“Is that a threat?”
“It’s a promise. You fuck with my wife or try to play me again I’ll fucking end you. You’ll pray for mercy, but none will be given. You had my dick in your mouth for five minutes tops and that’s the only taste you’ll ever get. We understood?”
Hound and Sandman enter before she can reply. “Well Goddamn,” Hound gripes, getting a look at her face. “You break a bra strap and get slapped in the face with your titties?”
Sandman grins while shaking his head. “You ain’t right, man.”
Danika drops her bag of veggies in the sink and storms out.
“Hound, do me a solid and see that she gets the first ticket out of town.”
He straightens up. “All right. I got you.” We bump fists and he follows the bitch.
I take a hearty bite of my sandwich and grab a can of pop from the cooler. The heat of Sandman’s gaze warms the back of my neck. “What?” I turn to face him.
“Viking said your Old Lady raised ten kinds of hell upstairs.”
“What of it?”
“Know it’s not my place to say shit but most of us would kill to have a woman like Pam to have our back. You’re fucking it up.”
“You’re right, it’s not your place,” I warn. “Know what I got at home. Intend to keep it that way.”
“Good because I’m just sayin’ if you two get divorced there’s a line wanting to tap that.”
I drop my sandwich and sling my pop can across the room. Dark liquid spills out on the floor. “The fuck did you just say?” I take a step toward him, bumping my chest with his.
The prick smirks at me all smug. “Take that fight home. Go remind your wife how much ya love her.”
I want to wipe the floor with his face. Bastard has a point though. I should be at home with my wife and kid.
Sandman continues to laugh.
“What the fuck are you laughing at?” I growl, pissed off I lost my cool and dropped my sandwich. I’m still starving.
“Do you realize you just delivered Hound to Danika on a silver platter. That romantic fuck can’t resist a woman in peril. He’s probably already offered her his apartment and vowed to see her on her feet.”
“Christ.” I shake my head.
“She gets her hooks in him...your Old Lady won’t be too damn happy. Way I see it.”
“Way you see it,” I mutter. “Go put her ass on a bus.”
He shrugs. “I could, but I’d rather watch you squirm for the shit you did to Pam. We all love her. Your Old Lady has been feeding us and looking out for us for years.” He punches me in the shoulder. “And Hound. If he’s dumb enough to wrap himself up in that gash then fucker will get what he deserves.”
“Thought he was your boy?”
“He is. Don’t mean I don’t want to watch the damn show.”
I’m surrounded by cocksuckers. “I’m out of here.”
“Tell Pam I said hey and if she doesn’t mind we’d sure love it if she made some of that good hot dog chili again. Fight Night is coming. Heard Birds of Hell Prez is paying a visit with his golden boy.”
There’s only one thing that could mean and I’m nowhere near prepared.
Neither is my wife.
**
Back at the house my shit is still in the grass and my wife isn’t here. I stare at the empty living room missing the scent of her. Smoky with a hint of vanilla and cinnamon and the sound of my boy’s giggles and babbling. No toys scattered across the floor. No cartoons playing on the Tv. Everything is all wrong. This house isn’t a home without them. I flop down on the couch and prop my boots on the coffee table knowing it’d piss my Old Lady off. I can hear her nagging in the back of my mind telling me if I want to keep legs, I’ll get my feet off her damn table.
I dig out my phone and try my wife. It rings three times then cuts to her voicemail. I dial Zoe next. Sis answers on the second ring. “Yo.”
“Pam been by or called?”
“Jules called and offered to get the baby. I told her he was good here. What the hell is going on, Brant?”
I cap a palm to the back of my neck. Zoe being disappointed in me fucking blows. I can already hear it in her tone. She knows whatever this is that I’ve fucked up without being told. “Did something stupid.”
“I’m not going to ask what you did, but was it worth it?”
I close my eyes. How do I tell her no. That I’m just like our father. A piece of shit who couldn’t keep it in his pants. The one thing I swore I’d never be.
“I take your silence as a no. You’re my brother and I love you. We all make mistakes. It’s how we right them that counts.”
I suck in a breath. “Don’t know how to fix this, Zoe. I think I’ve lost her. She kicked me out. Threatened to take Connor from me.”
“Pam loves you.”
“I’ve gone too far this time.”
“Sounds like you’ve given up and that’s not the man I know. You gotta fight for her.”
“Maybe I’m tired of being the only one trying. Seems like the only time she gives a fuck about me is when she’s worried someone else is getting my attention.” The truth and weight of my confession settles on my shoulders. I’ve been holding on for a long damn time. Desperate for shit to get better. Since we let Nickel into our bed Pam has been different. I knew it was a mistake, but I wanted to give her a kid. A real family. We both came from broken homes.
“Don’t forget it’s not just about you and your hurt feelings. There’s a little boy sitting in my lap who is counting on both of you. Do what you need to. I’ll keep Connor until you figure out your next steps.”
“Appreciate it. Call you soon.” I end the call and toss my phone aside. I need a damn drink and a smoke. I nab a bottle of my old pal Jim Beam, my tin box with my weed stash, and go to the back deck. Loneliness is nothing a little puff puff pass and liquor can’t cure.
I sit out on the deck drinking and smoking contemplating where we go from here. Do we separate? Divorce? Split custody of the kid? Pam deserves better than me. I’m doing to her the same shit my old man pulled with my mother. Stepping out on her while claiming to love her. Making promises he never intended to keep. I grew up watching my mother destroy herself chasing after that bastard. Only Pam isn’t chasing after me. She’s washed her hands. I think she gave up on me way before I cheated.
I drink until I can’t think any more.
I doze off a while and when I wake, I am no closer to getting my shit together. I straggle into the house, kicking my boots off and undressing as I go. I get my jeans off and slide into bed at the sound of the back door opening.
Chapter Eight
Against my sister’s wishes Roane drove me home. The second I spotted Link’s motorcycle I immediately regretted the decision. I’m not ready to face him, but I can’t run from him or our problems. At least if he’s here I know he’s not with someone else as pathetic as it sounds. I can’t bear the thought of him with another woman even if all I want to do is cut off his balls and feed him to him whenever I look at him.
“You need me to walk in?” Roane offers as the truck idles.
I shake my head. “No, but thanks. I’ll be okay.”
“You need anything no matter the day or time you call me, I’ll be there.”
“You’re a good guy, Roane. Wish there were more like you out there.”
“You’ve got one in there. He just needs reminding.”
I shoot him a weak smile and tug my purse strap up my shoulder. “Later.”
“Give him hell.” He grins.
I nod and exit the vehicle, slowly trudging to the back door. I wanted to pick Connor up. Zoe said she had just put him, down and she’d bring him home in the morning if I wanted. It’s probably best he isn’t here for this. It’s late and none of the lights are on. He could’ve parked his bike here and caught a ride with someone else. My heart squeezes tight in my chest at the idea.
The moment I step through the back door I trip over the asshole’s big
ass boots, catch my shoulder on the wall, and take a knee to the floor. “Shit,” I hiss with a wince at the pain.
The lamp on the nightstand in our bedroom flicks on and there he is. Part relief and part heartache burns through my veins. I’m torn between going to him or telling him to get the fuck out.
“You good?”
“A little drunk,” I admit. I drank more than I should have, but I wanted to forget if only for a few hours. “How long you been home?” I push up off the floor and drop my purse on the washer.
“A while. Gotta tell ya, babe. Don’t like the feel of this place without you and little man filling it up with your scent and sounds.”
Okay. That’s hella sweet. My insides warm at his words. I bite back the gushy emotions swirling through me. “I’m just gonna get ready for bed. I’ll take the couch,” I tell him as I enter the bedroom kicking off my shoes by the closet.
I steal a glance over my shoulder at him.
“You’re not sleeping on the damn couch.” He throws the sheet back exposing his naked glory. My attraction to him has never been a problem. Dark ink in random patterns covers a good portion of his torso. He totally has more of a Dad Bod now, but he’s still sexy.
“It’s fine. I don’t mind.”
“Maybe you don’t but I do.” He stalks toward the dresser, opening one of the drawers, and bringing out a pair of flannel pajama pants. “I’ll take the couch.”
“Okay.” I gulp and nod. In all the years we’ve been married that man has never taken the couch. Was always an agreement between us. That mad or not we shared our bed. I guess there’s a first time for everything.
Link nabs his pillow and heads down the hall to the living room. I take my sleepwear into the bathroom and push back the sadness threatening to overwhelm me. I asked for space and he’s respecting my wishes. I should be happy at the fact, but I’m anything but glad about it.
Taking my time, I go through the motions. Brushing my hair. Washing my face. Brushing my teeth. Changing into clean panties and a thin cotton nightie. I pray that he’s already asleep, but when I exit the bathroom, I hear the Tv humming and the kitchen light is on.
I stare at the empty side of his bed as I lay on my side, hugging my pillow. Closing my eyes, I beg for sleep to claim me. Link continues to bang around in the kitchen, and I curse under my breath. Noisy asshole.
Curiosity forces me out of bed and down the hall to the source of all the racket. I fold my arms over my chest to hide my nipples hardening at the sight of him in those damn flannel pants looking like my every fantasy. Broody, sexy, and bare chested. The love of my life.
That’s why this all hurts so damn much. Deep down despite my anger I know he loves me.
“What are you doing?” I see an empty bottle of Jim Beam in the trash. Guess we’ve both been drinking away our feelings.
He looks back at me. The wrinkles around his eyes prominent. There’s a sadness to him that breaks my heart. “Looking for the pizza pan.”
“It’s in here.” I shuffle around him, bending to open the bottom cabinet when I misjudge the distance between my forehead and the counter. Thwack. I cry out and drop to my ass on the floor.
“Shit. You okay?” Link’s hand lands on my shoulder.
I stare up at him, tears gathering in the creases of my eyes threatening to spill over the brim. “Are either of us?”
He guides me to my feet and to a kitchen chair. “Let me get a look at you in the light.” His fingers dust over my skin and I wince.
“Knocked it good. Probably bruise. Already forming a knot.” When his lips press against my temple only then do my tears fall. He moves off and finds the pan. “You hungry?”
I shake my head. “I can’t eat but I can’t sleep either. If you want company.”
“Never turn down a pretty woman.” He smiles as my lips turn down.
I look away. The statement cuts bone deep.
“Shit. Didn’t mean it the way it sounded.”
“I’m just going to take something for this and go to bed. My car is at Jules’s, so I’ll have Zoe drop Connor off tomorrow.”
“She’s gonna hold off till I call. There’s something you should know.”
“What else is there?”
“Birds of Hell are coming to town. This weekend.”
“Okay. Why are you telling me this?”
“Because Vince is the Prez now.”
“I still don’t see how that’s relevant or why you think I’d care.”
“When he had to ride away without you, he made me swear I’d never hurt you. That I’d do right by you. I broke my word.”
“That was a long time ago.”
“He warned me if I screwed you over, he’d make sure I paid. I reckon he’s heard and planning on collecting.”
“Do you think I called him?”
“No, but I know he’s kept tabs.”
“And you know that because...?”
“When we got Connor, he called to congratulate you.”
“You never told me that.”
“Nope.”
“Why not?”
“Because he still wants you and now, I’ve given him an in to get you.”
“What are you going on about?”
“Vince thinks you’re the love of his life. The one he let slip away.”
“He doesn’t. Either way I don’t care.”
“You deserved better than I gave. Maybe if I had never come between you, he could’ve given you a better life than me. Maybe he could have given you a kid of your own.”
“You don’t really believe that. I think you had too much to drink tonight.”
“I don’t know, babe. I thought I could be a better man. Be different. Break that family curse, but I’m as bad as my father.”
“You’re not your dad.”
“Cheated on you. I’m cut from that same cloth.”
“Yeah. You did. That doesn’t make you the same though.”
“I don’t know how you can look at me or be in the same room with me. Tried to play it off and act like it wasn’t a big deal, but I fucked you over. Ruined what we had. Made something so god damn beautiful ugly. Gave you to my best friend to fuck. What kind of man does that?” He shakes his head, and I don’t voice my opinion that a desperate man does that. “You want a divorce I’ll sign the papers. You want me out of the picture with Connor, it’ll fucking kill me, but I know I’m not good enough for either of you.”
“Do you even hear yourself right now? What happened to the man who said he’d make it right? You’re drunk.”
“Maybe I am, but that man you want—he looked in the mirror and realized what a piece of shit he is. Looked in the mirror and saw my old man staring back at me. Fucking sucks, babe.”
“So that’s it? You’re just going to give up because shit got a little too hard?”
“I watched my mother chase after my father wishing he’d give a damn. Wishing he’d choose her over the women and the booze. Not once did he ever put her first. I swore I’d never be like him and yet here I am following in his footsteps. So I’m telling you that if you want me gone, I’ll give you that.”
My first instinct shouldn’t be to go to him and wrap my arms around his waist but that’s what I do. As deep as he’s hurt me, I can’t bear to see him beating himself up like this thinking he’s the same scum his father was. Link may be a lot of things, but he is nothing like that trash. “You saying that you’ll do it again?”
Chapter Nine
Pam’s arms circle around me. The heat of her body presses into my skin, and I get a whiff of her hair, breathing in her scent. “I’m saying I want to give you better than my old man gave my mother. Don’t ever want to hurt you, but I did. Can’t change it. Can’t erase it.”
“We can’t go back, but we can go forward. I’m still pissed. Still hurt. Will be for a long time, but as far as wanting you gone, I can’t tell you to go. Do I need you to leave? Maybe, but I don’t want you to. You’re my husband, Brant.”
“You only call me Brant when you’re hella pissed,” he murmurs, stroking his knuckles along my jaw.
“Not always. I thought I made peace with certain things when I said yes to being your Old Lady. That if I didn’t see it or hear about it, I could look the other way. I knew what I was locking myself into. I just never thought I’d see it. I wish the sight of you with her would fade away.”
“Not asking you to look the other way. Don’t expect you to. Never did. I didn’t plan it. I know it’s not you want to hear, but it just happened.”
“I don’t want to hate you.”
The muscle in my jaw ticks. “Then don’t.”
“I know I pushed you away and I’m sorry for that. For ruining what we had and making you think I didn’t want you. Truth is I was fucked in the head over all the shit that went down. Nickel dying. Suddenly getting a son.”
“I know part of you cared about Nickel. I don’t begrudge you that. How could I? I set it in motion. Expected things to go back to normal when all was said and done. Didn’t pay attention to the signs that you were struggling. I shoulda forced everything out in the open.”
“What am I to do with you...with this...with us?”
“Forgive me if its in you to do so. I don’t deserve it and won’t ask, but it’s yours to give.” I sound and feel like a fucking pussy. If Nickel could hear me, he’d give me shit. I miss that bastard. He was one of a kind.
Silence stretches between us.
Pam stares at me, looking right through me. Seeing me for who I am. A cheating bastard. I want nothing more than to take her in my arms and tell her she’s not through with me, but it has to be her choice. I won’t force her hand on this even if it kills me not to. Sharing my feelings goes against my nature. I’m a man who takes what he wants consequences be damned. That’s how I landed my woman in the first place. I saw her and wanted her, so I took her. I owe her this though. A chance to walk away free and clear.
“I forgive you, honey.” She grabs me between the legs cupping my manhood. “But if you ever and I mean ever do some stupid shit again I promise you that I’ll cut it off and feed it to you and your whore. Got me?”
The Biker's Lucky Charm (Royal Bastards MC: Charleston, WV Book 5) Page 4
