The Girl Who Chased the Moon

by Sarah Addison Allen

  This is your history.

  STELLA HAD been gone for hours before Julia finally left the house. Stella considered the festival her day of debauchery. She started early and wouldn’t be home until the next day. Sometimes Julia worried about her. She couldn’t help it. She’d gotten to know Stella well in the past year and a half. Julia had never seen anyone try so hard to be happy with what she had. The Stella that Julia knew now was very different from the Stella she’d known in high school. Back then, Stella had been conspicuously showy, just like Dulcie Shelby. They’d been as thick as thieves. She’d driven a shiny black BMW bought specifically to match her shiny black hair. And Julia remembered hearing about how Stella’s decorator mother, who lived in Raleigh while Stella lived in Mullaby with her father, had designed Stella’s bedroom to look like a movie theater, complete with her own private movie screen and a popcorn machine. It had even been featured in some design magazine. To be honest, when Julia came back, she’d been surprised to find Stella still living here. Julia had always imagined those rich girls from school going on to live exotic lives. They’d had everything, every opportunity. When you had that much, why would you squander it? How could you accept anything less?

  Stella’s problem, it turned out, was falling for the wrong guy. A tale as old as time. Her ex-husband had done a number on her by cheating and spending his way through her trust fund. The experience had turned Stella into a funny, self-deprecating woman who worked in a flower shop, lived in a house she could barely afford, and drank wine out of a box. Sometimes Julia wondered if Stella wanted it all back, if she would trade all she’d learned to be that envied girl again.

  Julia had never asked. Their pasts were touchy subjects, which was why Julia hadn’t told her about Sawyer and the kiss, even though she really wanted to. And the fact that she couldn’t bring herself to tell something that personal to Stella meant that they weren’t as close as Stella thought they were. It made her sad, though she couldn’t figure out why. Julia didn’t want to get close to anyone here. Her real life was back in Baltimore.

  It was noon when Julia finally walked over to Vance’s house to take Emily to the Mullaby Barbecue Festival. She knocked on the door and heard Emily race down the staircase with uncharacteristic enthusiasm. Julia was instantly suspicious.

  Emily ran outside, and Vance followed shortly.

  “Are you sure you won’t come with us?” Emily asked her grandfather, almost hopping from one foot to the other.

  “I’m sure,” Vance said. “You two have fun.”

  Julia and Vance watched as Emily ran down the front porch steps. “I’ll have her back before dark,” Julia told Vance. “And we’ll bring you some festival treats.”

  “That’s right nice of you, Julia. She seems awfully excited, doesn’t she?” Vance said as Emily disappeared under the trees.

  “Yes,” Julia said thoughtfully. “She does.”

  “Getting excited about barbecue. She’s a lot like me.” He paused, then seemed to reconsider. “I mean, there’s not a lot about me I’d want her to favor, but…”

  Julia put her hand on his arm. “She is a lot like you, Vance. And that’s a good thing.”

  When Julia met her on the sidewalk, Emily asked, “Why won’t he come? He loves barbecue.”

  “Vance tries to stay away from crowds,” Julia said as they walked toward downtown.

  “I guess I’ve gotten so used to it that I forget sometimes.”

  “You’re fitting in more than you think, then. So, how are the two of you getting along?”

  Emily shrugged, distracted. “Okay, I guess. Better.”

  “That’s good.”

  Once they reached Main Street, Julia could tell that Emily was a little taken aback. First-timers usually were. Most people assumed that because Mullaby was small, the festival would be small, as well. But the Mullaby Barbecue Festival was actually the largest barbecue festival in the Southeast, and it attracted people from all over the country. The street was closed to cars, and white tents stretched as far as the eye could see. In the distance, the top of a Ferris wheel could be seen. The smell was intense and delicious, like being in an oven.

  As they wove their way through the crowded street, they passed numerous barbecue tents, the focus of the festival, after all. Inside the tents, the barbecue sandwiches were made in an assembly line. Sauce, no sauce? Coleslaw on your sandwich? Want hush puppies in a cup with that? The sandwiches could be seen in the hands of every other person on the street, half-wrapped in foil. There were also tents selling pork rinds and boiled corn on the cob, chicken on a stick and brats, fried pickles and fried candy bars, and, of course, funnel cakes. Craft tents dotted the area, too.

  “I didn’t know it would be this big,” Emily said, her head swinging around, trying to take it all in. “How do you find anyone in all of this?”

  “Looking for someone in particular?” Julia asked.

  Emily hesitated. “No. Not really.”

  But to test her theory, Julia purposely led Emily to the main stage. There were several stages staggered around the festival where bands were playing-folk and bluegrass mostly-but the main stage was right in the middle of Main Street. Crowds had to break around it like water.

  There was a group of people, most of them Coffeys, clustered at the bottom of the stage steps, the men in hats and the women in crisp belted dresses. Win was wearing a straw boater hat, which would have looked ridiculous on anyone else his age. Sure enough, Emily’s eyes went right to him. And he seemed to know exactly when it happened, because he looked up and saw her. Neither of them moved toward the other, but their intense awareness was almost palpable.

  “Why is Win… why are the Coffeys so dressed up?” Emily asked. “I mean, more than usual.”

  “Because this festival belongs to them. Their family created it as an annual event about sixty years ago. It’s their baby. In a little while, they’ll do all their grandstanding on that stage, then they’ll judge some barbecue and pie contests.”

  Win’s father looked over to his son, then followed his stare. He immediately called Win over to him, at the same time Julia ushered Emily away.

  She and Emily had a good time for the next few hours. They ate way too much and bought commemorative T-shirts that read I WENT HOG WILD AT THE MULLABY BARBECUE FESTIVAL. It was a splurge Julia could hardly afford-she allotted herself very little spending money because she wanted as much as possible to go toward the restaurant’s mortgage-but it was worth it.

  Julia hadn’t been to the festival in years. Her restaurant had a tent here, somewhere. She didn’t have anything to do with it. Her managers had set it all up. She remembered how her father had loved the festival. And there had been a time when Julia had loved to come with him. She thought the event had lost its appeal for her, but she liked seeing it through Emily’s eyes. For the first time in a long time, she realized she actually missed something about this place.

  Tired and sweaty and happy, they finally reached the amusement park rides at the other end of the street. It was getting late, so their plan was to go on a few rides, get snow cones for themselves and treats for Vance, then go home.

  But that’s when Sawyer appeared, in khakis and a polo, winding his way toward them. Julia would have quickly steered Emily away and lost him if Emily hadn’t seen him first and said, “There’s Sawyer!” as if he were a rare and colorful bird they had to stand still to watch.

  No one could deny that he was a sight to behold. But the muscles in her shoulders bunched and tightened as he approached. She’d been purposely avoiding him since last Tuesday, trying to devise a plan. She didn’t know what to do without her animosity toward him. It had been her constant companion for years, and now that he’d broken through that, now that she’d made the decision to tell him about what had really happened all those years ago, she felt too vulnerable. She was walking a high wire without a net, and that kiss proved just how easily she could fall.

  As he walked toward them, he gave Julia a
look so hot she was almost embarrassed. Contrary to this look, however, the first words out of his mouth were, “I hope you’re happy. My navigation system has been trying to take me to Frank’s Toilet World all week.”

  Emily laughed, and Julia said, “Sorry.”

  “I get the feeling you like pointing me in the wrong direction.” Before she could respond, he turned to Emily and said, “Are you having a good time?”

  “We’ve had a great day,” Emily said.

  “We won’t be staying much longer,” Julia added. “We were about to take in a few rides, then go home.”

  He chose to interpret that as an invitation rather than a brush-off. Sawyer never had been good with rejection. It happened so rarely to him. “Great, then I’ll join you.”

  “We don’t want to keep you,” Julia said. “Surely you’re here with someone.”

  “I came alone, if that’s what you’re asking. I met up with Stella earlier, but then her entourage got too big. Stella is like a comet collecting space debris as she passes.”

  That made Emily laugh again, but Julia, more curious than she wanted to be ever since Sawyer had told her he’d once slept with Stella, asked seriously, “You didn’t want to be a part of Stella’s comet tail?”

  “I was suddenly distracted by another heavenly body,” he said, meeting her eyes.

  Emily cleared her throat. “I’m sure you two want to be alone. Why don’t you go on a ride together? I’d like to walk around by myself for a while, anyway.”

  Julia tore her eyes off Sawyer. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Em,” she said, and actually put a hand on her shoulder, trying to keep her there.

  “Why not?” Emily asked.

  “Yes, Julia,” Sawyer said, smiling. “Why not?

  “Because I told your grandfather I’d keep an eye on you.”

  “I’ll be fine.”

  “But…”

  “Julia,” Emily said reasonably, “I’m seventeen, not four.”

  Julia knew she wasn’t going to win this one. “Meet me by the bandstand in one hour. One hour.”

  Emily kissed Julia’s cheek. It was an unexpected gesture from her, a sweet, daughterly thing to do. “Thanks.”

  “One hour,” Julia called after her as she watched the crowd swallow Emily. She had an overwhelming urge to drag her back, to protect her from everything that had hurt her so much as a teenager.

  She finally turned back to Sawyer, who had his brows raised.

  “She’s been looking for an excuse to get away from me. Win Coffey has been eyeing her all afternoon. And I’ve seen her watching him.”

  “It was inevitable,” Sawyer said. “Those two were going to have magnets attached to each other no matter what. The lure of the forbidden.”

  “I don’t want her to get hurt. She’s been through so much already.”

  “You really care about her, don’t you? Nothing has happened yet. And Win is a pretty good kid. But if he does hurt her, he’ll have me to contend with. Now,” he said, leaning in slightly, putting his face close to hers, “let’s talk about last Tuesday.”

  “I have a better idea,” she said. “Let’s go in the fun house, instead.”

  Sawyer looked confused. She couldn’t blame him. “That’s a better idea?”

  “It’s the fun house. Who doesn’t love the fun house?” she said as she walked over to the small structure. It sounded ridiculous, even to her. But talking about last Tuesday was too far ahead of her plans. He wanted her. She’d known that since she came back. But there was the little matter of telling him about their daughter first. That was going to change every-thing.

  Sawyer followed her and bought their tickets. When they entered, the undulating floor threw her off balance and she fell back against him. He took her hand and pulled her across the room. Many kids chose to stay in that room and ride the wooden waves, so when Julia and Sawyer tripped into the hall of mirrors, they were the only ones there.

  She had to hold out her hands to make her way forward. Which was the walkway and which was just reflection? Which was the real Julia? She turned quickly when Sawyer disappeared from behind her.

  “Where did you go?” she called.

  “I’m not sure,” he called back.

  She turned and tried to follow his voice. She almost walked into a mirror, then followed the corner of that mirror to the corridor she thought he’d taken. The strobe lights didn’t help. It was like they were in a psychedelic ice cave. And the frantic music in the room sounded like a heartbeat.

  “If you want me to say I’m sorry for kissing you, I will,” Sawyer said. She caught sight of him, then he disappeared again. “But I won’t mean it. I’m sorry for a lot of things, but not that.”

  There! There he was again! No, he moved. “Stand still so I can find you,” she said. “I don’t want you to say you’re sorry. It’s just… I’m leaving soon. Nothing is going to change that. If you can accept that, then…”

  Peals of laughter came from the next room. “Then… what?” Sawyer asked. “I can kiss you again?”

  “That’s not what I meant. There’s a lot you don’t know right now.” She turned another corner, only to find herself in a dead end that looked like the mirrors in a department store dressing room. She backed out.

  “It’s starting to make sense,” Sawyer said. “I even put the idea in your head, didn’t I? ‘Live a little, since you only have six months left here.’ Or was this your plan all along, wait until a few months before you left, and then have one last hurrah?”

  She stopped in her tracks, stung. How had this gone so wrong so fast? She was trying to do something good. “You think I’m capable of that?”

  “You’re capable of leaving for eighteen years without so much as a look back. Do you regret that at all?” His voice was moving away.

  She charged forward, determined to catch up to him. “I wasn’t the one who barreled ahead without looking back. And how do you know I didn’t look back? Were you looking? No, you weren’t. And you have no idea what my regrets are, Sawyer Alexander, so don’t go there.”

  “You’re right. I don’t. You never shared them with me. You wanted them all to yourself. But what you’re saying is the only way you can do this is if it’s temporary. The only way you can let me in is knowing you get to leave me at a certain time. No strings. No dealing with our complicated past.”

  “Where are you?” she yelled in frustration.

  “I have news for you. You can’t have temporary. As a matter of fact, you’re nowhere near where I want you to be.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “Stay in Mullaby, Julia, and find out.” She heard the squeak of a door opening, then closing.

  “Sawyer? Sawyer!” It took a few minutes for her to make her way out. She went through the door and found herself in the rolling barrel. She ran through it, then through the air jets, but when she was finally outside again-the festival air textured like cotton candy-he was nowhere to be found.

  What she’d been trying to say was she didn’t think it was a good idea to pursue a relationship in light of what she had to tell him. He might hate her after she told him. She didn’t mean she wanted a fling with him. But he thought she meant that, and seemed very eager to turn the tables. And for what? Just to have his way? Temporary, whether she meant it or not, should have been a dream come true for him. Instead, he insinuated that she couldn’t have him unless it was by his rules. Unless she stayed.

  Did he honestly think that stringing her along would work?

  She thought he’d give her forever once, and look how well that turned out.

  She walked down the street toward the bandstand, huffing with indignation. This was good. The animosity was back. She didn’t owe him anything. She could just walk away now. Nothing more needed to be said.

  Oh, God. If only she meant that.

  If only he hadn’t kissed her.

  If only he hadn’t told her…

  Julia had barely made it out of the am
usement ride area when she heard, “Julia! Jooooooooolia!”

  She turned and saw Beverly walk up to her with tiny clips of her high-heeled sandals. Her husband, Bud Dale, was walking beside her, looking like a pack mule as he carried all her bags.

  “Beverly,” Julia said in flat acknowledgment. Then she turned to Beverly’s husband. “I haven’t seen you in a while, Bud. How are you?”

  “I’m doing real well, Julia. You’re real nice for askin’.” There was something about the way he said that. It gave Julia pause. It was something her father would say, in that same good-ol’-boy kind of way. Beverly had left Julia’s father, but then married a man just like him.

  “I have a big surprise for you,” Beverly said.

  “What is it?”

  “I don’t have it with me now,” she said, which Julia found hard to believe, considering how many shopping bags Bud was holding for her. “But I’ll come by to see you tomorrow around lunchtime, okay? I’m so excited about it.”

  “Sure.” Julia started to turn. “See you later.”

  “Why do you have to act this way, Julia?” Beverly asked, putting her hands on her hips. “Why are you always so unhappy? It’s not an attractive quality. Why don’t you spruce yourself up a little? Take that awful streak out of your hair. Smile at men, show a little skin.” Beverly adjusted herself, pulling at the low V of her shirt. “Oh, I know you don’t like to show your scars, but once you’re in bed with a man, it’s not your arms he’ll be looking at, if you catch my meaning.”

  “Thanks for your input. Goodbye, Bud.”

  “Good seein’ you, Julia,” he said as she walked away.

  “I always tried to be a mother to her,” she heard Beverly say. “You know, share my expertise. But I think there’s something wrong with her that can’t be fixed.”

  Julia fought with herself, trying not to turn around and confront Beverly. Beverly had been no kind of mother to her. Julia kept walking, telling herself she wouldn’t have to put up with this, or with Sawyer, for very long.

  Between the two of them, was it any wonder she was unhappy? She’d be fine as soon as she was back in Baltimore. Though she couldn’t remember ever being incredibly happy there, she knew opening her bakery was going to change things.