Off Balance

by Aileen Erin

  “Good.”

  There was a little lull in the conversation, so I looked back at Lorne and away again as my skin started to glow a little brighter. The liquor Plarsha gave me had definitely worn off. I wondered what was in the cups on the trays. If it was more of that tinka liquor, I was all in for it.

  I wondered why Lorne hadn’t come over here and who he was talking to.

  I looked at him again, and the translator picked up a girl in red. “I didn’t think she had enough Aunare blood in her to glow. Why aren’t her glyphs showing?” She leaned closer to Lorne. “What’s wrong with her?”

  I closed my eyes, cutting off the translator. My skin started to tingle, and I knew my glow was getting brighter. On Sel’Ani, it didn’t matter what my skin was doing, but so many years of living in fear made me want to hide whenever the glow started. The fear beat down on me, and my ears started ringing. But the ringing sounded like sirens I’d heard when my suit would break, and I—

  “You okay?” Roan whispered in my ear, jerking me out of my past.

  I blinked my eyes open. “Fine.”

  Declan was looking at me like he didn’t believe my answer. It was like he expected me to do or say something different, but what else could I say?

  “I’m fine.” It was the only answer I had.

  “All right.” I heard my father’s voice.

  I needed to meet the king already and get out of here. I would say hello and leave. If he wanted to have a longer conversation, then I’d tell my father to set up a small dinner with just family.

  My mother and father turned to talk to someone else, and I started visualizing how quickly I could make my exit. But then someone slammed into me, spilling their drink down the front of my dress.

  I gasped as the ice-cold liquid dripped down my cleavage inside my dress, and an arm—along with someone’s weight—came to rest across my shoulders.

  I took a breath before looking at the man who was leaning most of his weight on me.

  Garim ni Taure. The King of the Aunare.

  Roan said the king was drunk, but I didn’t realize Roan meant that he was wasted. Garim’s long, black hair was braided away from his face in the same style as my father’s. There was a slight roundness to his belly, and his cheeks were red, but it wasn’t embarrassment that colored them. It was the alcohol.

  “Nice to meet you, Your Majesty.” I gave him a slow, steady shove to try to get him off me, but he was much heavier than he looked. I didn’t want to push him too hard and have him fall down. With my luck, that would be called treason, and I’d earn another stint in prison.

  Once was more than enough for me. I would play nice. For now.

  “You’ve changed quite a bit,” he spoke in slightly slurred English. His gaze went to my now-wet cleavage. “I know why my son wants to hold to the contract, but we’ll see how long that lasts.” He licked his lips, still staring down my dress. I didn’t have much cleavage to speak of, but it was mine.

  Mine.

  And I’d be damned if I’d become a victim again.

  My skin brightened to a whole new level of bright.

  I shoved him a little harder, but he wobbled and started to lose his footing.

  His hand tightened on my shoulder, and his hot breath fanned out against my ear. “Maybe you’d like the king? I wouldn’t marry you, but we’d have fun.”

  Revolting. This man was revolting, and I wanted away from him.

  This wasn’t the same as last time. Jason Murtagh’s attack had been sexual assault, one meant to show me my place. Garim’s goal might be the same, but he hadn’t grabbed anything other than my shoulder. Not yet. And that’s how it was going to stay.

  I put my elbow next to his stomach and gave him a short, sharp jab.

  “No?” He whispered in my ear. “I thought maybe you’d take me up on my offer, but that would’ve been too easy. I see it now. You have too much of your father in you for that.” He straightened away from me a little, as if he’d suddenly sobered, but stayed close enough to whisper in my ear. “That’s good.” His voice was less than a whisper now. “But you’ve caused too many problems for us. I can never allow you to rule. You’re not worth the cost of war. You’re not worthy of my son and you’ll never—”

  “Father.” Lorne pulled Garim away from me, and with his weight suddenly gone, I stumbled off balance before I caught myself.

  Lorne looked at my ruined dress and then at my face, and he gave me a look that I didn’t understand before turning to his father. “I hope you’re being kind to my betrothed.”

  “Of course, son.” The king kept his eyes trained on me. “Right, Maité?” He laughed. “Oh, I’m sorry. You go by your old name now. Amihanna.”

  He’d used my old name on purpose to piss me off. To drive home his point—that I was unworthy of being near a king. After all, Maité was just a poor waitress.

  Maybe he thought that Maité wasn’t worthy of a king, but I had the opposite opinion. This king wasn’t worthy of Maité. And he definitely wasn’t worthy of me.

  I closed my eyes and tried to breathe through the anger, but it was growing and growing. The sound of the siren grew louder again, and the sound of my suit breaking meant danger.

  Death.

  Light flickered in the corner of my vision, and the music stopped.

  The conversations stopped.

  Dishes shattered as they hit the floor.

  I opened my eyes, expecting there to be some sort of electrical issue with the icicle lights, but the flickering was from my skin.

  “Amihanna,” my father and Declan said at once, but it sounded like they were far away. So impossibly far away.

  I closed my eyes again to try and still the dizziness that spun through me.

  A hand touched my shoulder, and for some reason, I leaned into the touch.

  “Amihanna.” Lorne’s voice soothed something inside me. “Breathe with me.”

  His hands cupped my cheeks, and his forehead pressed against mine. Our breath mingled as we inhaled and exhaled. After a few breaths, the flickering stopped.

  Lorne was still holding my face, but the king’s words ran through my head again.

  There wasn’t much that the king and I would agree on, except for one thing.

  I wasn’t worth the cost of war.

  I opened my eyes and stumbled away from Lorne. The flickering was better, but my skin was still bright.

  Lorne looked down at me in question, but I leaned around him to meet the king’s gaze. “It was interesting meeting you.” I spotted my father and mother behind him and gave them a nod. “Declan’s workout today was exhausting. I’m sorry to say that I have to head to bed, or else I might fall asleep where I stand.”

  “All right,” my mother said, and I knew from the way she held the word out that she had a question for me. But since everyone was listening, she couldn’t ask it.

  I turned toward the exit, and the crowd cleared a path for me. It took everything in me not to run.

  One step. Then another. And another, until I pushed my way through the door.

  A group of guards were lined up along the wall across from the exit. Two separated from the group, nodding at me, waving me forward.

  My guards. It was so weird that I had them. I was used to being in charge of my own safety, but I’d learned that wasn’t the case here.

  The first time I’d noticed them, I thought they were spying on me. I’d only been awake for a day, and after being surveilled by SpaceTech, I’d become a little suspicious. I tried to get rid of them on my fourth day here, and they cornered me. They explained that they would watch me from afar unless there were visitors. They were there to protect me, and that by running from them, I was making their job difficult.

  After that, I made a point to get to know each of them whenever we had visitors at the estate. I’d learned that I officially had fifteen guards assigned to me, with five on duty at all times. More when there were visitors or a possible threat. The guards rotated on
some schedule I hadn’t quite figured out. All of them were tall and ripped, but other than that, they ran the gamut.

  Tonight we had a lot of visitors, so two of my guards were very visible. But I knew there were probably more stationed around the party. The rest had to be observing somewhere close by.

  I waved to the two following me, walking backward for a few steps once we turned a corner. One of tonight’s guards was my favorite—Eshrin. Komae was also nice but more formal. “You guys having a nice night?”

  Eshrin’s skin was four shades darker than mine. His long black hair had a bit of a wave to it when loose, but tonight was bound at the nape of his neck. He flashed me a grin. “Things always get exciting when His Majesty is visiting the estate.”

  Exciting was a nicer word than I’d have used. “Well, I’ve had enough. I’m heading to my rooms. I’ll be there for the rest of the night.”

  “And we’ll stand watch outside your doors. Three are stationed outside your windows. Your room will be cleared before we get there.”

  Wow. That seemed excessive. “You worried about something in particular tonight?” I’d rather know if someone was actively out there to kill me. It probably wouldn’t change what I’d do, but I might wear shoes to bed and pull out my go-bag in case I had to run.

  “There are a few people who might not appreciate your value to the Aunare,” Komae said. His blond hair was only to his shoulders and worn loose. His eyes were the color of the summer sky, but he had a seriousness to him. “But you have no need to worry. They won’t get by us.”

  I almost laughed at his very resolute “they will not get past us.” The fact that they thought I needed guards at all was cute, but if anyone got through them, they’d find I was hard to kill. Survival was one of my strengths.

  I spun to walk forward. “I appreciate your help. You guys get food?”

  “Don’t worry about us. We’re fine, but Tensei was inside and noticed you didn’t eat,” Eshrin said. “Would you like us to grab a plate for you?”

  “No. I’m fine.” I didn’t feel like eating.

  The hallways were endless in the estate. The walls were all the same soothing cream color, and the floor was the same, too—brown tile with a green and cream patterned runner placed perfectly down the middle of the hallway. Every square foot of hall looked like the last. I’d gotten lost more than once, but I’d learned to look for landmarks to keep track of where I was.

  Left at the blue and white vase. Three ferns and then another left. The tapestry with a night ocean scene hung directly opposite my door.

  I gave Eshrin a look.

  He nodded. “It’s cleared. No one’s inside. We’ll be out here until the last guest leaves.”

  “All right. Thanks, guys.”

  “It is our honor to serve,” Komae said with no hint of humor. He honestly believed that, which seemed so weird to me.

  I pressed my hand against the panel that read my personal frequency. There was a soft chime—acknowledging that I had access to the room—and the door slid soundlessly open.

  Lights inside eased on slowly, growing from dim until the room was brightly illuminated. I tossed a “goodnight” over my shoulder, and then slid my finger across door’s inside panel, locking it. I pressed the button for the do-not-disturb notice, and I was officially alone. Finally.

  I leaned against the panel wall to soak in the quiet solitude.

  I’d moved out of my old room after my first few days awake on Sel’Ani. The room had too many things that should’ve been familiar but weren’t. They served as a daily reminder of how much had been wiped from my memory.

  It was like that everywhere in the estate. There were pictures of me as a child throughout the house—including one massive portrait in a formal living room—that made me feel like I was in a body-switching horror vid. The person in those pictures and paintings looked a little like a younger version of me, but she wasn’t me. She was too happy and carefree.

  But something about having the child-Amihanna’s things in the room made it feel haunted by this alt-version of me that I’d never live up to. So, I moved out of the family’s eastern wing and into the northern wing of the estate. The guest wing, which felt more appropriate. This didn’t feel like my home anyway. Maybe it would eventually, but not now.

  Roan’s and Ahiga’s rooms were just a few doors down the hall from me. Declan had a full suite one floor up from my room. There was another suite up there next to his that Plarsha thought would suit me better, but I didn’t need that much space. I was used to our old tiny Albuquerque apartment, and this room was already just as big. And no matter what my mother thought, I wasn’t about to go shopping to decorate the place. I knew I could probably ask my father for money, but I was used to working for my money.

  It seemed like everything here had hidden black holes of complication that I kept getting sucked into.

  I think it might have hurt my mother’s feelings when I’d left the family’s wing, though. I didn’t understand why. We weren’t even on the same floor before, but she’d grown distant the last couple weeks, and I wasn’t sure how to fix it. Or if it even needed fixing. We’d spent so long in fear, having to watch out for each other…but now we were relatively safe. I guessed we just didn’t need to be as close as we were. Maybe this was the new normal, and I just needed to adjust already.

  The silence was making me think too many depressing thoughts. I needed to do something.

  First thing, get ready for bed.

  I pushed away from the wall.

  The bed was large and covered with pillows—some white, some patterned in blues and greens—with a deep green throw folded across the foot of the bed. A vidscreen took up most of the wall opposite the bed, and a small seating area took up the space to the right of the bed. There were windows currently covered by thick, heavy forest green curtains.

  There were a few pops of red or blue—in the pillows, the velvety fabric of the chairs in the seating area, the bedside tables. But overall, the room was meant to be impersonal. Any guest of the estate should’ve felt comfortable in it.

  No art. No knickknacks. No decorations at all. Nothing to make it mine.

  For now, I was okay with that. This was exactly what I needed. A clean slate of a room so that I could find my new beginning. I wasn’t sure when I’d feel comfortable enough to figure out how to make the room more mine or even what I would buy if I managed to somehow get access to money, but it was good enough for now.

  I went to one of the bright green lacquered bedside tables and grabbed the room’s tablet. From that, I could control everything in the room—curtains, vidscreen, temp, lights. I pulled up the vidscreen controls and turned on the news. I clicked to have the screen broken into six smaller squares—three Aunare channels with subtitles translating and three Earther channels. I muted all of them, using subtitles—with the Aunare translating to Earther English—and turned on some music. I liked having a variety of channels playing so that I got a good spread of opinions. Wherever all the viewpoints intersected, that’s where I’d find the truth.

  I glanced at the wall. The Earther channels were showing a bunch of different things—one reporting on Aunare rumblings, an update about SpaceTech’s movement in the Pklaskn territory, and then one about a dangerous uptick in the air’s particulate count on Earth. The Aunare channels were all reporting on one single stupid thing—the party still going on here at the estate. Apparently, there were some cameras in the room, and one reporter had left the party to talk about me.

  Perfect.

  I flung the tablet on the bed and went into the bathroom. The glow of my skin caught my eye, but I ignored my refection and moved into the adjoining closet. I was ready to be out of the dress, and the spot where the drink spilled was sticky. I didn’t want to shower, but I needed to do something about it.

  Plarsha helped me move some of the clothes from my old rooms down here. I wasn’t sure who had stocked my other room’s closet, but they’d really taken thei
r job seriously. This closet was much smaller. A built-in drawer unit took up one wall and rods the opposite. I undid the side zip of the dress and let it fall to the floor. I wanted to treat the fabric before it stained, but I wasn’t sure what it was made of and didn’t want to make it worse. So, I shoved it in the hamper. The housekeepers came in every morning to clean and take away my laundry. The fact that someone else was washing my underwear creeped me out at first, but now it was nice not to deal with the headache of laundry.

  I grabbed a pair of leggings and a tank with built-in support. The tanks were maybe my favorite piece of Aunare clothing. I wasn’t sure what the soft, stretchy fabric was, but it held the girls in place—lifted, yet separated—wicked away moisture, and fit like a hug.

  I pulled on the leggings but not on the tank. I needed to clean off my chest first. I quickly did that and washed my face while I was at it—moving through the motions and hoping that when I went back out to watch the news, they’d moved on from me.

  I pulled on the tank, opened the bathroom door, and froze.

  Lorne was sitting on the foot of my bed.

  Chapter Six

  AMIHANNA

  What was Lorne doing here? I’d locked the door. I knew I’d locked it. Hadn’t I?

  His chin was resting against his chest, and he had a slight glow to his arms. He’d pushed up the sleeves of his sweater to his elbows, which gave me a good view of his fao’ana illuminated on his forearms.

  He looked beautiful and tortured.

  I cleared my throat. “How’d you get in?”

  “How I always get in.”

  “Well, I’m surprised you were able to get away from your bevy of Lorne lovers. The blonde one who was…” His grin made me pause.

  “Bevy of Lorne lovers? Please tell me you’re jealous of Fynea. The blonde who is one of my oldest, dearest friends, who also happens to be my assistant. That will make tonight worth it.”