A Date with Desire

by Heather McGovern

  “I’d offer you some lunch, dear, but seeing how late it is, I’m sure you already ate.” She settled on the edge of the stiff-looking sofa, her hands in her lap. “You never were one to skip meals. I can get you some tea though.”

  She fought not to pinch her lips together at the remark. Her mother wanted a reaction, some drama so she could accuse Anna of being emotional or ask her if she had her period.

  Anna kept her expression neutral. She’d get no reaction today. “I’m fine. Maybe some water later.”

  “Are you on a diet again?”

  Anna blinked, reminding herself of the little speech in the car. “No. I simply prefer water over tea.”

  “Good.” Her mother nodded, lips pursed. “I was going to say, drinking water won’t do it. I helped out at the church on Wednesday and that awful lady, Mrs. Gregory—do you remember her? Huge woman, always has been. Anyway, she had some god-awful carton of water with lemons in it, talking about her cleanse—like anybody wants to hear about her cleanse—and I’m thinking, lady, it’s going to take a lot more than some sips of water to make a dent in that fat.”

  They spent more than an hour that way. Her mother talking at her, not to her, and Anna gritting her teeth and bearing it. All cutting remarks, disguised as casual conversation. How this person or that person’s daughter moved out West to follow her dream, and how devastating it must be.

  To her mother, a girl moving across the country to have a life, instead of settling down and joining the local Junior League, was the equivalent of failure. However, the people at the country club had sons and daughters who were getting married, popping out kids, curing illness, becoming saints, running for president.

  But not Anna.

  No, Anna was a successful executive in Atlanta. Almost thirty, still single, and financially independent. And in her mother’s eyes, there was no greater travesty than a woman like Anna.

  “So. Are you seeing anyone?” Her mother crossed her ankles, not sitting back, her posture still perfect.

  Anna was seeing a lot of someone, but she wasn’t about to bring up Devlin. The realization that a guy like Dev would give her mother a conniption, made her smile.

  His carefree air and humor, rebellious tendencies, and the brazen things he said, were precisely what attracted her to him. That and his face, and his hair. His thighs . . . Fine—everything, really. But Devlin’s everything was exactly what her mother would despise.

  He was too casual, too free. His looks too intense, his behavior too bold.

  “I’m dating, but nothing serious.” As soon as she said it, the depth of the lie became clear.

  Without discussing their situation in detail, she and Dev had still somehow agreed they’d be casual. Hadn’t they? But claiming they were nothing serious rang so false, it shook her.

  Anna stared at the tea-set collection in the corner curio.

  Her feelings about Dev weren’t casual. She seriously liked him and, after only a week—had it only been a week?—she longed to see him again. To be with him, helping and laughing, and muddling through what to do with her life.

  “Can you afford to only be casually dating?” Her mother’s sharp tone drew her attention. “We can’t always be picky.”

  Anna wasn’t picky, but she wasn’t settling and she wasn’t looking.

  Still, she’d found Devlin.

  “Once you hit thirty, physically, it’s all downhill. You’ve got your father’s large bones to deal with too. I had you at thirty and I’ve never really recovered. And I was small.”

  Their time together was as painful as ever. Even more so, now that her father wasn’t around to act as mediator.

  Her mother had always played nicer when he wasn’t out of town with work. She worked hard to be on his good side, like they were both his children, competing for love and attention.

  When she finally ran out of backhanded comments, Anna turned the conversation to something productive. “I wanted to ask, have you talked to your financial adviser about the insurance?”

  Finances were always a fun family topic, but her mother needed that money if she planned to keep up the house and her lifestyle.

  “Why? Are you already chomping at the bit for a cut of your father’s policy?”

  “No.” Anna curled her fingers into her hands, her nails biting into the skin. She would not take the bait. She would not. “That has nothing to do with why I’m asking. Dad wanted that policy to provide for you if something happened to him. There’s plenty of money, and he wanted it invested well because that’s your security.”

  “I bet he told you all about it, and not me. Did he tell you how much there was?”

  Of course he had, because Anna was the responsible one. Her father knew, if anything happened to him, there’d be no one to keep her mother from going off the rails, except Anna.

  And if she didn’t love him so much, if he hadn’t done everything he could for her, been the best father anyone could hope for, she’d probably say goodbye to her mother and never look back.

  But she couldn’t. Her father had loved her mom, and wanted her safe and secure, left wanting nothing. All of that was now Anna’s responsibility, and she’d handle it. Whether her mother wanted her help or not.

  “He wanted to make sure your future was secure.”

  “And yours, I’m sure.”

  “I’m not worried about me.” True, her father named her partial beneficiary, even at her age. Maybe because he knew if anything happened to him, her mother wouldn’t help out Anna, should she need it.

  “I doubt you are worried.” Her mother shifted, uncrossing and recrossing her ankles, her gaze burning holes into the delicate coffee table between them. “What with the money he gave you for college, I doubt you have reason to worry about anything, sitting as pretty as you are.”

  And there it was; the final straw that’d finally broken the back of the pitiful, lame camel that was their mother-daughter relationship.

  It didn’t matter that they’d never seen eye to eye, not even when Anna was a child, or that her mother did everything to tear down Anna’s confidence when she was a teen. What really twisted her mother’s pearls was that when Anna graduated magna cum laude, her father gave her enough money to pay off any college debt and make a down payment on a little condo, wherever she wanted to live.

  She was lucky, blessed, and probably a bit spoiled, but she appreciated everything her father ever did for her. She’d worked her ass off in high school and college to make him proud, got the best job and topped sales, because she had someone who believed in her and she didn’t want to let him down.

  And her mother resented the hell out of her for it.

  “I want to help you get things settled and make sure you have what you need to live.”

  “I’m not a moron. I can take care of myself.”

  “I wasn’t implying—”

  “I might not be as smart as you, but I manage.”

  “I know you do.”

  “Don’t forget we paid for the education that made you so smart.”

  “I know you did. I was only asking.”

  Tense silence fell between them. They’d reached an impasse, and pushing any further would only end in a knock-down, drag-out fight that Anna couldn’t handle right now.

  She was ready to go and get on with her vacation. Back to the place where she’d left Devlin and sunshine and mountain air and no one critiquing every single word and move.

  Had she fulfilled her duty with the visit at this point? They’d now spoken since the funeral. Gotten nowhere, as usual, but they were speaking again.

  Progress.

  A twisted, painful progress, but progress nonetheless. Enough so that she wouldn’t catch hell the next time she called her mom. She’d covered the check-in, the checking up, and the offer to help. If her mother didn’t want her here, why torture them both by dragging out their time together?

  “What time do you need to head back to Atlanta?” Her mother gave voice to what t
hey were both thinking.

  When can we wrap this up?

  Her mother thought Anna had driven the four hours from Atlanta because she knew nothing about her stay at Honeywilde. She didn’t know because she wouldn’t care, and if she did know that Anna had taken a break to get her life in order, it’d be the perfect ammunition for years to come.

  Better to let her think Anna would drive eight hours today for a less-than-two-hour visit.

  “No particular time.” As soon as humanly possible.

  “Well, I don’t want to keep you. I’m sure you have work tomorrow.”

  Her mother’s way of signaling she was done dealing with Anna.

  I’m sure you have homework. Shouldn’t you be outside playing? Where are your friends? Julie’s mom can take you to the movies.

  Everything was fine though. They’d spent almost three whole hours together with only minor bitterness and animosity. For them, that was success.

  “You’re right. I should hit the road.”

  She knew better than to stick around for any niceties so often used in other families. There’d be no drive safe comments or hugs. Her mother didn’t operate that way, which was fine. Really. Anna stopped expecting it years ago.

  Her mother followed her through the foyer, seeing her out. As soon as they reached the door, in her most forced casual tone, she spoke. “Oh, I meant to ask you. Did you take care of your father after they burned his body?”

  Anna froze, her hand in the air, reaching for the doorknob. She dropped her hand and turned. “It’s called cremation, Mother. His wish was to be cremated and his ashes spread. People do it all the time.”

  They’d already had this heated discussion before the funeral. She didn’t want to go through it again.

  “No, it’s called ridiculous, especially when we have a perfectly good family plot right here in town.”

  Her father wanted nothing to do with being buried in that plot with her mother’s side of the family, or being put in the ground, period, and that was his right. He loved the fresh air and mountains, and that’s where he wanted his ashes spread.

  As soon as Anna was able to work up the strength to let go. A final goodbye that she was not ready for.

  “Well?” Her mother fisted a hand on her hip. “Have you done it? Have you dumped him off the side of some godforsaken mountain?”

  “No, but I’m going to.” And she meant it. Her father’s last wishes were all going to be fulfilled, no matter what her mother had to say about it.

  “Disgusting.” Her mother scrunched up her nose. “Desecrating a body that way. And you going along with it to appease him.”

  “I’m not going along to appease him, I happen to agree, and you—” She pulled herself up short.

  Do not play the game, don’t give in.

  Righteous fury burned in her chest in defense of her dad. Her mother had no right, no right. No one had that right. And she used words like “desecration” and “disgust” on purpose and—Damn it! She wanted to scream.

  Did her mother have any idea how difficult this was without her demeaning the decision?

  Whether burying her father or scattering his ashes, putting him to rest and finding closure evaded Anna’s ability. Finally letting go was the hardest thing Anna would ever do. Clearly. Since seven months had gone by and she hadn’t done it yet.

  But of course her mother knew. That was exactly why she poked and poked, picking at the vulnerable places inside Anna to keep her in line, reminding her she wasn’t good enough, she didn’t deserve all she’d been given in this world; anything to keep Anna insecure enough so her mother had the upper hand.

  Well, that was too bad. Because Anna was good enough, and it wasn’t only her father who thought so.

  “I’m going to go now.” She straightened.

  “Yes, you do that.” Her mother stood by the door, hand still on her hip.

  If Anna wasn’t going to take the bait and give her the drama she so desperately needed, she was welcome to leave anytime.

  “I’ll call you in a few weeks,” she promised.

  “Do whatever you want, Anna. You always have.”

  No hugs, not even a pat on the shoulder or a smile, but as Anna stepped out onto the porch, her mother’s words followed her. “And you can keep trying to appease your father all you want, but he’s dead now. He’s not here to tell you how wonderful you are, so don’t expect it from me.”

  She never had.

  Anna squeezed her eyes closed and marched to her car, refusing to look back.

  Chapter 20

  Devlin raced up the road to Cabin Five. This morning, Sophie told him she’d seen the black Lexus pull in late last night.

  His heart hammered in his chest with the eagerness to finally share some good news, and he burned with the need to see Anna again. He wanted to check on how her trip went, ask her for a genius slogan to advertise the Blueberry Festival, talk to her, touch her, and kiss her. Have her legs wrapped around him as he pushed her up against the wall, exactly like she’d fantasized, make the fantasy come true, and maybe even one or two of his.

  Just the usual.

  All his excitement came to a screaming halt when he spotted her on the porch of the cabin.

  Dressed up, as usual, this time in a flowy sundress and little denim jacket, hair pulled back and makeup done, but something was wrong.

  Over all the beautiful shine, that dark shroud hung once more.

  She smiled as he approached, standing and coming toward him with a warm hello, but he saw through the front.

  “Hey.” He took her into his arms, holding her close, a reminder she was real and not something he’d imagined. Too good to be true.

  “Hey.” With a deep sigh, she settled against him like someone who was done carrying the weight of their burden alone.

  “Are you okay?”

  “I’m great.” The tone of her response was off, flat enough that he knew she was not great. He’d seen her great, on the river, in the bed with him. This was not Anna feeling great.

  He loosened his hold, but didn’t let her go. “What’s up?”

  “The visit with my mother was exhausting, but that was expected.” With her hands on his shoulders, she rose up, bringing her lips closer to his. “But this is better.”

  And hell if he was ever one to miss an opportunity. He kissed her, long and slow, making clear how much he missed her. Trying to let her know he could make things better in so many ways.

  Her arms around his neck, she pressed her body against him, knowing full well that drove him wild.

  He slid his hands lower, and lower still, until he reached the small of her back and pressed her in even closer.

  This was exactly what he wanted. “I kind of missed you,” he murmured.

  “Kind of missed you too.”

  “I have good news.”

  Anna pulled away a little. “I would love to hear some good news.”

  “You sure?” He kissed her again, coasting his hand over the curve of her ass. “Because it can wait.”

  With a giggle, she grabbed his hand, but only held him still instead of moving it off her butt completely.

  “No, tell me now before I get completely distracted and forget to ask.”

  “First, I got some of the financials on the last year of the festival.”

  “No way, from whom?”

  “It just showed up in my mail, anonymously, but I figure it has to be Ms. Hendricks. And get this, our numbers for costs are almost exactly in line with the last festival, but the payments from the businesses all range from about five hundred to seven hundred.”

  Anna scowled. “Della said she had to pay—”

  “A thousand. I know. Which means Crawford had to be messing with the money, right?”

  “Sounds like it.”

  “But, either way, it won’t stop us from putting on the event. Because I told my family.”

  Her eyes went wide as she gave him a cautious smile. “About us?”

>   “About the businesses, their enthusiasm, and how most of them gave us deposits right off.”

  Her smile wavered, but didn’t fall.

  “My family loved the idea, and they want to help. We went over everything in our meeting and everyone will have a job. Even Roark is behind this. Shocking, right?”

  “That’s great,” she said, but her face was stiff, her shoulders held too tight.

  When she pulled away, he shifted his hands higher, not letting her go that easy. “No. What is it? What’s wrong?”

  “It’s . . .” She studied the front of his shirt, not meeting his gaze. “It’s nothing. I’m emotional after yesterday. This really is great news, and exactly what you wanted. I’m thrilled for you.”

  Then why wouldn’t she look at him? Having his family’s support meant the full support of the resort. It meant they’d be there to help him carry out the plan he and Anna came up with.

  But . . . it also meant Anna could no longer help as well.

  “I am such an idiot.”

  That made her look at him. “You are not.”

  “Now that they’re involved, you can’t be, and here I am jumping for joy and didn’t even think about that.”

  Her hair swung as she shook her head. “No, it’s a good thing they’re helping. From here on out it’d take more than you and me anyway.”

  She could be involved if he told his family about her. Except, if his brother found out about her now, any trust, and his tentative free rein, would be wrecked.

  He lifted her chin, holding on so she wouldn’t look away. “I want to tell my family about you, but I can’t.”

  “I know. I knew that days ago, but . . . but you do want to tell them?”

  “Hell yes, I do. Why wouldn’t I? I’d introduce them to you right now if I didn’t think Roark’s head would explode, right before he dropped the axe on the whole thing. This is exactly the kind of thing he gets all stressed out about. If he knew, not only that you and I were . . . fraternizing.”

  A small smile touched her lips. “Fraternizing?”

  “Okay, that’s putting it lightly. But if they knew what we were doing, and that I had you out there, working with me on Honeywilde business, unauthorized no less, his head would spin around. Five or six times. It’d be unholy. He can’t know.” No matter how much Dev wanted to tell.