Oh Great! I was Reincarnated as a Farmer

by Benjamin Kerei

  “Why?”

  “Adventurers experience a harsh life, filled with violence and pain, and the monsters in a city’s dungeon are its most precious resource. They cannot be squandered on the weak, those who would turn away from the battle to protect themselves from pain. Adventurers need to embrace pain, not fear it. Otherwise, when a truly dangerous beast like your giant shows itself, they might run rather than fight.”

  “Sure, I suppose I can understand that, but that trial sounds like it would break more people than necessary?”

  She shrugged, which is something I would have thought impossible in that much armour. “Perhaps, but those who pass and then take up the call tend to live longer and more comfortably.”

  “I imagine that has something to do with not having to go and fight in wild dungeons where the monsters’ levels are much more varied.”

  “Even if that were true, which it isn’t, that would only add to their motivation to pass the test.”

  “In what way is it not true?”

  She snorted. “In all ways. Adventurers that pass their trial come here to train against the monsters they will fight. They practice where they can suffer real pain without long-lasting damage. There is no substitute for that kind of experience. Most don’t have what it takes to be torn apart one day only to come back and try again the next, hoping that a little more suffering will improve their chances of survival when they try for real. Your actions saved Jeric’s daughter from this experience—though, in a way, you also did her a disservice. Willingly facing that sort of pain over and over again throws off the shackles with which that fearing pain binds you.”

  “You’ve done it,” I said.

  “I had to. There is no better way to train for war than to fight your opponent. Now prepare yourself. The next wave arrives.”

  I scowled as the sand around us began to rise from the arena floor, forming bodies similar to the lizard wolves, only much bigger. “I told you I would stand beside you if it was in my own interest. Now, are we fighting together or am I out here on my own?”

  “You are not very trusting, are you?”

  “Considering the circumstances is there any reason I should be?”

  “No. But my word is my word. I will fight beside you to the best of my ability—and I will make Jeric’s wife the mayor of Blackwood if you fight beside me until the end.”

  What little I had found out about the regent told me her word was good. But she was also a two-faced bitch and I had to check that word for loopholes eight or nine times before accepting it. She said I had to fight with her to the end. I didn’t know how long that would be, but I was almost entirely certain it was going to be a long time. It didn’t matter. I had walked to the village on a broken leg with a dozen other injuries. I had walked through a forest with my legs shredded. I had faced down trolls, ogres, and cyclopes. If I could do that, then I could do this. If I didn’t, she was obviously going to put someone in charge of the village that she controlled and that would be the end of my freedom.

  So I did a really stupid thing and turned my back to her, and faced the monsters that were forming.

  The monster creation process wasn’t quick, perhaps half a minute from start to finish. The sand formed rough bodies, like stone statues before the sculptor added details. Those bodies remained motionless until they twitched, and then the outer layer of sand fell away, exposing a perfect, lifelike monster beneath.

  The creature before me had a shoulder height equal to my ribs and the talons on the end of its thick toes were as long as my thumb. Its tail was about three feet long and thick at the base which made me think it might be able to use it as a weapon. Grey reptilian skin covered a body that was muscular like a bull but still limber like a wolf.

  It opened its mouth, bearing sharp fangs, and roared at me. The others took up the cry. The sound reverberated through me as that unmistakable reptilian scent filled my nostrils. Everything was real down to the last detail.

  I never saw the attack.

  One moment I was facing off against the one before me, and the next, I was on the ground, pinned under a heavy weight. I felt claws pierce my shoulders and lower back as I slammed into the sand. Air exploded from my lungs. Bursts of hot pain burned through me as skin and flesh parted.

  The attacker left me no breath to cry out as its weight crushed me.

  Teeth latched onto the back of my neck, hot wet breath caressing my skin. I heard and felt a snap and then everything below went numb.

  I was out of the fight in the first second.

  The creature leapt away, tossing me aside. I skittered across the ground and came to rest, facing the fight.

  I watched, numb and disorientated, as the regent danced between the beasts delivering powerful blows with her warhammer, but where the previous blows killed, these barely stunned. The bigger lizard wolves moved quicker than their small counterparts and together matched the regent for strength. Any time she tried to finish one off another would come in and force her to change targets.

  Seconds ticked by and she did not gain the upper hand. The fight moved farther and farther away from me as the regent tried to reach a wall, so she wouldn’t have to cover so many directions all at once.

  As the seconds turned into minutes, my brain began to work, losing the numb stupor. My first thought was that she had let me go down on purpose, but the longer she fought, the more I saw her struggle, and I began to doubt that was the case. The monsters may have simply got me.

  I heard a wet pop.

  Feeling flooded through my body and small stabs of pain where my wounds hadn’t finished healing pierced my back with burning agony.

  I hissed.

  This wasn’t the sort of fight where I could risk testing my injuries. The creatures were too fast to stand around stretching. I threw myself to my feet, my war pitchfork still in hand, because of my new Sure Grip ability.

  I started running.

  My one second of experience had taught me I had no more chance of beating one of them in the open than I had of beating a troll. I was only suitable as a distraction. If I could pull two of them away from her, she’d have a chance to finish off the rest.

  I considered leaving her to fight alone. But I was sure if I offered anything less than my best, she would use that against me.

  The sand under my feet didn’t shift the way sand should. It felt like I was running on stone. Between my items and my abilities, my footsteps chewed up the distance between us in seconds. I was going twice as fast as I could naturally sprint and it didn’t feel harder than jogging.

  I began shouting when I’d covered half the distance and then cut left towards the wall. “Come get some nice, tasty farmer, you long-tail bastards!” Instead of just one or two, the four not currently engaged turned and charged me.

  “Shit!”

  Their stride quickly closed the distance. Even with my magical enhancements making me run faster than I had ever run in my life, they were gaining. But they weren’t fast enough.

  I skidded to a stop before the wall on the opposite side of the arena and turned to face them.

  The leader slowed its pace so the others could catch up. They fanned out on either side, which barely bought me a second before they were on me.

  I slammed my war pitchfork into the shoulder of the one on my left, digging deep into the muscle. The one on the right bit through my leg as the one in front leapt, talons out, riding me to the ground, before clamping its jaw over my head to snap my neck, shredding my throat.

  For the second time in five minutes, everything below my neck went numb. There was only pain above the break, leaving me to feel the thick saliva covering my face. Breaking the neck must have been some sort of hunting mechanism for this monster for it to happen twice, which was something I was grateful for.

  This time I landed facing away from the regent.

  The sounds of battle filled the arena for another minute before going silent. Footsteps and heavy breathing approached.

&nb
sp; “I see why the arena master said not to take them on without a second,” the regent said, voice strained.

  When I didn’t reply, she came and rolled me over—which was more than a little impressive, considering her right hand was currently nothing but a bloody stump. She’d somehow taken off her helmet, so I saw the cold, pain-filled calculation in her eyes. “Broken neck, it’s how they hunt and how they got you the first time. It was good you came back in. I don’t believe I would have beaten them if you hadn’t.” She let out a small chuckle that sounded half-crazed by bloodlust and flopped down onto the ground. “It was a good fight. But maybe during the next wave, you don’t wear that cloak of taunting. Those bastards rushed me just to get to you.”

  Bloody hell, am I still wearing that?

  The horse-sized scorpion clacked its pincers together as its tail came towards me. I stepped to the side, barely dodging, before stepping forward to slam my pitchfork into its maw, the only place not covered in natural chitinous armour. The scorpion reared back, swinging a spiked pincer.

  My movement speed was all that saved me from being impaled again. I’d lost count of how many waves we’d fought, how many times I had gone down. How many times I’d screamed as I saw my intestines. All I knew was I’d only been able to kill three.

  I wasn’t fighting to save my farm anymore.

  I was fighting to watch that bitch suffer.

  She’d lost limbs, broken bones, and had half her face melt off. Her bloodlust had waned. I could see the anger in her eyes now when she asked me if I was ready for another wave, ready to go again. The pain was wearing her down. I could outlast her. I would outlast her. I’d make her regret ever forcing me to come here.

  Waking up is never a pleasant experience for me. I’m not a morning person, no matter what time of day it is. So I was more than a little grouchy when I woke to find myself inside a small stone room on top of a hard wooden table. I was less so when I spotted the dwarf sitting on a stool in the corner.

  My eyes widened as I grinned. All the stress and pain that was beginning to surface was suddenly forgotten as the excited teenager in me overwhelmed those feelings with pure, dazed wonder.

  He was an actual dwarf.

  At the very most, he was four feet tall. He wore a white shirt with tan leather trousers and an open matching vest. His salt and pepper beard went down to his belt and he had a gut that protruded out enough to make him fat. His eyes had a slight fluorescent blue glow to them and his face held a set of wrinkles that had to have come from smiling.

  I tried to focus on him, but no name appeared. “Who are you?”

  “I am Flarian, master of the adventurers’ guild in this city.”

  “Okay, what are you doing here? Actually, what am I doing here?”

  “You went catatonic. I was brought in to treat you. Do you remember why?”

  Images of hooked, spiked worms as thick as my pinkie burrowing through my skin and flesh invaded my thoughts, pouncing on my teenage wonder and tearing it apart with its teeth. I started to shudder uncontrollably as the mental video kept replaying. I’d been torn apart over and over again. Each wound had been agony, unlike anything else I had experienced. I began to scream. The room shrank as my mind pulled me back to the last horror I faced.

  The dwarf waved his hand, muttering an incantation.

  A cooling sensation rushed through my mind, forcefully separating the memories from my consciousness. Suddenly, it was like I had watched it on TV rather than experienced it firsthand.

  The screaming stopped and the horror retreated behind the curtains.

  “Try to tell me what happened. Go slowly if you must.”

  I hugged my stomach, curled into a ball. “I was fighting in the arena.” My tone came out emotionless. “Some sort of cluster worm creature had gotten hold of me and burrowed its way inside my body. It was eating me alive. I think I passed out.”

  “You didn’t. You actually can’t in the arena. Instead, your mind ran away from reality, leaving behind the pain and suffering. This is not an uncommon reaction to cluster worms which is why we usually do not use them in the trial of pain.”

  “I wasn’t participating in a trial.”

  Flarian crossed his arms. “You made a choice to go out there. You made a choice to remain after each wave. How or why the regent convinced you to do so does not matter. All that matters is that under the eyes of the law, you were there by choice.”

  “That fucking bitch.” I wanted the words to come out as a shout, but they were barely above a whisper.

  “That is an understandable reaction. Now, whether or not you were actually participating doesn’t matter. You passed.” The dwarf uncrossed his arms and placed his hand on my shoulder.

  Light surrounded me and a prompt appeared.

  Congratulations, you have passed the trial of pain and acquired the Minor Fearless Mark.

  I know the taste of blood and the touch of steel under my skin. I have felt my flesh peel from my bones and hair burn off with flame. Do your worst.

  Minor Fearless

  Level: 1

  Effect:

  10% resistance against becoming afraid of actions or sources which could cause minor physical pain.

  The strength of this mark scales with your accomplishments during your trial. You were torn apart 29 times before succumbing to fear.

  Well done, you have passed the trial of pain with more than the bare minimum required. Your Minor Fearless Mark has gained additional levels and become a Greater Fearless Mark.

  I know the taste of blood and the touch of steel under my skin. I have felt my flesh peel from my bones and hair burn off with flame. Do your worst.

  Greater Fearless Mark

  Level: 8

  Effect:

  80% resistance against becoming afraid of actions or sources which could cause great physical pain.

  Flarian waved his hand, causing the cool feeling inside me to vanish. He went back to folding his arms. “Think about what brought you here now.”

  Just suggesting it made it happen. Images of worms burrowing through flesh and salivating monsters came unbidden, but this time I didn’t shudder into an immobile mess, only cringed a little.

  “Could you go back out there if you had to?”

  I nodded my head slowly. I wouldn’t be happy about it. The experience had been horrible, but it was now separate enough from me that I could if I had to. A few seconds ago, I would have told you that would never happen.

  Flarian stood up. “Then my work here is done.”

  He headed for the door. He stopped for a moment before reaching it and turned back to me, moving his right hand in an arcane gesture. Light flared across the walls as he cast some sort of spell.

  He sighed and gave me a friendly smile. His whole posture changed. “For the next three minutes, no one will see or hear what is said in this room. I know who you are and what you did for my adventurers, Landlord Arnold. I’m not sure what you did to piss off the regent, but I’m guessing she wants something from you. She doesn’t usually get this violent unless she does.”

  “Why are you telling me this?”

  “Because like you, I hate that bitch. She’s a woman of her word, so any promise she makes you she will keep—but anything not promised she will use against you if she needs or wants to. I say that from experience.”

  The dwarf pulled down the collar of his shirt and showed me a brand on his collarbone. I had no idea what that meant.

  “I can also tell you from experience that you scared her today. She only brings people here that she thinks she can easily break. You didn’t break. You stood there and let yourself be torn apart repeatedly. You made her suffer with you. You made her get desperate. You made her fight clusters worms. She might have the same fearless mark as you, but that doesn’t do anything for the pain. You tortured her almost as much as she did you…I don’t know if it was courage, stubbornness, or hate that kept you going, and I honestly don’t care. I’m just going to warn you
that you’ve made her your enemy. She’ll destroy you even if you give her what she wants.”

  I sat up on the table, swung my legs over the side, and then ran my hand through my hair to give it something to do. “I was just trying to help a friend.”

  I’d also been trying to help myself, but after the third wave, that wasn’t motivating enough to keep me going.

  The dwarf shrugged, having to look up at me now that I was sitting. “It doesn’t matter. Whatever your reason, whatever your intent, the reality is you tortured her as much as you did yourself.”

  “But it’s her fault!”

  “You think she thinks that? No, in her mind, you did this to her. You did this by not giving in.”

  “That’s psychotic.”

  “That’s the woman you are dealing with. Take my advice or ignore it. Either way, our time is up and we never had this conversation.”

  Flarian didn’t wait for me to reply. He immediately turned and grabbed the door handle, opened the door, and walked out.

  Fredrick entered the room as he left, entirely expressionless. “The regent wishes me to inform you that you failed to live up to your end of the bargain and stay to the end so she will not live up to hers.”

  An almost animalistic growl escaped from me. “I’m ready to step back into the arena right now.” I spat the words at him. I had gone through hell for this. I wasn’t going to stop now.

  Fredrick flinched. “Be that as it may, the regent has been gone for hours.”

  His response left me so angry I had to take several deep breaths before I could speak. The waves of rage washing through me were unlike any I’d experienced before coming to this world. My voice came out as a hiss. “In that case, deliver a message to her for me.”