by Leah Torie
Jessie laughed. It was a stupid joke, but exactly what she needed right now.
“C’mon, you need to go say goodbye to your mom.”
“She’s in a coma. She won’t hear me.”
“How do you know?”
The way he asked the question gave Jessie new hope.
“You think I can still talk to her?” The idea made her chest tingle, like she was happy and sad at the same time.
“Of course. Angels in Heaven hear everything we say to them,” he said softly. “I know my dad still hears me.”
“But how? How do you know?”
Tom touched Jessie’s chest lightly. “Faith. Fill your heart with it and you will know, too.”
She shook her head. Why did everything have to come back to that one thing? She couldn’t do it. Believing was too hard. She couldn’t just conjure faith out of nothing. It had to be real, and true.
“I don’t know how, anymore.”
“You don’t need to know. Just feel God’s love. He has given you this precious time. Use it. Talk to your mom.” Tom was leading her back to her mom’s room, Jessie realized. He was guiding her. Wasn’t this what a good husband was supposed to do? Jessie had never seen it in action before, and she’d never experienced it either.
Chapter 14
Jessie tapped on the door, suddenly nervous, and pushed it open.
“Jessie! Did you call Luce?”
Jessie was about to tell Anna to call Lucinda herself while Jessie stayed there, until she looked at Anna’s face. Her warm smile didn’t quite reach her eyes, which were sheened with tears. Jessie suddenly felt like the worst sister ever.
It didn’t matter that her mom had never approved of her choices. Anna and Mrs. Martin had always had a very deep connection. From the outside, looking in, Jessie had been consumed with disappointment that she didn’t have the same love from her mom, but now she realized nothing she did would change how her mom felt about her. She couldn’t fix things between them. But she could give Anna more time.
“I’ll just go call her. You stay with Mom.” Jessie’s voice tried to betray her by breaking a little as she gave up what might be her last moment with her mom so her sister could have it instead. She stepped back out of the room. Tom stood outside the door. He looked confused when he saw Jessie.
“Aren’t you supposed to be with your mom?” he asked.
Jessie pressed her lips together hard and called upon the last of her inner strength to not break down into tears. “Anna needs her more than I do.”
She pulled out her phone and scrolled to Lucinda’s number, then took a deep breath and hit the call button.
“Jessie? What do you want?” Lucinda sounded disdainful. Jessie took it on the chin and told her sister the news, then politely ended the call. Tom gave her a smile of encouragement.
“You’re doing great,” he told her.
Jessie sighed. “I feel awful.”
“There would be something pretty wrong with you if you felt good about your mom dying.”
Jessie nodded and went back in.
“Lucinda’s going to call you when she’s booked flights,” Jessie told Anna.
“Me? Why not you?” Anna seemed confused.
“I told you, she doesn’t want to talk to me.” Jessie wondered when her sister would finally understand that half of the family habitually avoided Jessie.
“Yeah but... this is important.” Anna shook her head in disbelief. “Here. Come sit by Mom.”
“No. She’d prefer to spend her last moments with you.”
“If you won’t give people a chance, how will you ever know what could have been?” Anna demanded, her voice rising. Jessie lost her temper.
“I gave her thirty years of chances!” Jessie shouted back. “Never, once, did she tell me thank you for coming here every day. Never did she smile or say she was pleased to see me. She only called when she wanted me to bring her something. Every single day she greeted me with, “Where’s Anna? Where’s Lucinda? Why aren’t they here?” Neither of you thought she was worth coming home for. You’re only here because of marital problems. But I was by her side, day after day, and she didn’t want me.” Jessie’s tears fell again as the pain burned deep in her heart. Where had all this anger come from? A minute ago, she had thought she was in a good place of acceptance, but now she wasn’t.
“Of course she wanted you.” Anna’s voice was conciliatory. “When I came without you that time, she asked me where you were. The whole visit, she seemed distracted, like she didn’t want visiting time to be over until she’d seen you.”
“She never said anything to me.”
“She didn’t need to say it. She missed you. It was obvious.”
Jessie wasn’t sure if Anna was telling the truth or just trying to make her feel better. Anna wasn’t prone to lying, but then, Jessie struggled to believe her mom asked about her.
“She missed me?”
Anna nodded. “And now she needs you to be with her. You’ve been here every step of the way. She needs you more than ever.”
Jessie nodded. Trying to step away from her own feelings about everything was difficult, but she wanted to do the right thing for her mom. One last time.
In her heart, Jessie knew what had to happen next.
“Anna? Can we pray together?” Her cheeks flushed as she said it, because it had been so long since Jessie had prayed for anything.
“Of course, Jess. You take Mom’s hand, I’ll take yours. Taylor, take my other hand.” Anna arranged them so everyone in the room was connected.
Silence fell.
“Jessie? Start us off,” Anna told her.
Feeling so unsure of herself, and so afraid that she was going to say the wrong thing, Jessie took a deep breath.
“Dear Lord.” She stopped as tears overwhelmed her for a moment. Anna and Taylor waited patiently until she spoke again. “I know my mom is dying, and that you can’t make her better now, and I haven’t been good at praying or anything for a very long time, but if you’re up there, please, please, I beg of you, take care of my mom.” Jessie’s voice became a squeak and she fell into deep, heart-rending sobs that came from a deep cut within her soul.
“Amen,” Anna said.
“Amen,” Taylor added.
Jessie looked between them with gratitude. “Thank you. I really needed that.”
“I’m sure Mom did, too.” Anna looked pointedly at the older woman, whose face was half-obscured with an oxygen mask.
Jessie squeezed her mom’s hand tight. It was cold and limp.
“How long do you think she’ll be here?” Anna whispered, and Jessie realized her sister was looking to her for reassurance.
“I don’t know.”
Jessie sat with her mom for the next half-hour, according to the big clock beside the television.
“You should take Taylor home,” Anna said.
Jessie was momentarily torn between being with her mom while she left this life, and being with her daughter, protecting her from seeing someone die.
“Will you be okay by yourself?” Jessie didn’t want to leave Anna, either.
Anna nodded and gave Jessie another of her deep, soulful smiles. “We’ll be fine. And so will you.”
Jessie got up to leave but her movement was arrested by a sudden, long, unbroken beep. She glanced at the heartrate monitor. It had flatlined. Anna pushed the emergency button.
Nurses and doctors rushed into the room. Jessie wanted to stay, but instead she led Taylor out. In the corridor, Tom still waited. Jessie took one look at him and fell apart.
“She’s gone.”
“Sounds like they’re trying to resuscitate her.”
“I can feel it in my heart. She’s gone. It’s like... there was this connection between us. And it’s been cut.”
“C’mon.” He drew her into a hug, and Jessie felt like she was coming home for the first time in her life.
Under the circumstances, Toby understood why Jessie canceled
all future dates with him the next day. She felt relieved that he wasn’t trying to push his way into her life, like inviting himself to the funeral or similar, but at the same time, she wondered if his lack of interest was a sign that he knew they weren’t a great fit, too.
Less understanding was Noah.
Jessie was taking a moment to drink some water between calling everyone in the extended family when her phone rang. Becca’s name flashed up on the screen.
“Hey,” Jessie greeted her friend. She was getting good at smiling even though her heart was breaking over the loss of her mom.
“Hey Jessie.” Becca sounded miserable.
“What’s happened?” Jessie’s first thought was that Bibbi might have said something else that was unkind.
“Noah broke up with me.”
“What? Why?”
“He said he didn’t want to wait until you were ready to date Toby again. He thinks we can’t be soulmates.”
“That’s so unfair! You two seemed to get on so well.” Jessie hardly believed it.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought. Apparently, I was replaceable all along, he wasn’t that into me, and he was only seeing me after that first date so Toby could get more dates with you.”
Jessie gasped. “That’s crazy! What if Toby and I had gotten married? Would Noah have kept up the pretense?”
“I feel so stupid.”
“No, you’re not stupid. You’re supposed to be able to trust someone you’re dating. You deserve so much better. I just know the right man is out there for you.”
“Where will I meet anyone? At your mom’s funeral? Oh, gosh, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean for that to come out the way it sounded! I shouldn’t be bothering you right now!”
“Listen, put on a good movie, make yourself a hot chocolate and stay away from caffeine. I’ll check in with you tomorrow.” Jessie ended the call and sighed. That was the last time she agreed to a double date to help anyone out.
As Jessie ruminated on what had just happened with Becca, she thought about her disagreement with Bibbi and decided she had to apologize.
Once she had called the last of the people in her mom’s address book, Jessie took a deep breath and dialed Bibbi.
“What do you want?” Bibbi’s tone was cold. Jessie wondered if she could fix things between them. Surely, Bibbi couldn’t stay mad at her forever, right?
“I want to talk.”
“Fine. Coffee at Mermaid Cafe. I’m free at five thirty.”
“You won’t bail?” Jessie didn’t want a repeat of what happened last time she tried to talk to Bibbi.
“No.”
“Great. See you there.”
Bibbi had already ended the call. Jessie rolled her eyes and turned her attention to cleaning and polishing her riding boots. It was a task that she usually put off, but that day, it was therapeutic.
Chapter 15
At the cafe, Jessie felt a frisson of fear as she drank her orange juice. She didn’t want a confrontation with Bibbi. She just wanted to go back to how things were before their disagreement.
Where was she? Jessie kept checking the time on her phone, watching it change from five thirty, through five-thirty-five, to five forty.
Hey, how are you coping? The message preview came in as Jessie was checking the time. She opened it. Whoever it was, their number wasn’t saved in her phone, but there was another message, above. When she scrolled, she saw it was the same person who had asked her on a date to the cinema, what seemed like a lifetime ago. She’d asked Toby about it and he had been adamant it wasn’t him. Could Noah have broken up with Becca because he was interested in Jessie? That seemed far fetched. Jessie texted Becca.
Any idea whose number this is? x
A couple of minutes later, Becca replied.
No one in my contacts. Why? xox
Jessie tapped at her screen, composing a reply.
They asked me on a date a little while ago. And today they’ve sent another message. Whoever it is knows my mom’s died. I thought it might be Noah as a long shot? x
Weird. Definitely not his number. I’ll let you know if anyone says anything to me. xox
Thanks, J x
Jessie put her phone away and checked her nails for the millionth time. Where was Bibbi?
“Jessie.” Bibbi’s voice was colder than usual. Jessie looked around. When she saw her friend’s familiar face, her chest tightened.
All thoughts of who was right or wrong fell by the wayside.
“I’m sorry,” Jessie said.
Bibbi’s face softened and her armor melted away. “I’m sorry, too.”
It had seemed impossible even a few seconds ago, but now Jessie got to her feet and hugged Bibbi tight, tears streaming down her cheeks.
“Let’s not fight.” Jessie wasn’t sure if her words even made sense through the crying.
“I’m sorry about your mom,” Bibbi added.
“Me too. That’s probably obvious, right?”
Bibbi gave Jessie a sympathetic smile. “You’re allowed to state the obvious when it comes to your loss.”
“You would say that. You have no filter.” Jessie paused after speaking, waiting for Bibbi to explode again. Instead, she laughed and shrugged.
“I’ll concede that’s true.”
Crisis averted, they got to ordering snacks.
“So, did you hear about Becca?” Jessie asked, as they waited for food to arrive. Bibbi shook her head.
“She hasn’t really talked to me in a while.” Hurt flashed across Bibbi’s face for a moment before she covered it up with a smile.
“Nurse Noah broke up with her.”
Bibbi’s brows knotted together. “That’s a shame. Doesn’t seem worth ruining a friendship over something so short.”
Was that regret in Bibbi’s voice? “He wasn’t right for her. He only dated her because his brother wanted to date me.”
“What? No! That’s awful!” The indignation in Bibbi’s tone made Jessie smile a little. She evidently still cared about Becca. “We should get revenge. I could find a guy to call this nurse and pretend to be Becca’s quarterback husband.”
Jessie sighed. “Or we could let life take its course.”
Food arrived and both women interrupted their conversation to thank the server as she put the plates down on the table.
Would Bibbi ever learn not to charge headlong into things? Jessie wasn’t sure. Whoever finally swept Bibbi off her feet was going to have their work cut out for them, clearing up her disasters.
“My way is more fun.” Bibbi pouted, eyes sparkling with mischief.
“My way is less effort,” Jessie countered.
Bibbi shrugged and nodded. “Anyway, he seemed like exactly the sort of guy who would take out a restraining order if he was the butt of a joke.”
“I would agree with that. C’mon. You get to be right. Isn’t that enough?”
Bibbi cocked her head to the side. “So, you agree Becca can do better than some nurse?”
Jessie sighed. “No. I agree Becca can do better than one nurse, specifically. If she dates another nurse, he might be Mr. Right. But Noah wasn’t good enough for her because he was an idiot.”
“Anyone who’s dumb enough to let Becca go is a fool.”
Jessie gave Bibbi a pointed look and waited for her to make the connection. When she didn’t, Jessie spelled it out. “You have some apologizing to do.”
For a moment, Jessie thought Bibbi was going to argue, but she didn’t. Instead, she nodded.
“Yeah, I guess I do.”
A dark, lone figure appeared in Jessie’s peripheral vision.
“Hey.” A man’s baritone voice made her stomach flip as she glanced up, trying hard to be nonchalant.
“Hi, Tom.” Her eyes locked with his. She forgot the sandwich she was holding until hot cheese dripped onto the skirt of her thin cotton dress. Almost immediately, it began burning through and she squeaked, still trying to act cool as her skin seared where the cheese cl
ung to her dress.
“Here, let me help you with that.” He leaned forward, a tissue already in his hand, and he took the hem of her skirt between his fingers, scooping up the cheese as gently as if it were a baby chick newly-hatched from a barn egg. His fingers brushed against her bare thigh where he gripped the edge of her skirt to hold it steady while he rescued the hot food. His touch ignited delicate tingles on the surface of her skin.
Breathless, Jessie felt her cheeks getting hot. So much for pretending like it was no big deal to have a chance encounter with Tom.
He’d just brushed her leg with his fingers. The place where he’d touched her still glowed, and the rest of her craved to be closer to him. She paused and stopped her impulsive thoughts. They were in a crowded coffee shop and even if they weren’t, she wasn’t going there again with anyone. No way.
Still, her heart pounded like a bird confined in her ribcage and her breath only came in a short gasp at first. She didn’t know how to keep the conversation flowing. He was just gazing into her eyes. She knew because she was gazing back. The rest of the room had faded into the background, conversations almost mute, and the beginning of a thousand sentences pecked against her lips, begging to be released into the open air of the room.
“I’d better go; I’m here with my mother,” Tom said. It was all Jessie could do to nod vaguely and give him a soft smile.
“Thanks for stopping by to say hi,” Bibbi said, leaning over the table and offering him her hand to shake.
“See you ‘round,” he said, giving Jessie a mock-salute before he was swallowed into the fog of tables and chairs.
“See you...” she murmured, thirty seconds after he had gone.
“I’m pretty sure he can’t hear you.”
When Jessie dared to look up at Bibbi, the cosmetologist wore a knowing expression.
“I blew it, didn’t I?” Jessie asked, suddenly overcome with far too many jitters.
“He’ll be back before long.” Bibbi was grinning.
“What’s so funny?”
“You two. He likes you, you like him... why are you both kitten-footing around one another?”
Jessie raised a brow at her friend then turned her attention to the sandwich, which had now lost a third of its contents onto the plate, in a very slow landslide of salad and chicken.
