Haven’t you seen your baby snaps? Your mom was showing me at your party. I’ve never seen such an ugly baby. Your poor mom. She looked like she was pregnant with the antichrist when she was carrying you.”

  “Hey, it’s my birthday, you’re supposed to be being nice to me.”

  But Bindi just laughed. Cassandra hadn’t given much thought to her baby snaps before, but she now realized she hadn’t seen a single picture of herself where her face wasn’t twisted into a scream. She was red, puffy, contorted and fierce, and you could almost hear the pitch of the cry by simply looking at the pictures. Bindi was right about the pregnancy pictures, too. Cassandra had seen them a few times and decided from looking at them that she never wanted to be pregnant. Ellen looked red, exhausted, uncomfortable and a little frightened. Cassandra had taken this to be a portrait of pregnancy in general. She had never considered that it was her specific incubation period that had been so traumatic for her mother. Bindi was right. She was Frankenbaby.

  Cassandra took a final look in the mirror and made her way downstairs with Bindi. Braydon and Leo had arrived and were waiting with her parents in the living room. They both stood up when the girls walked in.

  “Okay everyone, by the window,” Ellen fussed and began arranging them for photos.

  “You look beautiful,” Braydon whispered into Cassandra’s ear. She wanted to say the same to him, but she couldn’t find her voice. He looked so handsome in his tux, and that aftershave a distinctive musky aroma had the same effect on her as it always did.

  They stood in their couples, although the photos would later show how unhappy Bindi and Leo were to be coupled together, and then there were ‘goodbye’s and ‘look after each other from Ellen and John. The curfew had been lifted for the night because there would be a few adults tucked away at the party. For one night, only, they were free.

  The party was everything Cassandra had imagined it to be and more. The house was a stunning hideaway with not a neighboring house in sight. As they drove up the winding lanes leading to its destination, the world became a swirl of browns and greens. Leaving the town behind added to the freedom they all felt and they sang at the tops of their voices until the house appeared in the distance. The word ‘house’ pays not nearly enough credit to the beauty of this structure, and they were all stunned into silence as they took it in. It was something from a dream, a wooden wonderland tucked away in the forest. But it was so big, and they knew they were in the right place by the sheer volume of cars parked out front and the music heaving from within.

  “Happy sweet sixteen,” Braydon told his girlfriend as they pulled in, and Cassandra could barely believe she was there.

  Inside was just as staggering. Every inch was decorated with gold ribbons, balloons, and flowers. There was a DJ in the main house and a live band outside where barbecues were fired up, and everyone she knew was eating, dancing and laughing. Unbelievably, she could hear Spike Blue laughing over the top of all that. He was always so loud, but the fact that he was there made her smile. No doubt, he would be entertaining them all with one of his pranks over the course of the evening and she looked forward to seeing Abby’s face when he stole the limelight from her with another of his famous Moonies, or maybe he had something even better up his sleeve.

  “Hey! Happy birthday, Cass,” she was greeted by everyone she passed, and her friends from school pushed presents and cards into her hands. It really did feel as if this was her party … until Abby came over to stamp her authority on proceedings.

  “Cassandra and …” she turned her nose up at Braydon, Leo and Bindi, “…other unwanted guests. How lovely to see you?” She was wearing a long, elegant, gold number that matched the house decorations. “Let’s get something straight, shall we? See that DJ? He’s mine. And the band? Mine. The food here! She pointed to the bulging tables. That’s mine. Those barbecues there? They’ve been set up for me. I don’t have a choice about you being here, but I refuse to let you enjoy yourself. If I see you eating, dancing or enjoying yourself, I … Well, you don’t want to know what I’ll do.”

  “Nothing like this, then?” Braydon giggled, and Abby turned to him sharply. He had a burger in one hand, a glass of something fizzy in the other, and was moving in time to the tune the DJ was spinning.

  Abby opened her mouth to say something to him and then realized there was nothing she could say, so she turned to Cassandra, said, “I’m watching you!” then stomped away. Train leaving from Bitchville! All aboard! Ticket for one!

  All four of the friends erupted into laughter after that and Braydon took Cassandra in his arms.

  “I love you,” she giggled and immediately wished she could suck it back in. She wanted to convey how much she appreciated the way he stood up to Abby, and she loved having him in her life. She did love him. It was true. But she really didn’t want to tell him. Not like this. However, her heart began beating normally again when she felt the warmth of the breath on her ear, followed by the words, “I love you, too.” This really was the most magical night of her life, and it was only going to get better. She received present after present, and Braydon eventually had to take the haul to the car. She felt so much love from her classmates, and it made no difference to her at all that it wasn’t officially her party. The band and the DJ rocked the place, the food was amazing, and there was a lot more drink going around than the non-alcoholic fizz that Braydon had been drinking. There were kegs of beer and liquor. In fact, there were quite a few college kids there, and Cassandra bet everything she owned that Abby parents knew nothing about any of that. Consequently, for every kid there drinking a coke and dancing with a burger in their hands, there was another kid sipping a beer and falling around the dancefloor, and then there were a few who really went to town and drank their weight in wine and beer. Cassandra didn’t realize that Leo fell into this final category until it was too late. He was laughing one minute, looking very much like his old self, the life, and soul of the party with all eyes on him, and then he was doubled over and puking. Abby was lucky he was outside at the time.

  “Shit, Leo. You okay?” Cassandra asked, rushing to his side.

  “Gedddoooffff!” Leo slurred and when he looked back at her it was with angry eyes and a dribbly mouth.

  “I think you’ve had enough, mate,” Braydon stepped in, and now Leo’s hard face softened into a smile. “Why don’t I take you out for a bit? You can walk it off.”

  “You can take me anywhere you want,” Leo beamed, and Cassandra and Bindi, looking on, smiled at each other. Although he was stinking drunk, it was good to see a glimmer of the friend back that they knew and loved.

  “Are you sure you don’t mind?” Cassandra asked her boyfriend.

  “No, no problem,” he smiled. “We’ll swing out into the woods for a bit, get a bit of peace and we’ll be back before you know it. I wouldn’t mind exploring a bit. I’ve missed being out in the country.”

  “Be careful, then,” Cassandra told him then kissed him gently and watched him walk away with Leo’s arm around his shoulder. She turned to Bindi and couldn’t help letting out a giggle of excitement.

  “I know,” Bindi groaned. “Isn’t he the greatest guy in the world? Isn’t he cute? Don’t I love him so?”

  “But he is, and I do.”

  Bindi pulled her in for a hug. “I know you do, honey. It’s great to see you so happy.”

  “No sign of Mac?” Cassandra asked, although she already knew the answer.

  Bindi shook her head, but she didn’t look too sad about it. “Look, I’m going in for a bit. Abby will be making her speech in a while. I don’t want to miss it.”

  “Are you for real?”

  “Sure. It’s like when the Republicans make speeches. I still want to hear them although I hate everything they say and stand for. Know your enemy, I say.”

  “I say have fun and avoid listening to Abby Malone at every opportunity.”


  “Okay, Frankenbaby. I’ll be back in a bit.”

  ‘A bit’ quickly became half an hour and Cassandra was getting a little bored. She had been dancing and chatting with other friends from school, and the band outside was great, but she really wanted to spend her night with the three most important people in her life, all of whom had disappeared. So, she pushed her way through the crowds and back into the house, where the music had stopped, and a thinning crowd was listening to Abby’s speech. This was why there had been so many people outside; they had been desperate to escape an address that obviously ran on and on and on. She walked around the small crowd, trying to see Bindi, who would have been easy to spot in her tie-dye dress, but she wasn’t there, so Cassandra stood listening for a few minutes, in case Bindi had nipped to the toilet and was coming back. She didn’t really want to play cat and mouse with her all night.

  “… and I would also like to thank my third-grade piano tutor, without whom I wouldn’t have learned the true meaning of diversity. There is white on a piano keyboard, but it is not alone; there is also black. We are all in this world together – black, white, Mexican, gay, straight, beautiful and ugly – we have to learn to get along …”

  A few of Abby’s friend’s clapped and cheered at that point in her speech. A few more abandoned ship and Cassandra decided to do the same. She thought she might accidentally take her shoe off and throw it at Abby if she had to listen to any more of her disingenuous bullshit. She headed up to the toilets, where a few couples were making out, but there was no sign of Bindi. Then she made her way to the front of the house and out through the door. The entire house was surrounded by rustling leaves, pinned to the arms of the mighty trees as if Abby might have planned it as an extension of the house decorations. She was surprised Abby hadn’t demanded the woods to be painted gold to match her dress. She looked all around her, but she didn’t dare step out into the wilderness. She had no way of knowing which direction Braydon and Leo would have taken, so she disappeared back into the party, closing the door behind her, and aimed for the open space out back once again. All three of them would probably be out there wondering where she had gotten to.